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Beautiful Disaster

By Erica Pacumbaba


Beautiful Disaster

"Love can really happen all of a sudden. All of you probably have a number of reasons for falling in love. There are times when you fall in love with someone who you never thought much of before, and then there are times when someone who's been on your mind suddenly becomes the one you love. It doesn't matter what triggers it. It doesn't have to be dramatic or cool. Whenever that 'love' light bulb goes off in your heart, treasure it. It could be the first step toward a wonderful romance." –CLAMP (The One I Love)

Pulling herself out of the well, Kagome landed on Sengoku Jidai ground. Smoothing down her school uniform, she almost didn't notice the mercenary. She froze in fear, but his eyes were closed and he didn't seem to know she was there. This was the part where she should run away from the mercenary but instead she dropped her bag and kneeled down to his level, where he was sleeping against the well. He looked so serene lying there.

Her hand moved by itself. It glided over to his hand where she noted the absence of his weapons. She traced the warm, calloused hand before her hand began to wander to his face. Her curiosity was getting the best of her, she knew, but it seemed okay for this moment. Her fingers didn't touch his face, not like with his hand, just hovering over it. First at his lip, then at his nose and lastly at his opened eyes.

She squeaked and jumped away. Grabbing her backpack, she ran away. A little ways away, she started to slow down. She stopped and turned everywhere and he didn't seem to be near her. It was strange. She thought he would have followed her.

After another fight with Inuyasha, Kagome had had enough and stormed off to the well. It was just the day after she came back and already she was regretting it. Her mind stopped. He was there.

His eyes were closed again. The same place and the same position. Kagome couldn't help it and she moved closer to the assassin. Her hand resumed its journey on his face, actually touching it this time. She traced the green markings and then she went over his cheeks. Her hand trailed over the thankfully closed eyelids. Kagome went close to his hairline before she dared herself to move her hand through his thick locks.

"Suikotsu," she murmured.

Her eyes widened, as if she had just realized what she was doing. She ran away, missing the eyes that followed her fleeing form.

It wasn't right. What did she think she was doing? But he looked so…

Out of curiosity, Kagome came back the next day to see if Suikotsu would be there. To her surprise, he was present, seemingly as if he had never moved from yesterday.

She was drawn to him. His face was so beautiful…but she knew it could contort into a disaster. Just like his soul. Yes, he was a…beautiful disaster.

Why did he come back?

What did he want from her?

Again and again, she came back every day since then. It was becoming a usual occurrence. And her hand refused to stop its habit. Always gliding over that face.

Kagome wasn't quite sure why Suikotsu drew her interest so much. But the man seemed to just pull at her heartstrings and his face fascinated her.

And she kept holding onto this surreal dream, not only because she needed to…but because she wanted to.

Admitting it to herself, Suikotsu was the most beautiful creature in her eyes. Nothing she would ever say out loud, of course. She does remember those times where the bloodlust clouded his beauty. Enjoying the blood and the killing…his eyes bright with this sort of terror…

Then again, she still ached for someone to be there and a nagging voice in the back of her head would always pull her to this man. And she's been hurting and waiting for Inuyasha and it made her feel so vulnerable. She used to be so strong…

This killer in front of her…was so soft to the touch. He was so soft.

But she knew his sanity was on a thin line. There were times where she would think he could be handled, but then she'd change her mind and know that Suikotsu was a real piece of work. More than what she could handle.

A real masterpiece…

But if she was actually willing, if she just tried…maybe he could be saved. She could save him. And just maybe…he could save her.

His intense eyes stared straight into hers. But she was still tracing.

Why? Why had he stopped pretending to be asleep? Because she knew he was never really asleep, oblivious to her.

Why was he still letting her touch him?

She couldn't take it and once again she ran away. Kagome could feel those deep eyes boring into her back.

What was he after?

But then again, why didn't she ask the question of why was she still tracing his face? Why did she keep coming back?

She had to come back. Even if it was for the last time.

He was there but he was half sitting half leaning against the well. And his eyes were wide open, that intense gaze staring right into her. His expression, as usual, was a bit stoic. She moved closer cautiously.

"Why do you keep coming to this well? What do you want? Why did you go and ruin it by stopping to pretend to be asleep?

"Why did you let me touch you?"

She kept demanding questions and she didn't realize she had moved close enough for him to snap her neck. His hand did raise and she flinched. But it didn't head for her neck, it headed for her hand.

He grabbed it and she didn't expect for him to place her hand on his face. He began to mimic her movements, moving his hand over hers to trace his face, and staring straight into her eyes. He stopped and let both hands cup the side of his face.

"Because I love your touch."

Her breath hitched. No one had ever said something so…sweet to her. For a second, Inuyasha's face flashed in her mind to remind her of where her allegiance lied but then, in that same second, she didn't care.


He even used her name on their first real interaction. She needed to do this. And she didn't care if she was being rash.

Jumping into his arms and clinging to him, she headed headfirst into the kiss. They clumsily started, but then as their desperation grew so did their need to be as close to each other as possible, and their kiss became as right as they felt this whole thing was. They held on tight, never wanting to break their hold.

They parted reluctantly and Suikotsu placed his forehead on hers. Both of them were breathing deeply but they didn't mind.

"I know that I'm no half demon. But I know I can protect you just as good as he does. Kagome…I just want you to stop crying because of him."

Her eyes wouldn't obey her and she started crying then.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you," he whispered, his grey eyes looking into her brown ones. They seemed to always be so intense, she distantly noted.

"You stopped my crying a long time ago. I'm crying now because I knew your soul was just as beautiful as your face. Despite all the fractures that all human beings seem to have."

His hand clasped hers and she smiled at him. He only brushed his lips against hers before standing up. Holding her to him, he said into her ear, "If my soul is beautiful then so are you.

"Because you are my soul."

He kissed away the rest of her tears.

And for once, during their time together, he let a soft smile grace his lips.

"Can not touch…Can not hold…Can not be together. Can not love…Can not kiss…Can not have each other. Must be strong, and we must let go. Can not say, what our hearts must know. How can I not love you? What do I tell my heart? When do I not want you, here in my arms? How does one waltz away from all of the memories? How do I not miss you when you are gone?" –Joy Enriquez (How Can I Not Love You)

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