Hey guys . So as the description tells you, this is a KuroTsukki fic that takes place after chapter 195 which means YES IT HAS SPOILERS. So if you’re only watching the anime (which is perfectly fine) PLEASE DON’T READ THIS UNLESS YOU WANT THE PLOT SLIGHTLY SPOILED. You’ve been warned ^^
Anyway so I hope you enjoy this, it was a head-cannon about what would happen after the match between the owls and cats that I created, and then made a dear friend of mine read.
So please read, enjoy and tell me what you think. This is un beta- ed so all mistakes are mine, everything is owned by Furudate, bar the plot which is mine.
The resounding ringing of the last whistle blares in Kuroo’s ears , as he landed on the court floor sweat pouring down his face, and an overwhelming urge to kick something boiling in his blood. Looking around he can’t help but make eye contact with his childhood best friend Kozume Kenma, who if you didn’t know him as well as Kuroo did, you would believe that he was impassive to what had just occurred between them and Fukurodani. However Kuroo was of the belief that he knew Kenma better than even himself, and under the indifference and logical thinking that most were used to seeing Kuroo could see sadness and the disappointment that they had not won this match. Disappointment that they couldn’t play shrimp in the Tokyo tournament.
Looking around he saw most of the team either crying, on the verge of crying, or looking thoroughly confused. Swearing to himself quietly while scrunching his hands into fists he yells: “Line up. Let’s go” ignoring the sting in the back of his eyes. Oh hell no. You are not crying. You are the captain, show some backbone for fuck sake. Taking a deep breath but ignoring the look Kenma throws his way, he pats Yaku on the back who sniffles but follows the captain’s lead in walking to the end line and lining up as they always do for matches.
After everyone falls into place and thanks have been given to everyone worthy, all Kuroo wants to do is go home and sleep for a year. Picking his bag up he rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, brushing away any stray tears No crying, I’ve told you that already. Already the numbness is seeping into Kuroo’s body and all he wants to do is go home and not have to look at the upset faces of both his team mates, and coaches. Taking his first step towards freedom from the too bright lights and too noisy people Kuroo believes he may get out of having to see anyone upset. Much to his annoyance though Lev Haiba blocks his way eyes slightly red, but his height outmatching even his.
“Where do you think you’re going captain? we’re all going to the local sushi and noodle bar Yaku’s dad owns. Treat ourselves to some good old comfort food” Lev says hands on his hips. Not trying to snap at a fellow team-mate Kuroo sighs and in the calmest tone he can says he needs to use the bathroom. Lev raises an eyebrow towards the gym bag slung around his shoulder silently asking why he’d need to bring that. Losing it slightly Kuroo snaps that he just needs to, and to “Go annoy someone else” before shoving past him and walking out of the exist muttering that someone needed to say that to him, and not treat him like a little kid.
Yeah keep telling yourself that. Whatever helps you pretend you aren’t the reason they need comfort food. Growling at his own head’s thoughts he yanks earphones out of his bag, shoves them into his ears and blares his loudest music available during the twenty minute train ride out of the city and back into his small home town. Jumping off the train and onto the platform he practically speed walks to his apartment complex, refusing to stop for anything or anyone. “I will not cry. I will not cry. I will NOT cry.” he mutters dodging the elevator instead taking the stairs smirking at how his knees scream in protest.
Arriving outside his dingy apartment he fishes the key out of his pocket grinning softly at the little cat paw Kenma had gotten him last Christmas. Opening the door he walks into his apartment with bated breath. This morning everything seemed so possible, within reach. Now though it may as well be in a never ending black hole, along with every other sport team’s broken dreams. Groaning Kuroo throws his bag onto the floor, not caring that his clothes would get crumpled or how badly he was in need of a hot shower. Instead Kuroo pads across his small living room, where his favourite leather lounge chair from home sat in the perfect spot to the small TV he bought of someone on-line, and the Xbox he had bought himself with his first proper pay check into his bedroom and flops onto his bed with another groan.
Despite being dog tired Kuroo can’t sleep, the same three words repeating itself over and over in his head driving him absolutely bat shit crazy. It’s your fault, it’s your fault, it’s your fault. You could’ve been quicker, you could’ve read the play better. All these thoughts were taking up too much space in Kuroo’s brain to let sleep come easily, so instead he lay there. Laid there on his bed and let these thoughts consume him until he was convinced it was his fault, and not because Bokouto and his team were the better team on the day. It was his fault, and how he was ever going to look anyone in the eyes again was gut wrenching.
This goes on longer than Kuroo cares to admit. Just laying on his Ikea bed, ignoring his phone ringing off the hook. Probably Kenma wondering whether he’s home or not. Deciding to turn off his phone, needing the silence to think Kuroo tuns his phone off and continues psychoanalysing the match, what he could of done better, how he could’ve done it, and what would have happened if he’d actually put the effort in. Going over the last few minutes of the match inside his head for the thousandth time Kuroo doesn’t notice that the street light outside his room has switched on, and it’s probably time to eat something.
I’m the captain though, and I’ve been playing volleyball all of my life. I should have seen what was coming and prevented it. Instead I was stupid and acted like a dumb ass because we got one point over them.Groaning at his thoughts he buries his head and wishes that blissful sleep would take him, because at this point anything would be better than feeding his thoughts. As if just to annoy him as he buries his head into his pillow once more, more street lights turn on shining into his bedroom and casting a weak but definitely there brightness into the once dark room. Glaring at the light he can’t help thinking that the lights, and maybe the world are out to get him for his fuck ups today.
Sighing Kuroo grabs his neighbour pillow and wraps it around his head silently pleading sleep to overtake him. Then, in midst of his internal groaning, the door knocks startling Kuroo into a sitting position. It’s probably just Kenma come to give me the logical clearly thought out reasons it wasn’t my fault, when we all know it clearly is. Rolling over into a laying position he silently apologizes to Kenma, because though he loves his childhood friend, he just can’t take it right now. Then Bokouto his bro comes into his head and he really groans, he doesn’t need the fake guilt of a captain who just won at his door either. Moaning to himself he buries his head deeper into the pillow willing the knocker to go away.
After twenty minutes, in which the knocker doesn’t stop, but doesn’t exactly do anything to indicate they’re gonna leave Kuroo caves, and is one hundred and ten percent ready to tell whoever is outside his door to kindly piss off cause he’s no way in the mood to play happy. Taking a deep breath and running his hand through his hair, he plasters a ‘I’m fine Ken, I’m just tired, course I don’t blame myself’ kind of smile to his face, because though he says he’ll tell anyone to piss off, he couldn’t do that to Kenma.
Opening the door he starts to say; ‘I’m fin-’ when he takes a look at whose standing at his door. Slightly messier than usual straw blond hair, brown eyes covered with glasses that have seen better days- and an outfit that from what Kuroo can see from the way he’s standing mid knock, looks like it came from a fashion line.
“Tsukki?” Kuroo says unable to keep the surprise from his voice. He hadn’t seen the other boy since their training camp last month. ‘What are you?’ he says but gets interrupted when the 6′2 male pushes past him without saying anything, and enters the kitchen placing a bag on the table where he begins to take out to tubs of food, to which Kuroo’s stomach growls at. Flustered Kuroo shuts the door behind his guest then follows him into the kitchen, questions filling his brain and on the tip of his tongue.
Finally making eye contact with Kuroo, Tsukkishima simply asks where the plates are. Pointing to the cupboard beside the sink he nods and grabs two, handing one to Kuroo before grabbing chopsticks, opening the tubs of food up and settling in to the seat across from where Tsukki is standing staring at him. “Thank you for the food” Tsukki says, and then begins to eat his sweet and sour pork. Kuroo hastily follows his visitors example, but doesn’t start eating just yet.
Looking at his guest who takes a sip of water he plucks up the courage, after a tense few minutes of Tsukki chewing his food and Kuroo just staring at him, to ask the question that’s been on the tip of his tongue since he opened the door to the blond. ‘Why are you here Tsukki?’ he whispers, blushing slightly because why is he whispering? there’s nothing significant about a acquaintance showing up to his house with food, and not having a motive.
Finishing his sip of water Tsukki puts his water down on the table, staring at the food that’s left on his plate. “Kozume kun emailed me this morning, telling me about your match.” he says refusing to look Kuroo in the eye. Despite loving his childhood friend dearly, anger boils in Kuroo’s stomach. “I’m not twelve, and need a hug because I broke my favourite toy. I can handle myself perfectly fine thank you.” he says through gritted teeth, which Tsukki who is still staring at his water ignores
Clenching his fists under the table and through gritted teeth Kuroo says: “I don’t need your pity ok? so whatever Kenma has said for you to get you here I relieve you of those duties.” A burst of coughing makes Kuroo look up surprised and appalled that Tsukki was laughing at him. What he saw however shocked him even more, Tsukki was rubbing his neck a blush running up his neck, and his eyes still refusing to meet Kuroo’s.
’The thing is, I know you don’t need pity and lord knows why I came here. Yet I saw Sawamura san when we lost against Aoba Joushai in the winter tournament. You don’t deserve pity, but you deserve to be upset.” Kuroo gaped at him for a few seconds then clamped his mouth shut.
Since he was a young kid in the park practising receives with Kenma, or to right now sarcasm was his coping mechanism, and he used it whenever he didn’t like where a situation going. This conversation was no different, he didn’t know what Tsukki meant, but it couldn’t be good.
“What makes you think that even if I was sad, which I am not thank you very much, I would talk about it to you.. four eyes.” he says with his signature smirk on his face. Wait why did I call him four eyes? what was the point in that? you made your point, didn’t need to ridicule him personally. Kuroo looks up a horrified look on his face to see that Tsukki’s eyebrows had lifted and his lips pursed. The food around them all but forgotten.
“Tsukki” he says beginning to apologize for his behaviour, but Tsukki interrupts him with an icy glare Kuroo had seen him throw his team mates during their training camps. “I know what you’re doing Kuroo san, I do it too and let me tell you. It feels good for about half a second then you feel bad ten times worse don’t you?” Sighing and rubbing his eyes Tsukki says: “I’m not saying you have to be sad or cry, or fuck even talk about it with me but Jesus Kozume kun sounded upset when he sent me that email. I don’t know him all that well, yet I sure as hell know that it was difficult for him to send it to me” Finally looking at Kuroo he says: “If Kozume kun ‘cat lover extraordinare’ can be sad, I think his best friend, and captain of the whole team can be sad. Even if it’s not with a four eyed guy”
This was all getting too much for Kuroo, but what was he supposed to do? blurt all his feelings to a guy who he may have slightly liked a lot at a volleyball training camp? So he just kept his mouth shut, though the words were tearing their way through his body. Things like ‘All my fault’ ’Should’ve been quicker. Smarter ‘I should have blocked it’ making him hurt all over. Shaking his head Tsukki stands up wiping his mouth with a napkin he brought in the bag. “Obviously I’m not the one you want to talk to. I don’t know why Kozume kun thought I’d be the one you would, we don’t even know each other” pushing away from the table Kei grabs his bag slinging it over his shoulder “I’ll tell Kozume kun that I wasn’t helpful, and to next time get someone else. Maybe shrimpy could help, or milk chan, because lord knows they never shut up about volleyball”
Walking to the door Tsukki opens it but pauses. Looking back he says: “You’re still a great captain Tetsuro Kuroo. Ask any of your kouhais or senpai’s and they’ll say the exact same thing. Tetsuro Kuroo was the best think that happened to Nekoma in quite a while” Chuckling to himself, he says: “You definitely helped me out- not that I’d ever admit it to anyone” he adds on quickly. Grabbing the door handle he pushes it and says with a small sad smile on his face, something that caught Kuroo off guard, cause when has Tsukki ever smiled like that? it’s either a shit eating smirk or a frown. “Bye Tetsuro” before walking out of the door.
Staring blankly at where Kei Tsukkishima just was Kuroo was stumped. Did Tsukki actually come for the reason he was slowly figuring out. Did he come because he was worried about him, and maybe just maybe he felt the same way at camp that Kuroo did? or did Kenma just want him to see a friendly face and chose the first Karasuno guy he could?.
His thoughts were interrupted by the click of the door shutting, leaving him once again alone in his dimly lit apartment with fast barely eaten cooling food beside him and somewhat eaten food across from him. “What am I doing?” he mutters to himself looking around his apartment, which was still shrouded in darkness because he hadn’t turned on any lights before opening the door.
Fuck it he thinks wanting to learn why Tsukki came to him, so while not allowing his brain to comprehend what he was doing Kuroo pushes away from the table and runs to the door, ignoring the little voice in his head informing him that this would be a bad idea. Flinging the door open he looks down the hall of apartments on his level, seeing nothing. He curses to himself wondering if he’s left it too late. Running out into the hall he starts running towards the elevator wondering if that’s where he’s gone. Not there, , Jesus he’s fast Kuroo thinks as he sprints to the stairs his calf’s screaming in protest never having completed warming down properly too focused on getting home.
Taking the stairs faster than he ever thought possible he practically throws the door to his complex open panting slightly. Looking frantically around, he spots the Karasuno jacket and straw blonde hair. Taking a deep breath he starts running again not shouting his name, because his legendary headphones are covering his ears. Bumping into people, Kuroo hurriedly apologises to them but continues on, wondering where Tsukki is going, he stops in a supermarket ten minutes away from Kuroo’s apartment where he usually buys fruit and milk bread for school. Not questioning why he went into a supermarket, or the scene he’s probably about to cause Kuroo follows him in panting.
Kuroo follows Tsukii into the bottled drinks aisle, then before Tsukki can pick something up Kuroo grabs Tsukki’s hand swirls Tsukki around, eliciting a yell from him.
Time to be serious Kuroo. Now or never I suppose. “I don’t like crying in front of people I play with.. to me that shows a sort of vulnerability doesn’t it?” Kuroo spits out, not certain why that was the first thing he said to the blond. Tsukki raises his eyebrows suspiciously pursing his lips weighing out his answer, eventually saying “You realise that we played each other all the time at the training camp?”
Kuroo shakes his head ” That’s different, if we lost there, we could brush it off and exclaim we would win the next round. Hell knows shrimpy and serious chan did that. This match against Bokuoto was a serious match, where any mistake made was used against them, in order to get in the lead. I made the most mistakes, meaning I lost all those points”
At this point without knowing it Kuroo had started to shake and tears were filling his eyes. Here Kuroo Testsuro was crying in a supermarket aisle clinging to a boy who he only kind of knew, and flirted with a lot during their meetings, and he didn’t care about the onlookers of this weird exchange, many who looked mildly concerned and yet somehow relieved they were here to see this drama unfold.
Looking up slightly at Tsukki through blurry eyes, some tears had begun to fall with the implication of his words says: “How can I face the team when I let them down? I can’t pretend everything is ok cause,it’s not. We- We lost. We lost the most important match this year, my last year and that’s on me. If I wasn’t such an idiot then maybe” Kuroo, which had been happening a lot today he mused later on in bed, was interrupted not by speech this time but by a hug.
A hug that swallowed him up, that surrounded him in a warmth he couldn’t explain. He leaned into the other body. feeling the other’s heart beat normally, despite the scene they were making. Taking advantage of the moment Kuroo breathed in the smell of the boy hugging him, smelling black coffee and something else he couldn’t put his finger on.
“If I ever hear you call yourself an idiot, or something along that line again, I will burn every copy of aristocrats you have. Do you understand?” a voice says in a way that Kuroo knew he meant it, but in the most lovingly way possible. “Just because you didn’t win, doesn’t mean you can’t learn and grow. You’re going to college next year Kuroo san, college that has professional volleyball where you can learn even more, and yet still keep that god awful attitude of yours” coughing through his tears Kuroo nuzzles his face into Kei’s chest and says: “Love you too Tsukki” clamping up straight after because it’s always nerve wracking to say the forbidden three words, when you didn’t know if the other party felt the same. (Life lessons right there)
A huff and slight shift from Tsukki made Kuroo’s heart sink, but then comes a mutter of “Love you too Kuroo san” Unable to believe this was happening Kuroo let the last of his tears fall, sobbing silently letting all the emotions he had piled up out. Yet he still clung to the new best thing that ever happened to him possibly since cats the musical, in the middle of a supermarket silently wishing for this feeling to never stop.
And that’s how Kenma found them two hours later, laying on the sofa Kei teasing him about his obsession over cat musicals, and Kuroo defending them to the bone, all the while knowing that the missing element his couldn’t place at the shop was. Forgiveness, and maybe something the 6′2 sarcastic little fuck beside him could provide him. A home
So what do you think? Love/Hate tell me with a comment and I’ll try get back to you as soon as possible. :3
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