we found each other in the dark
'I heard the church bells from afar, But we found each other in the dark.'
She's aware of her body outside of the physicality of it. She can't feel anything, but she knows it's there.
And when she finally gets herself to open her eyes, she sees diamonds in front of them.
She stares for a long time, her mind not working nearly as fast as it normally does, and she thinks perhaps she should have had her coffee that morning.
It's not for another minute that she realizes it's shattered glass that she's looking down at, and not actual diamonds.
Quinn's breathing is ragged and is hard in her current position to take in deep breaths, and as she's finally really aware of where she is in the moment her chest tightens further.
'I'm in my car; I must be still in my car.' She tries turning, or even gaining any control over her body to make it do anything, but she can't.
She's stuck and she's knows she should try and calm down, but anxiety is a really funny thing.
"Oh shit. Oh shit! Oh my-Fuck, are you okay in there?!"
Her brow furrows slightly. She wants to scream and shout and yell or even just acknowledge the voice, but she can't.
Quinn gets more aware of her current state.
'My car must have rolled down the ditch. I must be otherwise I wouldn't be suspended like this…'
She registers how much pain she's in right now, and knows she's still high off the panic; she'll feel true pain soon enough.
The voice is closer now, "Hey! You, in there! Are you okay?"
She doesn't even manage a groan.
She feels faint, her chest hurts and she thinks her legs must be stuck by the steering wheel and dashboard because she can't feel anything.
"Fuck-I-I didn't mean to hit you! I-Oh shit…shit. Yes! Yes hello! There's been an accident! Down the t-junction beside the church-"
She tunes out the rest.
Quinn is totally aware of what happened in that second.
She was driving to someone's wedding.
Then she's jolted so severely that she passes out from the sheer pain she suddenly feels, as the voice of the man tries to pull her car out from the rest of the wreckage.
Her eyes are closed, and she doesn't know how she's aware of anything right now, but she is.
Quinn is aware of how much this should be hurting her since she's somewhat conscious, but she feels nothing. She simply knows.
She knows she's being talked to; she knows her car is basically almost a pancake and they're using power tools to try and cut her out. Quinn knows she's losing a lot of blood. She knows the voice she first heard was of the man who crashed into her.
Quinn knows she's probably dying and all she can actually think of is…
'Whose wedding was I going to?'
Her heart clenches at the question and she knows whoever it is, is special to her.
'Was it my wedding?'
When the emergency team finally manages to get Quinn's body out of the wreckage, her dress is drenched in her blood, and the paramedics waste no time in hauling her onto the back of the ambulance and careening her towards the nearest hospital.
Quinn isn't aware of any of this though because her thoughts remain with trying to figure out her mystery before she dies.
"You're not going to die you know."
Quinn quirks an eyebrow internally at her inner voice, that sounds nothing like her.
"You've got far too much to accomplish to die now Quinn."
The paramedics work on trying to stop the bleeding from her wounds and at least attempt to curb any internal bleeding. They have to resuscitate her twice on the way to the hospital.
"Quinn-Quinn please listen to me. You have to be strong now. You can't stay here and just let yourself die!"
Quinn doesn't know what she's thinking, or why she's thinking in someone else's voice, but she doesn't think they understand. She doesn't hurt when she's here.
Everything hurts if she tries harder.
'What about when the smoke does finally pass?' Quinn finds herself asking, not really sure if she's asking the voice in her head or just putting it out into the universe.
"We will rise above all the ash."
And her Hazel eyes shoot open while she's on the operating table and the only name on her mind is, 'Rachel.'
The doctors are quick to sedate her, still frantically trying to keep the beautiful young girl alive.
Her thoughts go suddenly quiet.
So quiet in fact she wonders if it's even natural; she's always had thoughts in her mind, ever since she was little. And now all of a sudden all of the noise and clutter is gone and she just simply…is.
'I can't stay here.' Quinn says to herself after an unimaginable time. Unimaginable because she can't even begin to picture what time is where she's at now.
The blonde can almost see herself seeming to float back into herself and it's strange and surreal and probably as close to a paranormal experience she will ever have.
'I can't stay here.' She thinks to herself again, this time more aware of her physicality.
She can feel her own skin; she can feel the way the air is passing through her stitched together lungs.
"You're right. You can't stay here." The voice is back and she knows who it belongs to.
'Rachel.' Quinn thinks languidly, allowing the name to roll around in her head like a mantra.
"You have to wake up now Quinn, you can't-" The voice stops and Quinn thinks that's unfair.
'-stay here…I know. But it's quiet, and I don't hurt. And I'm not scared of dying.'
Quinn doesn't know why she's thinking like this at all. She knows what she's thinking to herself is the honest truth…something she's always had a fair amount of trouble admitting to herself.
"I know you aren't. You know you aren't. But it isn't your time yet. And you aren't a quitter. You've never given up on anything in all of your life. You shouldn't start now."
Quinn hums to her own subconscious and it's a testament to her cognitive thinking that she realizes this for what it is.
Simply her mind.
'I'm scared.' Quinn thinks, her mind conjuring up all kinds of images. Gruesome images of her fears amalgamated into this one fresco of frightening reality; and it's like the walls of her mind start closing in on her as she starts to panic.
'I can't stay here.' The blonde nearly yells at herself.
Her eyelids don't flutter as she returns to her consciousness. They whip open and her hazel eyes are franticly searching around this unknown room, in search of something.
Her eyes land on the foot of the bed she's currently resting in, and finds red rimmed brown eyes staring back at her.
She can't speak; she can't even tilt her lips up to even show a hint of a smile.
Because she is happy.
She wants to show everyone that she's happy.
But she can't get herself to cooperate right now.
And maybe it's the medicine talking, but she feels like she can just about do anything right now.
Her mother's hand finds hers and she's being caressed gently and lovingly, and she isn't aware that she has tears falling down her face until she feels Santana's hands softly wiping them away for her.
When had she made it beside her she will never know.
Her eyes find the Latina's and Santana presses a kiss to her chapped and busted lips, her dark brown eyes brimming with tears. She doesn't say anything and Quinn is grateful because if she had…Quinn wouldn't have even known what to say.
Judy tells her she's been asleep for days.
She uses the word asleep, Quinn knows, because she can't bring herself to say 'coma.'
Quinn sees the doctors that have operated on her, the paramedics, and the ambulance driver; she asked them to please come by when and if they had the time, because she wanted to personally thank them for everything.
The red rimmed brown eyes at the foot of her bed hardly move from her face.
Rachel doesn't move away; neither closer nor farther away from her.
And when Quinn finally can speak, the doctors have told her it might feel a little raw from the length of time they had a tube down her throat, but when she can speak easily, she tells her mother how much she loves her.
She can choke out how much she adores Santana and Brittany, because regardless of what the doctors have said, she blames the tube for her throat seizing up and making it harder for her to say anything without getting emotionally drained.
And finally, she's able to convince Rachel to come closer to her.
She pats near the area of the chair that's situated beside her head, not subtly telling Rachel she wants her to sit closer to her.
The brunette moves fluidly as she does so, and Quinn just watches her silently.
"You know…you were the reason I came back here."
And Quinn wants to give herself a mental shake of the head because she hadn't intended to say anything like that.
And so she takes another breath and says, "I don't blame you."
Four, tiny little words, and Rachel's tears escape and quietly flow down her cheeks.
The brunette doesn't ask if she can hold her hand.
And Quinn likes to think that's because they're both going to stop being idiots.
"I don't blame you." The blonde repeats herself, because she can only imagine the number of times she's thought of herself as the blame for this.
The brunette doesn't say anything in return because the blonde is certain she just can't find her voice to do so.
But that's okay, because Quinn has long since grown adept at reading her face and eyes like a well known book.
"All I kept hearing was your voice…telling me I couldn't stay where I was. I couldn't stay and let myself just go without putting in a fight."
Rachel blubbers out a very wet chuckle when Quinn rolls her eyes and says, "You even get to me when I'm in my quiet place, go figure."
Everyone that really matters to her stays close by and are relatively no more than ten minutes away from her, and that's when they only desperately need to be.
Quinn knows before anyone tells her about her legs. She knew the minute she saw the bag hooked up to her. Knew from the way she couldn't tell if she had to pee.
But when the doctors do finally tell her and everyone who already knew now knows not to tiptoe around the topic anymore, Quinn allows her shoulders to slump for a little while, but she thinks about all the things she's overcome and she takes a deep breath.
'Like beasts, out in the wilderness, we are fighting to survive and convalesce.'
A/N: I strongly urge you to please listen to 'We Found Each Other In the Dark' by City and Colour. It truly is an amazing song and is one of my favorites, and I just couldn't get this out of my head all day.
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