Writing Shotgun [poetry]

Don't do this, Cas

It’s cold, the floor, the wall he sits against. And it’s quiet. The Bunker is always quiet, but now it’s so quiet it’s like the Empty took all the sound from the world along with–

Don’t do this, Cas. Because I’m not ready – for you to say it, for you to go. Because we’ve gone so long without saying it, maybe coming out with it is pushing our luck. Of course, it would happen like this, not during a nice night in or a long drive, but a terrible do-or–

Don’t do this, Cas. Not because I don’t want to hear it. Because god I do. But it’s so much of a risk and I don’t want to risk you – this thing we have.

Don’t do this, Cas. Because you know what? It’s not worth it, damnit. Maybe I do deserve to be saved, but not at the cost of– We were gonna go together, which sucks, but it was okay. I never expected to live this long anyway. And going with you, well, it’s not that bad of a way to go.

Don’t do this, Cas. Because now I gotta go on without you – knowing that you did. And when I tell Sam, no matter what I leave out, he’ll just look at me because he knows how I get when you– When you do this, when this happens. And Jack. What the hell am I gonna tell him?

Don’t do this, Cas. Because you deserve to have it said back. And I wasn’t ready. Give me a bit, a few hours, days, years; stay as long as it takes me to say it. Because I will. I know I should’ve said it forever ago. I had so many chances; lots of peaceful times, or not-peaceful times when neither of us were about to–

Don’t do this, Cas, because me too.

Of course you can have me, you son of a bitch.

Of course I love you.

Don’t do this, Cas. Because I love you. And we should get a chance to do this, now that we’ve said it.

The words hang in the air. The walls do not respond. They look on stoically, uncaring. The Empty does not bring him back. Cas does not reappear.

Please, don’t fucking do this, Cas.

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