Puck hulks out again
I don't own Glee or any of its franchise, but you can be sure that if I did season three and four would've been a lot better than they ended up being.
A/N Yeah, so I know I'm surprising you, but for once I got a prompt and couldn't stop writing. It took me a while to get into Puck's voice again, and I think I finally succeeded. I do love that boy. If anyone's still reading this and want more, give me ideas and I might write them. Enjoy!
This is for Pbkellytime that wanted to see an protective Daddy!Puck - Did I do him justice?
PUCK HULKS OUT...AGAIN
"In other news: Super-singer, Grammy-award winner and overall hottie Noah Puckerman is in deep trouble today where he apparently rushed to the defense of his long time mistress at the high school where she's attending. We haven't been able to get many facts from anyone, but a witness says that Puckerman, "kicked ass and took names." At this point in time it's unclear if the victims – yeah, there were more than one – will press charges. If worse comes to worst, we may have another celebrity going to jail…but," here the woman couldn't quite keep the evil glee out of her voice, "with our star's record of underage drinking and drug-use, it may not be a slap-on-the-wrist- sentence like most stars get away with. We've been unable to get a comment from Puckerman's wife, Rachel Berry, but sources say she's not taking the news of her husband's infidelity well and have been put on suicide watch by her agent. Tune in next time to hear more!"
I cringed as the bubbly "news-caster" finished her bit and the channel got to commercials. Swallowing bile, I leaned back in the comfy chair, trying to be happy for the fact that the two guys that were supposed to take me to the holding cell were big fans and had allowed me some semblance of privacy in the tiny office their secretary normally used.
Judging from the huge-ass TV and multiple glossy magazines lying everywhere, I'd say those two dudes weren't the only fans…
It was kinda hard to see the bright side of anything right then, though. Sighing, I got to my feet and made my way over to the small window from where I could hear screaming, chanting and overall chaos. A quick look through the blinds told me everything I already knew. My fans were gathered to show me their support, while Rach's fans were there to curse my name and that wasn't good for the continued peace, you know?
I had half a mind to go out there and stop things before they could escalate, but to be honest, I was pretty fucking sure I'd be lynched by Rachel's fans before the first words even left my mouth.
"You know," a familiar voice distracted me from visions of my coming death, and I was trapped in a mix between a sheepish grin and a pleading stance that screamed innocence, "when my assistant got the first call, asking her if she knew anything about my upcoming divorce, I rolled my eyes because that's a pretty normal day for me. Especially when you've been away on tour. Then," I watched in growing horror as Rachel's tiny, manicured hand pointed at me, half-expecting bullets to shoot out of her fingers, "when the second, third and let's just say twelfth call came in a matter of fifteen minutes, I realized that something was amiss."
Rachel came into the office, closing the door behind her, while expertly ignoring the gawping officers and criminals in the other room, "I had no idea though, that you were reigniting your devotion to teenage girls. You should have said something, my dear, I am after all an award winning actress and I am sure that my acting could have been put to use with a bit of role-playing – as has happened in the past, if you recall?"
Hearing this, memories flashed through me – wonderful memories, to be exact. I couldn't stop the growing smirk on my face even if I wanted too. If she was mentioning times of past exploits, as she'd say, she couldn't be too mad at me.
Except, a part of me whispered, the part of me that had lived through Rachel's two pregnancies, she could be luring me into a safe sense of peace, so I better watch the hell out for anything. She's crazy after all!
Before Rach got a chance to even say one more word, I held out my arms and put on the most pathetic expression I had in my arsenal, hoping it'd give me enough time to explain everything.
"It's a long story, Baby, but you know I'd never look at another woman no matter how hot she is. Besides," I took a chance and broke character long enough to smirk lustily at her, "nobody rocks knee-socks quite like you, Babe."
There was a long pause, where I felt like she was getting ready to tell me whether or not she was gonna cut off my balls, and then she smiled a little and I was able to breathe again.
"All right, Noah – give me the story then, before I hear another massacred version of it on the news." I grinned and gestured for her to sit down.
"Well, first of all," I said when we were both comfortable, "I guess you could say it all started with a phone call."
"Okay," Rachel nodded and leaned back in her seat, while I took a deep breath and began my story with the phone call I'd gotten some odd hours ago.
"It's about your daughter, Sir."
Okay, so there's a few sentences that I automatically react to; Rach in any kind of danger or shit like that, rumors that our marriage is falling apart, and other stuff that anyone probably does too.
But, and I know this is completely stupid in hindsight, but, when it involves my kids I freeze. My mind goes totally blank for a second while my imagination somehow manages to put up all possible and impossible scenarios.
"Sir?" The voice on the phone asked again, this time sounding a little worried.
"Yeah, I'm still here," I replied hoarsely, clearing my throat to get my act together again. "What's up with Caroline?"
There was a slight pause, and if I hadn't been with Rach for so long, listening to her lectures of maturity and good behavior, I may have said or done something my McKinley High-self used to do a lot. One hint, it involved a lot of cussing and maybe a little pain after I'd tracked the motherfucker I was looking for down…
The squeaky male voice of Caroline's principal spoke again and distracted me from visions of mayhem and hurt. "She is at the nurse's office right now, and she wanted us to not involve you or your wife, but—"
"What the fuck do you mean, she's at the nurse's office?" I bellowed, standing up from the couch where I'd been sitting and watching some sports to chill after a pretty long night, "She better be okay, or I will ruin you – not only that, but I'll take my wife with me and I think you remember what happened when you two last met, right?"
There was a small squeak on the line, and if I hadn't been so worried and pissed off, I would've laughed. About the time where the two of them had last met, Rach had been six months pregnant with our twin boys and let's just say her crazy was a lot more profound during that pregnancy. I later heard from Caroline that he'd been sick the following week after meeting my tiny wife for twenty minutes.
His voice brought me out of the memory, and the split second of happiness the fond memory had given me vanished in a blink of an eye.
"There have been rumors of course, but Miss Puckerman has denied it vehemently and since the witnesses never went public nor uploaded on that Facetweeter-thing I honestly couldn't pursue it…"
"Pursue what?" I had to use all my energy on asking nicely, but then was all for nothing a moment later, when the asshat continued explaining instead of just getting to the fucking point of things.
"To be quite honest, Sir, your daughter is quite capable of handling such things if I had to judge from previous meetings; in fact, she's quite like your l-lovely wife."
"Handling what?" This time I couldn't repress the half-growl that followed my question, being on the edge as I was, and fortunately for this dude's further health he seemed to hear it in my voice so he finally cut to the chase.
"I believe that Miss Puckerman is being bullied by her peers, Sir."
"I'll be right there." I hung up, didn't even give the principal of her school the chance to put in his two cents. A second later, I called our nanny, Barbra downstairs to let her know I was gonna go out for a little while, and then I left to show whomever those punks that were after my daughter just who they were fucking with!
On the ten minute drive to Caroline's high school (yeah, I can't believe she's a freshman either, believe me!), my mind was busy running through every scenario of every bully experience I'd ever lived through…Okay, so we all know I usually started those scenarios, but that was Before Rachel.
I parked haphazardly, taking the spot that someone else in a red Porsche seemed to want. Well, tough luck, I didn't give a shit whose rich daddy's boy's spot I was stealing, I was on a mission.
"Hey Asshole," some wanna-be tough guy growled at me, when I jumped out of my truck – not the same beat up ol' crap from my school days, if you were wondering, I'm not Bella fucking Swan… "Who the hell do you think you a…."
I smirked as he abruptly stopped talking the second I turned around to face him. Apparently, he was a fan. I gave him a brief once-over, he was a miniature me to be honest, from when I went to high school; all leathers and muscles, although he wasn't rocking a 'hawk like I used to, so I couldn't respect him for acting like a…Well, a younger me.
"You were sayin', Bro," I asked with the fakest smile ever, it was one I'd cultivated when Caroline started looking at boys last year. For some reason the one guy she'd dared to take into my house had more or less crapped his pants at the sight of it, and was never seen again so I kept using it when it was needed.
Judging from the half-step the kid in front of me took backwards, it was still working fine, so I just shrugged and turned back with a "nice talking to ya, Kid," before all but running toward the building that I knew was where the nurse's office was.
What? Sue me for having checked that shit out as soon as Rach told me this was my daughter's future school. Yeah, okay, so it may have been a little excessive when you think about the fact that I cased the place out when Caroline was in the fifth grade, but...You know what? This is not the time.
A moment later, I reached the place where I knew the school's infirmary lay and burst through the door, only to stop mechanically when I saw my tiny Caroline crying.
Now, there's one thing that's always reminded me that my little girl is in fact my little girl, and that is that she is tough as nails and never cries…you know, aside from sad movies and shit, but come on, even I had to wipe a tear away when I saw Titanic for the first time.
She never cries for real, not even when she accidentally stepped on a nail a few years ago when we were remodeling our main house in L.A. She screamed like a banshee and punched the first worker that tried to take it back out, but she didn't cry.
So, seeing her like that in the middle of her school, in public, was a brutal eye-opener that more or less had me prepared to commit homicide.
"Hey Sweetie," I announced myself and stepped fully inside the room. The nurse, who was a kinda hot for a school's nurse eyed me like a piece of meat and lost any and all interest in my weeping child. I got that, 'cause even though I'm thirty-two, I'm hotter than ever, thank you very much, but I didn't appreciate the whole ignoring my hurting child and I let that be known with the meanest glare I had in my arsenal.
"D-Dad!" Caroline all but screeched, expertly pretending that the blushing nurse hadn't just escaped my wrath by running to the other end of the room with a muttered excuse of doing inventory or some crap like that. "What the hell are you doing here? I told them not to call you! I will definitely show them that—"
"Okay, first of all," I held up a hand, cutting right through Caroline's words, "drop the 'tude, Girl, you're not your mother and can't pull it off as well as she can. Second of all, kinda bummed you're not happier to see me, considering I've been on tour with Sam, promoting the new album for the last two weeks and thirdly, I'm your fucking father so of course that shithead of a principal had to call me!"
There was an awkward pause 'cause it was rare as fuck that I ever raised my voice at her. She was my little girl and she knew just how to wrap me around her fingers. But then again, all my kids had that ability…
Anyway, after a little while, I cleared my throat and sat down on the cot next to her, placing my arm around her tenderly. "Come on, Munchkin, tell me what's wrong and I'll make it better, I promise."
Caroline held up her aloof and distant persona for a few more minutes, but when I reached over and pushed her glasses up her nose before they fell off, she seemed to break and a second later, I had my arms full of a crying, sobbing Puckerman, whose power to be dramatic was wholly and undisputedly from her mother's side of the family.
"D-Daddy!" she wailed, and my heart immediately constricted; she'd stopped calling me that in public years ago, and only used it these days to get things from me, in particular when the subject of a car came up, but her using it now only cemented one thing for me. Someone was going down, preferably with broken bones and a butt load of pain in the process.
It took me a while to get her talking, but when Caroline finally told me, some part of me wanted to go to the past and whoop my own ass, 'cause indirectly I was kinda responsible for my child's hurting.
Evidently, good bully methods travelled fast and long with a little help from Sam and me talking about our school experience in interviews, the whole slushie-thing had taken off like nothing else. Caroline had gotten her first slushie two weeks into her school year, and it was apparently 'cause she wasn't as cool as some other kids wanted her to be.
I totally resented that. Anything coming from my loins was cool by association, thank you very much. I did, however, manage to swallow that statement when Caroline continued saying that after she'd kicked one of the instigators in the shin two days prior, things had only gotten worse.
"Now there's not so much slushie involved anymore," she hiccupped, finally getting herself under control again. She tried to sit back up, but I only tightened my grip until she realized just how silly that idea was and she continued tiredly, "And I've gotten gross things shoved in my locker, I spent two periods in my gym locker yesterday, when one girl, who's Jimmy's current flavor of the week – Jimmy's the main bully," she explained at my confused frown and finished, "she pushed me in there and threw my clothes in the toilet. I guess I just couldn't take it anymore today when one of them held me down in the parking lot and began cutting my hair off. I flipped out loud enough for a teacher to notice and well…here we are."
"And you've had to listen to a lot of serious fucked up comments about your parents – Don't even try to cover that crap up," an unfamiliar voice suddenly sounded, and my muscles instinctively tensed as I turned my head to look at the speaker.
It was a tall, skinny black girl, who actually seemed like she was a mix between an über geek with her braids and braces and a tough chick with the Goth make-up and bling on her. She kinda reminded me of Tina for a second, before she turned into a boring ass housewife, stuck in the seventies clothing-wise.
The girl looked at me with a brow raised and I realized belatedly that she'd been waiting for a reply. "Uhm," I coughed awkwardly, trying to save face – I wasn't used to girls her age not screaming my name with stars in her eyes, it was nice but weird after so long being a sex-symbol.
"She's not telling you half of what she's had to put up with these last six months," the girl spoke again, sending a reproachful look at Caroline, who simply glared back. It seemed like she'd been perfectly willing to spare her old man from more bad news, but I could handle a lot more than she knew.
Looking over at the chick, who gave a half-wave and introduced herself as simply being, "Casey," I asked that she tell me everything. Another look at Caroline told her clearly that I wasn't leaving until I knew every last bit.
"I can handle it," I assured both of them, sending Caroline a smile brimming with sincerity, "You can trust me, Munchkin."
"I'll kill those bastards!" I barely managed staying sitting next to Caroline for ten minutes, before I barreled through the door where I may or not have accidentally knocked said door into an unsuspecting kid, who may or may not have broken his nose, but that's not the important thing here!
"You!" I grabbed hold of the first person I saw after that, a scrawny boy, whose glasses were even bigger, and way less adorable, than Caroline's, "Show me who Jimmy is, and his friends…Thanks."
The kid swallowed, and his eyes darted around frantically. For a second I thought he would actually piss his pants and felt a little sorry for him, but then he talked and distracted me from any sign of pity. "J-J-Jimmy is o-o-over there and t-t-those around him a-are his f-f-friends," he stuttered and all but ran off when I released him with a curt nod of gratitude.
I looked over at Jimmy and his wanna-be-bad-posse and nearly smiled. Next to him was the kid I'd freaked out in the parking lot earlier, and from the way his eyes widened when he noticed me drawing closer, he remembered our encounter too.
A moment later, I reached the group and stopped right in front of my target. I completely ignored the gasps and shrieks of my name when I was recognized in the process. "You Jimmy?" I asked, trying not to let me fury at this little piece of shit hurting my daughter seep through.
Casey had told me that, not only did the fucking ass try to cut off Caroline's beautiful hair, but he'd stuck a hand down her pants too when he held her down and none of the fuckwits around did anything to stop him. That wasn't just bullying, that was dangerous. Not even I, in my heyday, had ever touched a girl that didn't want it. Guys just didn't do shit like that, period.
Jimmy was about Finn's height, and from the way he puffed himself up, he thought that made him awesome incarnated. He was muscular and good-looking to be honest, but that wouldn't last long, 'cause I'd make damn sure the idiot was gonna be one ugly motherfucker after our talk.
"Yeah, that's me," Jimmy said, straightening up even further. He tried acting like talking to a genuine celebrity was everyday business to him, but I had a hunch that if he'd been alone, he'd have jumped up and down and begged for a picture and an autograph. "Who's asking?"
Oh, no he didn't. I grinned smugly, so happy he was a proud bully – those were always the best kind to take down— I mean on.
"We need to talk. In fact," I added with a professional smile that I made sure wasn't showing any of my rage, "I kinda need to talk to all of your little friends here."
The group immediately started tittering and puffing themselves up like I'd just told them I'd take them to Holly-fucking-wood and make everyone of their dreams come true. So not happening…
"Sure, Dude," Jimmy beamed arrogantly, placing a hand on my shoulder as if we were the best of friends. Oh, I was gonna enjoy this, I just knew it. "What do you wanna talk about?"
"Caroline Puckerman," I growled, for the first time letting my anger shine through a little.
Jimmy swallowed, but didn't move his hand, "Well, I'm sorry to say, Puckerman, she's a little obsessed with me and I tried letting her off easy, you know, but I guess she's just too wild to be tamed, 'cause she kept coming at me all the time."
"Tell me that you didn't just tell a girl's dad that his kid was acting slutty?" My tone was perfectly polite, and I think most still thought I was screwing around – except from the parking lot kid, who'd slipped away in the middle of my talking with Jimmy. I guess he was smarter than he looked.
I didn't give Jimmy or anyone else the chance to say another word, 'cause within the span of seconds, I'd dragged him through the hall and outside where we ended up in the parking lot, in front of several other students. Unceremoniously, I threw the first punch and he went down like a sack of potatoes and let's just say that for the next five minutes he wasn't enjoying himself and I kinda lost myself to a red haze of fury.
When he stopped moving, I bent down and roughly pulled his head up by grabbing his fancy looking hair. "You think it's funny hurting a girl? You like being a big man, huh? You like touching girls that don't want it, huh? Tell me, you little piece of shit before I end you right here on this no-name parking lot!"
At this point in time, Jimmy's buddies finally intervened and the next little while went by in what felt like seconds. I was in the zone, completely tapped into my younger self's memories of fighting several people at once and I loved it.
In the end, though, it was Caroline's voice that brought me back to normal and when I came to my senses, I heard police sirens and was crouching over a bleeding Jimmy, who was screaming apologies and for one little second, I was overwhelmed with guilt. They were just kids really, but I couldn't bring myself to completely regret my actions, 'cause I was sure that after today no one was gonna mess with my kid ever again.
So, okay, maybe no one would dare come near her for a while after this, but really, when you think about it that's okay too. That just meant she'd stay a virgin a little longer and I was always down with that.
"Dad!" Caroline slung her slender arms around me, knocking me off Jimmy, who was now almost crying with relief when he saw her remove me. "Are you absolutely insane?" she slapped me on the shoulder, and I'm not gonna lie, it kinda hurt.
Caroline didn't get to say anything else right then, 'cause next thing I knew, two dudes were handcuffing me and telling me I was under arrest. I shared one look with Caroline and had to swallow a mix between a grin and a groan when she simply shook her head, "Mom's gonna kill you for this, you know that, right?" She added before Casey came over and led her away from the bleeding boys on the pavement and the sudden group of paparazzi that came out of nowhere, bloodhounds that they are.
"And the cops told me they were fans and after some autographs and promises of free tickets, I ended up in this office waiting for news," I, at long last, finished my tale, looking down at Rach, who hadn't moved an inch since I started my story.
There was a long beat of silence, where I just sat watching my wife with growing trepidation. I couldn't read if she was mad or not, but since I was sort of in jail I didn't push her to figure it out. Instead, I just waited quietly while the wheels turned in Rachel's brain.
After another long moment of silence, she moved. She bent down and withdrew her phone from her bag and proceeded to call Abraham. That conversation took five minutes, and then she looked up at me for the first time.
"You're going to publically apologize for hurting those kids," she said and I immediately nodded in agreement. "You're going to donate a significant amount of your own money to Caroline's school, so they will drop whatever charges they may press against you. You will under no circumstances do such a thing again," she added sternly when I breathed out a sigh of relief at the weak punishments. "You will go to an anger management course and," here Rach's lips twisted into a smirk and I barely withheld a groan when she continued smugly, "you have to play a part in the next romantic comedy I get an opportunity to work with, I do not care whether it is as an extra, a b-role or even one of the main characters, you will take whatever role you're offered without complaint, do I make myself clear?"
Rach had tried getting me to play a part in her movies since before she was pregnant with the twins, but I'd always managed to avoid it, citing that I was only interested in singing and kinda sucked at acting. I guess I couldn't avoid it anymore.
"Fine," I grumbled and got on my feet. "Can we go home now?"
"Oh, yes," Rach nodded and went to the door, "I told Daddy that he had ten minutes to do whatever he could to get you released into my custody and he has never failed me yet, as you very well know."
"I know," I sighed, still kinda bummed at having to show the world that I sucked at acting – I guess karma's a real bitch, huh?
Just before we reached the door, Rach suddenly whirled around and latched herself to me. Her warm lips prompting mine to open up and invite her in. Our tongues danced the dance they'd done for sixteen years, loving it just as much as back when it started. My dick quickly jumped to attention, and I was seconds away from throwing Rach down on the desk, onlookers be damned, when she pulled away, breathing heavily.
"What the hell was that?" I panted; already envisioning the ways I was gonna fuck her brains out when we got to her car. To be honest, I'd expected to be put on ice for a few days before being invited back into the holy land, so to speak, but I wasn't gonna complain – I wasn't that stupid.
"That," Rach answered, wiping her mouth delicately and opened the door where everyone suddenly catapulted into action, trying unsuccessfully to disguise that they hadn't been staring like little nosy kids, "was for kicking the shit out of those bastards that hurt my daughter."
I stood frozen for half a minute, just watching her walk away from me while I processed her words. Then I slowly started smiling and ran after her. For one short second, it seemed like I'd forgotten just who I'd married – Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure that if Rach had been the one to receive the principal's call, those kids, and especially Jimmy, would've been dead by now.
It took a few months before the spectacle around the Incident, as my people started calling it, died down, and I lost a couple of endorsement deals with some sponsors, but I couldn't care less. Caroline wasn't being bullied anymore and that's all I cared about.
A/N If you enjoyed it - or not - let me know, it'll make my day to actually know people are still reading this:D Thanks for reading!
Until Next Time