“You’re a what?”
Still barely able to speak, I leave no remark and just place my head in my arms. I’m mortified, guilty and yet another person who means so much to me, will be fading too. Harry.
My heart thumping, I feel him sat next to me. He then, so silently, wraps his arm around my neck, rubbing my shoulder for comfort. “Love, what happened? Are you okay?” He says in a worried manner. Blossom, he doesn’t care, he wants you to go.
“No!” I cream back at myself.
Don’t be so selfish. Apologise. You’re a murderer.
“I-I’m a m-murderer. I don’t deserve to live, you deserved the world. I’m sorry I took that away! I’m sorry! Just let me go!” I scream.
I come weak, energy evaporating as I collapse into Harry’s arms. He massages my head, making me feel somewhat comforted yet I feel like I’ve been bathed in my guilt. “Love, love. What do you mean, what happened?”
“Why-? Why haven’t you called the police? Why haven’t you faded? Why are you here still?” I falter, wanting him to comfort better people.
“Love, you don’t need to tell me right now, if you’re not comfortable with doing so.” He leaves it there, rubbing my hair as my heart rate slowly becomes normal again. My eyes sting, not being used to the air as does my body. I’m so broken.
“Please don’t,” I whisper, my voice still as shaky as ever.
He stays silent, as I thought he would, yet doesn’t stop the movent of his hand massaging my scalp. “I don’t want to be fixed, I just want the pain to stop,” I whisper out of pure will.
I turn to him, most likely haven’t tear stains all over. “Why are you being my somebody, Harry?” I ask.
He spends some time studying my broken body and I stare at his. “Because you’re so golden.” I wait for him to continue, our faces centimetres apart. “You make me happy, you act so bright all the time. You’re a saint, Blossom,”
“I’m not a saint, Harry. I’m anything but that. I took away the person who meant the most to me. I was young, I didn’t know anything,” I say in a rushed tone, hoping he won’t up and leave. All he does is just stare at me, with a worried look on his face.
“I know that you’re scared,” He says bluntly. I have no tears left to cry. “You’re so selfless. You always put people before you, you flinch, apologise often,” He lists. I don’t know where he’s getting at. I stare into his eyes again. “You’re broken, Blossom.”
“I’m broken, Harry,” I admit. Still cradled in his arms on the bathroom floor, my heart softens. I didn’t think I’d care so much. I didn’t know I needed him by my side. Thank you, Harry.
He knows I’m a murderer.
“I’ve been sat in the dark for a long time, Harry. Shining the light on others.” I panic slightly. I don’t say stuff like this outside as I don’t need to. Nobody needs to know or care. It’s a secret that I just told to the person I care about a lot.
“I’ll sit in the dark with you,” He smiles at me, making me arm inside. I thoughtlessly smile at him as he flutters his eyes.
“Do you believe in love?” I wonder. I know the question sounds stupid and random but I’m curious.
After thinking for seconds, maybe minutes he looks at me, at my dark brown eyes to continue “I... I don’t think I do.” He says in uncertainty. I understand. I was like that too.
“Love is stupid,” I say bluntly. I feel like I should explain. “Love never lasts forever. The chain soon breaks.” I half-whisper.
“Sometimes, people become stupid.” He holds me tighter “Sometimes, the chain is stronger than you think.”
“Love can be dangerous at times,” I smile.
“That’s just a side effect that comes with it.”
Right, so I have come to the very luminous conclusion that I have to tell him how much of a bad person I really am but, I don’t want to force it. Things like this should come naturally. I’m still embarrassed that he saw me like that, yet he still stays as if he had to. He didn’t fade.
I hope he forgets that happened.
“Love?” He asks from the other room. I still adore how he calls me it, as if he doesn’t know my name. I walk up behind him.
“Boo,” I whisper. I see his smirk and I continue to walk around the sofa to meet is eyes. “What’s up?” I ask.
“I’ve been thinking about getting a tattoo,”
I smile and sit down beside him. I can’t complain that he wants a tattoo, I don’t own him. “How come?” I say light-heartedly. “You’re always... super down to earth professional guy,” I say, the last part jokingly in the manliest voice I could do.
“I have a crazy side too,” He jokes back, making me beam. I watch him look at his lap as a strand of hair dangle to his forehead, making butterflies flutter in my stomach, cheeks going slightly red.
“What are you getting?” I ask, playing with my necklace, that was once against my chest.
“That’s a surprise,”
I’m not a fan of surprises. I mean, nothing’s wrong with it but, I’m going to find out anyway so what’s the point? Then again, this is my party-pooper side taking action and in reality, I’m not against surprises.
He arises from his spot and gravitates his hand to me. I reach out and grab it as he picks up my only pairs of shoes and takes me to his car. “Love you need to get new shoes,” He laughs. “They’re all scuffed up.”
“Well...” I try to think of a comeback. “They’re comfy and still fit,” He smiles brightly then gives me a shrug, meaning I won.
He sits me down in the passenger seat, not shutting the door as he gets my shoe and puts it on my foot. It kinda tickles. I laugh at his gesture, squirming a bit “Love, I can’t do your laces if you’re moving!”
I do a fake cough and try to contain the laughter bubbling up inside me. Him knelt down in front of me, I look at his eyes, studying my body and his plump lips parting slightly. He’s such an angel. His heart is so pure and he’s a beautiful person.
I bite my lip as he slowly slides his hands up my bare legs. My heart starts beating as he glides his hands further up my legs, at the end of my thigh. Butterflies roam my stomach as he lifts his body so he’s eye level to my stomach.
My cheeks turn pink as I watch him smirk, his eyes trace my body, which’s now covered in goosebumps. He then slowly lifts his head so his eye meet mine. I watch his green eyes dart around my face, his cheeks pink too. His hands move to my waist. This isn’t right, right? I’m dreaming, right? This is not what friends do. But his hands are so warm yet I still feel the coolness in his rings covering his fingers. His eyes are so perfect as if he’s mesmerised at my features. His lips are so close to mine.
I don’t want it to stop.
But it has to.
We are only friends.
“Harry,” I whisper, slightly panting from him being so intimate. “I thought you were getting a tattoo,” I whisper once again, still not wanting anything to end. “We’re meant to be casual friends,” I almost joke. He smirks, still close to me.
“I like you more than I expected.” He blushes.
I go redder as he back away, sliding on my other shoe. I didn’t expect him to say that. My heart races and I feel amazing. He makes me feel amazing. Just the way he cares. I like you more than I expected. I mean... Wow. I would have never seen it coming.
Blossom, he was the one who took you to London.
“You’re humming,” I look down at him doing my shoelace, my cheeks burning.
“Huh? Oh, I’m sorr-”
“Uh-uh.” He rejects. “Don’t worry, I like it.”
We arrive at this empty, clean tattoo parlour. The only noise audible was the bell that chimed and we entered the shop. I’ve never really been in a tattoo parlour. I guess I’ve never needed to, and I don’t really want tattoos right now.
Harry’s hand entwined with mine, we make our way to this lady at the front of the store, with a sleeve of tattoos yet so natural with her hair down and little to no makeup on. “Hello, what can I do for you today?” She asks. Her voice is slightly high pitched. She looks at me and smiles, I smile back and then she redirects her attention to Harry,
“Can I get a tattoo please?”
She taps and fiddles with the screen in front of her nodding with her bright smile. “Yep, do you have an idea of what you’re getting? If not we have some templates to choose from behind me.”
“I know exactly what I’m getting,” he smiles. She then guides us both to the seat where he will get his tattoo. I still have no idea what he’s getting. “Can I get this one, please?” He asks, showing a picture, to only her.
Not minding, I take another look at the parlour. It’s clean and very luminous with lots of rich, green plants in the corners. On the other side of the store, there’s an earring booth, selling earrings, nose rings and any type of piercing you can think of, all displayed perfectly.
“I can get that done for you,” She smiles. As soon as you know it, she sets up and starts disinfecting where it’s getting done. I look over and his bare skin and see the sketch.
Let’s scream in a bottle,
Memories flash in my minds of the time where I wrote a similar thing on a piece of paper. “Harry,” I half-whisper.
“Blossom,” He whispers back.
“Where did you get the idea?” I ask in some sort of urgency.
“The night where you didn’t get any sleep, love. You wrote it and forgot to keep it.” He does a weak smile.
What is he thinking?
“Harry that’s on your skin forever!”
“I know,” He jokes around.
“Harry, we may hate each other in the next couple of years.”
I awkwardly smile at the lady sitting between this. I’m sorry in advance. “Harry, are you stupid?”
“I guess so,” He smiles. I give myself a face plant and shake my head. You never know what happens. “Plus, I’ll always bring part of you wherever I go now,” He smiles, all his features going soft.
I fiddle with the fabric on the seat. That was one of the kindest things anyone has ever said. “But-” I cut myself off. What do I say? Blossom, you don’t own him, his body is his and you don’t control that. “Okay...” I do a weak smile as the lady starts washing her hands to get ready. “Don’t blame me if you regret it,”
“I’ll never regret it, Bloss.”
I smile, cheeks going slightly red. I watch the needle and in fascination, as it punctures the skin. I cringe slightly at the sight. “Doesn’t that hurt?” I whisper, him smiling at the response of the needle entering his skin.
He’s so stupid.
I mean, this tattoo is there forever. A big piece of writing over his bare stomach that resembles me. What if I do something wrong and he just vanishes from my world? He’ll still have part of me with him.
He will regret it.
It only makes sense.
“You can feel is poke your skin, it doesn’t hurt though,” He says, slightly amused by my reaction. I mean, I haven’t seen this before.
I take a look at the artist herself, her eyes fully focused on Harry’s bare skin. People like this must have so much talent. I mean, you can’t really go wrong, because if you do, you’ve just ruined someone’s skin. Her features look neutral yet determined and focused. Her minty gum makes my eyes sting a little so I redirect my attention to Harry.
“That’s there forever,” I mumble under my breath.
“I wouldn’t want it any other way, love.”
“Done,” The talented lady says, cutting off the conversation. I look at his red, inked skin. This is it. That’s there for the rest of his life. I’m flattered but also, I don’t want him to regret it. It’s only been 3 months.
We stroll out the door hand in hand with big grins on our faces. I don’t know what he’s grinning about but for me, it’s because I’m still in shock he went through with it. “You’re crazy,” I laugh taking in the hectic smell of the outside world.
And then I remember, he’s going to Japan.