Puck and the Neon Suit
I don't own Glee or Any of Its franchise, but I wish I did so I could fix Season Three.
Unbetaed but I'd be thrilled if you'd let me know of any errors so I could correct them.
A/N So I couldn't stay away from Puck anymore…I hope you enjoy this short venture back into IASWGC world!
PUCK AND THE NEON SUIT
"Daddy, you's in big twouble." Caroline stated solemnly and I looked down at her as she sat on the couch in the basement of the Berry house, trying her damndest to learn how to play her plastic guitar without bursting any of my eardrums (let's just say I really fucking hoped that she'd inherited her mom's vocal chords, 'cause her chubby little fingers were not meant for guitars...Just sayin'.)
"Maybe Mommy won't be mad at Daddy if you come into my arms and protect me, Munchkin," I said, ignoring the part of me that wanted to cut off my last remaining link to my manhood, 'cause I was way too eager to stop Rach from killing me. I mean, anyone knows that a woman's kid can get her to stop whatever she's doing, right?
"Daddy, you's being stupid. Mommy totally mad…" Caroline looked thoughtful when I tried enticing her by holding out my arms with a beaming, albeit slightly shaky grin, but then the door to the basement slammed open and she grabbed her toy instrument and started trotting over in the opposite corner of the room, while stating unceremoniously, "You's on your own, Daddy."
"Well, thank you so effing much, Sweetie," I murmured to my retreating kid's back. A moment later, I forgot all about my daughter's betrayal as Rach stomped over to me with fire in her eyes, and a crumbled up newspaper in her hand.
Having been with Rach for as long as I had now, I recognized the signs easily and did the only thing I could, letting go of any kind of pride.
"Hi Baby, can I help you?" I smiled softly, trying my hardest to put some of that puppy look in my eyes that usually worked on her when I tried getting my way. Judging from the steely glint in my girl's dark eyes, I was fighting a losing battle. Her next words just confirmed it.
"Quinn just called me."
I gulped (Fuck off, try facing off with my woman like that and you'd be doing the same thing). "Hope she's not too panicky of anything…" I trailed off with a meek smile as the glower on Rachel's face intensified with every word I spoke.
"She told me that you've somehow coerced Finn, her fiancé, mind you, to go to our Prom tonight in that god-awful suit that you've tried getting him into since I don't know when. I'd very much like to know just why my best friend called me to inform me that no matter of threats or pleading from her side seem to sway him; that the only thing he's willing to say when forced is that you are somehow responsible for her plight."
Fucking coward, I thought out to the non present Finn, when I realized he'd all but sold me out to the she-devils of Lima to save his own neck.
Rach held up a hand in warning, "I do not need to be placated or distracted from my mission as of this time, Noah. Tell me what you were thinking? Finn also muttered something about wearing that suit to our graduation…Do I have to remind you that Quinn is the Valedictorian and has a lot going on right now? Her fiancé's lack of…Well, really Noah, it's just idiotic how much you – and Sam for that matter – seem to be obsessed with that stupid suit and making Finn wear it every year. Now tell me everything before I go upstairs and ask Daddy to lend you his beloved purple polka dotted suit…you know, the one who's got the glittered belt."
Aw fuck, I mentally moaned with growing fear, I knew that horrible excuse of clothing very much – especially since Hiram had pranced around it with a frightening smile of pride when he'd gotten it on his last birthday from his more than a little demented mother, who apparently was blind too, since she'd picked out the damn thing on a shopping trip with her canasta buddies…
"Uhm…Well…" I started, resisting the urge to bite my lips. I mean, showing fear was never a good idea in these circumstances. Finally, when Rachel's left brow raised ominously I just decided to blurt everything out and hope for the best, "'twannaembarrassQuinn."
It took her a few long, tense moments to decipher my words and then Rachel just snapped. She marched up to me and punched my abs, which, okay, didn't exactly hurt, since I was built like a brick (seriously, I'm just that awesome), but it definitely showed her displeasure with me.
Then she opened her mouth and cemented said irritation with me and I tried not to flinch like a little pussy.
"Noah, I can't believe your childish endeavors with Finn keep going so far. This time it's not just him it's hurting, Quinn has a certain dignity to uphold as the key speaker at our graduation and-"
"Well," I began to interject quickly, before she could get too much into her rant, "that's why he's wearing the thing, 'cause he doesn't wanna ruin her day by streaking his lanky, pale ass across the stage as she's giving her speech. He's doing it to be thoughtful."
Rachel rolled her eyes at me, "you're absolutely ridiculous. Do you honestly believe that that thing will be better than the other option? At least if he was running around in his," she glanced at our kid, who was looking between us as if following a tennis match, "'birthday suit', people wouldn't have time to take pictures of it. If he's wearing that suit at, not only graduation, but prom as well, it's inevitable that it'll be photographed endlessly and thus forever captured for remembrance."
Yeah, okay, she kinda had a point there, I realized, but since the bet was already on and I'd fulfilled my part, there was no way in hell that Frankenteen was skipping out on the end just 'cause he was scared to piss off his future missus'.
"What on Earth possessed you to…No, wait, I do not need to know that part," Rachel continued after another lengthy silence, where I could feel my balls shrivel up in fear of never getting near her again if things kept going the way they were. Then I almost groaned when she asked the question I'd really hoped she wouldn't ask.
"What was the bet about since Finn obviously lost?" Her big, brown eyes stared up at me with honest curiosity, her anger momentarily shoved back a bit in her pursuit of knowledge.
I took a deep breath and figured that since Finn had made me out to be the bad guy in all of this, I really didn't owe the dipshit any loyalty. Bros before Hoes, my ass…
"Okay, so what happened was…" I launched my side of the story and hoped that it wouldn't wind up getting me seriously injured or worse, cut off from the beloved Lady Berries in the end. Three minutes later, I finished and just kinda held my breath as I waited for my judgment.
Rachel just stood there without moving, staring deeply into my eyes as she tried to process what I'd just said. Then, as if she'd turned on a switch, Rach just gently rubbed my abs where she'd punched them ineffectually a little while ago and turned to leave.
"Uhm…" I stopped her, even as the once upon non whipped part of me screamed at me to shut the fuck up, "aren't you gonna…like punish me or something?"
Rachel blinked and then shrugged with a small evil smile that (fortunately) wasn't aimed at me. "To be truthful, Noah; I think Finn has made his own bed and now he must lie in it. Now, you'll have to excuse me while I go and call Quinn since there are obviously some details that she's missed out on in this whole story."
A tiny part of me felt a little bit sorry for my childhood friend, but truly, the rest of me was just really fucking happy that the heat was back off of me. So, I just stood there grinning with relief while Rachel disappeared back upstairs, humming a little song under her breath.
"Daddy, you's got to teach me how's to stop Mommy be mad – 'specially after I's don't eat green stuff."
Caroline's voice reached me and I looked down at my little girl, who stood and looked seriously up at me with her beautiful twinkling puppy dog eyes and big horn-rimmed glasses that she's fallen in love with despite the fact they were…well, ugly as shit in my eyes, and really, what could a proud, relieved father say to that, except, "You've got a deal Care Bear."
Not too many hours after that it was time for Senior Prom and the rented limo that Abraham had sprung for stopped in Quinn's driveway to pick her and Finn up. They were our last stop; we'd already picked up Sunshine, Kurt and Dave, Sam and Artie and their dates and Santana and Brittany and Mike, who was with this blond idiotic Cheerio he'd dumped Tina for, for some reason or another (the dude always got really tightlipped whenever I tried getting to the bottom of that story, and tonight wasn't the night to insist upon details anyway). Tina had declined our invitation to carpool, saying she'd get there on her own.
Anyway, Quinn opened the door as soon as we pulled up and Eve ran past her so she could great her most favorite person in the whole world, who of course was yours truly. Then she jumped around and kissed everyone else, except the unfamiliar Cheerio skank and ran back inside, muttering something about her grandma's cookies.
A moment later, Quinn got inside the limo. She looked stunning in this beautiful dark green dress that looked similar to the kickass red one that Rach was wearing to be honest. She sent me this look of mock loathing – or at least, I hoped it was fake, 'cause it looked damn real for a second there. Then she rolled her eyes at Kurt's question of where Finn was and just told us all to wait for it.
Sam and I shared a brief look of unadulterated glee that Rach quickly ended by slapping us both briefly in the back of our heads.
The rest of the people in the car, even the god damned nosy driver snickered a little, but fortunately the arrival of Finn soon ended our embarrassing moment in the limelight.
Well…what can I really say about Finn and the way he looked? The neon suit was actually the most subtle on him. For some reason, he was wearing tiny little ponytails that his shaggy hair just didn't manage to pull off. Also, the style and inconsistent amount of hair and the color of the hair bands kinda told me, the fellow father, that his little girl had had a hand in helping her old man get ready for his big night.
To top everything off, though there were Finn's shoes. I can't really describe the color without cringing so I won't, but let's just say it wasn't pretty and leave it at that. He looked miserable and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
I glanced over at a smirking Quinn and Rachel, who both eyed Finn with this evil, almost predatory look and swallowed a lump of Thank-Fuck-I'm-Not-On-Their-Shit-List-This-Time. I loved their additions to Finn's humiliation, don't give me wrong, but when the former Head Bitch in charge and Rachel 'I'm way more evil than you'd think' Berry worked together it was just customary to pity their victim a little.
Five minutes later, we were all off to the Senior Prom and Finn was just sitting quietly in the back, holding Quinn's purse like a good little boy. I couldn't stand the look of misery on his face for long, so after I'd done my duty of capturing every angle of him with my camera phone, I put it away and scooted over to his side, unceremoniously bumping the snorting Cheerio off of Mike's lap in the process (whatever, she was no Tina, so she didn't deserve any kindness – besides I'd let her blow me a couple of times before the baby thing happened and knew she wasn't exactly a prize if you catch my drift.).
"So…regretting the bet now?" I asked quietly as the limo slowly pulled into the parking lot to let us all off.
Finn just sighed and fingered one of his numerous ponytails with a wry look that clearly said, 'what do you think?'
"Well, I hate to say 'I told you so,'" I stated, not entirely truthful, "but well…I really fucking told you so, Dude."
"You shouldn't have told them about it," Finn practically wailed a second later, while everyone but us were busy scampering out the vehicle.
"And you shouldn't have made it seem like it was all my idea," I countered.
"It was a joke!" Finn argued, not even pretending that he was trying to exit the car as I stared at him with narrowed eyes. "How was I supposed to know it'd be blown up like this? Do you even know that Quinn's demanded that I do streak at graduation instead of wearing this…this suit? Apparently, she's totally on Rachel's side and…Dude, I don't want my mom to see me like that! Or Eve!" Finn ended his complaint with a wide-eyed whine that kinda reminded me of Caroline when she tried getting out of her singing lessons with her devoted grandpa Abe.
"You did set the terms for the bet," I reminded him as Rachel's voice called for me from the outside. Finn sighed again and nodded; the very picture of a doomed man.
"I just didn't think the girls would get involved like this," he murmured and twitched one of his long limbs as if he was actually about to get out of the limo. "Their additions to this whole clusterfuck aren't really what I signed up for."
"I know," I agreed and got out of the car before leaning back in and waited until he looked back up at me with a questioning look in his eyes. "But, come on, Dude; betting against me was stupid and you know it. Now man up and get in there and I promise I'll let you get off at graduation if," I paused at the hopeful glint in my friend's eyes, enjoying his torment a little before continuing, "if you can get Quinn and Rach to leave you alone of course."
"I-I can do that," Finn immediately promised, glancing over my shoulder at who I bet was the two we were talking about, "I'll beg Quinn and when she forgives me, she'll work on Rachel and then it'll definitely all be over as long as you don't interfere and you just promised not to and…." Finn stopped as I chuckled at his renewed hope. "What's so funny, Puck?"
"Dude," I grinned and straightened up again, backing away from the limo slowly, "you seem to have forgotten one little, but pretty crucial thing."
Finn frowned and leaned forward as I just kept on walking away, "What's that?"
I looked around the parking lot where there were a lot of Seniors milling about, all ready for a night of fun and shit, before I looked back at Finn. "Well, you still have to get through tonight 'cause I don't think the Senior class of McKinley should be denied the sight of their beloved quarterback looking as fly as you do right now and also," I smirked as I reached a waiting Rachel, who was chatting amiably with Mercedes, who'd apparently just arrived with her date for the evening, "I ain't gonna drop you off at home tonight and tell Eve no one got to see her pretty handiwork."
Finn's moan of displeasure and horror was like music to my ears and with that, I followed my date inside the already packed room. And judging from the deathly silence that was followed by an eruption of laughter a few minutes later, as Finn finally made his way inside, it was gonna be one hell of a night to remember...
A/N Will Finn be streaking at graduation? Will he be doomed to wear the suit instead? Will his begging work and let him escape? We'll see if I remember to answer that in future chappies;) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that even though the bet itself wasn't revealed, but I thought it'd be funnier this way. Now, again I'm gonna say, if you are burning with a desire to see something happen then request it and I'll try to tackle it in my own way eventually. That of course means that these chapters may no longer be chronological, but I don't think that'll matter anyway after the "real" story has ended now. Sorry for the massive A/N and have a great time until next time!