My name is Lymas Arca, and apparently, I'm scrubbing the toilets of the Valley Hill Academy of Wizardry. I have been doing toilet duty for a week already and I cannot get over the fact how "fun" it is to do so. Thanks Headmaster Alder Quentin for the "fun" punishment according to him. Except these toilets are carnivorous which I find highly alarming. It is a security measure placed by our headmaster to make sure that dark spirits are eliminated. Apparently, our headmaster has researched that dark spirits like to potty so he put defensive charms to the toilets to counter them because dark spirits have been a threat to the Valley anyways.
Because the toilets have been charmed to be carnivorous, they have been given the ability to talk too which I find so disturbing and I do not want to explain why. Since the dark spirits leave quite a mess when they are consumed by the toilets, I have to use a magical shadow scrubber to really clean the dark spirits off of the toilets. I honestly hate this job I'm forced to do and it isn't even my fault! Maybe it is. I hate my wizarding history survey class with a passion and if I hear another reference to the Great Battle of Nyssa, I will hurl into the carnivorous toilets.
What I did in my WHS101 first years class in the academy was brutal. By the way, WHS101 is just a fancy name for wizarding history survey class. It sounds so drab and boring. If I were to rename it, I would call it Lymas' fun history. I would teach the class my humorous adventures with the strawberry harpoon fields, the grass sword labyrinths, and the carnivorous toilets! It is WAY more interesting listening to old geezer wizards from the Great Battle of Nyssa like the apparently "prominent trio" Merlin, Morgana, and Uther. I honestly don't know what is so special about them. Uther's sword is magical and he never told his son that he was a wizard. What a good father he was. Sticking his own magical sword into an anvil with magic and enchanting it so only his son could pull it out was for what? To trick Britain to believing that Arthur would be king instead of some other one? Well, it worked. But honestly, what kind of a father are you Uther to not tell your son that kind of a secret? I bet I could be a better one even though I have never had one. One of my goals in the future is to be a good wizarding father when I grow up because my father just abandoned me since I never knew who he was when I was growing up.
If you think about the Great Battle of Nyssa, I guess you have to give credit to Morgana since she created the Valley Hill Nebula to nurture wizards and witches because they weren't accepted in Camelot, Cornwall, Avalon, or any place or land her royal nephew existed on. Morgana is the only interesting witch anyways from out of anything out of WHS101. It isn't like you have seen Merlin or Uther create a galaxy with their own magic. They were both horrible wizarding figures and it was mighty fun to deface their portraits.
I guess that's why I got punished because Quentin really loves these figures of wizarding phenomenons and an old geezer like him seems to really take on to my WHS101 professor anyways, Professor Mallory Sloane. Despite the fact Professor Sloane is an entertaining speaker, I just hate WHS101 with a passion. I honestly don't want to hear about Genesis, the Pantheon, any -oic or -ene ages, or how Egyptians had their culture slaughtered by a witch whom they refused to share resources with, explaining why their land is now barren. I already have these kinds of horrible useless facts burnt in my head. And at this point, I think I kinda scrubbed the toilet a bit too hard and the next thing I know, the disturbing thing happens.
"WATCH IT KID!" the toilet booms. "Are you trying to kill me?"
I look at the toilet's eyes with a pissed off look and let off air like a bull.
"I hate scrubbing you," I simply say. "Just be a good boy and let me clean you up! If it wasn't for Professor Sloane, I wouldn't even be here! That hag seriously hates me with all her life!"
This conversation is not unusual. I just hate these stubborn toilets. Those nasty charms of Quentin has given the toilets some sort of liberty so they think they are like kings now. The next thing you know, the carnivorous toilets take over the world! I wonder how Quentin even comes up with these ridiculous charms and such. What kind of wizarding academy gardens strawberry harpoons, grass swords, and flying snapdragons? The answer is a deluded one run by a wizard full of delusion. I swear, every time I walk in that garden, I always end up going to the nurse because I either got speared, cut, or burnt. And then there is this purple colored crater where the older students battle using the elements which is apparently very very important to the Valley. Don't get me started on the charms room. That geezer loves charms as much as the elemental art of Mysticistory, one of the most powerful elemental arts other than Umbratory and Vitatory which are part of the rare single elemental art called Arcanatory. The only person in the Valley who can perform the all of Arcanatory is our Lady Ally Ducharme, protectoress of the nebula. She is the successor to our Lady Katrina Ducharme who was killed by a mysterious user of Umbratory, forcing Lady Ally to become the protector of our home. I finally finished scrubbing the last one and I get my butt out of there of fear the toilets mistake me for a dark spirit which are creatures of Umbratory.
It is already starting to get dark outside so I head back home. My house isn't very far from the academy thankfully and it just takes me a few minutes to get back. However, I was already beat back to my house.