This Time I'm Ready To Run.

No Fixing

We arrive in the humongous apartment with windows across the walls, the ceiling high above us, with plants dotted around, giving the room some colour and oxygen.

“I should have told you before,” I say, him already walking over to a room with his suitcase trailing behind him. We walk into this stunning, bright bedroom, overlooking the alive city. It looks like a more modern version of the Japanese apartment with a different layout.

“I just didn’t know where or how to bring it up,” I say, embarrassed it had to be this way. “Don’t get mad or cross, Harry. Please.” We both take a seat on the sides of the clean sheets of bedding, the new scent coming from it.

“I’m not. Blossom, I understand it’d be hard to bring it up. Just a little confused.” He smiles, taking all of this light-heartedly. “Just a little,” He says, rubbing my back.

I look down and my hands on my lap, focusing on the bracelet Rin gave me. I sigh to myself as my heart beats more rapidly as seconds go by. “My birth name is Luna,” I say, really disappointed in myself. The pit in my stomach gets heavier as I continue. “When I... left... I didn’t want to be known as Luna as for me, the name Luna resembles the urm... criminal side to me. The side that.. murdered my brother.” I say, trying to act strong. I fail, as my emotions get the better of me, and tears roll down my burning cheeks.

“What was the last name? “He asks. He squeezes my waist “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable,” He explains, making me feel comforted.

“Harris.” I say “Luna Houghton Harris.”

He nods. “must be a lot for you to take in,” I say timidly.

“How did you’re baby brother pass away?” He asks. I can tell he hesitated. He really doesn’t need to, it’s okay to be curious.

“Harry, don’t worry, ask me anything, you have a right to know me.” I say bluntly, making eye contact with him for the first time since we arrived in the apartment. “You want the whole story?” I ask him, knowing that it’s hard for me to explain.

Me crying silently, he answers. “Up to you, love. Whatever you can manage,” He says.

I can’t thank him enough for being so respective

I nod and try to tackle my emotions, failing miserably. My heart drops to the bottom of the earth as I start to explain. “He... well mum was giving him a bath... and dad was at the door,” I wipe the tears from my face as new tears fall. “I looked after him for a little while mum let dad in,” I say. Blossom, please contain yourself.

“Blossom you don’t hav-”

“No, I want to,” I say. He brings me to his warm chest, I hear his soft heart beat, making me calmer. “I spilt mum’s drink so I got a towel,” I cry out as Harry brushes his hands through my curls. I didn’t know my curls were so easy to brush through. “And well... so... when I turned back...” I trail off.

I bolt my eyes shut trying to keep the memories from rushing in. I play with my clammy hands, trying to distract myself. “When I wouldn’t listen, I had to apologise to Tobias. I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me. He deserved to have a life, I took that away.”

“Blossom,” He says, taking me out of his arms to make eye contact with me. I look at him through my sight is blurry from the tumbling tears “You’re not a murderer.”

I blink the tears away, having a slightly clearer sight as I look at Harry in confusion. My heart is thumping and my stomach is falling, my lungs are no longer working and I cannot clearly think. He holds my cold, clammy hands and they shake in his hold. “Harry, I killed him. I’m a murderer. If I wasn’t there he’d still be alive.”

He shakes his head, frowning. “Blossom. She is manipulating you.” He says bluntly.

He doesn’t know the full story. Doesn’t know the details. He’s wrong. I know he’s wrong. “No. No, you’re wrong,” I say in disapproval. “If I never were born, Tobias would be alive and well, I’m a murderer, Harry. I was 7 when it happened. She needed help. I was following the rules. But she told me to keep an eye on him and I didn’t. I apologise to Tobs. I apologise because he deserved to live over me. He deserved the world and I took that away from him. I am a murderer. You wouldn’t know. You were-”

“Blossom, your mother manipulated you. She mentally abused you to take away the guilt she has and she put that on you. You are not a murderer. She chose for you to look after your brother. That’s on her. She chose to have you, that wasn’t a choice. The things she made you believe is a form of manipulation, Blossom. You believe it because that’s all you’ve been told. You cannot live all your life believing you are guilty.”

I shake my head profusely as tears fall, memories devour my mind. “Blossom, Tobias is looking down now, he’d want the best for you. He would want you to live your best life. I’m so sorry what happened but I know your brother wouldn’t want you to live like this.”

I shake my head again.

He didn’t even last a year.

“Harry, I’ll always live in guilt,” I say, as shakey as ever. “Stop trying to fix me.” I say without thinking. I look down at my lap.

“I’m not fixing you, Bloss. I’m saying what needs to be said.” He says bluntly. He kisses my temple and gets up from the bed.

I watch him leave, his shoes tapping the floor. He stops at the door.

“Maybe you’re fixing yourself.”

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