On the rode again
This is it. This is the shitty life I have to live. I've never really been one for hope. Hope, love, happily ever after, those things are for children. Children who haven't seen the cruel way the world works. As I lay there in my bed, I think about my parents. You see, they never wanted a girl, especially my father. He wanted someone to carry his legacy. Looking back on it now, I should have seen it coming.
"Hey sam, you ready?" said my mother
"you almost. give me a few and i'll be right down mama." i said wanting nothing than to not go.
"hurry up or we'll be late."
of course she'll rush this but not my hobbies. Today we were going to watch my brother, Robby's basketball game. Not a school game, more like a, street game.
It was just an old court in the park with rusty chain link fences and an old hoop that should have broke off by now. I didn't want to go, but I had to. It's not that I didn't support Robby, it's that I wanted what he had, the support. The love. The respect. He got everything that I wanted.
I went downstairs and saw my mom ready to go. "Well let's go, we don't have all day." Honestly at this point, i'm surprised she stopped drinking long enough to even watch this game happen. So then we left. We get there, and the game had already started.
"See what you did!! You made us late. How am I supposed to explain this to your brother?" she said.
I was in the mood to kick someone's teeth in, but I didn't. The last thing I need right now is a probation hearing.
The next two hours were boring. Yes, TWO HOURS. Both teams sucked more than mom did on the weekends. When the game was over, we went back home. What I was about to do, it made my anxiety spike and I had to muster up every inch of courage in my being to do it, and I didn't want her to make a scene in public.
We got home, finally. Robby and Mom were sitting on the couch, talking about his game, per usual, when I stepped in.
"Mom. Robby. I have something I want to tell you." I said.
They both looked at me with curious eyes. Well, Robby did anyway. Mom looked at me like I had gotten into some kind of trouble. Wouldn't be the first time.
"I'm moving out."
That sentence. Those three little words. That's what started all of this. My mother went into a frenzy. Calling me every name in the book. Lashing out. Hitting me. It took Robby and three flower vases to calm her, or at least to stop throwing hands at me.
"Why? I'm your mother!! I do everything for you!! What have I done to deserve this!?" she said
That sent me. I had gotten so mad, i'm sure that there was steam coming out of my ears.
"EVERYTHING!! You've done everything to deserve this!!! YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT ROBBY!!! You and dad both. You always wanted your precious boy. I saw the way you and Johnny both looked at me. You both hated me from the second I was born and you can't even deny it. You show up to his games and care about his hobbies, but not mine. He's your favorite. I'm done being stepped on and I am DONE with you."
The look in her eyes made me want to throw myself at her and beg for forgiveness, but I didn't. Instead, I walked to my room, and started packing. I have had a job for about two years now, and i've been saving up my checks since the second I had them. Two years worth of money, a bag of clothes, and my car. That's what I was taking with me. I was leaving, for good. I couldn't be here anymore. The constant rejection and hate I got, I couldn't handle it anymore.
I heard a knock. I already knew who it was.
"Come in Robby." The door opened, and he stepped in, closing it behind him.
"Are you really gonna do this Sammy??"
I had to take a breath before I answered back,
"yes. I can't do it anymore Robs. She treats me like a child. I mean, the first 5 years of my life, I was going foster home to foster home, because she didn't want me. I mean, dad didn't either. I'm not trying to run away, I just can't be here anymore."
Robby and I were the closest. Me and him stayed up for hours just talking about everything. I loved him more than anyone, but the constant favoritism that mom gave him, made me feel hated and unloved.
"Robbs, i'm leaving. Ill try to stay in touch but, stay out of trouble. Don't let your dumbass friends drag you into any stupid shit." I said.
He hugged my tight and then let go. I was done packing so I walked out the door and to my car. I put everything in and giving one last look back to my brother, got into the car, and then pulled away.
* End of Flashback*
It has been a year since I left. Left Robby alone with my sick mother. I hate what I did to him but, I'm not sorry that I got out of that house. I drove from LA to the Valley, to see my dad. When he saw me, I don't know if he was shocked or excited but either way, he opened up to me with open arms. He apologized for everything, and then told me that he would deny it if I ever told anyone.
I was sort of a secret though. Nobody knew I was his daughter. I only interacted with people from a different town. I didn't know anybody outside of the apartment. I was kinda happy about that actually.
Today though, Johnny is finally letting me go to school. Actual school. With people my own age, and i'll be able to meet people and make new friends. Not to optimistic about that though. Like I said, hope is for children. I've been told that I have commitment issues.
I decided a long time ago that if I love no one, they can't hurt me. Love is weakness. I got up early, and made me and johnny some fried bologna. I always eat before getting dressed. It's a thing I guess.
Johnny came out of his room, walking to the table to eat. "Mornin Johnny." i said.
He mumbled something but I couldn't understand it. He said more clearly this time, "you still gonna keep me hidden?" i was kinda shocked to hear this honestly.
"do you want me to tell people you're my dad? Because if you want me to tell people I will." He seemed a little off this morning.
I don't think he's too happy to let me go but a girl needs her education.
"no, it's fine. just wondering. when you leave, can you get that trash? i'll clean up around in here." I had a little wise crack right about now and might as well use it.
"You know you can't get rid of the stink of beer with febreeze right?" he chuckled a bit but I had to get going so I went to get dressed.
(look at top for school outfit)
I walked out of my room with my car keys, ready to leave. I grabbed the trash out of the bin on my way out.
"SEE YA LATER JOHNNY!!" I yelled knowing he was in the shower. I headed out and threw the bag away when I saw a boy having troubles.
"need help?" i said. He was a tall boy. I think mexican?? He had short brown hair and brown eyes. He had braces, and not gonna lie, he was kinda cute.
Although not my type. I'm more into shy boys, sometimes.
"Yes please." he said. I walked over to him and helped him lift it up and throw it in.
"thanks for the help." the boy said.
"no problem. what's your name?" i asked.
He took a second to just stare at me.
He then replied "Miguel. Miguel Diaz."
"sweet. I'm Sam. Sam Lawrence."
"Nice meeting you Sam Lawrence." he said.
"you too" i replied.
I walked away.
I got into my car and drove to the school. I got out and walked in. I had to get directions from a staff member but eventually found the office. I walked in and asked if I could see someone. Once I got everything sorted out, I walked to my first class. I got there and walked into. I was greeted by over 20 faces looking at me like I was a friggin dinosaur. They looked like they had seen a alien, honestly it was creepy.
"Class, this is our new student, Sam Lawrence." The class looked at me with wide eyes and I was so confused but I kept my nonchalant poker face. Over the years, i've mastered myself at keeping a poker face, even in the most dire situations.
"Where do I sit?" I asked the teacher.
For the first time, I noticed that Miguel was in this class.
"There is a free seat over by Mr. Diaz if you'd like." I was a little happy about that if I'm being completely honest. It was nice to be in a class where I knew someone.
Class passed with ease, basically just chatting with people because it was the first day. Me and Miguel talked about a bunch of stuff. Mostly our favorite movies and stuff. He and I both liked Harry Potter actually. It was nice talking shit about Dolores with someone who actually understood what I was saying.
When the bell ring, me and Miguel found our next class. We for some reason had a very similar class schedule. We only had two separate classes. It went like this until lunch. We went together, the way around the school was actually really easy to memorize. We got our lunch but we had to find a table to sit at. There was a table with just two people at it.
One boy was tall with dark hair and the other was tall with blond hair. They both looked really lonely. We decided to sit there. Not just because we had nowhere else to sit, but because they looked like they had no friends.
We asked if the seat was free. The one with dark hair replied "Sorry. Tables really blowing up right now. I could put you on the waiting list but it's probably next semester at the earliest."
I was confused and it was clear that Miguel was too. Miguel started to walk away and the boy said "no i'm kidding, sit down."
Miguel and I sat down.
"Miguel." he said.
The boy replied, "Demetri. This is Eli."
Honestly they are both so adorable. Demetri seems like the nerd boy who you would both love and hate at the same time. "He's a man of few words." said Demetri.
Eli is adorable too. Kinda cute. He is definitely my type too. I just met them though and my personal feelings are staying out of the way completely. I'll make sure of that.
All of a sudden, these girls pass. Miguel was basically drooling at the sight of them. Demetri spoke up
"Dude, don't torture yourself. Those are the rich girls." Miguel was so stubborn, because he replied,
"do you ever talk to them or..?" I swear, I just met him and I can tell i'm gonna have to bail his ass out of a lot of fights.
"Oh yeah, all the time. We hang out after school, make out, give each other hand jobs. My boy Eli here is the homecoming king. Gets laid more than anyone, isn't that right Eli?" I laughed at that.
Eli smiled and it was by far the cutest thing I have ever seen. I noticed a scar on his lip that he tried to hide. I have a feeling I know what it's from but I decided it's best to not bring it up.
If he's hiding it, it's for good reason.
"Talk to them? You realize what table you're sitting at right? You've pretty much signed away all hopes of losing your virginity before collage." said Demetri.
Eli said "shit. Yasmines looking at us. Probably just making fun of me."
My blood boiled at just the thought of it. I heard Miguel say "nah, I don't think she's making fun of you." before I turned around and looked at her in the eyes.
"Got a problem Barbie?" i said. She looked so surprised that someone talked to her like that.
I turned back around and saw Eli smiling.
Miguel went on. "I mean, just because they're hot doesn't mean that they are mean."
Oh Miguel. I have so much to teach you.
Demetri said, "I don't care if she's the meanest girl in school, I'd kill all of you just to get her to spit in my face."
I laughed so hard I had to cover my mouth. Miguel replied " Yeah but if you never make a move, you'll never have a shot with her."
I mean, he's not wrong, but that's not how mean girls work
"True, but i'll also never suffer a humiliating rejection. I'm at peace with my depression." said Demetri
"Same." I said.
I think he forgot I was there because he asked my name. I never told them what it was so I hadn't actually been introduced.
"Sam. Sam Lawrence." He looked shocked.
"That girl with brown hair?? Her name is Sam too." I honestly didn't care.
"Yeah well if she's at the rich mean girl table, she's not someone I want to know."
He smiled then went back to conversation.
"Last thing I need is to be suicidal." little did he know I was.
Miguel got up and I knew what he was about to do. I didn't try to stop him, but I warned him.
"Dude, she's gonna reject you. You're gonna be the laughing stock of the school and it's only your first day. Sit back down Romeo."
He got halfway there and then some boy walked up to them with a smug smirk and I honestly wanted to punch it off of him.
"So how did it go?" Demetri asked.
Miguel said nothing.
I understood what kind of pain he was in. After school, I went home and heard Miguel talking to my dad, "Are you gonna be my teacher?"
I was so confused for a second.
"No. I'm gonna be your sensai."
I was ready to explode. Out of both anger and excitement. I turned the corner.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!??" I yelled. Johnny was caught and he knew it.
"I was gonna tell you-"
"When?" It took him a second to answer.
"WHEN JOHNNY!" He looked down and mumbled. I heard him this time.
"You were gonna tell me after you had already opened the dojo. Without my opinion?? Last time you did karate you got hurt!! What are you thinking!!"
See, Johnny wasn't the smartest person. He punched first, asked questions later. He didn't see grey. Well, he did but only in karate situations. In the real world, to him, everything was black and white. This was a big decision and he didn't even ask me what I though about it before making a choice.
Miguel told me that he asked Eli and Demetri if they wanted to join the dojo and I was pretty pissed at him too.
"Sam maybe you should give him a break."
I was pissed
"Don't even think about if Miguel. I'm pretty pissed at you too so don't even get me started. You both lied to me and then went behind my back to ask my friends to join my dads dojo that I didn't even know existed."
They both looked down. I really wanted to put Johnny into a choke hold and just hold him there until he passed out.
I decided against it.
"What's the name of the dojo?" Johnny froze. I knew it was bad.
"Johnny. What is the name of the dojo?" He looked down then looked up to me again.
He knew how much that pissed me off. He knew that I would attack. Well, he thought I would. I looked at him, then Miguel, then back, and walked away. Johnny was confused, he thought I would try to attack him. Instead, I got into my car and went to my spot. It's a place hidden in the woods. I had missed calls from dad and Miguel, hell even from Robby. I didn't answer any of them. I went to my spot and just cried. I never cry in front of people. I made it a habit.
When I was younger, dad was all about Cobra Kai and nothing else. He lost my mom and Robby, and even me to it. I didn't want to lose him again over this dojo. I have gotten closer to him this past year and I refuse to let him push me away to do this. He taught me karate when I was younger so I was excited to get back to karate again but I didn't want to lose him.
When I was done crying, I drove back. He was still at the dojo in case I came back. It was dark outside and only one light was on. the bell rung and I walked into his office.
"Promise me that I won't lose you again." I said.
He looked rough, like he had been crying.
"Johnny I swear to god. I WILL NOT LOSE YOU AGAIN!!! I will not lose you to karate AGAIN!!"
He looked like his heart broke. He got up, came over to me, and just hugged me.
"You won't lose me kid."
I hugged him tighter and then we let go.
"I'm driving." I said.
He got his stuff and we went home.
The next morning I got up and got ready for school. I slipped on a pair of skinny jeans, a metallica t-shirt, and my chuck taylors. I grabbed my bag and car keys and headed out. Johnny knew where I was going and he knew I would be at the dojo after school. I swung by starbucks on the way and grabbed my signature drink, vanilla bean frappe. Yeah, I don't really like coffee that much but this drink is delicious and I get it anywhere I can.
I got to school holding my coffee and phone and headed to class. I wonder where Miguel is. I saw Demetri and Eli in the hallway and stopped to talk to them.
"Hey guys." I said.
"Hey sam. what class you going to?" Demetri asked.
Eli is still so shy and doesn't talk to me much. I get it, I just like hearing his voice. It's comforting, almost like a safe blanket.
What? No. No Sam!! Get ahold of yourself. Love is weakness!!
Making friends with them makes my feelings come out. I can't have that.
"Well my first class is just homeroom." I said.
"You're lucky. I have algebra and Eli has physics." Wow I really am lucky.
It takes about 20 minutes for this drink to kick my energy up and it's too early to be counting numbers for me.
"Yeah but I gotta go so i'll see you guys at lunch." I walked away and to my class.
I was stopped short by Yasmine and her mean girl group blocking the door.
"can you move." I said irritated.
"Oh look, someone had attitude today."
well if this bitch doesn't move, she'll have more to worry about than just my attitude.
"yeah i do. you're in my way."
Yasmine looked taken aback. "why should I move for you? you're nothing in this school." said Yasmine.
I honestly just wanted to punch her. I didn't though because I didn't start fights. I finish them.
"Move. Last warning." I said.
She just laughed and her friends laughed with her. I knew I couldn't start a fight in school without causing trouble and that's something I didn't need. So I did the only thing I can do without violence.
I grabbed her back pack strap and twisted me and her around so she was standing where I was. I turned around and walked into class leaving her and her friends speechless. Honestly she is surprised so easily. I sat down in my seat and I still hadn't seen Miguel so I texted him.
Me: Hey bro where are you
Miguel: i'm late. slept in
Me: well that was dumb huh
Miguel: just tell the teacher i'm coming but i'm late. i don't wanna be counted absent ☹️
Me: don't worry man. you'll be fine 🙄
Miguel: please just do it
Me: fine. just get here dude 😐
Miguel: On my way!
*End of Messages*
Miguel being late. Why am I not surprised. I chuckled to myself until I heard the bell ring and the teacher taking attendance.
"Diaz?" she said.
I remembered what Miguel had asked me to do.
"Actually miss, he's running late and asked me to tell you he's on his way." she looked a little confused but then said "okay then." and then continued taking attendance.
*Skip to lunch*
I got my lunch and then sat down with Demetri and Eli and started talking about Harry Potter. Turns out we all love it. Miguel finally showed up and sat down. At about this time, we all heard the rumor. The rumor that the mean girl Samantha and Kyler went together, if you know what I mean. It's weird, I know everyone else's last name except Sam and Kyler. Honestly I don't care but whatever. Sam tried to sit with this other girl, she had dark brown fluffy hair and was on the bigger side.
She seems cool. I wanna be friends with her. Sam then approached Kyler and started talking with him. She did something that made Miguel stand up and protect her.
I'm gonna have to fight my way out of this. I stood and stood next to Miguel. "Miguel, maybe this isn't the best idea right now. Think this through. You haven't had much training." I spoke softly in his ear as to make sure nobody else heard.
"I'll be fine." he whispered back.
He definitely won't be fine.
I prepared myself. I got into the stance that Johnny taught me.
This isn't gonna end well....