Suga has a secret. A secret that if he has anything to do with it, he’s going to take to the grave. A secret that if it was to be revealed to anyone, he’d deny it with a laugh then an even quicker change of subject, in frantic hope of diverting the attention away from himself and back onto safer ground, like volleyball or hell anything that didn’t involve his love life. Or lack of as Tanaka ‘kindly’ puts it. The fact is that Suga does have a love life, or more specifically a completely one sided, hushed up crush on the guy he’s known since starting school in Karasuno.
Ever since they both started playing volleyball for the school, along with Asashi, it became a running joke between the team that Daichi and him are the team parents, which Suga can understand and go along with to save face, but when he’s alone at night laying on his futon waiting for sleep to overtake him, he can’t help but think of the team’s teasing remarks about them being so in sync with the other’s thoughts or being able to call each other out on trivial things, is something that Suga takes for granted.
When Daichi comes to him specifically to complain lovingly about Hinata and Kageyama’s improvement, and how they’ll have to work ten times harder to compete Suga teases Daichi with a ‘Speak for yourself’ granting Suga the only thing he thinks he can’t live without. Daichi’s smile. A smile that could melt butter if directed fully towards you.
Suga groans quietly to himself, trying to get the thought of Daichi smiling at him out of his head. Running his hands through his hair Suga directs his eyes back to the front of the room, determined to focus on the class he’s in, hoping that whatever the teacher is saying will be enough to distract him from thinking about his friend in a not so friendly way. Good luck with that. Imagine he smiled a certain way for you, dimples showing eyes lit up, and not the smile he gives the whole team during practice. Wouldn’t that be something! Shaking his head Suga grits his teeth in frustration, it’s not going to happen, and anyway we’re best friends nothing more nothing less and it would do well to remember that.
Save yourself from whatever this one man self-pity party is. Suga nods beginning to mutter “We’re just friends, we’re just friends” under his breath like a mantra, taking notes as he continues muttering, not noticing the sound from his neighbour until he coughs again startling him into the present with a squeak.
Embarrassed Suga apologizes to the teacher, ignoring the giggles from the group of girls sitting in front of him, and the huffs of laughter from others around him before sitting down face red and silently chastising himself for becoming so self-absorbed. A few minutes pass, allowing the teacher to get back into droning on about organisms and their importance before Suga receives a harsh poke in the ribs from his neighbour, whom is cocking his head towards Suga’s desk impatiently. Confused Suga looks down at his desk wondering what was so important his ribs had to suffer to be gifted with a neatly folded note with his name on it.
Looking up Suga makes eye contact with his neighbour with questions loaded on his tongue, like what’s so important you had to write a note, and couldn’t wait till after class? And why are you sending him notes all of a sudden? Three months into class with minimal contact doesn’t exactly open any lines of communication. Suga’s neighbour stares at him for a second before he sighs impatiently and leans back leisurely, pointing across the classroom with his thumb. Leaning forward Suga searches for the messenger surprised to see Daichi stealing quick glances at them, all the while maintaining the persona of taking notes down from the board. Catching Suga staring at him he looks up and mouths a question towards him.
Confused Suga mouths “What?” at Daichi who, after glancing up to ensure the teacher isn’t looking his way turns back and gestures to the note on Suga’s desk and that he should look at it. “You should just hurry up and read it” Suga’s neighbour mutters not taking his eyes off the board, startled Suga looks up at his neighbour confusion clear on his face. Tipping his body forward blocking Daichi from Suga’s view he mutters “He’s been staring at you for the last twenty minutes trying to get your attention. When that didn’t work he got people to send that” pointing at the note on Suga’s desk untouched, “Down the line. So hurry up and read it” before going quiet and keeping his eyes forward.
Looking away from his neighbour Suga looks down at the note trying not to let his thoughts get ahead of themselves. This is probably just something to do with volleyball, not a confession, not an invitation to meet on the roof where he’ll confess he’s always loved you. A meeting to discuss the upcoming friendly with Nekoma, so stop over thinking and read the damn note. Taking a deep breath Suga opens the note eyes scanning over the words hungrily, Are you ok? You keep wincing and gritting your teeth. Don’t do that it makes you look like an old man. Suga lets out the breath he seemed to be holding, this is what doesn’t help Suga’s situation. For though the sentiment is sweet and the thought is innocent, Suga now has to deal with his head going in depth into the scenario of Daichi chastising him in other less innocent ways, and how good he’d probably be at it…. Blinking suddenly Suga remembers where he is, and who he was thinking about in such positions.
Scrunching the note up in frustration Suga silently curses Daichi, and his perceptiveness when it comes to him. This is what got Suga into this mess in the first place, convincing himself that when Daichi smiles at him it may be just for him, or when he volunteers to help Suga lock up the gym he’s doing it just to be near him longer. However that’s not the case, because he smiles at everyone the same way, eyes lit up like a damn Christmas tree, happy to help with any task if it looks like you need help. “Get a hold of yourself Suga” he mutters to himself, ignoring the fact that from his peripheral vision he can still see Daichi throwing him quick worried glances.
You need to get out of here. Practice is already too much time in close proximity with him, no need to encourage your brain anymore. Looking up at the clock Suga breathes a sigh of relief, ten minutes and he can bolt, maybe go find Chikara and Narita ad eat with them because they’re always a good laugh, cause lord knows he needs to take his mind off his situation.
Ten minutes flies by once Suga has made up his mind. Frantically taking notes down, worried he spaced out for too long he doesn’t hear the bell indicating lunch until he hears somebody yell in happiness that the class was over, jumping up and running out of the room. Yelping in surprise, engrossed in taking the notes from the board into his copy, which he’ll transfer into a hardback later he looks up to see his classmates filing out of the classroom chatting to their friends, or complaining about the amount of homework the teachers are giving them this week.
Staring at the door then back at his notebook Suga stands up and begins to pack away his things, thinking that he didn’t have to bolt, that Daichi left before him disregarding the ache in his chest that came with thinking that. They always had lunch together, and yes he had planned to run away from it but that wasn’t what mattered here.
Chuckling humourlessly to himself for how conceited he sounded Suga reached for his copybook, wondering when exactly he started thinking like this. “You know I’m here right?” a deep voice said beside him causing Suga’s hand to retract in shock, and his whole body to twist around in panic knowing full well who the owner of the voice was, but in disbelief that he didn’t notice sooner because there he was, standing there with his eyebrows raised in a teasing matter but worry swirling in his dark brown eyes.
Plastering a smile on his face Suga steps forward and punches Daichi’s shoulder lightly saying “Course I knew you were there Daichi, I just spaced out don’t scare me like that” before retreating back and tossing the last few items in his bag, internally screaming at himself to calm down and that this happens all the time. Coughing Daichi apologises then places the copy on Suga’s desk not looking at him the whole time.
Zipping up his bag and swinging it onto his back Suga smiles at Daichi who still seems slightly worried before asking what was going on. “Oh” Daichi mutters rubbing the back of his neck, not looking at him and instead looking down at the desk; “I was going to see if you wanted to go get lunch with me. Asashi is with the guidance counsellor right now, and I just thought we could hang out… together” he says still not looking at Suga whose heart leaps into his throat, and his brain going through every possible thing that could happen during their lunch together. This could be it Suga! Your chance to finally tell Daichi how you feel, how you’ve felt all these years. Do it!
Taking a deep breath Suga opens his mouth to say that he’d love to, and where does he want to eat? When someone walks in yelling Daichi’s name and waving, though in Suga’s opinion why bother waving when everyone can hear you is a mystery Suga will never understand. “Daichi san!” a female voice yells again getting closer and closer to where the two boys are standing, and with every step this girl takes towards them is another bit of confidence Suga had that this could be it is lost. Daichi turns around a quick apologetic smile thrown Suga’s way before a smile is covering his face as he acknowledges the girl who stops feet from where Daichi is, a grin set on her face not a hair out of place as she begins to talk excitedly to Daichi about something, making him chuckle.
Suga wants to be mad at this girl, Yui Michumiya he thinks her name is but the look of pure joy in her eyes and the way Daichi acts so relaxed around her the second he sees her stops him. Told you this wasn’t the time his brain says, and he squeezes his eyes shut refusing to acknowledge that his brain was correct. Glancing at the door Suga wonders how he can get out of the room without interrupting them in what seems to be a very one sided conversation of her yapping on about something while Daichi looks on smiling in a way he never has with Suga. In a way that makes Suga’s chest tighten and all the air leave his lungs. I need to get out of here. Now.
Not bothered to be discreet, because at this point Suga just wants to escape he shoves the chair away from him and sprints around his desk cursing at the stinging feeling in his eyes, or the way his stomach feels like it’s been attacked by bees. All he wants to do is get out of the suffocating room, away from where he could’ve ruined a friendship that has seemed eternal.
Getting to the door he yanks it open, mapping out where the best place to get away is. The others on the volleyball team are instantly ruled out, Daichi would go looking for him there and he wants to avoid the awkward conversation that’ll probably have to happen between them as much as possible. “Suga!” the man in question yells behind him, “Suga where are you going? Hold on a second!” coming towards him but stopping to say something to the girl who Suga can’t see with his back to her, but from the sound of her voice she seems surprised with what’s going on, and maybe just a little disappointed that Daichi is leaving her.
Flinching because now he’s made someone upset because his pettiness Suga stops and turns throwing them both an apologetic smile saying; “Sorry Daichi I just remembered I have a meeting with Takeda sensei right now, maybe you two can eat together instead” causing the girl’s eyes to light up totally thrown by the excuse Suga threw their way, saying she hadn’t eaten anyway so they may as well. “See Yui san has it all under control” Suga says smiling in what he hopes is a nice way to the petite girl whose eyes grow wide at his compliment. Turning back to Daichi who doesn’t look all that convinced Suga smiles and says: “I’ll see you at practice anyway Daichi. We can walk home together if you’d like” I can handle that. I think.
Daichi just nods not saying anything but not taking his eyes off of Suga all the same, unnerved Suga nods as well saying in an almost too cheerful voice “Ok see you later then. Bye Yui” then turns sprinting out of the room bag bouncing up and down on his back as he runs as fast as he can, trying to get away from the stomach churning situation he just left, and the thoughts that are messing with his head like how happy Daichi looked when he identified the voice, how easily he let Suga go. Suga shook his head pushing his legs harder refusing to think about how he could never make Daichi smile like that, and how it was probably easier to just let them be together than go through this much pain, for something that probably wouldn’t work out.
This time it’s impossible to ignore the stinging in his eyes, or the breathlessness in his chest, though Suga acknowledged that could be due to the running as well. Slowing down slightly Suga looks around winded wondering where he ran to and he can’t help but grin, because though today has certainly been a weird day his feet has taken him unintentionally to where he always feels good. Adjusting the straps of his schoolbag Suga strolls over to the entrance of the second gym, throwing the doors open with a smile breathing in the smell of years of volleyball practice, where new skills were discovered, where many dreams were discussed and where Suga felt at home. Stepping inside Suga already feels ten times better than five minutes ago, looking around to make sure he hasn’t walked into someone else’s practice session he drops his bag on the floor and goes to the supply room where the volleyballs are kept.
Wheeling the container out Suga drags it to the end of the court line and begins to line up the serve, trying to imagine that Nekoma or indeed Aoba Johsai were on the other side of the court, and this was the last point. Taking a breath Suga tosses the ball up into the air and when it’s at its highest point Suga jumps slightly and smacks the ball across the gym, relishing in the slight pain in his hand that comes from hitting the ball just right. Landing on his feet he grins as the echo of the ball hitting the other side of the gym surrounds him. “Interesting meeting you’re having here Suga” surprised Suga drops the ball he had just picked up onto the floor, twirling to see Daichi standing just outside the gym entrance with hardened expression on his face, that makes Suga freeze on the spot.
Unsure what to say exactly Suga blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. “D- Daichi you surprised me! My meeting ended a lot sooner than I thought, Takeda sensei just wanted to ensure I was still doing well in my studies and I didn’t want to bother you during your lunch with Yui san, so I decided to come here and practice a little.” Daichi simply raises an eyebrow at Suga unnerving him and proceeds to enter the gym closing the door behind him, not saying anything while doing so. Suga stays where he is freaking out to himself wondering what Daichi was doing, and how the hell he was going to get out of this one. Turning back to face Suga Daichi folds his arms in a no nonsense kind of way and simply says “What’s going on Suga?”
Suga stares at Daichi and can’t help the anger that bubbles under his skin. Why can’t Daichi just leave him alone and come up with a plan to deal with this whole mess, instead of barging in and demanding to know every little detail about his life. Staring at Daichi while these emotions bubble through him Suga notices that Daichi is doing the ‘Dad stance’ which is what the team call his intimidating ‘You’re in trouble mister’ stance. Two can play at this game Sawamura. Game on. Suga laughs airily giving his best easy smile; “Why would there be anything wrong with me Daichi.” throwing in a wave of the hand to emphasis the fact that there’s nothing wrong, he bends down and picks the ball up that he dropped when Daichi entered the gym. “I simply wanted to get some extra practice in, so I’m not left in the dust of our new first years. Is that so bad?”
Daichi snorts shaking his head picking himself up from where he was leaning on the wall; “Unbelievable. Suga we both know that’s crap so why don’t you just tell me what’s going on with you and I can help you with it.” Suga just pauses letting the irony sink in for a second before bursting into gut clenching, side splitting laughter that fills the whole gym, Daichi stops in his tracks looking completely stumped. Suga continues laughing for a few more seconds before taking a breath looking up to Daichi who looks more than a little annoyed, “Sorry, sorry just your face was so serious I couldn’t help but laugh. I’ve never seen you use that type of expression on me”
“I’m being serious because my best friend is obviously keeping something from me, something important and I’d like to know what’s going on. Now” Daichi says coming towards Suga an annoyed expression set onto his face. Suga stands his ground refusing to be intimidated by Daichi’s presence, though now he knows how other teams feel on seeing their captain. Suga sighs and says; “I’ve told you already Daichi there’s nothing wrong, and I’m getting bored of this so if you couldn’t just drop it, maybe we can both enjoy the rest of our lunches.”
To Suga’s absolute disbelief Daichi shrugs and says; “You’re right” Suga smiles at Daichi thinking that maybe just maybe they could remain on friendly terms today and save Suga from regretting opening his mouth around Daichi. “You’re right that we should enjoy our lunch, which is why I’m issuing you a challenge.” Daichi says a grin that spells danger written all over his face, sending alarm bells shrieking within Suga warning him to run the hell away from whatever Daichi is about to suggest. “I challenge you Kòshi Sugawara to a ten point receive challenge. If I save all the hard hitting spikes you give, you have to tell me what’s been going on- Ah ah ah don’t interrupt the announcer Sugawara, that’s rude” Daichi adds on when he sees the look Suga sends him.
Though he knows he knows there’s no way in hell he should be encouraging the boy in front of him Suga can’t help but smirk and ask; “And when I win?” earning him a grin from Daichi whose wearing a grin similar to a cat about to get its prey “If you somehow win, I’ll do the lock ups and your cleaning for a month. Deal?” Suga knows that this is making a deal with the devil a deal he’s going to lose quickly and swiftly yet he still grins at Daichi simply saying “You’re on Sawamura” to which Daichi’s grin turns into a full on smile causing Suga’s inside to melt and yet burn all at the same time.
Grabbing a ball from the container Suga sucks in air ignoring the guy across the gym from him, already in position his concentration directly on him, and where the ball will go. Giving himself a second to get ready Suga throws the ball in front of him, mesmerised by its movement in the air before hitting it over the net towards Daichi, who moves like lightning getting his whole body behind the ball, and connecting with it so it soars into the air. Cursing silently Suga looks away towards the container faking going to get another one, not looking at the victorious grin Daichi is already wearing. Better think of an excuse quickly Suga. You got yourself into this mess, and you know he’s not going to just drop it.
“One down, nine to go” Daichi says winking at Suga from across the gym as he gets back into the first position smirking as Suga twirls the ball in his hands wondering what the best method of action would be. You could just say you aren’t feeling well Suga thinks as he continues to twirl the ball in between his hands, glancing over at Daichi Suga examines his face for to him feels like the millionth time his soft brown eyes, the laugh lines on his forehead and eyes from the fun that they’ve had through the years here. Yet while glancing at his teammates face, who has known him for years Suga knows he won’t believe that, and he’ll be even more insistent if he uses an awful excuse like that.
Sighing Suga twirls the ball one more time before stepping back a bit taking a deep breath and tossing the ball up in the air. Running forward Suga jumps up glancing at Daichi whose sole attention is on the ball hurtling down towards Suga, which probably isn’t the best time to have an epiphany but that’s not something Suga can control as the thought that this could be one of the last times you get Daichi alone. You saw how Yui acted around Daichi, she likes him and could confess anytime, and who says Daichi wouldn’t say yes? Then she’d be the one he goes to for advice, for comfort. All the things that Suga gave to Daichi as vice-captain.
The realisation hits Suga harder than he expected and throws him off the ‘challenge’ he’s facing, coming back to reality hard Suga realises he hasn’t hit the ball, and is about to miss his chance. Not thinking too much about it too caught up in the fact that his best friend, and crush which he could admit to himself and himself alone, won’t be able to walk home with him or manage Tanaka and Noya when they’re in Coach Ukai’s shop riled up about some ‘thug’. Hitting it the ball flies directly towards Daichi who runs forward sliding onto his stomach hands out connecting to the ball at the last second sliding across the floor afterwards, flinching Suga moves to go to Daichi knowing that you can get seriously injured from doing that but Daichi just jumps back up, school shirt crumpled eyebrow raised in mock surprise. “Trying to cheat your way out of talking to me Koushi?” a hint of mischief and teasing in his voice. A voice Suga has heard at its most compassionate and leading moments which had somehow threaded its way into Suga’s dreams.
Shifting uncomfortably at the reminder that the guy near him has featured in most of his dreams the past while Suga tries not to make it obvious how much the other boy affects him. Stop it! Stop it right now, he’s your best friend and the only reason you should be thinking about him is because he trapped in the same shitty situation as you are. He’s not some knight in shining armour that’s going to whisk you away on a black stallion. This led Suga into dangerous territory though, because now he was thinking of the guy receiving his spikes in a whole new way. What would he look like in armour? Would he be a kind ruler or someone that would invoke terror on those who disobey him?
Too wrapped in thinking about his best friend in scantily dressed armour charging through a storm on a black stallion in order to save him, which they’d ride on off into the sunset Suga didn’t even realise that the guy in question was shaking his shoulders gently face so close up to him that Suga could feel his hot breath on his check and the worry laced in his voice as he says Suga’s name over and over again trying to get him to come to. Which he does with a start, jumping back, making Daichi drop his hands from his shoulders, eyes wide not used to being this close to the captain without preparation beforehand.
Growing red Suga glances around the gym wondering how long exactly he was stuck in that…. Daydream, and how the fuck he’s going to explain this one to Daichi without making a complete ass out of himself. Way to go Koushi, really doing a stellar job at hiding your feelings. Now he probably thinks you’re going crazy. “You ok Suga? You had me worried there for a second, you were pretty out of it for a few minutes.” Daichi says not making a move towards Suga but his eyes betraying the worry that was swirling in his eyes.
Feeling the embarrassment crawling up his neck Suga covers his neck with his hand directing his attention to the floor in hopes that Daichi wouldn’t see him blushing. Still not looking at Daichi Suga draws his attention to the second floor of the gym, where most of the seating is and where the sun is shining through, casting a nice warmth throughout the gym. Squinting as he looks directly into the sun, he finally speaks up to Daichi who has been standing there waiting for Suga to reply “I’m fine Daichi honestly, you don’t have to father me like you do with Noya san or Shouyou” not realising the implications of his words till he finally looks at Daichi who recoils away from him hurt clear in his eyes, shoulders tensing up in surprise.
Realising what he said Suga steps forward mouth already forming an apology, Daichi steps back shaking his head disbelief clear from the way he’s standing, eyes wide in shock. Suga freezes where he is heart beating uncontrollably in his chest and his brain screaming; Shit. Shit shit shit! Why did I say that? What the hell possessed me to say that? Yeah he was pushy, but Jesus you’ve always secretly loved the way he’s taken the others under his wing. This is why the two of you won’t happen, because you self-destruct and end up hurting the ones you hold close.Wanting to tear his hair out Suga opts to spring forward and punch Daichi playfully on the shoulder ignoring the shock lingering in his eyes saying; “Why don’t we go back to servings eh? I still have a chance to win, which on top of the other stuff you can buy the pork buns from Ukai’s later” Suga adds in turning back towards the container with a wink, which he hopes reduce the tension that he has put between them.
Daichi rubs his arm where Suga punched him looking at Suga in such a way he can’t exactly read what he’s thinking. Reluctantly Daichi agrees turning to go back to his spot diagonally from where Suga is standing, though on his way back he mutters something that stumps Suga, because how are you supposed to answer something like that? “I’ll buy you them anyway, if you’d just tell me what’s going on with you today.” Instead of answering Suga takes a moment to decide on what ball he wants to use next, trying to control his thoughts because though he wants to tell Daichi what’s going on, he doesn’t want to ruin a perfectly good friendship over something that’s so one sided.
Finally deciding which ball he wants grabs it from the container and sets up the shot. Deciding to try something that Asashi has been showing him during their practices after school, Suga sucks in air tossing the ball forward slightly, then runs forwards jumping up as the ball reaches its peak relishing the familiar smacking sound that echoes through the gym as his hand connects with the ball. Suga looks over the net as the ball flies forward, Daichi’s whole body beginning to move in order to receive Suga’s serve, which Suga is more than sure he’ll get no problem that is until someone chooses this minute to enter the gym and call Daichi’s name, who turns to look losing sight on the ball and doesn’t have time to do more than turn his head back towards the ball, before it’s hit him head on, the impact making itself heard loud and clear throughout the room.
Without even hesitating Suga lands on his feet and charges towards Daichi who falls to the floor in a heap with a grunt of surprise. Getting there before him however is the voice’s owner and Suga screeches to a halt, eyes widening mouth opening because there is the girl captain again, sliding onto her knees beside Daichi and Suga can’t help the bitter thoughts entering his brain as he looks on at Yui Michumiya put one hand on his chest, and her face leaning in towards his. You just couldn’t leave him alone for a minute could you? You’re going to get him anyway, couldn’t let him hang with a friend for one lunch time could you? Suga shakes his head trying to get the bitter thoughts out of his head, but their essence remain, leaving a sour taste in his mouth as he looks on at the situation.
You should just let her help him, save yourself the guilt of seeing him injured by your serve. She’ll patch him up and then they can go back to class hand in hand. Suga hates to agree with what this bitter side of him is saying, but looking at the gentle way this girl is helping Daichi sit up, one hand cupping the back of his head the other hand on his knee he can’t help but to think he’s not really needed right now. Suga was never one to let emotions get the better of him, and he was never one to get jealous of people because he has seen what it does to people, but looking at the situation from what feels a thousand miles away he can’t help but feel jealously bubble in his stomach. Which Suga knows is pathetic because Daichi is obviously going to find some girl that he loves, and want to marry and he’s his best friend so obviously they’ll have to meet sooner or later.
All these thoughts are pushed to the back of his mind however when Daichi finally sits up properly, leaning slightly on the girl whose whole attention is on Daichi and whether he’s alright. Suga charges forward all previous thoughts of leaving this to the girl gone like a puff of smoke when he sees how red Daichi’s face has become, lowering himself to his knees Suga studies Daichi’s face as best as he can while Daichi is still covering his face with his hands. “Daichi are you ok? Please tell me you’re ok! This is all my fault I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you I just…” Suga babbles panic tightening his throat to where it’s impossible to breathe, and his heart jumping out of his chest.
Still leaning on the girl whose face is a mixture of panic and something else Suga hasn’t got the time to read too deep into Daichi removes his hands from his face, with his eyes squeezed shut he can’t see Suga and the girl gasp, as his forehead is extremely red a welt rising quickly from it. Groaning Daichi opens his eyes slowly blinking a few times before reaching up to touch his face wincing when he makes contact with the welt on his forehead, which the girl who instantly goes into nurse mode scolds telling him not to touch it before they can put ice on it. Suga freezes. Ice. They’re going to need ice for the injury your caused him, and you can’t blame the girl because you could’ve stopped it no matter if you’d already hit it, you could’ve stopped it and because you didn’t your best friend is going to have to go to the nurse’s office and get himself an ice pack. Nice one. Looking up at Suga Daichi begins to grin and says in a joking way; “Guess I know how Hinata feels now”
Suga wants to smile. He tries to make his face form a smile but he’s trying extremely hard not to cry right now, because he’s just sitting there smiling up at Suga like nothing that traipsed between them in the last twenty minutes ever happened, and Suga can’t quite handle this because when you love somebody you’re supposed to build them up and support them, not cause them to worry or physical harm like Suga has done with Daichi, so he just looks away in self-disgust, because how is he supposed to look Daichi in the eyes after causing such pain. Grunting Daichi begins to stand up, the girl captain chirping away beside Daichi, talking about heading straight to the nurse’s office. Despite feeling like the worse person right now Suga rushes forward to help Daichi, who puts his arm out to stop Suga and pushes as well from the girl captain who raises an eyebrow in response to which he says; “If Hinata can make this look so easy so can I”
The girl captain simply does a double take as he steps away from her blinking repeatedly to get his bearings before the girl comes to and starts scolding Daichi about how he shouldn’t be comparing himself to one of his Kouhais’ and that they should probably hurry up and get to the nurse’s office. Suga stands there wondering what exactly he’s supposed to do, seeing as how he caused this whole mess in the first place and just as he’s about to say something Daichi catches his eyes and with a gentle smile, as he leans against the girl captain slightly whose looking at Daichi with un hidden concern “You’d better not be blaming yourself Koushi. I didn’t see it coming so I’m to blame here.”
Something suddenly blocks Suga’s throat when he sees the way Daichi is looking at him with such forgiveness and honesty, he swiftly feels trapped in this too small gym where Daichi’s smile could power twenty lightbulbs and the girl looking at him in such a way that makes Suga’s stomach twist violently. Needing to get the hell out of here Suga mumbles out an apology to Daichi who looks completely lost and about to say something, and thanks Yui for helping Daichi to the nurses’ before turning and sprinting to the gym doors and leaping out of them ignoring the sound of his name being called from inside the gym. Instead Suga just runs. Runs till his calves are screaming at him to stop and his lungs are on fire with his vision becoming blurry as tears he didn’t realises till now were creating tracks down his face.
Pushing himself up a flight of stairs Suga barges through a worn metal door and finds himself on the roof of one of the older buildings, not very occupied anymore as students prefer the newer upgraded rooftop setting. Sniffling Suga walks over to the south wall in the shade and collapses against it letting himself slip down, wondering why he couldn’t just be happy for his best friend? Or at least fully accept that this was a one sided love that he needed to get over, and soon or teammates would definitely start catching onto what Suga was feeling. Yet we both know that you’re never going to give him up don’t we. Chocking out laugh Suga admits to himself that he’ll never be over Sugawara Daichi completely and that he’s going to have to become a better actor quickly, because he’s obviously not doing a good job of covering this whole thing up.
Laughing, devoid of any emotion Suga looks up to the greying sky and whispers “What am I going to do?” pausing for a moment before tagging on “I need help” with some reluctance, as nobody likes to admit that they need help definitely who force home the whole ‘You should be able to do everything on your own, and if you can’t that’s your fault’. Wiping away the remaining tears from his eyes Suga sighs burying his head in the crook of his arm thinking of who he could ask for help in this sort of situation. Anyone related to the volleyball team were instantly cut off the list as they’d all do the same thing tell him to ‘Go for it’ in different ways and Suga didn’t want to hear that as though it was good enough advice he couldn’t help think that that was an instant cop out, and too easy.
Lifting his head up from his arm Suga chuckles to himself before muttering; “Thanks for the advice, but that’s easier said than done” then looks up to the sky in a vain hope that it will know what Suga should do. “What’s easier said than done, and why the hell are you talking to the sky?” an out of breath voice, but still holds the hint of authority the Karasuno captain has had since the beginning of his reign asks. Startled Suga jumps up and turns to face a confused but definitely angry Daichi who has his arms folded over his chest, and the stance that screams you’re not going anywhere. Trying to buy himself some time to think of a strategic exist Suga brushes some non-existent dirt off his school trousers, looking around Daichi towards the door wondering how quick he’d have to be in order to get there before Daichi got to him.
“Suga” Daichi says again in a tone that makes Suga stop in his tracks, stop as this was the no nonsense voice he had used Daichi use on the first years, and Tanka when they misbehaved. Suga had never been on the receiving end of this voice and it scared him. Scares him into blurting out the first thing that pops into his head, anything that gets him closer to the door. “Sorry what did you say?” too caught up in over analysing his tone to actually register what he said. Sighing Daichi runs his fingers through, what Suga can only imagine to be the softest and most enticing black slightly shaggy hair ever, muttering something under his breath then speaking up looking directly at Suga determination set into his shoulders “You were just talking to the sky about something was easier said than done. What I want to know is why my best friend, who I know is keeping something from me no matter what he says otherwise, is talking to the sky and not me” With that Daichi looks over at Suga expectantly, causing Suga to begin to panic.
What should I say? The way he’s looking at me I better come up with something good quick, because he doesn’t look like he’ll believe just anything. Wait hold on his forehead. Shouldn’t he still be in the nurse’s office with that Yui girl? Why is he here? Confused Suga clears his throat, wondering if this topic will just cause more trouble than it’s worth in the long run of things. Doesn’t matter, if this gets him off your back you have to take it, no matter the possible consequences. “Daichi shouldn’t you be in the Nurse’s office right now?” Suga asks concern laced into his voice, because though he may fancy the guy in front of him, doesn’t mean that Suga won’t go team mom on him if he has to.
“You’re forehead looks just, if not worse than it did when I left. Why didn’t you just go with Yui and get it checked out instead of wasting your time questioning me over something that doesn’t exist.” Suga continues in a reprimanding tone tacking on something he knows as captain of the volleyball team he’ll listen to “We have that match against Nekoma coming up you know, and I for one would like our captain to be in tip top condition for it, not up here wasting your time probably making it a whole lot worse”
By now Suga’s rambling saying whatever comes into his head hoping that if he continues to talk Daichi will get fed up with the whole thing and leave as quickly as he came. “Also you left that girl from class B hanging. That wasn’t very nice, she’s very pretty you know, you could do a lot worse” winking at Daichi who blanches when he says it while inside screaming bloody murder at himself, because Why the fuck am I encouraging him? I know we’re friends but Jesus you don’t have to go that far! Clicking his fingers as if he just thought of something that would change the world, and really just giving himself an extra few seconds to get over another self-destructive act Suga looks Daichi in the eyes and says; “I can help set you two up if you wan-“but doesn’t get to finish what he’s saying for in a flash Daichi charges Suga and backs him against the wall.
Too shocked to say anything Suga just there wondering how the hell he let himself get trapped against this wall with Daichi’s muscular arms encircling him removing any way to which Suga could manoeuvre himself out without hurting both of them. Daichi knowing that he has the upper hand here takes this opportunity to lean in towards Suga, close enough that Suga can smell a faint smell of his cologne and the heat of his breath on his cheek as growls out “Kòshi Sugawara you are going to cut the bullshit and tell me what’s going on now. I’ve tried being nice, gave you loads of opportunities to just come out and say it, but now I’m done. We’re not leaving here until you tell me exactly is going on with you.” Still consumed with shock, because in all the years Suga has known Daichi he had never acted like this to anyone. Sure he could become quite intimidating when they were in match situations, but never to the point where you felt scared around him.
Suga knew one thing for sure though. He wasn’t going to deal with the apologetic awkward rejection that would definitely come from Daichi if Suga in fact told him how he was feeling. Suga couldn’t stand the inevitable avoiding that would be done post confession, and the then having to explain to the team why two of the eldest on the team weren’t working as well together as they used to. Nope sorry not happening, not if Suga could help it. So in a total UN Suga thing to do, Suga looks up at Daichi whose eyes are burning into his and says in a mocking tone; “What makes you think I’m hiding anything Daichi Samuwara? Huh?” Suga says getting into his personal space as he says so, meaning that their chests are nearly touching, and Suga’s face is arched upwards towards Daichi’s “Just because I don’t tell you every little detail about my life, or feelings doesn’t mean I’m hiding anything from anyone, including you. Also isn’t this whole situation kind of the pot calling the kettle black?”
Daichi recoils backwards, shock written all over his face mouth opening and closing a few times before he coughs out a weak “Excuse me?” to which Suga snorts taking advantage of the now open space to move further away from Daichi and try to clear his head of the feelings and smells that came with being in such close proximity to the guy he likes. “You’ve been hiding stuff from me for god knows how long, and the second you think I have a secret you’re all over me to tell you what it supposedly is.” Suga says to Daichi who looks completely shell shocked unable to form any coherent words, Suga looks at Daichi across from where he’s standing and with a smirk that would make Tsukki proud sneers: “You’re a hypocrite Daichi”
Suga feels good for about point one of a second before he eternally starts chastening himself. He could’ve stopped earlier, should’ve stopped earlier but it’s too late now and though it felt good to get that all out there the look on Daichi’s face is doing nothing to ease Suga’s conscience. Still stuck on confusion Daichi coughs out; “I’m not sure why you’re saying these things to me Suga, but I can tell you that I don’t have a secret, and even if I did have a secret I would tell you.” And with such sincerity in his voice Suga nearly believes him, nearly apologizes. Nearly. Instead Suga just scoffs shaking his head; “Oh Daichi. Daichi, Daichi, Daichi. You don’t have to pretend anymore, the game is up, I’m impressed you kept it quiet this long but you don’t have to anymore. You can tell me and I promise that I won’t react harshly or tell anyone”
“Tell anyone what?” Daichi suddenly yells the anger and confusion fuelling the anger in his voice. “What the hell am I supposed to tell you that you won’t tell others? Please Suga enlighten me” he says in a voice that is more desperate than last time causing something to stir inside Suga’s stomach. “Because apparently I’ve missed some sort of memo to do with my own life, that everyone but me has read” finishing his rant Daichi stands there panting slightly the anger slowly slipping away from his eyes, welcoming instead a tiredness Suga has experienced himself.
Not daring to look at the man diagonally from him in case he spills more than he should Suga mutters: “Admit that you’re dating someone Daichi.” Which is the exact time the wind begins to pick up and ruffle up Suga hair.
A choking noise makes Suga look up to see Daichi’s eyes squinted in confusion and a small smile on his lips. Moving towards Suga slightly Daichi says; “Good one Suga. Seriously you had me going there for a second, now seriously what is this about?” Suga takes a step back, causing Daichi to stop where he is raising an eyebrow in a silent question. Are you ok? It asks, to which Suga can say with full confidence he’s not.
“Why can’t you just admit that you’re dating someone? Why is it so hard to admit that? I’m supposed to be your best friend, yet you just continue down this rabbit hole of lies. Why? And don’t say you’re not dating someone Daichi seriously” Suga tacks on when he sees the words Daichi is about to say, “You’re not dating someone as much as Kageyama and Hinata aren’t dating. Just admit it, please it’ll do you some good!” Suga moans pleading with his eyes to Daichi to drop the act and just come clean.
Clenching and unclenching his fists Daichi says in a deathly calm low voice; “Who do people think I’m dating Suga? Because I’m not dating anyone, and I need to crush the rumour that I am quickly” Suga looks at Daichi like he’s got two heads, which he may as well have with the amount of sense he’s making. Sighing softly Suga massages his eyes with his knuckles quickly growing tired of this conversation, “It’s not a rumour spread by word of mouth Daichi. It’s a rumour that has been built on evidence, evidence that most of this fucking school can back up. So instead of playing the victim here why don’t you just come out and say it”
In that moment everything seems to fast forward for Suga. For the second time today Daichi is in front of Suga before he can even finish his sentence gripping his wrists painfully, face inches from his own and his eyes filled with both anger and something Suga couldn’t exactly pin down during this situation. “I won’t ask again Koushi” he growls into Suga’s ear, which does little more than turn the guy who can feel the other’s hot breath tickle his ear on majorly. “Which girl does the whole school think I’m dating?” he growls, and though Suga is enjoying this way more than he should he still wonders why Daichi is taking this whole dating so bad? By admitting who he’s dating Daichi and the girl won’t have to be secretive, they can go on dates and yes Suga admits forcibly introduce her to the team, which will lead to them walking home together.
Swearing softly to himself Suga shifts his wrists still in Daichi’s grasp who just tightens his grip on them even more in response, “For fuck sake fine!” Suga yells at Daichi “You want to know who you’re going out with? You’re going out with Michumiya Yu, you know the girl you were supposed to go have lunch with, then came in and interrupted the challenge probably because you bailed on her, and instead came to bombarded me with fucking unnecessary questions. Now get the hell off of me.” Suga spats wrestling his hands from Daichi who has gone extremely quiet eyebrows furrowed together, not saying anything to dent it.
Something in his stomach drops, and his heart breaks because his silence just proves that he was hiding it. That the hints that Daichi might actually return his feelings were all in Suga’s head, and Daichi was instead pinning for a girl who could and probably would give Daichi an heir to whatever successful editing business he ended up running. Scoffing at his own stupidity Suga wants the world to swallow him up where he’s standing, or beam him up to the aliens because anything would be better than this situation. “Are you kidding me!” Daichi suddenly yells startling Suga out of his thoughts and back to the present, where Daichi is looking at him expectantly.
“Are you seriously telling me that Michumiya Yui, who by the way is dating Souske from class 3-D for the past like two years is the person everyone thinks I’m dating? Jesus this school needs to fucking opens their eyes.” Daichi yells hands going everywhere as he yells to both Suga, whose standing there eyes wide refusing to allow himself to get excited because this could all be a horrible prank. “Like Jesus don’t they know she’s practically the annoying little sister I never asked for? Why would I want to date her? I’ve already got my eyes set on someone anyway” he mutters.
“You do?” Suga blurts cringing at the hope in his voice. Just because it’s not that girl doesn’t mean you stand a chance, cop on seriously. Turning red around the cheeks Daichi rubs his neck looking at his feet mumbling out something that Suga can’t hear properly the wind interrupting them once more. “What was that Daichi? Sorry I just didn’t hear you” Suga says, urgency taking a place in his voice, because though he doesn’t want to let himself hope, every fibre in his being is hoping that the next few words out of Daichi’s mouth are the words that Suga have been dying to hear.
Coughing Daichi looks back up and quietly says: “I said fuck it” to which Suga raises an eyebrow slowly losing hope that Daichi is indeed going to say anything relating to him. “I may not like Yui” Daichi says looking at Suga in a way he’s not used to “However there is someone I like. Someone in our year actually.” And with those few words Suga’s heart stops, and cold reality hits Suga hard in the face but he smiles anyway and says “Of course there is. Who is she? What class is she in? Do I know her?” and as he’s saying this Daichi is walking closer to Suga even though Suga wants nothing more than to be in different universes than him right now.
“You know them yes, and how to describe them is hard yet so easy. They’re incredibly humble. They’d rather jump off a cliff than admit they got full marks on a difficult test” Daichi says with a warm smile on his face, which Suga tries to copy when he says with as much sincerity as possible “She sounds lovely Daichi. Why haven’t you introduced us already keeping her for yourself eh?” the smile still on his face but even he know it’s not a very convincing one. Daichi takes another step forward and this time Suga takes a step back, not wanting to be in a tight spot with him, when he feels like he’ll break down at any second.
“I don’t need to because when they walk into the room they’re the only one I see, and I know that’s disgustingly cheesy but Jesus Suga they’re like a personal gift from heaven” Daichi says with such love clear in his voice that Suga nearly breaks down there and then, but instead simply says “I’m so happy for you Daichi, she sounds perfect for you.” Then wipes his cheek feeling hot tears falling from his eyes laughing and holding it up to Daichi whose eyes are widen in worry Suga thinks, “I’m so happy for you you’ve made me cry, you disgustingly sweet man. I’m so happy for you.”
Wiping his eyes with a sniff Suga takes a deep breath trying to come to the fact that this was a deep one sided crush that needs to end, if Suga is going to ever move on and find someone as perfect as Daichi described. “Ugh I need to go get a tissue and chill the hell out.” Suga says to Daichi adding in the normal “I’ll see you for practice later ok?” before going towards the door in what feels like an excruciating slow pace as another tear falls from his face. You knew this was going to happen, so get over yourself and be happy that he found the one for god sake.
Finally reaching the door, after refusing to look at Daichi as he passed him Suga reaches out for the door handle when a firm grip grasps his wrist and twirls him back around crushing his lips onto Suga’s not giving him a minute to recognise what’s going on. Daichi picks up Suga with ease and carries him over to the wall, where he pushes Suga up against the wall, all the while kissing and sucking at Suga’s neck like he’s never needed anything but this to survive. Overwhelmed by the feelings Daichi is eliciting from him Suga can’t do much more than moan when Daichi places another opened mouthed kiss to his neck, until he moves his lips back to Suga’s biting gently on his bottom lip silently asking if continuing is ok.
Suga can hardly form a sentence at this point, and instead just opens his mouth and then he’s tasting Daichi and Daichi is tasting him all the while Suga’s hands have found their way into Daichi’s hair and he’s grabbing fists of it as Daichi moves from Suga’s mouth back to his neck travelling up biting Suga’s ear hungrily eliciting another groan from Suga, which if the way Daichi continues biting his earlobe hungrily is anything to go by then Daichi is as affected with all of this as Suga is.
Not wanting to be the only one experiencing this pleasure, Suga’s hands travels down from Daichi’s hair to the top of his school shirt which he begins to unbutton granting a grunt from Daichi who continues kissing Suga’s neck, no doubt leaving very concealing things in the after mass. Finally getting enough buttons undone Suga lowers his head and begins to kiss the little community of freckles Daichi has just under his shoulder blade grinning as he feels the effect this is having on his partner. With one arm wrapped securely around Suga’s waist keeping him up, Daichi uses the other to gently pry Suga’s head away from his shoulders back up to face him, a smirk on his face that Suga finds endearing yet incredibly sexy saying “Enjoying yourself their Koushi?”
Suga leans back against the wall panting, so many thoughts and emotions flooding through him it’s hard to really focus on one, until the thought of the perfect girl flashes through his head and suddenly Suga feels sick. Daichi doesn’t seem that bothered though as he begins kissing Suga’s cheek and neck once more, shaking his head Suga begins to squirm in Daichi’s arms who stops and looks at Suga stumped. “Suga what’s wrong? Why are you squirming?”
Still shaking his head Suga just says “Let me down. Let me down Daichi” yelling when he doesn’t move to let him stand on his own. Flustered Daichi drops him down and lets Suga who is muttering to himself move away from him. Turning suddenly Suga who looks frantic and extremely rattled asks why they just did that. “You fancy some girl in our class, who undoubtedly loves you too and yet here we are making out like in some Korean drama.” Suga scoffs and turns away from Daichi “I can’t believe I’m this stupid. I just had to let my emotions get the better of me, couldn’t just let you move on with your life” and then turns around for a second time to Daichi yelling “You like someone Daichi, and we just-”
However Daichi just leaps forward wraps his arms around Suga’s waist and kisses him with such passion and hunger Suga forgets every regret he’s going to have when this ends, and just pours himself into the kiss. If this is all I can get, then I’ll take it Suga thinks as he leans closer into Daichi, who opens his mouth to Suga but then yelps in surprise as Suga returns the earlier favour of biting and sucking Daichi’s neck leaving a mark that’ll be hard to hide later on in practice. Suga smirks at his handiwork thinking that at least they’ll both have something fleeting to remember each other by after this onetime thing ends.
Kissing Daichi once again on the lips hands scrunched up in his school shirt Suga knows how wrong this is, how unfair this is to the girl Daichi likes. Yet he knows that he doesn’t want to stop and that’s what hurts the most when Suga pulls away from Daichi, the taste of his lips still on him and, when he checks later that night, the smell of his cologne lingering on his school shirt Suga knows that this will never go anywhere so they should just stop and save Suga the emotional trauma that would happen if they continued. Brushing his thumb down Suga’s cheek in such a gentle manner Suga wants to cry once again when Daichi asks “Did I hurt you?”
Always the saint our Daichi is Suga thinks laughing sadly shaking his head unable to look at Daichi when he chokes out; “I’m fine. I- I just can’t do this though.” Wishing that he could, wishing for the life of him that he could push the mental picture of this girl out of his brain, and just enjoy being with Daichi. That’s not going to happen though and Suga needs to face the reality of that. “Do what? Suga what are you talking about?” Daichi asks concerned still rubbing circles with his thumb on Suga’s cheek.
“I can’t pretend that I’m ok with you kissing me, something I’ve been waiting two and a half years for FYI, then dropping me for your perfect girl.” Suga yells pushing away from Daichi refusing to cry in front of him for the second time in one day. “I can’t just pretend that everything between us is fine, smile and tease each other during practice so that nobody knows that we haven’t actually spoken in weeks. I can’t do that until we graduate Daichi. I can’t. I thought I could but I’m tired of pretending.” Suga says all the anger he held for the man beside him boiling over into his words, not even realising that Daichi who up till now was quiet has started laughing deep chesty laughs, that make him look if possible even sexier than five minutes ago.
“I’m glad one of us finds this fucking funny.” Suga sneers at Daichi appalled that this guy is laughing at him, after he just poured his soul to him “Please share the amusement with the group why don’t you because I just poured my fucking soul to you, and all you can do is stand there and laugh. Kudos” Suga yells at Daichi who continues to laugh, holding his sides in pain. Coughing slightly Daichi stands up and looks at Suga who wants to punch him in his face right now, and simply says; “You have no idea do you?” an amused smile set on his face.
“You’re going to have to be more specific Daichi and you know that. I don’t have an idea of what exactly?” Daichi turns sombre and Suga tenses, not sure if he wants to hear the answer to this particular question. Looking Suga straight in the eyes he says “It’s always been you Suga.” Suga stands there frozen. This must be a dream Suga thinks, here is the boy of his dreams who just made out with him confessing to him. Yet Suga couldn’t help but wonder when Noya and Tanaka were going to jump up behind a bench and yell surprise, because no way was this actually happening.
Daichi grabs Suga’s hands instantly back to rubbing circles with his thumbs again, and with a brave smile Daichi says what Suga has always wanted to hear; “You say you’ve loved me for two and a half years, well Koushi Sugawara I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you. I’ve loved you since we sat beside each other on the bench watching our senpai’s win and get beat every match we went to."
"I’ve loved being able to talk strategy with you as we’re walking home, and how even when I’m at my worse you’re able to pick me up with a simple smile. I love how you don’t put up with my crap, and berate me like you would anyone else.” Suga sniffs and Daichi wraps his arms around Suga drawing him into his body. “I love how passionate and willing to learn you are with setting, and how you’ve taken Kageyama under your wing when you didn’t have to.” Drawing Suga’s face towards his Daichi whispers “I love all of you Sugawara Koushi”
Suga stares up at the boy he’s grown up with, and unwillingly begins to cry for the thousandth time, in Suga’s opinion that day while he lets this new reality hit him slightly. Tensing Daichi leans down grabbing his shoulders looking into Suga’s eyes panicking he stutters out “Shit Suga, I- I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry… shit!” doing the best worried dad impression that Suga has ever seen, making him crack up flashing Daichi the biggest genuine smile that seems impossible to remove from his face, since Daichi confessed to him. “I’m ok Daichi, I’m just extremely happy is all” Suga says while grabbing his hand and swinging it, “What I don’t understand though is why make up a girl? Why not just save us both the trouble and tears, and just admit it was me?”
Daichi looks at Suga and begins to laugh, shaking his head before saying: “Wasn’t there someone who once said easier said than done” which gets him a playful punch from Suga which he takes the chance to grab his hand and twirl him around in a circle, practically gravitating towards Suga’s laugh. “Anyway” he says drawing in a still laughing Suga into his chest who buries his head into Daichi’s chest with such ease, “How was I supposed to tell this amazingly humble, smart, sexy man that I had grown up with that I was in unconditional love with him, and it would make him the happiest man alive to simply just hold him, which still isn’t registering right now, you could still leave right about now.”
Suga looks up at Daichi from burying his face in Daichi’s chest, and with the sweetest most contented smile he didn’t even need to muster he simply said “Never” before laughing as Daichi picks him up and twirls him around, placing him on the ground with such a gentle love filled kiss that he was in trouble. Daichi breaks the kiss to lean his forehead on Suga’s and says: “I love you Koushi” making Suga’s heart leap and move to kiss Daichi once more, too wrapped up in each other, to hear or care about anyone else right now.