All my life I have noticed that I have never really known what it has felt like to be loved. I know what it is to love just not what it is to be loved.
I live with my dad. My parents are divorced and I haven't had contact with my mum since forever. I guess you can't miss the things you have never had. But that doesn't mean I don't wish she was here, because I really do. Maybe she wouldn't treat me how my dad has done and still does. I'll tell you what I mean.
Ever since I can remember I have been physically abused. I wasn't brought up in the best of ways. I mean I used to go to the park all by myself ever since I was five or six. I am now sixteen. God knows what could have happened. Especially since I never went with any friends because I never had any. My dad has never kept the house wasn't very clean. I was about six or seven when I was in my bedroom crying because I was in trouble for something and as I was sat on my bed crying I suddenly saw a rat run across my bedroom floor. Now I am traumatised and have a phobia of rats. Talking about phobias I also have a phobia of glass because I while playing tag with my brother and his friends I fell on glass. I was only five at the time. But I did that at my nanas house. Anyway I went a little off track there. So back to the subject. I sleep on a mattress. There was no bedframe just a mattress. I also get a lunch for tea, by that I mean something like beans on toast for tea or dinner. Whatever you call it. But the weird thing is I only recently knew that it is wrong to abuse your child. All my life I thought I was getting a relatively normal upbringing. But I wasn't.
I guess you could say I have had a pretty hard life. I don't know why my dad doesn't just get a job. I have a part time job at the restaurant down the street.
Life at school isn't the best either. I get told on a daily basis that I smell, I'm better off dead, I'm too ugly to look at, I'm not good enough, I'll never succeed and that I will never have any friends. And I guess that it's true. Except the fact that I am smart. I must be to be in top set for ever subject. I always do really well on my tests.