Not all hope is lost.
Hoseok sat sandwiched between the 95 line, looking up at the night sky. It had been three days since the ultimatum and in that time, they forced him to stay with them; all together, back at the dorm for the first time in two years. They were all taking a break now. They didn’t want to push Hoseok anymore than he’s already pushed himself, so now, the come back they were so excited for was going to be three weeks later.
Jimin laid his head on his hyungs shoulder and sighed. “We haven’t done this in a long time.”
Taehyung agreed while sitting up to grab his wine glass, then laying back against Hoseoks other shoulder. “This is nice. You okay Hobi hyung?”
Hoseok looked up at the stars again, counting twenty of them before he responded. “No. I’m not okay.”
Memories of Mina flooded his mind again. Even the simplest of things triggered a memory that was locked away tight. He didn’t need it. He didn’t want to hurt again. But he welcomed the hurt in the end. It made Mina seem real.
“Hoseok its beautiful!” Mina said while hugging him tightly. “I doubt this night could get any better.”
Hoseoks eyes darted to her lips and then back to her eyes. If only, he thought. He wanted to kiss her so bad. They’ve been dating for three weeks and the most they had done was hug and hold hands. She thought he was being respectful, but he was really just too nervous to make a move.
The moonlight and stars cast a beautiful light on her skin giving her the most angelic glow. Hoseok was lost in her beauty; slowly placing his hands on her waist and tugging her closer. “Mina, I-”
Mina smiled and stood on her tiptoes, surprising him as she pecked his nose. “Please kiss me, Hobi.”
And he did.
Their lips lightly connected for the first time and it took their breath away. The kiss wasn’t rushed, it wasn’t too heated, it was perfect. A kiss under the stars was textbook romance; cliche in every form, but that was their thing. They were always cheesy and they never would have changed. He was falling in love with her. His head was fuzzy every time he laid eyes on her and in that moment when they disconnected their kiss, he knew that she was the one.
He was never going to let her go.
That memory alone left Hoseok silently crying as two of his six closest friends held him in their arms. Taehyung and Jimin squeezed him tight as he finally let the memory rip through him like a tidal wave.
“Hobi hyung,” Jimin said as he wiped his own tears from his eyes. “I love you.”
Hoseok vocally sobbed and nodded his head. He loved them too, all of them. But he was just too heartbroken to let anything else in.
“Me, too, Hyung,” Taehyung added while kissing the side of his head. “We’ll be here for you every step on the way.”
“I just miss her so bad,” he said while the tears fell. “Even the littlest things trigger some sort of memory. Being here on this rooftop, it’s where we shared out first kiss. The dorms are where we said I love you for the first time. Our bed, my apartment, hell, even these clothes bring back memories. Mina is everywhere except beside me.”
Taehyung looked at the older with sad eyes. He missed Mina, too. She was his best friend. His second soulmate in the world. You couldn’t picture Taehyung without Jimin and Mina; You couldn’t picture Mina without Hoseok and Taehyung.
“Hyung, she’s in your heart. Dont you feel it? I do.”
Hoseok looked at his friend and sighed. “Of course, I do. But she’s not here.”
Taehyung grabbed his hyungs hand. “Remember when my grandmother died? I had all of you to talk to about it and I thought I was healing. I wasn’t. Manager-nim suggested a therapist and at first-”
“I don’t need a therapist, Taehyung.”
“Just listen to him, Hobi hyung,” Jimin spoke up. “You need to talk to someone!”
“No I don’t!” Hoseok brushed their hands off of him and stood up. He began to pace the roof, not saying anything; just lost in thought. After a few moments he stopped and turned back to him. “I’m fine. If I need to talk to anyone, I have you two. I have the four inside who are scared to even breathe around me. I dont need a stranger to talk to.”
“You do,” Taehyung stood up and crossed his arms. “The doctor I used was very nice. He never pushed me to talk. For at least a week, I sat there and said nothing. Then one day, I did. It took a while, but I healed.”
“She was your grandmother Taehyung. You don’t know what I’m going through.”
“But I loved her just the same! It may have been a different type of love, but I loved her just as much as you loved Mina. Hoseok, you need help.”
Jimin nodded in agreement. “Its okay to have someone other than us, Hoseokie. Taehyung is not saying that this will keep you from feeling the void Mina left, but it’ll make it bareable.”
Hoseok turned around and walked toward the railing, gripping the cold metal in his hands. Would he be able to bare telling a complete stranger every weakness, every doubt, every pain he’s had for the last half year? He shook his head. He didn’t even know. How would he even ask for a therapist?
“I’ll call Mangaer-nim and see if he still has the number of the doctor I used,” Taehyung said while wrapping Hoseok in a back hug. “Its going to be okay, Hobi.”
“Is it,” he said in return. He felt defeated and weak. Sure, these last three days were a tiny bit better, but would it ever be more than this? “Is everything going to be okay again?”
Jimin joined the hug, laying his head against Hoseoks. “It may take time, but it’ll get better. We promise.”
Once the two youngers finally released him, they made their way back into their dorm. Taehyung and Jimin hurried to the living room and called their manager while Hoseok made his way back to his new room.
He brought nothing from his apartment other than a few items of clothes and Mina’s promise ring he had on a silver chain under his shirt. He fell back on the bed, fingers instantly gripping onto the small silver band. He brought it up to his lips and kissed it, closing his eyes and letting the overwhelming guilt from their last conversation take over.
“Hoseok, I’ve got to do this. It’s only going to be for a month. You cant expect me to give up my dreams just so you can make me a house wife while you chase yours.”
“I never said that, Mina! All I said was that maybe you should wait until after we’re married before you go off to Australia.”
"I’m doing this Hoseok. This is my future we’re talking about.”
“What about us, huh? I thought we made decisions together. You leaving effects me too! What about our future? Our plans?”
“If you don’t let me get on that plane tomorrow, I will never forgive you.”
“Mina, please. Don’t go.”
He never got to apologize. He was wrong, so wrong. Hoseok curled up on his side, gripping the necklace even harder. “Damn it, Mina,” he called out as a single tear ran across his cheek. “I miss you so fucking much.”
The others could hear the sobs from the living room. Their call with Sejin was quick after they got the files from Bang. Tomorrow the new therapist will be at the company bright an early. Mina’s death effected everyone and has a suggestion from Bang, all members will be having sessions too.
“Seeing him like this kills me,” Yoongi said as he placed his head in his hands. “I don’t know what to do.”
Namjoon reached across the table and squeezed Yoongi’s knee as a sign of comfort. “I know, hyung. Me too.”
“Have any of you called Jiwoo Noona,” Jungkook questioned while laying his head on Taehyungs lap. “I wonder if she’ll be of help.”
“Kookie, he doesnt talk to her, but I’ll see what I can do,” Jin said while half smiling. “Let’s all go to bed and tomorrow, we’ll get the ball rolling.”
Ciara Weston knew all to well the signs of heart breaking grief. At just the age of twenty eight, she’d been through it all. Instead of letting her tragedies impact her life, she got better. Used her experiences for the good of helping others. She loved her job. She loved helping ones that lost hope find it again.
She was a good listener and although her experiences were different, she understood the others. She gave them steps to steer away from self harm, drinking and other bad habits you get from being grief stricken. She was highly recommended and respected in the community, so when she got a late night call from her boss, she wasnt surprised at all to take on seven clients at once.
“Seven, wow,” Ciara said while sitting up in bed. “Who are they?”
“You’ll get all that information tomorrow when you arrive. I know the case and I’m sure you can be of help. I can’t give you the names until you sign the paperwork with them, but it’s sad.”
“Let me guess. Widow or Widowerer having a hard time?” That she knew all too well. Before her mind could slip into that dark place, her boss spoke up, bringing her back to the present.
“Something like that, Ciara. It’s a touchy case. I’m not sure you’ll get anything out of one of them.”
“I’ll get somewhere, trust me,” she sighed. “I know it. I’ve been through it. I guess it’s time to use the exact techniques about losing my spouse. I won’t let you down.”
“That’s what I like to hear. Get you some rest and call me tomorrow after your first session. Goodnight Ciara.”
“Good night, Doctor Lin.”
Ciara laid back on her pillow, grasping the chain around her neck that held her husbands ring. She brought it to her lips and kissed it, saying goodnight to the one she loved most.
“I miss you so much, Jasper.”
She brought the comforter close to her chin as tears slowly fell down her face. Even the strongest of people have breaking points and Jasper was hers.
“Not all hope is lost,” she said while wiping her tears. “Tomorrow is a new day. A new day for healing and finding myself again.”
Just across town, a heartbroken man was repeating those same words, too.