Lunch had been awkward affair after that. There were many attempts to start a normal conversation but none of it succeeded. The quiet glances towards him were too obvious.
As he wiped the dishes that his father washed. He knew there was a conversation waiting to happen.
“You want to tell me what is going on with you, Sammy?” his dad finally asked.
“No, it’s not ‘nothing’. You have been acting strange all day.”
“How do you know?” he demanded, turning towards him.
“Because your mom is worried and she and Jess told me what happened before you came outside. Now, do you mind telling me what the Sam Hill is going on?”
“Damn it, Sammy,” his dad said, almost slamming the dish down on the sink. “I am not an idiot, and neither is your mom. You’re worrying us. Ever since you beat the Antichrist…”
“HE HAS A NAME!” Sam shouted as he walked out of the kitchen. But he didn’t get the chance to go far before he felt his dad’s hand on his elbow and he turned around.
“I am not done with you yet.”
“Well I am”
“Too bad! You’re just going to have to grit it and take it. Because you are going to listen what I have to say” he said and paused.
“I get it, Sam, I get what I did to you boys. I get what you had to go through because of me. I get that you had to kill a kid and that it’s not like all the other hunts you have carried out. I get what it’s doing to you. I left you two a heavy burden to bear for all those years, Sammy, and I wish to all the gods of creation I could take it all back. That I could somehow change it. I wish I could give you a life where the last ten years never existed. But I can’t. I made a lot of mistakes and I know you boys had to bear the consequences of my mistakes. I get the pain you’re going through. I get that saying ‘that by defeating Jesse you saved the world’ won’t make that pain go away.”
Sam looked at his dad’s face and the pain that was there. The sadness that gripped him; the tears that threatened to roll down his eyes. He couldn’t remember this much sadness in him.
“We thought we lost you Sammy” he continued “when you didn’t recover from the fight with Jesse. It was as if you were dead. And your mom and I…” he continued but couldn’t find the words.
“It’s Ok dad, I’m fine now,” he said, “and…well, there is something I always wanted to tell you!”
“I get why you did the things that you did. I understand what you were going through, why you made the choices you made. I know you believed that it was what was best for us. I don’t blame you for anything. I…I love you, dad!” Sam said and he watched his dad break.
It was strange seeing him like that but it felt right; especially as his father reached out to him and held him.
’Maybe, just maybe he was wrong!’
“It’s not going to be easy getting accustomed to living a normal life,” said Sam and his father laughed. It was not a complete laugh, it was an attempt. The sadness was still there.
“You’re telling me.”
“If you two men are done with your girly moment, do you think it’s possible I could have my husband?” Jess said.
“His all yours,” said his dad smiling.
He turned towards Jess and for a second he forgot his worries. She looked as beautiful as she always did. And he wondered if Dean was right.
’Maybe it was time someone else took over the burden from them. Maybe it didn’t matter if all this was just an illusion.’