I can’t see the end of me
My whole expanse I cannot see
I formulate infinity
Stored deep inside me
Alex was banging on the door of Piper’s house, she knew the blonde was in there. Everything had gotten fucked up so quickly, and Alex had no idea how to fix things. In that moment, all she knew was that she needed to see Piper, she needed to make sure she was okay. After five minutes of knocking on the door, Alex turned the knob and was surprised to discover the door was unlocked. This just made her panic more, Piper never just left her front door unlocked, not unless something was really wrong.
Alex burst into the apartment with desperation and began searching every room. She eventually opened the bathroom door, and found what she was looking for. It was Piper, sitting on the floor next to the bathtub, with a small vile of white powder sitting next to her, the same white powder that Alex had been selling to her for over six months. Piper didn’t even seem to register Alex’s presence, it was a miracle she could still breathe on her own.
Alex was scared, and knelt down in front of Piper, taking the blonde’s face in her hands, “Pipes, can you hear me?” All Alex got in reply was a faint groan, which she felt was better than nothing.
“I’m not going anywhere okay, I’m gonna look after you.”
Piper managed to open her eyes as Alex kept gently stroking her cheeks, “What?”
“You’ve taken too much Pipes, I’ll take care of you.”
“I’m so tired Alex.”
“I know Pipes, I know. But I can’t let you go to sleep just yet, you gotta stay with me for a bit okay?” Alex looked at Piper in desperation, trying to will her to stay awake. “Please Pipes, please try to stay awake.”
Alex wasn’t sure what to do, Piper became so depressed when she found out about the baby, and she started relying on heroin to get through the day. Deep down Alex felt responsible for what she saw in front of her right now. She had known Piper was struggling, but she never stopped selling her the drugs.
7 months earlier
Alex sat across from Fahri in his apartment, sipping her beer as she stared off into the distance. Just three hours earlier they had stepped off a plane, returning to New York after three weeks in Bali followed by two weeks in various other Indonesian islands, picking up new business. Alex had met Fahri three years earlier, and they’d been close ever since. Alex had never been the sociable type, so aside from her mother, Fahri became her closest friend.
This was only the third time Alex had been trusted to travel overseas for the drug cartel, each time she had gone with Fahri. Even though she was completely drained as she sank further into the arm chair, the truth was that she loved the new opportunities she was being given. Before she met Fahri, she had nothing. She worked whatever waitressing shifts she could pick up and lived in a trailer park with her mother, Diane. The cartel had given her access to a new life, she wasn’t ashamed to say the cartel had given her a new lease on life, a reason to keep going. But above all else it gave her the opportunity to help Diane, to get her out of the trailer park and into her own apartment. It still wasn’t much, but it was more than her mother ever had. Alex had started at the bottom and gained trust with Fahri and his bosses, things were going well and for once she was actually happy.
She sipped her beer again as she mentally reminded herself to call Diane in the morning, it was after midnight now and Alex didn’t want to wake her up. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, but was disturbed by Fahri’s deep voice before she could drift off to sleep.
“Remind me, there’s some low level clients I want you to start handling, we can talk through the details tomorrow.” Even he sounded exhausted, his voice sounding deeper and rougher than usual.
Alex opened her eyes but couldn’t be bothered moving her head to look at him, “What? I thought I was just meant to be working on logistics, why make me babysit clients now?”
“Because we all gotta share the pain of looking after the bottom feeders, you’ll get used to it. Don’t worry, it won’t interfere with your new travel schedule.”
This made Alex smile, this is what she’d been building towards in the last three years, the opportunity to travel on her own and move product between their most important destinations. If moving up the ranks meant more local client chores, she was more than happy to oblige. Right now all she wanted to do was sleep, she couldn’t be bothered going back to her own apartment now. She figured she might as well stay at Fahri’s if they needed to talk business tomorrow anyway.
Fahri managed to drag himself up off the couch before heading towards him room, “I gotta fucking sleep after that flight. You know where the guest room is if you want a bed, we’ll talk tomorrow.”
Alex smiled at her friend as she kept sinking further into the arm chair. She wasn’t too fussed about sleeping in a bed right now, for most of her life she didn’t have the luxury of sleeping in a bed anyway. She took off her boots before stretching out on the couch and falling asleep within seconds.
Piper sat at her kitchen table on her own, it was the middle of the night but she couldn’t sleep. Her boyfriend, Jack, was sound asleep in their bedroom, unaware that Piper felt completely alone. She’d been with Jack since she finished college five years earlier. At first she was happy, he was easy going and fun and they enjoyed each other’s company. But ever since they found out it would be almost impossible for Piper to have a baby, life just stopped. Jack never said it, but Piper felt like he hated her. Jack had always wanted his own kids, and now because of Piper, he never would.
Piper had suggested adoption more than once but he didn’t want to hear it, he just walked out of the room whenever she brought it up. Piper felt like the only person she could turn to for support was her best friend Nicky, but at the same time, she didn’t want to lump all of her problems onto one person. Her parents were useless, her dad didn’t know what to say and her mother was insensitive as usual. All Carol Chapman could do was talk about how much of a shame it was for Jack, how much of a good father he would have been. It broke Piper’s heart, not once did her mother acknowledge how Piper felt, just left her feeling that she should be thankful Jack has stayed with her.
Jack wasn’t a bad person, but things just weren’t the same between them anymore. These days he never just kissed her for no reason, or brought her flowers even though it wasn’t a special occasion. Piper felt like they lived their own separate lives, and over time Jack’s resentment towards his girlfriend became more and more obvious. At first, Piper had the occasional drink to help deal with her own sadness, but after a while, it wasn’t enough anymore. She needed something else, something to make her feel alive again. She knew that Nicky occasionally dabbled with drugs, but it wasn’t something she liked to talk about with Piper. It was something that Nicky had grown to be ashamed of, especially since her relationship with her own mother fell apart. But Piper knew one name, the man that Nicky always contacted when she wanted her next hit, Fahri.
Piper knew Nicky would never give her Fahri’s details, it was a world she never wanted Piper to see. Everyone seemed to think Piper needed to be sheltered from the world, and she was getting sick of it. She wanted to feel like a human being again, and she didn’t care how that happened. One night when Piper was at Nicky’s apartment, she decided to take matters into her own hands. She waited until Nicky went to the bathroom and started looking through her friends phone, eventually finding the name she wanted – Fahri. Piper felt bad for going behind her friend’s back but she was desperate.
Piper held onto that phone number for two weeks before she finally worked up the courage to dial it. She was sitting alone in her bedroom when she made the call, Jack was at work and she had finished early that day. She stared at the screen for a while before finally pressing the green dial button, waiting for an answer.
Alex slept comfortably on Fahri’s couch until late afternoon the next day. She woke up to find him sitting in an armchair across from her, looking tired and holding onto a cup of coffee, “there’s more in the kitchen if you want it.”
Alex stretched out her long arms and legs before she finally got up and returned to the couch with a coffee and a cigarette.
“Well, let’s get down to business. You’ll keep helping me scout out new business and take care of shipments, but we still have to deal with some of the low level clients back here in New York. There’s only a dozen or so I need you to take care of, most of them you already know. It’ll be no big deal, you’ll probably only hear from them once per month for the drop offs. Aydin will fill in for you when you’re travelling. I actually got a call from a new one not long ago, she’ll start small but will probably start buying more. I want you to take care of this one from the start, show Kubra you’re a woman of many talents.” Fahri smirked at Alex as he kept talking, giving her the details. This would be the first time Alex would be so closely involved with the customer side of the business, she wasn’t sure how she felt about it, but she sure as hell wasn’t about to say no.
Fahri had arranged for Alex to meet this new customer later that night at a local bar. He gave her very clear instructions, pass on the goods, get the money, and leave. He also gave her the details of the other local clients she now had to deal with. This wasn’t a side of the business she really wanted to get involved with but at the same time, more responsibility meant more money. More money meant more independence for herself and it meant she could do more for Diane.
Alex was still feeling jet-lagged, so she went back to her apartment to get some more sleep before heading out for the night. Once she got home she realised she still hadn’t called Diane, so she sent her mother a text before laying in her own bed and falling back to sleep.
Piper sat in a booth at the bar she agreed on with Fahri, she bought herself a beer but was too nervous to even drink it. She couldn’t stop her palms from sweating and was constantly looking at the front door. Fahri had told her she’d be meeting with one of his colleagues, a lady called Alex. Piper told Fahri what she looked like and what she’d be wearing so that Alex could spot her. It all felt so surreal, and Piper started to wonder if she’d made the wrong choice, maybe she should just get up and leave and forget she ever made that phone call. She kept arguing with herself until she spotted a tall woman walk through the front doors, she was beautiful. The tall woman looked around the bar until she spotted Piper and started walking towards her. Piper just sat there, taking it all in. The woman had long dark hair, black framed glasses and pale skin. She walked with confidence in her skinny black jeans, black v-neck, and leather jacket until she eventually sat across from Piper at the booth. “You must be Piper, I’m Alex.”
Piper stretched her hand across the table and shook Alex’s hand, not quite sure what to say, “Hi Alex.” There was a moment of silence before Piper managed to find her voice again, “I have the money.”
Alex smiled at her, “and I have what you want, follow me to the bathroom.” Alex got up and waited for Piper to follow her. The two women walked into the toilets, which were empty, but Alex still led them into a cubicle, locking the door. Piper couldn’t help but notice how impossibly close she was standing to this complete stranger. This complete stranger that Piper was going to buy drugs from, maybe she really was losing her mind. Piper couldn’t help but be taken away by Alex’s eyes, the paleness of her skin, and the smell of their perfume. Alex seemed to return her gaze, before reaching into her jean pocket, taking out a small plastic bag filled with white powder. Alex leaned into Piper until her mouth was next to Piper’s ear, “I assume this is what you want?” Piper felt a shiver go down her spine as she felt Alex’s breathe against her ear. She tried to regain composure as she reached into her own jean pocket, pulling out the exact amount of money Fahri told her to bring.
Alex slowly tucked the small plastic bag into Piper’s jean pocket, before taking the cash from Piper’s hand and tucking it into her own pocket, “thanks Piper.”
Alex stood across from Piper in the cubicle as they made their exchange, drugs for cash. She thanked Piper but found that she wanted to stay close to her for a little longer. She looked young, maybe mid-twenties, she was beautiful, but her eyes looked so sad. Before she could decide what to do next, Piper broke the silence, “Alex, I.....I’ve never really done this before.”
That admission didn’t surprise Alex at all, Piper didn’t look like the typical heroin user. She probably had no idea how much to take, or how to even take it. Alex had no idea what had brought Piper to this point of wanting to use heroin, but she also didn’t want the blonde to accidentally kill herself because she didn’t know what she was doing, “Let me show you how to do it.”
Piper nodded, she seemed almost relieved, “What if you come back to my house?”
Alex didn’t say anything for a moment, going back to a client’s house like this was definitely not a good idea. Fahri would be pissed if he knew about it, but in that moment Alex didn’t really care what Fahri would think. Piper seemed harmless enough, she definitely wasn’t a cop, and the safest place for her to do heroin for the first time was in her own house. “Sure, can you give me a ride?” Piper nodded and the two women left the bar and walked towards Piper’s car. The drive to Piper’s house was mostly silent, aside from the occasional attempt at small talk. Piper eventually pulled up outside a nice looking town house, where Alex followed her in through the front door.
Alex looked around as she followed Piper down the long hallway, the place was nice, and by the looks of the photos on the walls, Piper didn’t live alone. “You live with your boyfriend?” The last thing Alex wanted was another person knowing she was there.
“Yeah, but turns out he’s travelling for work over the weekend, so he won’t be back until Sunday night.” Alex breathed a sigh of relief, which slowly reminded her how stupid she was being right now. Those feelings left her pretty quickly as she looked at Piper standing in the middle of the kitchen, looking completely lost. Alex felt bad for her, she was obviously having a rough time at the moment and just wanted an escape.
“Let’s do this someplace comfortable, so you can relax.” Piper nodded and led Alex into her lounge room, both women sat close to each other on the sofa. Alex placed a hand on Piper’s leg, trying to reassure her, before reaching into her jacket pocket and pulling out a small tin box. Alex placed the box on the coffee table before she opened it, pulling out alcohol swabs, a syringe, cotton buds, and a small spoon.
“Can you get a glass of water?”
Piper looked confused by the request but got up anyway, returning with a glass of water. She also removed the small plastic bag from her pocket and placed it on the coffee table, next to Alex’s tin box.
“I’m gonna start with a small amount okay, just to see how you feel.” She didn’t know why, but Alex couldn’t shake this overwhelming feeling that she needed to take care of this girl. Alex had injected heroin into herself before, but she didn’t do it very often. On the whole, she tried to stay away from drugs all together, she personally preferred to drink. Alex cleaned the spoon, then tipped a small amount of heroin into it. She then used the syringe to collect a small amount of water that she squirted into the spoon. Alex was very methodical when it came to things like this, this was a process she was unfortunately very familiar with. Alex picked up the spoon and pulled a lighter from her pocket, and slowly heated the spoon from the bottom until the heroin had dissolved and mixed with the water.
“Make sure you always heat it okay, it’s less dangerous this way. Now you need to filter it, again, it’s less dangerous this way.” Alex picked up the cotton ball and dipped it into the spoon until it absorbed all the liquid. Very carefully, she then picked up the syringe and used it to extract all the liquid from the cotton bud. Alex gently took Piper’s arm as she unwrapped an alcohol swab to clean the inner side of her elbow, “always use one of these, trust me you don’t want an infection. I’m only doing it hear so it’s easier to hit the vein, you can do it other places if you like, but I suggest you start here.”
Alex picked up the syringe and kept Piper’s arm in her lap, “you ready?”
Piper looked surprisingly calm, like she was almost relieved, “yeah, I’m ready.” Alex looked Piper in the eyes as she kept holding onto the syringe. She had a knot in the bottom of her stomach telling her she shouldn’t be doing this, but there was also another part telling her it was business and she was making sure Piper knew how to do her drugs safely. Besides which, the boyfriend wouldn’t be home for a couple days so Alex had already made up her mind that she’d stay with the blonde to make sure she was okay. After Alex managed to convince herself she was doing the right thing, she searched Piper’s inner elbow until she found the vein she wanted, she inserted the syringe, being as gentle as she could. She slowly pulled back the plunger to make sure she’d hit the vein properly. When she saw the blood flow into the syringe she slowly pushed the plunger down until all the liquid inside was gone. Alex put down the needle and grabbed another cotton bud and pressed it against the injection spot.
"That didn’t hurt at all.” Piper smiled at Alex and leaned her head on the brunette’s shoulder.
“That’s because I’m the best.” Alex smiled back and wrapped an arm around Piper’s shoulder. It never took long to hit someone after injecting, and Alex wanted to make sure Piper felt safe.
Less than a minute after Piper let Alex inject her, she was overcome with feelings of euphoric warmth, and didn’t even think before she rest her head on Alex’s shoulder. Before she knew it Alex had wrapped an arm around her and Piper didn’t hesitate to snuggle into her. She felt like she was a million miles away, she felt warm and safe. Her problems might return in the morning, but right now all she could think about was how good it felt to be sitting here with Alex.