This Time I'm Ready To Run.

The Coldest Warmth

My body freezes as my hand hovers in front of the door that I used to visit every single day.

I can’t go back.

I have to do this.

“Goodbye, mum.” I whisper behind the door. I look at my necklace. “Bye, dad.”

The memory replays in my head so I distract myself with Harry’s face. He’s nervous for me. Slightly concerned. Happy. Proud. His soft smile appears, shining all the memories out of my head.

“I can do it.” I whisper to myself, redirecting my attention back to the door.

Now or never.




I knock on the door as briefly and as swiftly as possible. I’ve done it. I’m going back to my unfinished chapter.

I wait for someone to answer, slightly hoping it’s my dad. What if they moved out? What if this was a terrible mis-

I get cut off by the sound of the door swinging open.


In utter shock, I forget to answer. I see grey strands in her once golden hair. Her eyes are big and she looks dazed.

I look behind my mother and see the apartment. It once was full of life. It now looks gloomy, a mess and overall sad.

“Mummy the house is beautiful!” I walk into a bright room.

I direct my attention to my mum’s hand which is occupied with a bottle of whiskey.

My heart feels low and broken. She looks so broken.

“M-mum?” I finally answer her.

She drops the bottle, making it shatter on the hard floor, my heart jumping. She chuckles in utter disbelief.

She looks like an utter state. Broken, pale, drunk. Everything that she wasn’t. But I am happy to be back, to see her face again.

“My baby... come in...” She says making my insides smile. She then tilts her head, sending a smile my way. I disregard the fact that the house is a mess as I see her arms reach out, her tears twinkling in her eyes.

My eyes also start to water as I walk into her homely arms. I feel her wobble slightly as we spin around so I’m facing the door where Harry’s leaning. Our bodies entwine as I look at Harry, whose eyes are wandering around.

We back from the warm hug which made me so happy, as I watch tears leave her eyes. Her pupils are dilated most likely from the alcohol. I won’t mention it, I don’t want to ruin the moment I thought I’d never have again.

“Sorry, my manners,” She smiles, wiping her tears from her face. She looks at Harry. “Who’s this boy?” She smiles giving him a handshake, finishing off with a quick hug.

We both don’t respond as she takes a second glance at Harry. “Wait-” she says in utter confusion, making me smile.

“I’m Harry.” Harry smirks, showing his dimples, making my stomach float.

“Aren’t you meant to be in a boy band or something?” She asks, holding his arms for leverage. “With Niall, Louis, Liam and Zack?”

“It’s Zayn,” He smiles, peering up at me.

“Same thing,” Mum says, hugging him nice again. “Nice to meet you, I’m Joanne. Just call me Jo,” She smiles.

In more confusion, she looks at me and then at Harry. “Are you dating?” She asks. I feel my cheeks go pink as she continues. “Ohh.. Married? Engaged?” I look at Harry’s who’s looking down at his feet, smirking at her words “Luna are you pregnant? I told you to get married before you have kids.” She tells me off.

She’s so very wrong.

I smile as Harry explains. “She will not be conceiving babies any time soon,” He smiles shutting the front door behind him “I think she’ll make very cute babies.” Pardon?

I watch as my mother starts fantasies. “So no cute baby bums at the moment?” She asks.

Slightly embarrassed by her words Harry answers. “I wish.” Pardon me? What? Huh? Who else is confused? Blossom, no one else is in this head of yours. “No, not now.” He smiles, knowing what he’s doing. My stomach floats from his words as if I’m walking in the wind, soaring through the clouds.

“Luna, where did you find this man? I like him.” That’s good. She turns to me and does a comedic wink.

“A park.” I answer briefly, still trying to recover from the embarrassment.

“Well, I only hope she has babies with you, Harry.”

My whole face goes red. “I hope so t-”

“Anyways, mum, I’m going to go to my room,” I say, cutting off Harry before they start fantasizing about possible future babies.

“Okay, Lunie” I hear, as I step over another pile of shattered glass to come face to face with my door. “Anyways, how cute would you and her baby be?”

Nope. I’m blocking her out for a minute.

Without trying to hesitate, I gradually open the door to be met with a clean, open, bright room.

It looks so much different from the outside. This is the home that I was expecting when the door opened. But some things changed.

I disregard any sort of memories and thoughts I have left and sit on the double bed.

I look around the familiar room in awe. It hasn’t changed a bit.

“My poleriod!” I whisper-shout rushing over to the camera. I look up at the white wall and see all the pictures I took. One with dad. Another with mum. 5 with Tobias.

Blossom please don’t think about it.

I know what to do.


I creak open the door and see Harry discussing things with mum. Still blocking it out.

I watch his sharp jaw when he talks, his arms rise to his waist. He looks so perfect.

He then sits down on the sofa, dust rising up as he leans on his thighs.


I take the picture and start shaking the blank piece to make the process go faster.

I look at the picture and smile, as it makes my stomach turn into joy.

I go to search for a pen in the room.

I decide to put the picture that I get butterflies just looking at it, in my transparent phone case to treasure it forever.

He’s gorgeous.

I smile and look at it one last time before I walk out into the dark hallw-

“Oh, Harry,” I say, bumping into his chest.

He smiles and holds my waist, sending my body into a frenzy. “Wanna come in?”

“Love to.” I smile at him, our bodies almost touching as he reaches down for a warm kiss, the warmth spreading through my veins. I love him.

I guide him into the bright bedroom that was once mine as he goes to explore it. He walks over to my chest of draws where a mirror and pictures are. He studies each one.

Normally I would stop someone from looking at personal pictures like these but, I have nothing to be afraid of as he knows everything I do.

“You’re brother?” He asks. I hum a yes as he continues to look at the many pictures of him.

“He didn’t even make it to the age of one.” I say, disappointed at myself. I brush off the guilt because I just want to enjoy this moment. I walk up to his tall figure and point at the first picture. “This one was for his first Christmas. Also the year I got the camera,” I smile at the memory “This one was when he took his first step.” I point to the second image of Tobias.

“You can do it Tobs!” My family cheers on. He takes a miniature step yet it feels like he explored Mars. “Yay!!”

“This one was when he slept in his pasta. He was 9 months old at this time.” I point to the other one “This was when he was clinging on to the camera which caused it to take the picture.” I smile and chuckle at the vision.

“And this one,” I sucked the air out of the room before releasing it into the open space in utter guilt and disappointment. “This was the day he died.”

He stops what he’s doing and turns to me. I watch him focus on my teared up eyes. I can tell he’s trying to find words to say.


“Who wants to go out to eat?” Mum bursts through the shapely room, wobbling on her feet.

I instantaneously fake a large smile, as does Harry as if Tobias never entered our minds. “I’ll pay,” Harry says. He turns to me and gives me a kiss, making my heartache full of joy and love. “Love you,” He whispers before he skips out of the room.

I smile at his words as mum walks up to me. “What a gentleman,” She says before winking once again.

And before I get to say a word, they’re already out the door.

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