Puck really wanna know
I don't own Glee or any of its franchise – sadly enough.
Chapter unbetaed, but let me know if there's any glaring errors and I'll correct them.
A/N Short chapter this time, sorry. But I'm working double time this week and the next so I can go on vacation afterwards with nothing hanging over my head. But I didn't want to leave you hanging for so long. After this chapter, Regionals will start, I promise;)
"This looks so wonderful," Rachel's voice interrupted my work and I looked up from where I was crouched, trying to paint some of those ugly ass baby things that any self-respecting nursery should have.
She was standing in the doorway, her beautiful brown eyes taking everything in. I'd forbidden her from entering until now due to the paint fumes and shit, so she hadn't seen it in all its glory until now. Since I didn't knew the sex of my baby yet, I'd painted the walls a soft green color and the crib, that Abraham and I had cussed over like idiots until surprisingly, Hiram had stepped in and fixed it like a fucking pro, was painted in another green color to match.
Teddy bears, toys and oceans of clothes were strewn throughout the room, since I knew Rach well enough to know that no matter what I did, she'd just rearrange it all so it fit her needs, so why bother in the first place?
Rachel didn't seem to mind though; no, her eyes were lit up and her beaming smile made my heart flutter like I was some dorky loser. But I didn't care, I loved it when she smiled at me and was happy to boot. She fucking deserved it considering what she'd gone through lately.
"Once we're settled in New York, I absolutely insist that you redo our baby's room there as well."
"Well, you know," I got up, ignoring the creaks in my limbs from crouching for so long, "I'd be happy to, but I wouldn't know what color to use; so why don't you let me know if I should buy blue or pink? I'd like to stay on top of things, you know, to plan it in advance like you always say is important…"
Rachel shook her head and practically smirked at me – obviously, I'd been having too much of a bad influence on her. It was hot.
"I honestly have no idea why you keep on trying to lure out the answer about our child's sex Noah, when we've already agreed to let it be a surprise."
"Yeah, a surprise for me, since you already know," I mock complained, not even mad, 'cause seriously, we like had this discussion twice a day now. But I was planning something…
"Good things come to those who wait," Rachel lectured and held out a hand for me. "Anyway, Daddy sent me to tell you that dinner is ready. Between you and me, I have a sneaking suspicion that he's trying to slowly convince Dad to eat meat again since he's cooked more than enough to feed a small army."
"I don't blame him; Dude's gotta be hard in the head to stop eating steaks. I mean, steaks are like a necessary survival kit for human men. We need steaks like you chicks need, I don't know, boobs."
"You're ridiculous Noah," Rachel nudged me as we walked downstairs to the kitchen. "And honestly, I haven't seen Daddy waver in his decision to go vegan this much since he started being one due to Dad's tastes. I think you're having a bad influence on him."
"Oh?" I wrapped my arms around Rachel's expanded waist, staring at her pregnant belly, "and having you sneak in hamburgers and shit and obviously enjoying it, has had absolutely nothing to do with it."
"Noah, we agreed to pretend that my dietary instabilities would go unmentioned," Rachel hissed as she sat down in front of Abraham, who was eying my juicy steak like a man dying of thirst.
When, a few minutes later, Hiram and Rachel were both preoccupied with some boring chit chat about some even lamer musical, I turned to Abraham and promised to drop by his office tomorrow with some homemade steaks ala Puckster.
If I wasn't already sure that Abraham was one hundred percent in love with Hiram, I would've thought he'd gone gay for me, judging from the thankful look he gave me at my promise. Yup, I was totally accepted into the Berry fold and I loved every second of it.
A few days later, Rachel and I had just come home from an evening at Mr. Shue's place. All the other members had been there too; it had been a wholly depressing evening to be honest.
Apparently, Coach Sylvester had managed to score the gig as judge at Regionals so we were pretty much doomed and if we didn't get first or second place, Figgins would cancel our club. It sucked.
But, I wasn't gonna go down without a fight and once Rachel was lying in bed next to me, I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her neck. "We're not gonna lose, Babe," I whispered, "You're taking us all to the top, I just know it. And if we lose for some lame reason, I'm gonna kick Coach Sylvester's bony ass for you."
Rachel chuckled and turned to look at me, "However much I appreciate your willingness to commit a violent crime for me, yet again, Noah, I must decline. I'll admit that I was horribly insecure about my abilities earlier tonight, but I have found my second wind as it were and will, like you say, take us all to the top. If nothing else," Rachel's eyes flashed with a seldom seen anger, "I need to show Jesse and my mother that I'm perfectly fine without either of them in my life. Are you listening to me?"
"Totally," I replied, my voice a little muffled as I made my way down Rachel's body. It didn't matter how big she got, I still thought she was hotter than hell and well…I had been busy with the nursery for a couple of days and I had me some man needs.
Fortunately, Rachel's libido still seemed to respond eagerly at my advances and before long I was sliding into her warm heat with a satisfied groan. "Fuck, Babe, I'm gonna miss this after the birth."
"I-I'm hopeful that," Rachel closed her eyes and lifted her leg more to give me a better access from the side, "I will still enjoy sex after I've given birth. All the doctors say that my lack of desire will only be temporary. Oh, right there, Baby…"
I could feel her growing closer to the edge and suddenly, I remembered that idea I'd had a few days ago and realized this was the perfect time to execute it. And so, just as she was about to enter Orgasmville, I stopped moving (I swallowed a groan at that, 'cause that might have been the fucking hardest thing I've ever done).
"Noah, what's wrong? Why are you s-stopping?" Rachel turned her head and looked at me, the haze of lust still apparent in her brown eyes.
"I wanna know if I'm having a son or a daughter."
Rachel blinked her features morphing into annoyance at being denied her release. "Are you serious?"
"Oh yeah, totally," I answered and gave an experimental thrust of my hips; drawing out a moan from Rachel's pouting lips.
"T-this won't work you know," she informed me, trying to act like she wasn't desperate for me to move. "I have no intention what so ever to fall for your devious if, slightly immature –ohmygod!"
I started moving rapidly, my own body betraying me when she clenched her internal muscles around me. "Tell me, Rach. I really fucking want to know!"
A few more erratic thrusts and I came with a delicious shudder, just as I added a groaning, "Please Babe."
Rachel followed suit seconds after that and we lay gasping together for a few moments. I was too satisfied to feel too bummed about my lack of success in finding out what sex my kid had and I silently resigned myself to trying again the next day.
Then to my utter surprise, Rachel turned around and met my eyes for a minute before murmuring the answer to me and I grinned like a fucking loon. Holy shit, it was gonna be so awesome!
Holy shit, it was gonna suck!
The next day, the last before our trip to the competition, I was walking down the school's hallway and looking at all of my fellow students; fuck they were all horny teenagers! How was I ever gonna stop my kid from growing up to be a horny teenager; there were Puckerman genes involved after all.
"Hey Man," Finn greeted me out of the blue when I was standing in line in the cafeteria for some meatballs and spaghetti for Rachel.
I suddenly remembered what Quinn had told me once upon a time and whirled around to look my best friend in the eye. "How are we gonna handle this?"
"Uhm," Finn scratched his head with a confused expression, "we wait until it's our turn to pay?" He gestured to the lunch lady, who was sending me evil looks; she still hadn't forgiven me for screwing her surprisingly young looking mother a few years back. I always bought something that was already made when she was behind the counter, 'cause, other people's saliva in my food ain't the way to go, if you know what I mean.
"Funny Dickwad," I paid for the food, ignored the glare the lunch lady sent me and turned towards Rachel, who was sitting talking amiably with Mercedes and Quinn. "No, I meant, how are we gonna handle having kids that's eventually gonna grow up with vaginas?"
"Uhm…"Finn's brows furrowed as he tried to see my point. Irritated, I slapped him on the shoulder.
We'd reached the girls' table and Quinn looked at me with a warning in her eyes (she always just seemed to know when I was insulting Finn, it was pretty fucking annoying) while Mercedes turned to Rachel. "Okay, mind letting a girl know why your Boo is all panicked looking? It ain't a good look on him."
Rachel rolled her eyes and took the tray out of my hands and answered casually before digging in like she'd been starved for weeks and not like, you know, thirty minutes.
"I'd assume it's due to the fact that Noah is only now beginning to realize that he's going to be the father of a teenage girl at some point in the future. He's more than likely begun to understand that he's going to endure boys like himself showing up at our doorstep, asking to date his daughter."
"Oh, well sucks to be you," Mercedes said teasingly at me and then her eyes widened and she whipped her head back in Rach's direction so fast it's a wonder her neck didn't snap. "Whoa, hold up for a sec, you're having a girl like Quinn? That's so awesome!"
"Yeah, fucking great," I muttered, admittedly not too loud, 'cause I'm pretty sure the girls would unite and kill my sorry ass. In return, Finn looked more and more concerned about the whole daughter thing too. He kept smiling hesitantly at Quinn and glancing at me with true fear dawning in his eyes.
Good, at least I'd have someone on my side when I kicked the snot out of any punk that'd even look at my baby girl!
Rachel's warm touch on my leg brought me back to the present and I looked over at her and immediately calmed down a little bit when her soft gaze met mine, even as she was smiling brightly at whatever girlish thing that Mercedes was saying. Suddenly, it was like I just knew that even if tons of dudes like me were ever to get past my guns and genuine awesomeness, Rachel would have my back too.
Hell, she'd probably get the guy to submit faster than me in any case and in a much more lasting way as well. I mean, she made me settle down and despite the fact that I've barely just turned seventeen we all know my reputation…
So, pushing my future father duties to the back of my mind, I smiled back at my girl and turned to yell for Mike and Matt to get their asses over to me, so we could discuss that lame ass game that'd been on last night that I'd snuck downstairs to watch on Abraham's huge plasma TV when images of faceless dudes porking my daughter kept interfering with my sleep.
Finn on the other hand wasn't so lucky; he was starting to look pretty freaked out all of the sudden and when lunch break ended, he all but ran to Figgins, muttering something about trying to bring back gender separated classes.
A/N Again; Short, I know, but we needed something fresh, I think, that wasn't canon related. Also, I caved and let you all know that the Puckerman child will be a girl. I'd love to see name suggestions btw; I can't decide…
Until Next Time