Phoenix' transformation

Remembering is not easy

First of all, I would like to apologise to all my readers for not updating regularly. I was not in the opportunity to write at all in last month, but I am giving you my word that updates from now on will be either every week or every other week.

Also, I owe big thanks to all of you who subscribed and reviewed!

Enjoy the chapter :)

Regina gasped as her memory was suddenly restored, the force of the magic making regal woman loosing her strenght for a minute as she sat down next to the blonde.

'This was supposed to be my happy ending, he said I would destroy Snow here- once and for all! That deceiving, little scum...'.

Her thoughts drifted away as she remembered her current position, as she once again became aware of the hand she was holding; she gasped out loud, quickly got up and dropped Emma's hand as if it burned. She sensed her magic coming back, the familiar tingling in her fingers once again warmed her hands and the pleasurable shiver ran down her spine. She turned around and looked herself in the mirror, her eyes were purple and her skin glowed- her magic was back. After few moments, her eyes went back to her dark colour and her skin lost its unnatural glow, announcing that the change is complete, that magic once again was running down every fibber of the body. She then looked back at Emma, at young woman she fell in love with, while she was supposed to be on her path of vengeance. This made no sense at all, nothing of her new conjoined memory made sense; whatever she thought she knew before the curse, whatever she thought she learnt after the curse, nothing made sense at the moment.

Shaking her head, she decided to go after Rumple, but as she moved towards the door strong feeling that she had to protect the blonde ran down her body and she once again found herself moving towards her. she took Emma's hand and kissed it

''I'll be back, I promise'' she then waved over Emma's body putting protective spell over her body.

Regina walked out of the hospital room expecting to be cornered by outraged mass, so she formed the fireball on the palm of her hand, but as she walked out of the room, nothing was out of the order.

''Dr. Mills'' one of the nurse gave the curt nod as she passed by. The curse was intact but her memory was back and that made no sense at all in Regina's book.She slammed the door of her car and raced down the street towards Gold's shop. She walked in there in her famous and glorious anger displayed for the world, or better yet, for Gold to see.

''Dr. Mills, what a surprise!'' said Gold in his glee

''Rumple!'' Regina roared ''What is the meaning of this?! What the hell happened?! You said revenge would be mine, you said it could not fail!'' yelled Regina

''I thought that would be the case.'' Gold said walking around his counter ''But you failed me.'' he paused coming to stand in front of her ''You are not what I thought you were, your love towards Daniel obviously wasn't strong enough.'' he tsked

''I loved him!'' she exclaimed but as she heard her own words, she quickly said ''I do. I do love him.''

Rumple laughed out loud ''Yes, yes. You loved him, right?'' he questioned but continued before Regina could reply ''You quickly forgot about him, jumping on the blonde- the real mother of your child.''

''I'm his real mother, he's mine!'' she spat, rage inside her heart was in flame once again.

''There it is- our old and beautiful Evil Queen!'' he exclaimed

''I...I was always here, Rumple. I just couldn't remember it!'' Regina growled

''Well, you knew that would happen, I told you it will.'' he said ''What I didn't know was that you aren't what I thought you were. Little disappointing.'' he tsked

''Disapointing?! How was I supposed to know this will happen, you created the curse!'' yelled Regina ''I demand explanation! Why did my memory came back now?!''

''Well, dear'' Rumple said with sick joy evident on his face '' True loves kiss, of course.''

''Snow and James!'' she gasped

''No, no,dearie'' he jumped a bit, once again looking like old himself and not as Gold this world known ''Your true love, dearie.'' he said in sing song voice

''What?!'' Regina gasped, her face suddenly bleached ''That can't be, Daniel was...no, no.''

''But yes, my dear, yes. Our dear Emma is your true love. Your sudden memory is evidence of that. Your curse is crumbling down, your Majesty.'' he said with faked bow

''No! It can't break, I can finally finish off Snow and that idiot!'' Regina said

''I guess that the durance of the curse depends solely on you.'' Rumple said ''If you want to break it, then you have to kiss our dear deputy again.''

''Why didn't curse break?'' asked Regina

''You didn't know who you are.'' responded Rumple simply ''You kissed her after finding who she was, that means that you love her despite the lies she has told you. But for a true loves kiss, you need to know who you are- so after that kiss, you remembered.''

''If I kiss her again I'll break the curse?!'' asked Regina

''That would be correct your Majesty.'' Rumple said with glee

''Then I guess, the romance is over.'' muttered Regina

Regina went home after her visit to Rumple, her head full of thoughts, mixed emotions and mixed memory. She sighed as she closed the front door behind her, she moved towards the kitchen only to almost be thrown down from the impact that 10 year old boy made as he jumped into her hug.

''Henry, baby.'' she breathed embracing her son

''Is Emma okay, mom?'' he asked

''She's stable, honey.''she said ''But she's very sick.''

''Mom, you fix hearts, you'll fix her heart as well- right?'' he pleaded with eyes full of tears

''I'll do my best Henry, I promise you that.'' Regina said as she embraced him again

Regina turned around in her bed for nth time in last hour, it was painfully obvious that she won't get a minute of sleep. She grudgingly got up and marched down the stairs, quietly of course-not to wake Henry. Regina made herself a cup of warm milk and sat down in the living room, trying to make sense out of her thoughts, out of ruins she once called her mind.

Once again, the reality from which she was hidden for 28 years came kicking her in the face. She was a mere puppet for her mother and Rumple, man she once considered her true love was gone because of stupid little girl and the curse failed big time. Her curse, the one that should made her happy was failing, its purpose wasn't fulfilled in 28 years of its duration. Rumple was right, she disappointed both him and herself; she didn't have in her.

'I'm not evil in heart' Regina thought as ironic chuckle escaped her lips. Her cheeks were wet with tears, her sobs grew louder by second. She did all of this for revenge, for a man who wasn't her true, but her first love. They took advantage of her anger, of her pain, of her desperation. She cried even louder, putting her head in her hands as her body shook with sorrow.

But in that dark moment, maybe one of the darkest moments she had in life; two hands found their way around her waist and small head rested against her back. Henry kneeled behind his mom, holding her tight. She placed her hands over his and felt loved again, it hit her violently- she was loved again, she loved again, she loved Henry and Emma. They were her happiness, and ultimately that's what she wanted.

''Hey baby, did I wake you?'' she asked

''No, mom. I wasn't sleeping and then I heard you coming down here.'' he said ''Then I heard you cry and I didn't want you to be alone.''

''Come here'' said Regina quietly and Henry made himself comfortable against his mom's chest as she lied back against cushions caressing his hair.

''You love Emma?'' he asked

''I do.'' she answered ''But Henry, I remembered.''

''You remembered what?'' he asked lifting his head to look her in the eyes

''I was a terrible person Henry, I hurt people, so much.'' she cried again

''I love you mom.'' he said hugging her once again

''You won't if you find out what I did.'' she said quietly

''Mom, Emma and I talked about stuff.'' he started ''She said how she did wrong in her life too, but that she didn't know better at the time.''he paused ''I think that when person tries to be better, we have to give her a chance.''

''Oh Henry'' sighed Regina ''I know how will others react.'' she started ''I just want you to know that no matter what mistakes I did before, I will always love you and that I would never hurt you. Ever.''

''I know, mom.'' he murmured ''I love you, mom.''

Emma slowly came to her senses, she heard beeping of devices around her head and noise in background, which confirmed that she's in the hospital. She opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to light she noticed hospital window and nurses hurrying down the corridor doing their job. She groaned a bit and stirred, noticing for the first time weight around her middle; she looked down and saw Regina sitting in hospital chair next to her with her upper body sprawled over her stomach and hips. Before she could stop herself, she reached towards Regina and stoked her face and hair.

''Mmm, Emma...'' Regina breathed, making Emma smile

''I'm here baby.'' Emma whispered, but it was enough to make regal woman open her eyes and sat up suddenly

''You're up'' she breathed ''How are you feeling?''

''I'm okay now.'' whispered Emma

''Do you have any idea how scared I was?''Regina asked ''I thought you wouldn't make it.'' her eyes full of tears.

''I'm fine, I was just stupid a bit.'' said Emma

''A lot.'' retored Regina

''A lot.'' confirmed Emma

''Why didn't you take your pills?'' Regina questioned

''I didn't see a reason to do so.'' Emma started and when Regina wanted to respond, she just held her hand up and continued ''I came here to meet Henry, to talk to him and then went to some rat hole and die. But I stayed, I found a person I spent my life searching for and fell in love with her. On top of that, I was spending my time with the child I longed to meet since I gave birth to him. I found peace I wanted since I can remember. I was actually happy for the first time in my life and it was beautiful. But then,''she paused taking a deep breath forcing tears not to fall ''Then I realised, that I'll lose it all. That's why you found me on the floor drunk as hell. I felt as shit for lying to you and Henry, I meant to tell you before but you didn't want to know; and for a moment I felt at ease because I knew if I didn't tell you, I'd be happy for a month or two then I'd die and I wouldn't have to see you brokenhearted. It was the easiest way out, but I couldn't do it. So I've told you everything and you'd needed time to reconsider situation.'' Emma once again paused and Regina squeezed her hand in support ''Then it hit me, like some sort of holy epiphany, that you didn't need me, you were successful woman- a doctor, good mother and prominent citizen. You didn't need me- a woman with too much unwanted history, a woman who couldn't offer you anything except bruised heart. So I, once again, found myself in that dark place of my mind and decided to let go.''

''You're a bloody idiot.'' sniffed Regina ''I'm in love with you, you, you...jackass. How could you do that to me? To yourself?'' she asked with tears streaming down her cheeks ''Your heart'' she paused crying out a little ''means more then any kind of material thing. To think you could love someone like me...that means world to me. It gives me hope I've lost so long ago.''

''Someone like you?'' Emma questioned ''Honey, you're perfect to me.''

''No, no I'm not. I'm a monster.'' she cried harder as Emma brought her into a hug

''You're not a monster.'' whispered Emma

''I...I..'' sobbed Regina, but as she caught her breath and rested her chin against Emma's shoulder ''I remembered everything, Emma, I'm a monster.''she paused sobbing again ''Worst kind of a person there is, I've ruined so many lives without a second glance, in the name of vengeance.''

''Shhh, my love.'' Emma comforted regal woman ''I don't know what you exactly did, but I'm here and I'm not leaving. I promise I'll be here. Regina we all have our dark sides and secrets we don't want others to know. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.''

''You promised never to leave, even when you find out what I did?'' asked Regina

''I was once very confused young woman who did many things, things I never want to remember and let alone do something like that again.'' she paused ''We change with time, the things that once were so important to us that we did unspeakable things for them aren't even on our wish list anymore. I'm not perfect Regina, far from it. So what? You're not perfect either, so what? We have heavy pasts, so what? We're not perfect, but we are perfect together.''

''I love you so much, Emma. I don't ever want to be without you again.'' said Regina

''Honey, I'm yours 'till I drop dead.'' Emma joked

''God, you can really ruin a moment, can't you?'' Regina rolled her eyes at the blonde

''Yeah, I can. But I'm alive, cute and you love me, so my life has never been better.'' Emma said smiling ''Come here, lie with me.''

''Emma...''started Regina, but Emma cut in ''C'mon, lie with me, sleep is always calm with you by my side.''

''Alright, but only for a little while.'' said Regina yawning, lack of sleep evident on her face.

''I think it was destiny.'' Emma said as Regina placed her head on Emma's shoulder

''How come?'' asked dark haired beauty

''Well,'' Emma started as she pulled duvet over Regina's body and embraced her '''You are a cardiologist and I'm a congenital heart defect patient. So, as you can see, I never had an option- I had to give my heart to you for safe keeping.''

That's it for this chapter, please review and tell me what you think of it. Thank you all for reading!

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