Sam Winchester couldn’t believe what Castiel had said. After almost five years with him, he should have by now become used to his ways but then…
He had no doubts that Castiel was referring to Jesse Turner. He had no doubts what the Angel had meant when he said they ‘defeated him’. The thought brought a lump to his throat. That he had to stop for a while until the image it threatened to conjure up went away.
’He’s just a kid, no matter what he…’ he thought and then stopped again.
‘No! There’s no way what Castiel said could be true. There’s no way they did what he claimed they did. Even if they wanted to there was no way they would have been able to get within two feet of Jesse if he had turned. If he had become the…’
Sam started to think back to the idea of the Djinn.
’All this could still be the work of the Djinn. It’s possible it learned…well not ‘it’; ‘it’ was dead. But whatever came after it. It could have taken precautions to prevent its prey from waking.
Djinns can read the minds of the victims. They can learn their deepest darkest secrets and thoughts. It’s possible that this one had realized that the best way to keep them in this dream is to have them believe it was real. That the world that they were in was created by Castiel. Someone they ‘trusted’. But how much did they trust Castiel, or was he like any other informant they dealt with. After everything, did they trust Castiel enough to believe everything he said?′
‘It was not like Castiel didn’t forget to reveal information when it soothed him. To lead them with half-truths. He remembered what Castiel had said before. He didn’t admit to bringing back their parents, not completely. But then why should that be a problem. Why couldn’t a fake Castiel have problems lying?’
‘Could all this be real?’
The thought scared Sam for some reason. It made him stop.
In that moment of thoughtlessness, something else crept into his mind. Images. Images of burnt buildings, dead people and a familiar face twisted and deformed beyond recognition.
’Could the Djinn anticipate trouble?’
’Could it anticipate the future attempts of its victims to break free of the dream? Enough to take such steps to make sure that they believe what was being told to them in the dream?’
He felt his head hurt and dizziness creep in.
‘The Djinn have existed forever. It is possible that they have some intelligence to have existed for so long. There is nothing that says that the Djinn cannot pass information. That they can’t learn from each other’s mistakes. Then again, there is nothing to say that this one had learned from the others’ mistake. It’s possible this one was just smarter than the other ones.′
‘There is only one way to find out…’ he thought and then his thoughts were interrupted by a sharp pain in his shin.
He suddenly found himself staring at the face of Dean, twisted into an expression of anger.
Sam stared at Dean for a while. Then turned his gaze away to the other faces that were all looking at him from around the table. His mom, his dad, Jess, Lisa, Ben and Bobby; they all had the same expression.
Lunch had been awkward affair after that. There were many attempts to start a normal conversation but none of it succeeded. The quiet glances towards him were too obvious.
As he stood in the kitchen wiping the dishes his dad gave him and putting them in the washer, he knew there was a conversation coming.
“You want to tell me what is going on with you, Sammy?” his dad finally asked.
“No, it’s not ‘nothing’. You have been acting strange all day.”
“How do you know?” he demanded, turning towards him.
“Because your mom is worried and she and Jess told me what happened before you came outside. Now, do you mind telling me what the Sam Hill is going on?”
“Damn it, Sammy,” his dad said, almost slamming the dish down on the sink. “I am not an idiot, and neither is your mom. You’re worrying us. Ever since you beat the Antichrist…”
“HE HAS A NAME!” Sam shouted as he walked out of the kitchen. But he didn’t get the chance to go far before he felt his dad’s hand on his elbow and he turned around.
“I am not done with you yet.”
“Well I am”
“Too bad! You’re just going to have to grit it and take it. Because you are going to listen what I have to say” he said and paused.
“I get it, Sam, I get what I did to you boys. I get what you had to go through because of me. I get that you had to kill a kid and that it’s not like all the other hunts you have carried out. I get what it’s doing to you. I left you two a heavy burden to bear for all those years, Sammy, and I wish to all the gods of creation I could take it all back. That I could somehow change it. I wish I could give you a life where the last ten years never existed. But I can’t. I made a lot of mistakes and I know you boys had to bear the consequences of my mistakes. I get the pain you’re going through, and I get that saying ‘that by defeating Jesse you saved the world’ won’t make that pain go away.”
Sam looked at his dad’s face and the pain that was there; the sadness that gripped him; the tears that threatened to roll down his eyes. He couldn’t remember this much sadness in him.
“We thought we lost you Sammy” he continued “when you didn’t recover from the fight with Jesse. It was as if you were dead. And your mom and I…” he continued but couldn’t find the words.
“It’s Ok dad, I’m fine now,” he said, “and…well, there is something I always wanted to tell you!”
“I get why you did the things that you did. I understand what you were going through, why you made the choices you made. I know you believed that it was what was best for us. I don’t blame you for anything. I…I love you, dad!” Sam said and he watched his dad break.
It was strange seeing him like that but it felt right; especially as his father reached out to him and held him.
‘Maybe, just maybe he was wrong!’
“It’s not going to be easy getting accustomed to living a normal life,” said Sam and his father laughed. It was not a complete laugh, it was just an attempt. The sadness was still there.
“You’re telling me.”
“If you two men are done with your girly moment, do you think it’s possible I could have my husband?” Jess said.
“His all yours,” said his dad smiling.
He turned towards Jess and for a second he forgot his worries. She looked as beautiful as she always did. And he wondered if maybe Dean was right.
‘Maybe it was time someone else took over the burden from them. Maybe it didn’t matter if all this was just an illusion.’
As he stood in the bathroom. Sam took a moment to take in everything that had happened that day. At everything, he had learned. And he felt the dizziness fill him again. He leaned over the basin his hands on its ceramic sides.
Maybe he was making mountains of molehills.
He had, after all, got everything he wanted…maybe this was his ‘happily-ever-after moment’.
He opened the tap and threw some water on to his face.
’Maybe it’s time he accepted this life and stop worrying about the what if’s’
He thought and then returned back to his earlier posse before turning up towards the mirror.
He recoiled in horror as his eyes fell on the reflection in the mirror.