Chapter 1: Realizations and Lashing Outs
"...and it's very imp9rtant t9 6e weary of what might hurt 9thers in any c9ntext. Furtherm9re..." There he goes, at it again, with his stupid lectures which I only pay part attention to. In fact, I think I'm the only one who listens to any of it at all. Most people probably don't hear a single word that spews out of his protein chute. 'Why is he so annoying? Doesn't he know that no one cares what he has to say?' Sighing, I realized he was still going on about how I should censor my language, which only irritated me further. All I wanted was some sleep and peace away from the fuckasses on the meteor. Mainly Gamzee, Terezi, and Dave. All of Kankri's talking is just giving me a headache. 'Why do I even bother?'
"Kat?" I suddenly heard him say.
"WHAT?" I replied, very much so annoyed.
"I asked y9u a questi9n. Did y9u n9t hear me?"
"YOU ACTUALLY ASKED ME A QUESTION? TO WHICH I COULD RESPOND TO? AS IN A REAL CONVERSATION AND NOT YOU JUST GOING ON AND ON WITH A MONOLOGUE?"
"Yes..." Kankri seemed confused to why I had said what I said.
"IT'S JUST SURPRISING SINCE I CAN NEVER GET A SINGLE WORD IN AND I BET NOBODY ELSE CAN EITHER WITH ALL OF YOUR TALKING. IT'S LIKE PARAGRAPH AFTER PARAGRAPH OF TALKING THAT MOST PEOPLE DON'T PAY A SINGLE OUNCE OF ATTENTION TO SINCE THEY DON'T CARE." At that Kankri seemed a bit hurt which sent a pain to my chest, but my stupid mouth kept going. "YOU KNOW, I'M SURPRISED I'M STILL EVEN HERE. I PROBABLY COULD HAVE WALKED AWAY BY NOW AND YOU WOULDN'T HAVE NOTICED." I faded away as I woke up. The hurt look on Kankri's face right before I did, as I was about to continue, was etched into my brain. Shaking my head, as if to remove the image physically, I stepped out of my recupracoon and headed towards the washing block, or to humans, a bathroom. Once done washing off of the slime, I went and sat in front of my husktop. Quickly checking it, finding nothing important, I thought about going back to sleep but decided against it in case I ran into Kankri and possible get the lecture of a lifetime. Yet, at the same time, I didn't want to be here. 'Can I just not exist? Like, is that an option?'
My thoughts were interrupted by some nookwhiff knocking on the door to my respitblock. Sighing, I get up to answer the fucker. "WHAT DO YOU WANT EGBERT?" I asked as I noticed it was John who had knocked on my door.
"Kanaya wants to know if you want to eat." He replied.
Thinking for a second, I answer, "NO. NOW GO AWAY." Basically slamming the door in his face, I waited until I heard his footsteps disappear before I exited my block to find a dark corner to hide in. Knowing Kanaya, she'd come looking for me and will only give up if she can't find me. Walking down a hallway that's been pretty much forgotten, having nothing in it, I curled up in a corner. Once comfortable, my thoughts turned to Kankri and how he looked when I had said the things I said to him. The pain in my chest returned from before and I couldn't place why until, by trying to ignore it, I started thinking about Kankri's voice, his stupid sweater, and his attractive face. 'Wait, attractive? How could I think that about my Danscestor?' Trying to rid myself of those thoughts, they turned to Terezi and how I haven't been as upset about her red relationship with Dave and her black one with Gamzee as I was before. 'Maybe I've just gotten used to it.' But that reason didn't seem right to me. After much more thinking on it and consideration of many other things that have been going on with me lately, I've come to the startling conclusion that I am flushed for Kankri. 'Shit.'
It's been a week since the last time I slept, the last time I talked to Kankri, and the day I realized I was red for him. All it's gotten me, besides the ability to avoid Kankri, is irritability. So irritable that I never spoke except to shout profanities and other useless shit to everyone. Entering the nutrition block, I headed over to the, what humans call, refrigerator to grab a quick snack.
"HeY bEsT fRiEnD~" Gamzee said beside me, making me drop the apple I had pulled out.
"GAMZEE! DON'T DO THAT EVER AGAIN!" I don't even know why he bothers to talk to me now, we haven't in a while. "THAT IS SO ANNOYING."
"SoRrY kArBrO. DiDn'T mEaN tO sCaRe YoU."
"YEAH, WHATEVER. DON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN." I replied with a huff. Unfortunately that was only the first time I would snap at someone for something with such a simple solution.
"WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS WHY THIS IS SO HARD FOR YOU TO GET, GAMZEE!" I was absolutely seething. "HOW COME YOU NEVER UNDERSTAND ANYTHING?! I'M TRYING TO WATCH MY MOVIE AND ALL YOU DO IS ASK WHY THINGS ARE HAPPENING. IF YOU WOULD JUST PAY ATTENTION FOR ONCE THEN I WOULDN'T BE SO FRUSTRATED." To be honest, it was a dumb thing to be mad over since all I had to do was go to my respitblock and watch it, but no my mouth seemed to have a mind of it's own when I was so exhausted.
"SoRrY kArBrO, i DiDn'T mEaN-"
"YOU DIDN'T MEAN WHAT?! TO INTERRUPTED ONE OF MY MOVIE SESSIONS FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME ON THIS FUCKING ROCK?! I WAS TRYING TO RELAX AND WATCH SOMETHING I LIKE, NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN EVERY SINGLE DETAIL OF ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES. MAYBE IF YOU-"
"Enough!" Gamzee and I turned our heads to see Dave, who had just practically screamed his lungs out, with John standing beside him, looking paralyzed. "Just cool it, guys."
"yeah. Gamzee, just leave Karkat alone for a bit, okay?" John started. "and Karkat, get some fucking sleep for real man." This time I could actually keep my mouth shut and just stomped off towards my respitblock. After a while of just chaos, throwing all of my shit around, I settled down in my recupracoon and passed the fuck out.
I 'awoke' in a normal looking dream bubble. Taking in the golden scenery, I looked straight ahead to Porrim basically charging at me. 'Great. Just as bad as a lecturing Kankri. No, scratch that, worse.'
"What did yo+u do+ t0+ Kankri, Karkat?" She was obviously trying to keep calm.
"No+ do+n't even answer that. I kno+w what yo+u said to+ him. I just want to+ kno+w why."
"I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHY. I WAS IRRITATED AND I GUESS I JUST TOOK IT OUT ON HIM. HE WAS THE ONLY ONE AROUND AND HE WAS TALKING A LOT, LIKE USUAL, WHICH DOESN'T USUALLY GET TO ME THAT BADLY BUT I WAS IRRITABLE AND HE WAS GIVING ME A HEADACHE SO I JUST... LASHED OUT. I DIDN'T MEAN TO."
"Is that why yo+u haven't been sleeping, Karkat?"
"PART OF IT, YEAH."
"Well, I think yo+u sho+uld apo+lo+gize and make it up to+ him. Actually, yo+u better do+ just that." With that, she walked away.
Opening my eyes, I was greeted by a pissed off Terezi. 'Just my luck.'