You're My Tear

-nine-

When you call me, I bloom for you... This is the way it is, how the universe works. You know, I know. You are me, I am you.

Chapter Nine

“Hobi Hyung.....I’m gay.”

The words that fell out of the youngers mouth, stunned the older. Hoseok stared back at the boy, the boy that he and the others raised. Jungkook was a young teen when they were all thrown together, living in a 1 bedroom dorm to begin working towards their dream. Jungkook missed his parents and when he couldn’t be near them, the other six took their place. They were always so proud of him. Jungkook was the type of person who never knew how to express himself. When he did, he was emotional; whether it be from crying, his anger or from happiness, the boy had a hard time letting out what he was trying to say. For him to completely allow himself to admit something like this, Hoseok was so incredibly proud of him.

“Jungkook-ah,” Hoseok whispered then pulled him into a bone crushing hug. The younger started to cry harder now, letting all the emotions he kept inside out. He finally made the first step in accepting who he was.

“I’m sorry, hyungie,” Jungkook sniffed as Hoseok rubbed his back.

“Koo, why are you sorry,” Hoseok grabbed his face. “This is your life. Don’t be ashamed or afraid.”

Jungkook nodded his head. “I’m not ashamed. I’m proud of who I am.”

Hoseok hugged the younger. “I’m so proud of you, Jungkook. How long have you known?”

Jungkook pulled away and sighed. He had known that he was different for a long time. Around the age of fourteen, he had struggled with his identity and being that being gay in Korea was still considered taboo, he pushed it down. Hoping and praying that he could be ‘cured’. He loved women. He thought that all women were strong, beautiful and magnificent creatures. He even experimented a few times with women during his breaks away from Bangtan, but he never felt that zing. Every kiss, touch or caress from a woman never made his heart flutter or his stomach fill with butterflies.

“I guess I’ve always known,” he slightly smiled. “I just didn’t know how to really label it. Doctor Weston asked me a few questions and then by the end of our session, I knew. I one hundred percent knew that the reason I felt this way wasn’t because I was with the wrong girl....she made me dig deep inside myself, hyung. Things I never thought about, she helped me solidify.”

“I’m glad you can be yourself, Koo,” Hoseok said as he ruffled his hair. “Are you...going to tell the others?”

“Yeah. I’ll tell them while we’re in Japan. Maybe when we take our break for a few days.” Jungkook laid back on Hoseoks bed, throwing his arm over his face in a buff. “Do you think they’ll think any different of me?”

“Of course they won’t. They love you, Jungkook.” Hoseok laid down beside him, neither one talking. They sat in the silence and welcomed it. The air was lighter. Jungkook was finally free from the struggle within himself. If only Hoseok could be that way.

“You know, Koo,” the older began to say as he turned his body to the maknae. “Mina would be so proud of you.”

The younger smiled his signature bunny smile and turned to his side. “Really, hyung?”

Hoseok nodded. “She was much like Namjoon in a way. She was always going on and on about being your true self and loving yourself. She was also apart of the Seoul LGBTQ+ community as an ally and a friend. She went to many protests and talks regarding gay rights and trying to legalize gay marriage here.”

“Noona was special hyung. Thank you for letting me love her.”

Hoseok smiled. Mina was special. She was everything he never thought he could be.

“Thank you for loving her,” Hoseok breathed as he closed his eyes. “Thank you for sharing with me something so personal and life changing.”

Jungkook smiled and nodded his head. It felt like the huge weight on his shoulders got a little lighter.

“So.......,” Hoseok said while wiggling his brows. “Got your eye on someone?”

Jungkook’s mouth fell open and cheeks started to turn red. He looked like a fish gasping for air; Hoseok belly laughing at the maknae’s expression.

“Hyung,” he said while finally getting himself together. “Stoooooop.”

The truth was, Jungkook did have his eyes on someone. Someone that they all know and love.

-

Ciara slept soundly that night. No nightmares or dreams about Jasper, just a complete deep slumber where she would probably be considered clinically dead. She finally resurfaced at 5 AM for a shower and a quick cup of coffee. She decided to wear black skinny Jean’s, her black checkered Van’s, White buttoned up shirt that was casually tucked in the front of her pants, and throw her hair in a low bun. She made quick work of her makeup, opting for a natural look and then when she was finished, she rolled her suitcase into the living room and laid back into the lounge chair.

“Finally a minute to relax,” Ciara mumbled to herself, but her relaxation was short lived. Thirty seconds after the words escaped her mouth, her doorbell rang.

“Uhhhh,” she groaned while looking at her watch. “It’s only 5:45. They’re not supposed to be here until 6:30.”

She rolled her shoulders then stood up, slowly walking to the door. When she opened it up, she was greeted by Sejin.

“I’m sorry we’re early,” he bowed slightly. “We didn’t know how long it would take to find your home.”

Ciara bowed back while chuckling. “It’s fine. Really. Are the others with you?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “All seven boys and they’re all cranky. Something about not being able to eat a decent breakfast.”

“I have some muffins and coffee left. You’re all more than welcome to have some. That might help boost everyone’s spirits.”

Sejin relaxed his shoulders and smiled. “You truly are an angel, Ciara.” He pulled out his phone and made a call. Soon enough all seven guys and their manager were seated at Ciara’s dining table, munching on banana nut muffins and some cinnamon rolls she made the morning before. She handed each one a cup of coffee, getting a lazy smile and bow in return. When she handed a cup to Taehyung, he eyed it and then took a sip, trying to hide the grimace on his face.

“Do you not like it,” Ciara asked nervously.

“I’m not a huge coffee drinker. I’m sorry, Doctor Weston. I don’t mean to be rude.” He bowed his head and took a deep breath. “Thank you for this. Really.”

“Hold on,” she said while skipping off to the kitchen. She grabbed a canister from the pantry and filled her small tea pot with water. Once the water was boiling, she poured it over the tea bag and then squirted a little bit of lemon and honey on top. Once it cooled to the perfect temperature, she headed back into the dining room and slid the tea cup in front of him.

“Chamomile Tea with a little bit of honey and lemon. It’s good for your throat and it’s known to relax your body and mind.” Ciara smiled. “Enjoy, Taehyung.”

“Thank you, Doctor Weston. You didn’t have to go through the extra trouble just for me.”

“Relax, Taehyung. You’re all a guest in my home. I like to keep my guests happy. And please,” she smiled again while patting his shoulder, “Call me Ciara. We’re not in office hours.”

He smiled back at her with big eyes and nodded. “Thank you...Ciara Noona.”

Once everyone was done their impromptu breakfast, they all sat around in her living room, relaxing before they had to go back on the road.

“You’re home is beautiful,” Namjoon said while taking in the decor. “I’ve never seen so much open space.”

“My husband and I planned this house out very thoroughly,” Ciara smiled. “We build this as our forever home, so of course it had to be perfect.”

Ciara’s chest tightened from mentioning Jasper, but she pushed it away. She had to. Sure, she would have to talk more about him eventually, but she didn’t want to ruin the mood. But life has other plans.

“Is this your husband, Noona,” Jimin said while picking up their wedding photo. Ciara’s began to water. No, don’t cry. It’s okay, she told herself. It’s going to be okay.

“Y-yes,” Ciara breathed and moved her eyes to Hoseok. He was quiet, but the look on his face matched hers. They were the same in so many ways. He knew her hurt and she knew his.

“He’s very handsome,” Jimin stated while putting the picture down. “Is he here? I’d like to meet him.”

Namjoon and Seokjin looked at one another; both having a silent conversation with the other. They knew immediately that their suspicions were correct when Ciara wiped a stray tear from her cheek. Sejin muttered to Jimin to put the picture down as she placed her head in her hands.

“Ciara-ssi,” Yoongi said while staring at her. “Are you okay?”

Ciara stood up and walked to the middle of the living room, coming to rest next to where Hoseok was sitting.

“The truth is, is you can’t meet my husband.”

“Is he on a trip,” Jimin said while glancing around. “I don’t understand.”

“Seven months ago, Jasper and I woke up like every morning. We cuddled in bed, ate breakfast, got his things ready for the work day. Only he wasn’t going to the office. He was going to the airport. He-” Ciara took a deep breath and tried to shake the tears away. Hoseok stood next to her and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Breathe,” he whispered. “Just like you told me.”

Ciara nodded then turned back to the others. “He died on flight 001.”

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