He had rushed home when he heard the news, Sam and Deeks had been tortured, Sam electrocuted, but Deeks…Oh my God, Deek. His eyes had burned with tears as he read the note Hetty had sent him through diplomatic channels.
He got up and rushed into the CO's office.
"Dr. Getz, I take it you have been told about your transfer back to Los Angeles?" The man said.
Nate smiled, God bless Hetty, and she knew he'd want to be there for him…them. "Yes sir, I can be packed and ready to go as soon as you say," he replied.
The commanding officer nodded, "We have a flight heading out at 0500 I suggest you are on that."
"Yes Sir." He replied.
He ran to his tent and packed his bag, it was 0400 now so he had to hurry.
He threw all he could into his bag and zipped it quickly and jumped into the transport.
"You heading stateside sir?" one of the Marines on the transport asked him after the plane was in flight.
Nate smiled, "Yeah,"
"Looking forward to it?" He asked, "I'm going to meet my new baby twins, they are about 3 months old, both boys," he pulled out a picture and showed Nate the two babies and their beautiful mother.
Nate looked at them, he knew children would never be in his future, unless he chose to adopt, but they were sweet babies and he told the man so.
"You have a loved one back home?" the Marine asked.
Nate thought about his loved one, he had tried a relationship with Rose Schwartz but something hadn't been right, it had gotten to the point where he had been pleased about his assignment abroad just to get away from her.
Then while he was still with the team he had met…him.
He'd seen him before on a case where his love had first met the team, his heart had fluttered at the blond hair and blue eyes, but he hadn't said anything.
No one on the team knew he was bisexual and he intended to keep it that way, it was his job to get in their heads not their job to psychoanalyze him.
When he'd been made a part of the team Nate knew he couldn't stay, he had moved himself onto the periphery of the team and was as usual available when needed, but his heart wasn't in hanging out in the bullpen with the others anymore. However once or twice he would lean on the railing and watch the team…watch him, from afar.
Deeks had walked into the bullpen, sat in Dom's chair and had shot those deep blue eyes across the bullpen and looked lovingly at Kensi.
Nate's heart had broken; when Hetty had suggested that he go on assignment he knew it was the best thing, he didn't know how she knew what he was feeling but as usual, she did know.
He had been back a few times and had watched as Deeks mooned around Kensi, not even noticing he was alive, but he couldn't halt his own feelings.
He had thought…more hoped really that he had caught Deeks looking at him once or twice, although when he had looked a second time there had been nothing.
The hardest part for him had been when Deeks had come to him for advice; Deeks was annoyed, Kensi had been giving him grief all day about opening up and talking about his feelings.
Nate had been checking over some files as Deeks knocked.
"Come in." he said looking up, his heart stopped as Deeks walked in.
"I don't get her!" he said pacing the room, "She infuriates me." He snapped as he locked Nate's door for privacy.
"Kensi?" Nate asked sitting on the edge of his desk trying so hard to look casual while pushing down the feeling he was getting in the pit of his stomach.
"She keeps pushing me, asking about my feelings, I like her I do…but…" Deeks stopped and looked out of the window over the hidden car park in the courtyard in the center of the mission.
"But…" Nate prodded.
"But I kinda like someone else…only… I can't like them." Deeks started to look uncomfortable.
"Why not, I mean are you in love with a married woman?" Nate asked.
Deeks shook his head but stayed silent.
"Another cop?" Nate asked. "Another cop's wife?"
"It's not like that…I….I…I just can't like him…that's all." Deeks said focusing intently on the window pane.
Nate's heart stopped, 'him? Deeks liked a guy?'
"Deeks...Marty, you know whatever is said in here is confidential don't you?" he said quietly to the back of Deeks' head.
Deeks nodded, turned around and sunk onto the couch his eyes glued to the floor. Tears started to pool in his eyes and he fought them back.
"Deeks…are you gay?" Nate asked.
Deeks shook his head, "No." he snapped…"I…I mean I don't think so, I like girls, I've been with girls, but there's this guy I like him…I mean I find myself dreaming about him and I want to kiss him…I want to know what that feels like. But I know it's wrong, I mean…"
"Who told you its wrong?" Nate asked.
Deeks looked away, "I kissed a boy once…I was eleven," he said his voice a whisper.
"Ray…Ray and I were best friends, it wasn't anything, he's straight. Married to Jenna they even have a baby on the way. He probably doesn't even remember; we were kids.
Ray had a girl he liked and he wanted to practice his kissing and he didn't know how. I didn't know any better, I let him kiss me, I liked it…but…we…I…we were caught, by my father."
"Oh, I take it, it didn't go well?"
Deeks laughed, "He grabbed his shotgun and Ray jumped out of the window and he tried to kill me, so I grabbed the gun Ray had given me and I shot him back. So…no…it didn't go well."
Nate nodded. "Nothing since then?" he asked.
Deeks looked at him, "I kissed a boy and my father shot at me…would you try again after that?" he asked incredulously.
"Probably not." Nate admitted. "But your father is deceased now, so…"
"So, why don't I hit the gay bars?" Deeks asked, "Mainly because I haven't felt…like that…in a long time."
Nate's gut clenched.
"So is it someone you work with, I mean are you concerned that there is a conflict of interest." Nate asked his heart in his mouth, he fully expected Deeks to say he was attracted to Callen or Sam…or even…Eric.
Deeks looked away again and walked to the window intently watching the small bird that was hopping closer and closer to Sam's car.
"It is someone here," he admitted. "But there is no conflict of interest."
Nate looked at the back of his head blinking back a traitorous tear that threatened to fall, his heart aching, "Eric then, he's in ops all day, it's not Callen or Sam or there would be a conflict of interest, so it has to be Eric," he gulped and fought the feeling of hopelessness down, "I'm happy for you." He said, he wasn't sure if he was lying.
"You are?" Deeks looked up confused.
"I want you to be happy." Nate said honestly.
Deeks looked over at him and then down, "It's not Eric." He said softly.
Nate stopped, he stopped breathing, thinking…"N…Not…Eric?" he hoped, but he didn't dare.
Deeks looked away again, "No…I can't tell him how I feel, he's so much more than I am, and he's hardworking, smart, and handsome. He has so many secrets, so many people rely on him…and…I don't think you'd like me."
"Sorry?" Nate asked.
"I said I don't think he feels the same way about me." Deeks sighed.
Nate walked up behind him; he put a hand on Deeks' shoulder, "Don't." Deeks breathed.
"Don't?" Nate asked confused.
"If you don't mean it, don't turn me around, don't make me hope, don't hurt me." He whispered his voice quivering.
Nate turned him around and within moments he was face to face with him, he put his hands on each side of Deeks' face and leant in and tenderly kissed him.
After a moment the kiss turned passionate and Nate found himself pressed up against the wall, his arms wrapped around Deeks as he kissed him until they ran out of breath.
"I…Wow!" Nate said blinking in surprise. He looked over at the door, "What if someone comes in?" he asked.
Deeks smiled and his eyes sparkled, "I locked the door, everyone's gone home." He said.
He patted the couch and Nate sat beside him.
Within moments they were a frenzy of hands and tongues, Deeks running his hands down Nate's back as Nate ran his hands through Deeks' hair as his tongue begged for entrance into the mouth of the man he loved.
Deeks complied and opened his mouth allowing Nate's tongue entrance. He turned an inch and both men fell onto the floor with a thump.
"You think Hetty heard?" Deeks breathed looking into Nate's deep brown eyes.
Nate laughed, "Nope…she had the room soundproofed, for Callen's therapy sessions." He told the other man.
"Soundproofed 'eh?" Deeks smiled and pulled Nate's lips to his in another searing kiss.
He leaned next to him, "I had no idea you felt this way about me," Nate said smiling.
Deeks looked down at his hands which were intertwined with Nate's. "You always looked so confidant, you weren't a threat to me like Sam…" he stopped, "I suppose…I should get another therapist now…talk about my Sam issues." He grinned.
Nate kissed him, "Later," he said.
For months after that Deeks had been happier at work, they had kept it out of the office, Deeks had insisted on seeing the LAPD therapist, to satisfy Hetty's demand for regular psyche evaluations.
Nate had been heartbroken when Hetty had told him he needed to go abroad on assignment, his last one had been in a prison in California, he had handled that, especially as he had been moving into Deeks' apartment at the time.
He sat on the couch as Deeks got home a bag packed ready for the morning by the door.
Deeks took two steps in looked at his lover and stopped dead.
"Are…are you leaving me?" he asked his voice cracking as he looked at the devastation in Nate's eyes.
"No…Hetty reassigned me," Nate said.
"How…how long for?" Deeks asked biting his lip.
Nate shook his head, "I don't know."
Deeks took a step towards him, "But you're not leaving me? You're just going undercover right?" Deeks pleaded. He gave a small grin, "You know I have abandonment issues."
Nate kissed him ferociously. "I will never leave you I love you Martin A Deeks."
"And I you Nathaniel Getz." Deeks said back.
Nate looked down at Deeks, staring straight into his eyes, "Show me how much." He whispered in his ear.
Monty looked up and padded off the couch and off to his basket as his two masters went into their bedroom and closed the door.
Months had passed and Deeks had gone on with his life, writing letters each night to Nate and dreaming about him. He kept his banter up with Kensi, knowing if they ever went on a date it would just be one and no more, they didn't call her one date Blye for nothing.
Then the Sidarov Case happened.
Deeks was devastated, he had been hurt more than anyone even his father had hurt him. He lay in that hospital bed looking over at the mirror he had been given, looking at the bruising and the shape of his hurt jaw.
He was broken now, no good as a cop, no good as a man, and no good as a lover.
He let out a tear as he thought of Nate, how he'd never look at him again.
He looked up to see Sam standing at the end of the bed.
"Thank you." Sam had said.
"I don't wanna do this anymore." Deeks said sadly, he didn't want to lie to people he wanted to tell everyone he loved Nate, he wanted Nate to be here holding his hand saying exactly the right thing to get him through this.
"Don't wanna do what?" Sam asked.
"I don't wanna be a cop…I don't think I can." Deeks zoned out not listening he knew at this point Sam would either be telling him to leave or telling him to stay.
Sam stood there, he knew Deeks had finished and he knew that he had some unfinished business of his own.
Deeks watched as Sam left.
A few days later, after he'd 'escaped' hospital, saved Sam and Michelle and gone home. He was awoken by the sounds of his front door opening.
His heart picked up and he grabbed his gun.
"Marty?!" a familiar voice came.
"Nate?" Deeks dropped the gun and flew into his arms, "Nate! I missed you so much, I needed you." He held him tight finally allowing himself to sob into his lovers shoulder.
"I heard from Hetty, she brought me back."
Deeks stepped away from him, "She brought you back?"
"She wants me to evaluate you and Sam for your fitness for duty."
"She brought you back?" he asked again.
Nate nodded he reached his arm out to hold Deeks and he took Nate's bag, "I had hoped I brought you back." Deeks said sadly.
Nate turned him around and went to kiss him.
"Don't." Deeks said.
"Does it hurt?" Nate asked tenderly touching his face as Deeks looked away.
"Not so much, but it's not the same…I'm not the same." Deeks said.
Nate realized they hadn't kissed since Deeks had been injured.
Nate looked into his eyes, Deeks was hurting so much and he wanted to make the hurt go away. "Marty…talk to me please." He begged,
"I have to go." Deeks said grabbing his bag and heading out of the door.
Nate sighed but headed into the office anyway, if Marty had taken his bag he must be back at work.
Walking into the office he stopped at Hetty's desk.
"Mr. Getz." Hetty said with a smile. "Welcome back."
"Thank you." Nate said although Hetty realized it was not for the welcome back, rather the pull she had used to get him back.
"The team needs you, Sam…he will need to talk to you before he comes back full time, Callen and Kensi as well as Eric and Nell could use some time with you and Mr. Deeks…."
"I can't evaluate him Hetty, you know why."
Hetty nodded, "Conflict of interest, I was well aware of your…relationship with Mr. Deeks, However the others are not, and you do need to talk to him, although not as a therapist, but as his…" she left the word unsaid until Nate turned around.
"Hopefully, still fiancé, he hasn't said he's changed his mind, but he won't marry me until he is sure I have no more long-term assignments." Nate looked at her hopefully.
Hetty smiled, "You will not be posted abroad again, I had a word with Director Vance about your situation."
Nate paled. "You 'outed' us to Vance?!" he squeaked his voice jumping an octave and he looked to see if anyone heard.
Hetty shook her head, "I merely told him, you had become engaged and your intended was not allowing the wedding to go ahead until that matter was clarified." She told him.
Nate blinked a few times in surprise.
"The director agreed with me that if your intended, was indeed suffering from PTSD…I think he is under the impression you are engaged to a female marine, I did not attempt to dissuade him from that opinion, that it would be good if you were based stateside for the foreseeable future." Hetty smiled.
Nate blinked back a tear, "Thank you." He breathed.
"Now, Mr. Getz….fix my team!" Hetty ordered. Nate nodded and headed off in search of his first victim…er patient.
Three hours later, having talked to the whole team…Sam twice, Nate finally pulled up near their spot on the beach.
There he was, sitting in the sand staring out at the water, letting the crashing of the waves soothe his soul.
"I've been looking for you." Nate said as he sat down next to his lover on the sand,
"I've been here," Deeks said just staring.
"Hetty's worried about you, you've not been eating, or sleeping… I'm worried about you…this isn't like you. You've been through so much before and…" Nate stopped as Deeks started to move, he placed a hand on his arm. "Stay…please."
"It was horrible," Deeks said so softly at first that Nate didn't hear. "Even at his worst, Brandel never hurt me that bad." A tear softly fell and mindful of Deeks' need to speak, Nate resisted the urge to catch and wipe the tear away.
"I lied to my partner." Deeks said.
"OK." Nate said wanting him to say more, encouraging it, he had asked the others to come to the beach to support Marty, they had given him an hour, and Nate wanted to make the most of it.
"Kensi…I told her I thought of her while this…Sidarov…was happening, her strength was a big part of it, but it was you…your unfailing love, the fact that you tell me every day that I am worth it, that I am the man you love because for you I am…I was perfect. But I'm not anymore, he broke me Nate." He turned to Nate with tears in his eyes, it was now or never. "I waited for you, I got better for you…I stayed in law enforcement for you…and you came back for…Hetty!" he let his tears fall.
"NO!" Nate grabbed his face and turned to face him. "Hetty made it possible for me to get back quicker, I would have walked from where I was for you, she knows about us,"
Deeks grabbed Nate's arms his grip increasing, "She knows?"
Nate smiled, "Yes silly, she knows and talked Vance into letting me stay stateside so I can get married."
"To who?" Deeks asked confused.
Nate sighed and kissed him, "To the man I love, more than life itself." He said and wrapped his arms around him.
The others pulled up at the car park, climbing out of the car.
"There he is," Callen said pointing to the two men on the beach, "I don't think Deeks' session is up yet." It looked to them like Deeks had broken down and was crying on Nate's shoulder, something they had all done once or twice. Although none of them would ever admit it.
"Well let's cheer him up." Sam said with a smile as he stepped onto the sand.
Within seconds he stopped causing the others to stop too as they witnessed the next moment with the two men as Deeks pulled Nate's head to him and kissed him passionately.
"I never did that with Nate!" Callen breathed grinning.
Kensi looked over at the two men, "Finally!" she sighed.
Sam and Callen turned to look at her and she smiled, "I have shared a bed undercover with that man enough times to know when he has 'those' kinda dreams, he's always dreaming about Nate."
"You never called him out on it?" Sam asked.
Kensi shook her head and started walking towards the two men who were still kissing on the sand.
"He's my partner, I've got his back."
Nate and Deeks broke for air and smiled, "I think your kissing is better, Dental surgery worked for you." Nate laughed.
Deeks smiled and then stopped as he saw the team walking towards him.
Both men stood up, and Deeks stood protectively in front of Nate.
"I'm not going to apologize," He said confrontationally.
"I should hope not, that was H.O.T!" Kensi grinned.
"Fern?" Deeks laughed with relief, "Really?!"
"What I've shared a bed with you when you've dreamt about Nate, that told me all I needed to know." She smiled; She kissed Deeks on the cheek, "Congratulations partner." She said meaning every word of it.
Deeks turned to the others, "Callen, Sam…if you're not ok with this, tell me now and I'll resign, but I won't leave him. I love him." Deeks grabbed Nate's hand and held on tightly.
Sam and Callen looked at each other and Callen smirked, "We're ok with it…on one condition."
"What?" Deeks asked still on the defensive.
"We don't have to kiss Nate every time we have psych Evals." Callen said.
Deeks laughed, "Nope, it will never happen." He looked into Nate's eyes.
"Are you truly happy?" Sam asked still trying to get his head around it.
"Now Nate's home. I really am Sam…" he looked Sam straight on so he would understand his next statement, "He's my Michelle." He told him.
Sam pulled Deeks into a hug, "Then you keep him safe and keep him close and he'll always bring you home." He said quietly into his ear.
"Thanks man, I will." Deeks said as they pulled apart, Deeks wincing as Sam had crushed something in him…again.
"So…." Callen said as the group walked up the beach, Nate walking with his arm around Deeks' waist.
"You two planning on getting married?" he asked.
Nate stopped and looked at Deeks and smiled, "Maybe someday." He promised.
Deeks squeezed his hand and looked him back in the eye, "Maybe someday." He reiterated like a long held vow.
Sam nudged Callen and they walked on looping arm in arm with Kensi and the group headed to the café at the edge of the beach for lunch, ready for the healing to begin.