Puck does Valentine's Day
I don't own Glee and since S3 aired, I no longer want to...although that would mean I could make Rachel punch Puck enough to realize she's the one he belongs with, not her mom.
Any mistakes are my own, but if you find them too awful to stand, drop me a line and tell where they are and I'll fix them :D
A/N Thank you thank you thank you for all the reviews! Hopefully this chapter will be just as well received, or at least just enjoyed :D
"You two are so disgustingly cute that I might just slit my throat."
I reluctantly released one hand from its comfortable position on Rachel's waist and gave Santana the finger – not stopping the major make out session I was very occupied with in the middle of the choir room.
In our defense, we'd been in there at least fifteen minutes before the bell rang and had just decided to spend the time being somewhat productive, as Rachel would say, you know…if she'd bother with wrenching her luscious lips off of mine to speaks actual words right now.
"Leave them alone, they're so adorable!" Sunshine hissed – evidently completely back on the Puckleberry love train now that Rach and I were firmly reestablished.
A few mumbles reached my ears and though I knew not everyone was as devoted to our relationship as her, it seemed like the majority was more or less agreeing with Sunshine. It was kindda nice not being hated anymore, I gotta admit. Well, there's always next week, my inner pessimist pointed out before I tuned him out.
Mr. Shue walked in and I lost my train of thought when Finn immediately held up his hand, asking to speak. I looked down at Rachel, making sure that my best friend hadn't possessed her body, I was pretty sure that there had to be some kind of spirit transferring or some crazy shit like that going on, 'cause Finn never acted like Rachel.
It seemed like Rach knew what I was thinking, 'cause she just rolled her eyes and told me in a hushed tone to pay attention.
While I'd had a momentary freak-out, Finn had gotten up from his chair and walked down next to Mr. Shue, talking about how great and popular he was now that he'd won the championship game, but it was only with his next words he got my full attention; something about a kissing booth now that Valentine's Day was so close and I just had to object.
"Dude, that's just a lame idea to get some girl's to plant one on you; and frankly, I'm sort of fucking insulted that you act like you were the only one running around on that field, Hudson. I mean," here I glanced around at the other players in the room, "there's no 'I' in team, right? And if anyone deserves to act all cool and stuff, it's your very own baby mama, 'cause unlike you, she actually got hurt."
"Yeah!" Lauren roared, pumping her fists in Finn's direction with a threatening glare to boot.
For some reason, Lauren joined New Directions after the game by the way; casting one too many looks in my direction for me to misunderstand her interest really. But looks, or not, it only proved that she had great taste, 'cause Puckzilla is an awesome example of the male specimen, you can't deny that.
She was actually pretty cool, so I grinned my thanks to her for her exuberant support that by now had spread to the others who'd played that night.
After a few minutes of pure pandemonium, where Finn's face had gotten more and more red, Mr. Shue finally seemed to remember that he was an authority figure and stepped in front of Finn to get us all to calm down a little.
In the end, it was decided that all the football players would set up a booth and take requests for kisses.
I have to admit it though that when that had been decided, I looked to Rachel both for permission (yep, I guess I'm back to being majorly whipped, but fuck if I care!) and for protection. I mean, Lauren could still be heard bragging about how much cash she had to buy my services.
Overall, it was a pretty sweet idea, and we'd definitely raise a hell of a lot more money this way then if Finn had been the only one doing it.
Of course, now those of us from glee that had played football had to go get Coach Beiste to agree to lend us the rest of the football team for the whole stunt to work, but then also to get her to convince Azimio and the others to actually hand over their share of the cash for our trip to Nationals in New York.
Gotta say, I'm pretty stoked that I'm not in her shoes…just sayin'.
A few days later, it all kindda turned out okay to my big surprise. I'd sort of imagined that the rest of the football team would revolt at the prospect of losing hard earned cash, but I guess the opportunity to kiss a lot of chicks could cool even the most hot-tempered guy out there.
Well, the only one not looking like he'd just lost a winning lottery ticket was Dave and I got that he wasn't exactly thrilled about putting his mouth anywhere near a female; but as the day drew nearer for the event to start, I didn't have much time to sympathize, 'cause I was dodging Lauren's increasingly expressive attempts at buying me for an entire day.
I was quickly getting pretty fucking terrified and the day when the football team lined up in the hallway at the ugly ass booth that the girls had decorated with girlish pink paper and big red hearts that spelled, 'Be my Valentine' and all that bull, I was ready to cry for my Ma…well, if she hadn't been a bitch that I could hardly stand these days and all.
Coach Beiste and Mr. Shue were standing behind us as we lined up in two queues and let Finn shout about the whole concept to catch the passing girls' attention as they made their way to the cafeteria. I guess there were there to make sure the Gleeks and the Jocks didn't wind up killing each other.
Now, I know I'm a hot piece of tail and that I'm more or less the most awesome guy in the whole town of Lima, but even I was surprised when a lot of the girls whipped out their dollars and called for me to kiss them.
I glanced around to see if I could find Rachel in the crowd, but she was just too fucking tiny to stand out in the midst of so many people, at least when she wasn't singing or something. With a sigh, I nodded at the nearest girl; a black haired girl that I vaguely recognized as a junior that I once made out with at one of Azimio's parties P.R (pre Rachel in case you were wondering).
I cringed internally when I remembered how I'd been well on my way to fuck her in Azimio's kid brother's room when Santana had stumbled in and thrown her half naked ass out before turning to me and blowing me and thus erasing any and all thoughts of the girl after that.
"Hi Puck," she smiled widely, and leaned forward – not even the least bit bitter of the fact that I'd humiliated her and more than likely ruined her reputation. I smiled with what I hope was an apologetic look in my eyes and quickly pecked her lips.
The next girl was one I actually had slept with about two weeks before I'd slept with Quinn and by the looks of it she was interested in a repeat performance. I kissed her and had to resist wiping my mouth with open disgust when she tried pushing her tongue through my closed lips.
After that it got easier; mostly 'cause I soon realized that most of them seemed to respect the no open mouth rule and left quickly after the sad excuse of a kiss I gave them. Easier that is, until Lauren pushed past the girl in front of her and slammed a hand full of crinkled dollar bills down on the table with a predatory look in her eyes.
"Now let's get it on," she practically growled and I swallowed harshly. She leaned forward, puckering her lips and before I knew it, I was being held in an iron tight grip and kissed like there was no tomorrow.
When she broke away after what seemed like a fucking eternity, I drew in deep breaths of much needed air, "Damn Zizes," I panted and took a cautious step backwards, ready to bolt in case she wanted more. Then she shocked the hell out of me when she just shrugged and adjusted her glasses.
"Well that was definitely disappointing, Puckerman." And then she threw another couple of bills on the table and grabbed me again as quick as a fucking viper, "I have to see if second time's a charm."
Just before Lauren's lips reached mine, and I debated whether or not I'd lose face by jumping out the nearest window and fleeing, a tiny hand suddenly appeared right in front of our faces and then it unceremoniously pushed Lauren backwards a few steps.
"I think that's quite enough," Rachel's voice was like steel and she'd raised an eyebrow in warning. Shit, she looked hot when she was possessive. "I do believe you've had your fun, Lauren. Now, take your money and go set your eyes on one of the other players," here Rachel's lips twisted into a smirk that damn near made me cum on the spot and she added coyly, "I do believe Azimio is quite the kisser and wouldn't disappoint you as my boyfriend so seemingly did."
Lauren stared down Rachel for a long while and the silence grew around us as people realized there was a chance of a chick fight happening, but my little woman didn't even blink; instead she just smiled widely and waited patiently.
Finally, Lauren sighed and took the cash and walked over to a rapidly paling Azimio with the words, "Come here, Big Boy, let me show you how a real woman wants it." Can't say I was feeling sorry for him, 'cause that shit was hilarious when I wasn't the victim.
I was so caught up in listening to Azimio whimper that I jolted a little when Rachel's hand landed softly on my cheek and turned my head back in her direction. Her eyes were alight with enjoyment and I couldn't help smile. It was times like these that I realized I was happy that no one but me had ever bothered getting to know her fully. She was just plain wonderful.
Yeah, I'm a fucking sap, who cares anymore?
"How about I procure your services now, before you can take a much earned break?" Rachel asked with a smile, "It seems like Finn's getting more and more requests so the profit won't suffer from your slight absence."
"Babe," I grinned and wrapped my arms around her slender waist, pulling her closer. "For you, it's gonna free."
When we came back up for air, so to speak a couple of minutes later, Rachel was flushed and I was just about to pull her into one of the unused classrooms for a little alone time, if you catch my drift, when I heard whistling that wasn't directed at us. I guess people at McKinley had gotten used to us glued together by now so we weren't interesting anymore.
I looked to my left and broke out into a huge grin at the sight in front of me. Rach gasped and squealed with delight as we watched Quinn, standing on the tip of her toes, forcefully plant one big ass kiss on Finn. He stood frozen, but then things changed as we all watched and his arms went around her and after that things turned a little too R-rated for me to stand looking too closely anymore.
Later that day, I heard from Artie, who'd stood next to the newly reformed couple that Finn had been kissed rather passionately by Sunshine and that had seemed to set off Quinn's possessiveness and she'd taken her man back.
About fucking time too, if you ask me. Of course I wish that Sunshine hadn't been hurt 'cause guess who she sought out for consolation?
You got it in one; Rachel was in full mother mode as she listened to Sunshine's declarations of crushed hopes and dreams and since I really wanted to sex up my girl before Caroline hit puberty, I sat still and nodded every once a while in mute support as I stared at a baseball game that Abraham had Tivo'd for me since most of my evenings had been filled with…err, other activities lately.
Anyway, I'd pretty much tuned their babbling out until I caught Rachel's last words of, "…completely understand your emotions right now, Sunshine. I mean, who hasn't been trapped in the Finn Hudson charismatic bubble? I know that when I fancied myself in love with him I-"
"Whoa, hold up," I held up my hand and turned to look at the girls. "You said you weren't gonna mention that around me ever again. Getting dumped by you 'cause you had gone all goo-goo eyed over my best friend was tough enough the first time, I don't need the replay."
Rachel raised an eyebrow and was about to say something when Sunshine's gasp of disbelief interrupted her. "You dumped your one true love for Finn? But I thought you'd been in love since…well forever and ever."
I shared a look with Rach and shrugged half-embarrassed now that I once again had to remember what a dick I'd been towards the mother of my kid. I'd probably never have thought to go after her if I hadn't gotten that dream from the good Lord himself that night…at least not as publicly as I ended up doing. Knowing me, I'd probably just have tried to seduce her in secret and treated her like a slut -you know, like I did with Santana.
"Admittedly our romance didn't start out as epically as one might think if you look at us now," Rachel finally said, sparing me the humiliation of revealing everything again. "But I have no doubt that even if I hadn't gotten pregnant with Caroline, then we'd eventually wind up together in the end anyway. Of course, it'd have had to be in the future when Noah was well on his way to impressing the music industry with his talent and I'd be on my way to my inevitable stardom – perhaps we'd meet over work some day and he'd ask me out, seeing that I'd matured rather well and after a few dates, we'd kiss and things would progress from there."
I grinned, loving that even in her imagination of a future that wasn't even on the map right now, I was successful; the girl continued to be my biggest supporter and I already knew that when she eventually became that big star she'd always envisioned, I'd be right there cheering her on every time.
But I couldn't let her know that just yet, gotta keep some of my man cards in my own possession after all, so I just chuckled and turned to Sunshine with a small smile.
"Look Sunny, I am really fucking thankful for the fact that Finn was too much of a dipshit to realize what he had when Rachel was all over him, but I also know that even if he had, she and him would never have lasted. 'Cause," I added seriously as I took out my cell phone and located a picture I'd snapped the night of Eve's birth, "this man only ever really had eyes for Quinn."
Sunshine stared at the tiny image of an exhausted, sweaty and all round gross looking Quinn where Finn was staring at her like she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen in his life.
After that, there really wasn't all that much to say and Sunshine started tearing up and leaning on Rachel's shoulder and I quickly escaped into Caroline's room and stared down at her sleeping face, content with the fact that she hadn't reached the stage in her development where her tears made no sense...yet.
It was Valentine's Day and I was majorly thrilled that Rach hadn't invited Sunshine to stay in the guest room, 'cause I had plans for our morning before school.
I woke her up with breakfast in bed (shut up, I can cook when I want to, I used to do it all the time to feed my sister) and let's just say that Rach was glowing when we drove to school a little over an hour later.
All over McKinley it was clear what day it was. I spotted Coach Sylvester stealing some candy that a dude had just given his girl and stomped away with a wicked grin on her face. All around me, I could easily spot the couples and the single people, who all looked pretty down considering they all spewed crap about not giving a shit about the holiday to begin with.
Prepared to wow my girl's adorable knee socks off, I didn't really pay close attention to anyone else though. I did hear Mercedes and Rachel promise Kurt over the phone to meet him at the Hudson/Hummel residence for an emergency meeting regarding something boy related, but that was pretty much it.
I was so caught up in my planning to give Rach the perfect day that I felt like an idiot when I realized that Mike and Artie had prepared a song for their girls and I hadn't even thought of that. Damn it!
Then, at the end of the day in the choir room, we all watched with confusion and concern as Tina wailed through a song to Mike with tears smearing her gothic makeup and he wound up having to lift her off the floor and comfort her.
What did I say about confusing chicks and their tears? Just sayin'.
Rachel grabbed my hand while some of the other Gleeks tried getting Tina to… you know, breathe calmly again and nodded discreetly in Sunshine's direction. I looked and saw she was looking at Quinn and Finn, who hadn't looked away from each other ever since entering the room.
For once, I had to quote Santana, they were disgustingly cute, but I didn't say it out loud, 'cause I wanted to keep some illusion of manliness or whatever.
Sunshine sighed deeply and Rachel promptly invited her with her and Mercedes to Kurt's house later and that's when I realized that she wasn't gonna be around to participate in all my plans of a romantic night and I wanted to throw something; preferably Sunshine.
Anyway, I watched gloomily as Rach and Sunshine got in next to Mercedes and they drove off towards Kurt's house. Then I went home and sent the babysitter home for the day and took Caroline out for a walk. If I couldn't have a romantic evening with my woman, I'd have a kickass day with my little girl.
It was dark when we finally returned, having ended up spending some time with Sam, who I'd caught walking around looking for an after school job. How he was planning to make time for it with all his after school activities, I have no idea.
Caroline was wiped out so I quickly changed her and put her to bed, and walked through the empty house. Rachel's parents were out on their own Valentine's Day Date Night and I couldn't help but both admire them for their continued devotion to one another, but also envy them for it at the same time, 'cause I'd really wanted to spend this day with Rachel.
Aw, for fuck's sake, I was sounding more and more like a dude with a vagina attached behind his balls. I promised myself to go shoot some hoops after school the next and walked over to my bedroom door where I promptly stopped short.
There were two heart-shaped candles burning and I looked down, only to realize that I'd been walking on rose pedals since I'd gone up the stairs. I slowly opened the door and broke into a big smile, 'cause there Rachel was, lying on the bed clad in a negligee that I'm pretty sure her dads didn't know she owned.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Noah." She greeted me and gestured for me to come closer with a sultry look in her eyes.
"What about Beyonce and all that?" I asked, still standing frozen in the doorway.
Rachel smiled and got to her knees, giving my roaming eyes ample time to appreciate her body, "I enjoyed my time with them and we all agreed that we have to put more effort into our careers, but I went home early because, as I told them quite firmly, I have big plans for tonight."
"Oh you bet you do," I bent down and blew out the candles, 'cause safety was always an issue with me after Caroline had entered my life, before I stripped off my shirt and quickly walked over to Rachel.
And what happened after that really shouldn't be too hard to figure out, right?
A/N A little choppy but since I've cancelled out a lot of things now, it was a hard episode to weave in to be honest. But in the end, I feel happy with it and hope you do to. Merry Christmas all!
Until Next Time