Note: I've taken the idea of Tonks being able to pick up what males want from her from contact from "Scion of Gryffindor" by Crys. You should be able to find it on the fanficauthors website. It's my second favourite Honks fic, and you'll also be able to find my favourite (by Lorddwar) on the same site.
I'm fairly sure I want to continue this one at some stage, so don't be too surprised if it ends up being posted as its own story some time in the future. At the moment though I'd like to focus on Thoughts of Pudding.
Chapter 1: The Plan
5 June 1998
I know we haven't spoken for a while, but I thought I should let you know that it's official. I've managed to join the majority of the female population and have fallen in love with Harry Potter.
Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking, and we both know what I think of that whole 'love' idea, don't we? Men are basically pigs, and almost without exception every time I've shaken hands with one I've picked up what they want. As if it wasn't bad enough that I can change into whatever fantasy they're thinking of, my stupid ability has to go and let me know what it is they want! How is that fair?
Oh sure, there are plenty of guys that barely give me a second thought, so I only get a slight twinge, but they're usually the ones that are already in relationships or not interested in looking for one. In other words; of no use to me at all.
Do I even need to mention who the exception is?
I think I started falling for him when I first met him. Of course he was only 15 at the time, so I didn't give it much thought. Alright, alright… so I did give it some thought, but give me a break – he was different! What 15 year old isn't thinking about sex a million times a day? Especially when they are in the presence of their preferred gender? I know I was – well, right up until I actually stopped looking at guys from afar and actually found out what they were like from brushing a hand against them in passing.
It didn't take long to work out what was going on and not much longer after that to decide (surprisingly) that I had more self-respect than to be some guy's plaything, no matter how cute they might be. Of course, if it wasn't for my ability to morph my own fingers I'm not sure how long that decision to write off men would have lasted.
But getting back to the point, when I brushed against Harry accidentally I got nothing! Not one little twinge to say that he'd prefer my arse to be bigger, or my tits to be double D's or my nose to be smaller, or my lips fuller, or my… well, you get the picture.
At the time I thought he must have iron-clad Occlumency shields or was gay, but I found out later he didn't have a clue about Occlumency, and definitely only liked girls.
So here we are, two years later, with Voldemort finally dealt with, and Harry Hotter looking better than ever, and I'm still not getting any twinges from any contact with him.
I've come to the conclusion that he just doesn't find me attractive, and I have to say that was a very bitter potion to swallow. The only guy I would consider, and he isn't considering me. Damn you irony! Didn't you get enough entertainment from me by giving me the morphing talent and the sting in the tail that came with it?
So, diary, I've come to the conclusion that I have to make some choices. Firstly, do I stay celibate my whole life? Nope, my biological clock has started ticking again now that Voldy's gone and I can't impregnate myself. At least, I don't think– Nope, not going there.
Second choice; I could ignore my thoughts on the subject and just start shagging some guy that interests me. Merlin, that thought is depressing, and I'm not that desperate yet.
Or… I could put my skills to use and see if I can find what it is that Harry actually wants in a woman. Maybe if I change myself entirely and pretend to be someone else I could get lucky.
And if at first I don't succeed… well, with my morphing ability I can try, try again.
Wish me luck!