We're one disorderedly happy family


Chesiere Cat
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A Happy Reunion

We're one disorderedly happy family

Standard Disclaimers Apply

Summary: Post AC. Sephiroth, Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz are kicked out of the lifestream before they even really enter it. Cursing and having to cope with the stupidity of it all, the four silvered-hair men are now together. What a happy reunion. Or is it?

Chapter I: A happy reunion

Sephiroth was a man known to be cold, calm, quiet and had patience like that of a stone statue—even if he was disturbed, he wouldn't show it unless it was some annoying people who had nothing better to do than try nagging the hell out of him. The latter, excluding his fall over the edge of sanity well-known as the burn Nibelheim to the ground stunt, was another story. Yet having the patience of a stone statue or even a rocky cliff or not, it mattered very little when you had nothing better to do but to wait and wait and wait pointlessly.

Lifestream—the energy of life that was like the blood of the planet came and went between life and death, circulated like a never-ending loop. In death, there was life and in life, there was death. Because of this never-ending cycle, if the history repeated itself, it was nothing of much surprise. However, when it came to something as foreign as the Crisis from the sky, Jenova, that seemed to have tainted the lifestream—as it was in the Geostigma case, the planet had to take a lot of time to make everything clean and normal again.

And for those cursed children possessing the blasted cells of Jenova?

Stuck in the space between life and death without anything to do, Sephiroth reflected, was the most boring thing he had ever experienced and when he talked about his experience, it included working with those airheads in Shinra and a certain science-obsessive professor, so we have to give his opiniona credit here.

So with nothing better to pass the time that seemed like eternity, the Great Sephiroth had tried to think of how to escape this nothingness and returned to the living earth again, racking through his ingenious brain for a perfect solution. No, he wouldn't wait until he was finally absorbed—which he doubt was very near—and recycled like some trashed can.

"I won't be just a memory." He had said. And what the Great Sephiroth had said, it had to be done.

Yet he hadn't expected his chance to come up so quickly. Not until he knew what fanfiction is and had learnt how writers could easily bring him back again and again in this and that story. So yes, Sephiroth had no idea when the cliché was going to happen and all around him, the blank space of nothingness but his sense of consciousness was inundated with the uber-greenness that would reflect the color of his glowing eyes—if he had ones right now—so well if it wasn't for the fact that Sephiroth wasn't sure himself if he too had been altered green by the overwhelming greenness of it all.

It's time, my dear child.

An androgynous voice boomed. And despite it calling him 'my child', Sephiroth knew better that this was the Planet speaking with him, not Jenova who loved to be honorably called 'Mother'.

What do you mean? Had he had his eyes, he would have squinted—at nothing in particular since everything was all green. Yet he feared the answer was it was time for him to be recycled, for it was far too fast from his expert calculation.

As if knowing what he had in mind, despite its form of uber-greenness, Sephiroth could feel that it was smiling—almost laughing.

It's still required me quite a while until you're to enter the lifestream. A hundred years, in your term, at least, I suppose.

If he had his eyebrows now, Sephiroth was sure they would have been twitching. A hundred years in a stupid blankness that could amazingly turned green occasionally? No fucking way. Strife would have already become nothing but ashes and bones six feet under with his children and grandchildren—if he wasn't sterile—with chocobo hair running around and he would have no one to bug anymore since that Tifa girl would make sure none of the chocobo descendants endanger their innocent little lives learning about their daddy and grandpa's worst nemesis.

I know you're getting bored.

Who wouldn't?

The Planet laughed again—its androgynous voice rang clearly and happily. Despite its age and the great amount of wisdom it possessed, it still sounded kind of childish.

I'm sure you all could find something better to do out there while I take care of Jenova, my dear children.

Took you long enough to figure that out... Wait. What do you mean 'you all'?

You're now ejected.

Apparently, the Great Planet ignored the Great Sephiroth question.

And before Sephiroth could say anything, he felt as if someone had kicked him really, really hard in the butt and before he knew it, he landed not-that-gracefully face-first on a solid ground with a loud thud.

Operation complete.

And into the distance, the merry booming voice faded.

"Dam-" Sephiroth was very close to swearing the first time in his life. Unfortunately, he didn't have the blessing to.

"We're falling!"

"I know that! Stop squealing!"

"I did not! You did! ACKKK!"

A pile of silver haired-men landed on top of his body—his very naked body—with all their unholy heavy weights. It was quick. It was painful. Yes…the humiliation of it all. Sephiroth growled deeply in his throat before shoving all of the equally naked men away with all his inhuman strength, sending them flying in different directions. His glowing mako-green eyes blazed fiercely and menacingly. Someone would have to die slowly and painfully. Yet…

The youngest one, who was the one quickest recovered, looked up, shaking some of the silvery strands away from his obscured eyes. Green orbs met green orbs. And when he saw the murderous look in the older one's brilliant orbs, his lips broke into a weak smile.

"H-hello, brother."


Kadaj felt like breaking down crying and sobbing like a little child right then and there even if he knew that he had not the ability to do so in the 'waiting room', which apparently was separated from Sephiroth's for no explainable reason. Of course, he didn't, for spirit or just consciousness or not, he still had the dignity to maintain, especially when Loz and Yazoo were in the same waiting room with him. Well, not that he minded Yazoo much. Anyway, he still felt like crying when he knew he couldn't meet his Mother because of some technical problems and had to wait in this cruel living world like for a century or more.

How could fate be so cruel? He just wanted to see his Mother. And no, it wasn't the wicked mother who had used and trashed him like a worthless puppet. This Mother he was speaking of was the sweet mother who he had heard calling for him to go live with her. Hell, he hated stupid technical problems. Why can't the Planet find itself some skilled engineer?

And now he was sent tumbling back to the living world he didn't mind to depart with the monstrous weight that was Loz falling on him and crashing his poor bones. Not that he minded the second weight added much since the plus didn't make much difference from him breaking his backbone anyway. But nothing, no meeting or reunion could be at the same time better and worse than this:

Glaring balefully at him with eyes possessed the hatred burning so bright like a million suns was another silver haired-man with the very same dress code as theirs whom just a minute ago happened to be his landing cushion.

"H-hello, brother."

Since they shared the same wicked, deformed mother, it was, Kadaj decided, his eldest brother…


What a wonderful reunion.


It was when doom was about to befall our poor adorable Kadaj that an almighty roar rumbled throughout the cave and as soon as the sound faded, there emerged a giant king behemoth from behind Sephiroth, its dark shadow looming over his godly long moonlight-colored tresses like an eclipse of the moon. Kadaj's eyes widened. He didn't recall having any monster in this place when he last had been here. The teenager quickly scrambled back a good few feet, his hand hurriedly searching for Souba.

He found none as realization struck him. He was naked and naked meant you had no clothes and no clothes meant no weapon and no weapon meant…

"Yazoo! What're you doing? Shoot it!" He heard Loz yell.

"I don't have my guns with me." Yazoo answered, slowly backing away from the beast—all too calmly to the other's dismay.

"Bah! So what do we do now?" Loz put an arm over his face.

"Don't cry, Loz." Again, Yazoo answered, tilting his head to the side as if there was nothing to worry about despite them being naked and weaponless.

"I am not!" Loz retaliated immediately but soon as the behemoth gave another thunderous roar… "But if I'm crying it's the right thing to do than being so damn calm and arrogant!"

For once, Kadaj thought he had to agree with Loz.

The behemoth gave one last growl before it jumped at the nearest piece of meat. But its target just disappeared from its sight…only to reappear standing on its horned head with Masamune magically appeared out of thin air and in less than a second, the giant beast was down, headless.

"Wow. Nii-san, I've to reconsider the phrase 'being naked meant you had no clothes and no clothes meant no weapon' now." Kadaj said, staring at the dead behemoth, then at the extraordinary long sword in Sephiroth's grip. "How come you have your sword?"

"…" The older man looked as if he was considering talking to his 'little brother' but… Sephiroth sighed. "Masamune and I, we're linked to each other. It belongs to me as it knows its master. I can summon it at will."

He didn't know why it felt strangely warm all of a sudden being called a 'brother' like none had called him before.

"Can I play with it?" Kadaj asked, feeling a little bit safer now that the older man had peacefully answered his question that he didn't expect him to answer. Before, when he had first come into this living world, being just a spirit—a puppet for Jenova—and constantly heard she talked about Sephiroth, he was sure he would hate the man for stealing his mother's love but after everything that happened…

He knew who the demon really was.

Cloud, his other nii-san, was right. His attempt to find 'Mother'…in the end, it was for nothing but pain, sorrow and disappointment. Hence he was willing to stop, to return to somewhere safe and find peace.

And yet, when he had fused with Jenova, when he had lost himself and become Sephiroth, he, Kadaj, was still there like a minute sub-consciousness, watching with the same eyes, witnessing and feeling everything Sephiroth felt. And he came to know that the perfect child Jenova desired the most was…

The frailest soul that could never be free…

"No." A very quick reply.

"Aww. Come on, nii-san. You've the toy all to yourself. That's not fair."

"Masamune is not a toy." Sephiroth's words and gaze was as sharp as the sword itself.

"Yes. Listen to nii-san like a good boy, Kadaj." Loz piped in as he saw it was also safe for him to talk now.

Kadaj stuck his tongue out childishly at the only short haired-man. "Not you, big cry baby."

"…I think we'd better find ourselves some clothes." Yazoo said before looking at his dirt-covered self up and down, then at the even more dirt-covered Kadaj who had it all from the frantic scrambling. He shook his head then tossed a quick glance at Loz—not that much different—and finally his bright green eyes rest on Sephiroth's god-like long hair that not only tainted with dirt but also behemoth's crimson blood.

The ex-general followed Yazoo's gaze to his own hair, which ended at the mid of his thighs. His beautiful silvery hair was disgustingly tainted. Usually, it was one of his talents to be able to avoid his hair getting dirty despite how rough the battle was but this time, surprisingly, was the first time he failed doing so. Maybe fighting naked isn't my talent. He thought disdainfully, for he hated anything less than perfection. But every human was imperfect yet…Sephiroth knew he wasn't entirely human.

Mako-green eyes narrowed slightly. The giggling Planet said it was taking care of Jenova… that meant no more screeching voices talking in his head and giving him migraine for a long, long while, hopefully for eternity. Yet having no one to guide him, telling him what to do like it had always been all his life—be it Jenova or Shinra—it felt strangely light. He had never felt this light…

"Bath first." He said sharply, almost in a military fashion out of old habit.

…Not until now.

He had to find something interesting to do. And…even though Jenova wasn't anymore to guide him, he mused, he still found it highly amusing to bug the hell out of one Cloud Strife.

Out of his playful habit, the youngest one of the group did a salute.


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