Brian's Bits

How Harry's trial should have gone

Author's Note: Okay, first off... I didn't write this. Honest... I ran out of text. I had a flat battery, I didn't have enough money for a recharge. My USB didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town (and hacked my account). Someone stole my keyboard. There was a blackout. A terribly noisy fan! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!


How Harry's trial for underage magic should have gone.

By Brian64

Harry's face remained calm and unaffected as his trial began and the charges were read out. His expression didn't change as Minister Fudge asked his first question.

"You are Harry James Potter of Number Four Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey?"

"No. My name is Lucius Malfoy of Malfoy Manor, Wiltshire."

"What? What did you say?"

"My name is Lucius Malfoy of Mal–"

"Yes, yes, I heard what you said. But how can you be Lucius when you look like Harry Potter?"

"I was walking through the Ministry a few minutes ago after giving you my bribe to make sure Potter was expelled, when my body froze and I was forced to drink polyjuice potion and then veritaserum."


"I was walking through the Ministry–"

"No! I mean… err... who did this to you?"

"I didn't see who did this as they were behind me and I couldn't turn around. After my body was freed, I was pushed towards the door and told to enter the room when the door opened."

"But why would they do this - and where is Harry Potter?"

"They said they wanted me to confess to all the bribes I gave you and to ask which of your toadies sent the dementors to Little Whinging-"

"But I didn't order any dementors sent to Little Whinging! There must be a mistake!"

By this time Madam Bones had heard enough. "Minister, I notice you forgot to deny you accepted bribes. I think we need to hear more of this before the veritaserum runs out."

"No! You can't! The... err... the witness hasn't been advised of their rights and the veritaserum was administered illegally! I demand he be issued the antidote immediately. Auror – do it now!"

Auror Dawlish approached the accused and issued three drops of the Veritaserum counter-agent.

After a few seconds, Harry blinked several times as though awakening, and a fierce expression rose on his face. In a loud, angry but still cultured voice he let his feelings be known. "This is an outrage! I demand to be allowed to leave here and return to my manor before anyone sees me in these disgusting clothes or this... this... half-blood mongrel's face any longer. I will not be shamed any further, Cornelius!"

"Yes, yes, Lucius you may leave now and go home."

Madam Bones had the last word. "Yes, Mr Malfoy, I suggest you head straight home and stay there so my Aurors don't have to look for you. As for this farce of a trial, I vote for dismissal of all charges against Harry Potter so that we can begin an investigation into these accusations of corruption. All those in favour, say aye."

Madam Bones counted as the vast majority of hands rose. "Those opposed? The ayes clearly have it. All charges against Harry Potter are dismissed. Now, Minister, I suggest you take the chair your friend is leaving..."

As Harry closed the doors behind him as he left the courtroom, he worked hard to try and maintain his angry expression. But as he emptied his money bag into the fountain on his way out, he couldn't help but laugh out loud and wonder whether pureblood wizards could actually get any stupider.


I blame all those 'wizards is teh stoopid' and rewritten trial fics I've been reading lately... that and not enough coffee... but it wasn't me.


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