You're My Tear


Hoseok finally had what he wanted. BTS was killing it on the charts, they got to relax and live in the moment; and he finally had her. The love of his life. It wasn't easy to keep their love hidden from Army, but everyone aside from the fandom loved the love they shared. Their brother was finally happy and they gained a new sister. Then it happened. The light of his life was killed in a way that no one would have ever expected. The carefree, happy and joyful Hoseok that everyone loved and knew, died that night along with her. Six months later, it was come back time. Only Hoseok was there, but he wasn't. Her death negatively impacted his life and soon, army knew that something was wrong with the one they admired. Then he met her. The therapist that his company hired. Cold Hoseok wanted nothing to do with her. Ciara had nothing to lose. She needed to fix him. He was broken and it was her job. Only she didn't expect to blur the line between patient and doctor the way they had. Will she ever fix his broken heart or will he end up fixing her? It's a funny thing about fate. They bring two people together when they least expect it. -NSFW -SMUT -TRIGGERING SUBJECTS

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“Hoseok, you’ve got to calm down. I’ll get someone on the phone.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down! She’s my fiance!”

“Oh my God,” Jungkook’s voice cracked as he turn on the tv.

Flight 001 crashed after takeoff. No survivors.

Hoseoks knees buckled as he sobbed out her name. Everyone around them was crying and trying to figure out exactly what had happened.

“No,” He said as he pulled out his phone, dialing the number of his one and only. “She didn’t get on the plane. I know she didn’t.”

Her phone went to voicemail immediately.

“COME ON!!!” He yelled with so much heartbreak, the others could only stand a side and sob to themselves quietly. “Baby answer me,” he said as he cried while redialing her number. “Baby, oh my god.”

“Hyung,” Taehyung said as he grabbed the older and pointed to the tv. There it was. The heartbreaking proof that she was gone. On the screen showed photographs of all the ones that perished in the crash.

She was first.

The scream that came out of Hoseok was almost inhuman. The way he collapsed on top of Taehyung and cried, would always haunt everyone in the room. The others crowded around him and hugged him for hours until he finally had no tears left.

Taehyung slowly stood up and walked over to his manager, who was also crying silently in the corner.

“We need to call his family. And hers.” Taehyung couldn’t even say her name without his throat closing up. “I-“.

Sejin wrapped his arms around the boy he considered his son. “I know, Taehyung. I know.”

As you can see, this story is not like my others. It’s a lot heavier and more emotional than anything I have ever written. This story was inspired by an AU BTS video on tiktok where Hoseok finally got together with theone he loved and then tragedy struck. I’ll credit the tiktok user when I come across their name again. If you have seen the video, please comment here.

I currently have three chapters written and will post them in the next few days.


Some things mentioned will possibly trigger someone, so here is what will be talked about in this story.

Drug Use
Smut (18+)

This story is NSFW so please read at your discretion. I’ll state at the beginning of each chapter if there is a triggering subject.

Please enjoy.

Why do I have to be strong?

Chapter One

Six months later

The times that Hoseok was happy, were few and in between. For months after Mina’s death, he was a shell. Sure, he was there, but his mind was not. His dancing didn’t suffer nor his music; the pain that he felt was being poured into both, heart and soul; each ounce.

He thought the funeral would be the hard part.

It wasn’t.

It was the waking up in the morning alone. The bed cold where she slept and her clothes hanging in their shared closet. Her shoes still sitting by the front door and her makeup scattered on the bathroom counter; the late nights of no kisses, talks or making love. Even the mornings where she would burn Hoseoks breakfast, but then turn right around and give him her perfect plate of food and devour the hard crispy bacon and scorched rice so he wouldn’t have to eat it.

He missed her smell.

The winter candy apple scent from a store front in the United States was her favorite. It was only available at winter time so he made sure he bought as many bottles he could online for her to last the entire year. Every day, Hoseok would spray a little on his shirt and inhale, hoping it would at least heal some of the hurt.

It only made it worse.

She would accompany him everywhere. Dance practice, the studio, scheduled trips. Even though he barely got one on one time with her when they were on tour, they made it count. Sweet texts, phone calls and the occasional sexy video chat. He even missed the way when he would walk into the dance studio and see the way that she got along with his brothers. They loved her. She loved them. Hoseok knew that besides him, Taehyung was her favorite. They were born the same exact day and year. The joke was that Taehyung prepared Hoseok to find the girl version of himself because the bond between the hyung and dongsaeng was so strong.

His favorite part was seeing Mina put Jungkook in his place. She took the mother and sister roll seriously and would stay on Kookies case worse than his own mother did. He respected her. All of them did.

Mina was not only the light of Hoseoks life, but the light of Bangtan, too. The whole company felt empty without her. Sometimes when the boys were busy doing interviews or promoting some new brand, she would be with Bang or Sejin. Going to lunch, helping them schedule trips or working on new outfit ideas.

No one spoke of her. Not directly to Hoseok anyway. Each day after the resumed practice, the others noticed that he was working himself to death. Pushing himself harder and harder with no breaks in between. Many times Hoseok was told to take it easy, but he dismissed it.

“I need to distract myself. Just let me be,” he would tell whoever begged him to slow down.

Six months and a new comeback on the horizon, everyone new that it was time to do something. His parents and his sister begged him to take off, but then he just stopped answering their calls and texts.


Answer me.

Stoping doing this to yourself.

Mina would be devastated if she could see you right now.


Don’t talk about her, JiWoo.

If anyone’s devastated, it’s me.

Leave me alone.

*message could not be delivered*

It was time for Hoseok to face reality. Mina was dead. She would never come back. He needed to get his act together or he was out of Bangtan.

Bang paced around his office while he and the other six members waited for Hoseok to arrive. Namjoon glanced at Jin who shrugged. No one knew where he was. All he said during the group chat was, ‘k.’.

Finally the door opened and in walked Hoseok. He was pale and thin. The over working he was doing was finally killing him. His dark brown hair lost its shine, the dark circles under his eyes made them seem that they were sunken in and his dark brown eyes lacked the sparkle they once had.

This was enough. Just seeing how he entered the room was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Bang slammed his hand on the table and made them all jump. Hoseok however, was unfazed as he looked down at the table. Bang didn’t want to do this. He didnt want to seem unsympathetic or callous to the fact that Hoseok was hurting, but seeing him this way called for drastic measures. He wasn’t just killing the band and hurting ARMY; he was destroying himself.

“Hoseok, this shit has got to stop,” Bang said as he looked at him with heavy eyes. Hoseok slowly met his gaze and crossed his arms. They’ve never been yelled at that way before, let alone him. Hoseok had no fight left in him to respond so he sat quiet, listening to his adopted father.

“Look at yourself,” Bang shouted. “When was the last time you ate?”


“Hoseok. What are you doing? You’ve lost over twenty pounds and that’s from overworking yourself. Are you trying to die too?”

Still silence.

The rest of Bangtan looked on with tears in their eyes. They couldn’t take this, but they knew that something drastic would have to happen before Hoseok could get back to normal.

Bang sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t want to have to do this, but you’re leaving me no choice, Hoseok. You’re out of the band.”

That got his attention. Hoseok felt his heart start to race and his blood pressure rise. His chest started feeling heavy and he couldn’t catch his breath.

“No,” he managed to finally say while gasping for air. “No! You can’t take this from me!” He stood up and staggered, having to grip onto the table for support. “No. No. No.” He pleaded; tears already falling from his eyes.

“Hyung,” Jimin said as he rose from his seat. “We don’t want to lose you. You can’t go on like this.” Jimins heart was breaking at those words. He didn’t want Hoseok to go, but this was probably the only way to get him to change.

“This is all I have left,” he sobbed, trying to take everything in. “Pleae, dont take this from me. Without Mina I already have lost everything. Please dont take this away.”

Yoongi got up from his chair and stalked to Hoseok, pulling his body into a bone crushing hug. “You need help, Hope-ah. This isn’t healthy. We don’t want to lose you, too.”

Yoongi was a stone wall. Cold and always collected when things happened, but watching his best friend slowly die was the one thing he couldn’t stand to watch. The tears flowed out of Yoongi’s eyes and he gripped Hoseok tighter. The hug alone made Hoseok break out into louder sobs. “You’ve got to get help, Hoseok. We don’t know how to help you if you won’t let us.”

Hoseok nodded as he let go of Yoongi and took his seat. The tears were still flowing as he looked around at all the people that loved him. He knew they wanted the best for him and damn it, he’d try anything. They were right. He needed help. He needed to change. He needed something.

Sejin stood in the corner and nodded to Bang, who picked up a laptop and slid it to Hoseok.

“Open it,” he said squeezing Hoseoks shoulders. “Press play.”

Hoseok did exactly as he was told and when the video played, his voice got caught in his throat.

Her voice. After all these months, he heard her voice.

The video showed Hoseok dancing and laughing with Taehyung and Jimin. Jungkook was goofing off in the corner, playing with some bunny ears and hopping around like he was delivering eggs with a small basket in his hand. Jin was sleeping with Yoongi on the massage chairs as Mina moved the camera around before handing it to Namjoon.

“Are you sure you want to marry into this family,” Namjoon laughed as he pointed the camera back to the chaos in front of them. “Look at Jungkook for one.”

Mina’s beautiful laugh sounded like bells to Hoseoks ears as she smiled lovingly into the camera. “I’ll do anything for Hoseok. Even deal with all of this,” she laughed again.

“Show Army the ring,” Namjoon zoomed in on it as she brought her fingers to the camera. “I know it'll be a while before the announcement is made, but let’s see it!”

The large emerald twinkled against the light. The small diamonds situated on the rose gold band sent small rainbow reflections against her skin.

“He chose the emerald because green is his favorite color. The color of hope. He’s mine and I’m his. This ring gives me hope that one day we’ll be married, living comfortably on the countryside somewhere, with two children and our dogs. And one day when I’m not around, he’ll look back on this ring and know that we’ll see eachother again.”

Namjoon moved the camera back up to her face. “Say something to put in your wedding video. I’ll keep it a secret for now,” he smiled.

Mina laughed and looked of into the distance at her loving fiance. “Hobi,” her angelic voice while smiling. “I love you,” she looked back into the camera. “You were my first love. My first everything. I’ll never forget the time you gave me your icecream cone after you were craving it and then I dropped me. Here you were being my hero. That moment alone was when I knew, I couldnt be without you. You’re an amazing man, an amazing friend, and I’m so happy that in just three months, we’ll be in Italy, saying out vows for our friends and family. I dont know how much time we have left with each other, but know this. Every minute I was with you meant more to me than ever. And by some chance I leave you when we’re wrinkly and grey, I’ll still picture this. This moment. I love you more than I did yesterday, today and less than tomorrow. And Hobi, if one day you find that all hope is lost, it’s not. Things broken will heal. Okay, now you’re walking towards me with a suspicious look,” she said as she was grabbed and squeezed into his arms.

“Namjoonah, are you stealing my girl,” he laughed.

“No,” he said as he turned the camera to them both, capturing the sweet innocent his Hoseok placed on her lips. “Just documenting this moment when everyone I love is happy and healthy in the same room.”

The video ended and Hoseok sat there, crying his eyes out. He had to fix himself. He had to get better. If he couldnt do it for himself, he would do it for them.

For her.

Continue Reading Next Chapter
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