Loving You

Pain, Anger, Love

Andrianne hated the fact that she does not even have the strength to even get out of bed. Chris cannot even get a foot near her without having to contain tears in his lids. Piper and her sisters could not do much but just to keep her comfortable.

“Andy, there’s someone here to see you.” Chris said softly as he cocked his head a little from the door.

“If it’s my friend, tell them I’m not well and I’m really sorry.” Andrianne replied softly.

“Not your school friends. I conjured him.” Chris confessed guiltily. Slowly he entered their dimmed bedroom with a special friend in hand. “He’s only here for a couple of hours, but that’ll do right?” Chris said as a streak of tear rolled down his cheek.

“Chris, you didn’t have to do that.” Andrianne said propping herself up on her elbow. “Ryan.” She smiled as she stretched her arm to reach for him.

“I miss you, little princess.” Ryan spoke. “The place was not the same without you.” He said sadly. “It’s never the same without you both.”

Ryan was real. He was right in front of her, yet somehow, it felt foreign and untrue to her. Something was wrong. He was there, his emotion was there, but Ryan was not Ryan. He was not real to Andrianne. He was just another being that was conjured out of thin air.

“Do you not like that I am here?” Ryan spoke again breaking the daze Andrianne was in. Chris just stared ahead, not wanting to know or feel anything. He could not cope with seeing Andrianne sick and in pain. “Did you not tell her you conjured me?” He demanded from Chris. “Someone, answer me.” The sweet rough voice said.

“You’re not Ryan. You might have his brains and some of his emotion but you are not him.” Andrianne spoke softly. Chris turned his head to her demanding her explanation. “You should know this as well as I do, bringing humans through time travels are not possible. You are merely capturing his essence of his moment. And conjuring humans from a different time is not possible, not without the power of three.”

“I wanted you to forget the pain. I wanted for you to be fine again.” Chris said shaking his head in the heel of his palms. Andrianne rose from her bed to where her brother was sitting. “I wanted for you to feel happy.”

“You made me the happiest last night. You made me the luckiest person on earth.” Andrianne replied. “This pain will go away. This is just an after effect of the chemo and radiation. I have been through worse, Chris. The distraction is useless. Do you not understand how a human mind works?” Andrianne demanded softly to her brother. The conjured man just stood still and said nothing. He was not the man they knew.

Ryan would never let this go on. He would never just sit and see these two siblings in pain. Andrianne was right. The man he conjured was merely an apparition of Ryan, not the man himself. “Andy, I don’t know what else to do. I need to be sure that you are okay. I want to be certain that you will make it.” Chris said.

“I am okay. I will make it but till when, that’s a problem. Even I can’t say.” Andrianne said. “You know the problem with mortal illness is that, nothing is certain.” She said. “I mean if you were pierced with a dark lighter arrow, the poison will kill you eventually, if not treated. If a spell is put on you, the pain is known of what was casted upon, but this, no one know how it would be.”

“I want it to be fine.” Chris said through gritted teeth.

“Andrianne wrapped her arms around her brother and laid her warm face on his back. “It is fine. I’m fine. I just a little tired.” Andrianne whispered to her brother. “When I agreed to do this, I never thought of what you would feel when you see me like this.” She said quietly. “I have never felt self-anger stronger than what you are channelling right now.” Andrianne smiled as she forced her brother’s head to turn slowly. “It is not your fault, big brother. It is never your fault.”

“No?” Chris questioned her. “Then why do I feel so guilty? Why do I feel so bad for leaving you and just for everything?” He questioned.

“Because you take the pain of the world on your shoulders when you are not supposed to. You take the responsibility of everyone and take the consequences when it happened. Not everything is about you, you know.” Andrianne said. “Life is much more than that. He thought me that. You did too.” Andrianne said turning to the tall blond man who was sitting on her bed.

Chris touched the wrapped arms around him and curved up a little smile on his face. “How can you be so strong through this?” He questioned.

“You thought her so. I might not be Ryan as a whole but I still have his mind and his memories.” The tall blond guy spoke.

Andrianne smiled softly at him. How she wished that he were real. He was the person who knows everything about her. And how she wished she could just tell him how she feels about him. Chris would never approve of it, but she could not stop herself from falling in love with the person closest to her.

Chris looked up at the apparition he conjured. He knew he made a mistake. But soon his mistake was going to be gone, but the feeling, the anger, the pain he was feeling could never go with him. Andrianne studied her brother as she sat on his lap.

“I might be ten, Chris. But you brought me up as an adult. Both of you. You thought me how to survive. What else can you do?” Andrianne smiled. “Don’t feel so sad.” Andrianne said as her finger traced the outline of Chris’ face.

Chris forced a small curve of a smile on his face. He laced his fingers gently caressing Andrianne’s hair. He had no word for her; he had lost his voice to speak. He wanted to be brave in front of her, but he could not do it anymore. He had no more strength to pretend.

“Your tears are not going to do any good. It hurts me more to see you broken like this.” Andrianne said softly. Her head leaning on his chest feeling the vibration every time he was muffling a sob. She sighed loudly for both Ryan and Chris to hear, slowly she closed her eyes once again fell into a deep sleep.

Drop by drop tears fell on Andrianne’s skin as they were shed by Chris. He held her as close as possible, knowing the time they have will not be long. Ryan just kept to himself in the corner of the room. He had not an idea of how to react as he never had seen Chris this broken.

Vigilantly Chris rose from the chair he was sitting in and sat on the bed with his little sister still in his arms. He laid his head back and cradled her like a little baby. The one he raised. The one who will always be close to him.

*******

Chris woke up as the sun shone harshly against his face. Andrianne was no longer in his arms. He was still in the chair as was the night before. As he opened the door, the thick smell of macaroni and cheese filled the air. Andrianne’s sweet voice filled the kitchen singing her favorite song he sang to her every day if she was down and when she was a baby as she cried.

“Don’t take my sunshine away.” Andrianne sang sweetly as she was feeding little Wyatt as Piper was at the stove cooking.

“Someone’s happy.” Chris said smiling at Andrianne as he walked in the kitchen.

“Cranky’s up.” Piper said as Andrianne laughed.

“Afternoon to you too, Chris.” Andrianne smiled. “Mom’s making mac and cheese.”

Chris just smiled at his little sister. How she had grown to be a young lady. “You look better today.” Chris said as he took a seat beside Andrianne. Andrianne nodded. “Okay sunshine, spill.” Chris smirked.

“Can’t I just be happy?” Andrianne questioned. Chris shrugged his shoulders. “Well, I’m eating a home cooked meal, I have you and mom and my big brother Wyatt. What is there not to be happy about?” She said.

“Alright, let me take over feeding the baby and you two, eat.” Piper said as she laid two bowls of macaroni and cheese on the table.

“Mom, it’s almost done.” Andrianne replied. Chris waited for his sister to finish and then they went and have their lunch. “You slept crying last night. What’s wrong?” Andrianne asked after Piper took Wyatt to his nursery to get changed.

“You. I was scared.” Chris replied not looking at Andrianne. “Andy, what am I to do if you’re gone?”

“You’re Christopher Perry Halliwell, you’ll find a way.” Andrianne smiled. “Hey, look, I might exist now and I might not later, with the uncertainty of the future, no one can predict.” After the line was spoken, the both of them just sat quietly and enjoyed their meal. Piper came down with Wyatt and sat with her other children to eat with them.

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