SWTOR: Passion is a Lie, There is Only Control



Look at those people in that house in Kaas City. I bet they are so… so warm. Look at the food on their plates. I think it is probably the leftovers from breakfast- toast, cereal, bantha milk. So delicious and yet so out of my reach.

They are supposed to be a family of sith where Darths are at the head and they are growing a strong son who will carry on their legacy. Yet they are the warmest place in a cold city on a colder planet that is. It is amazing, I think, that they can live as such without being hidden.

I grab at my hands a little bit, and try to stop my lips’ chatter. Where am I now? What should I do for breakfast? Where can I go to get breakfast?

Why are they so happy? How can anyone in the Empire be this happy? Why can I not be that happy? Is it because I’m asleep outside? Is it because my stomach is in knots and my lungs sting? Is it because I got born to my mother and father instead of them? What the kriff do I have to do to live like them?

Look at their son…He’s using a blow dryer to dry his hair! Furthermore, his room is a mess with books upon books about useless stuff that will get him nowhere. Why did he not finish his tea? What I would give to have some tea right now.

I know, bold talk from someone asleep outside in the cold but a teenager can still have an opinion!

I can also dream he’ll open the door. Soon. I can barely feel my toes! Do I still have toes, or did they wander off in search of sustenance?

The rain hasn’t let up yet. My shivering gets worse; my teeth will fall off if I do not control their chattering. and I could see some of the plumbing in the city begging the engineer to be executed-on Dromund Kaas, you don’t leave a street to flood in one of the most luxurious apartment blocks in the city and expect Darths and Lords to not take exception sooner or later.

My cousin, Ratsoi, shouted to my aunt and uncle, “I’m off to basic training! I should be back shortly…”

His mother, my aunt who married my uncle on my father’s side hollered back: “Of course. Keep an eye out for Crimsên, son. He wasn’t at home last night. Hopefully he found a place to stay.”

Ratsoi finally opened the door and answered back, “Of course I will. Someone might as well be- Crimsên?!!!!! Crimsên, wake up! Wake up!!!”

I lazily opened my eyes at that point. I whispered, “Not so loud… I’m trying to sleep, Rats...”

He kneeled down next to me and felt my forehead. “When did you get here? How did you get here?” He picked me up as I was not as big as he was back then. He shouted, “Mother! Father!! He’s here, and he’s cold…”

My aunt ran up to me and felt my forehead. “Why couldn’t we sense him? Crimmy, can you hear us?”

I said to her in a hoarse voice: “Don’t call me that! I prefer Crim… And I got here after you all were in bed.”

“No, that’s not possible. How could you have been outside our house all night? You and I have a force bond; I would have felt you. I would have…”

“Mother, Crim and I have a force bond too. I couldn’t sense him either,” Rats interjected slowly. “Could auntie and uncle have removed his awareness? Are they blocking us somehow?”

“No. Why would they? She was just showing him off, and his powerful abilities, at one of those stupid parties your father insists we go to at least once a year to prove to Thanaton we’re still alive and working.”

“Then why?” my cousin asked to be interrupted by my very quiet voice, “It was me, auntie. I took the force away. I killed it inside me because I had to…”

My aunt and cousin were so silent you could hear a pin drop and even an animal roar in the jungle miles away. She helped me to stand and lead me inside. My legs were so numb I could barely move them. Yet I almost ran when I caught a whiff of the oatmeal drifting in from the kitchen.

“We will deal with this later. No basic training, son, we need to get Crimsên to a medical facility. And we’ll have to tell his parents…”

“NO! Don’t call them… Don’t call them! They’ll kill me! Please just take me anywhere, but don’t tell them where I am. And don’t tell them I’m here! Just take me far away! Do you have any food? Any blankets?”

Ratsoi sat me down and my aunt gave me an apple. I ate it in a few seconds; the crackers Rats gave me did not last much longer either. “Eat slowly, Crimmy,” my aunt cautioned, “or you will get sick.”

I wrapped the blanket around me tightly. I whisper, “Don’t call me that. I am so cold and so tired. Do you have an open fire anywhere, or tea? I can explain how I got here and why I ended up outside. Is there more food? I didn’t eat supper before I ran out. Are…. A-r-e you going to go to training, Ratsoi?”

Rats shook his head. “No, no training today, Crim. I think I’m needed here to ensure you get better.”

Eventually my uncle came in. He said calmly, “Crimsên! What are you doing here?”

Rats turned to his father: “He came here, dad, after something at his home. He was outside all night. I think they really terrified the terantatek out of him.”

“No need to be terrified, you are safe.”

If only his calm voice would work this time but it was to no avail. I said in a panic, “Uncle! They are going to kill me!”

My aunt turned to me: “Crimmy be calm; it’s alright. You are here and you are safe.”

“Please don’t make me go back there! I’ll do anything, serve in anyway… I just cannot go back there!”

“Nonsense, son,” he said in a calm but firm voice. “You are family; I will not have one of my father’s descendants become a servant”

I jumped and tried to force myself away from them. “No force… no f-f-f-force… Keep me away from… I will not…!”

I was told at the medical facility that my cousin knocked me out before I could do more. He supposedly explained to them, “Forgive me, I feared he was going to become violent.”

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