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Summary

Have you ever what would happen to the universe if it had to one day be saved by a moron? Well, enter Nabal Buth, a brainless prankster who must save a magical realm created by the Author. You may have seen books like the Harry Potter series and the Lord of the Rings series. Of course, these books were loved by millions for their descriptive stories, brave heroes, and wonderful worlds of magic. However, could you imagine a story that had the same magical realm of fantasy and lovely magic, except that the hero was not who you thought it was? Imagine a hero who has no magical abilities, no intelligence, no charisma,... someone who was simply a dumb prankster who enjoyed fooling with all the other poor side characters in the story. Well, the hero is Nabal Buth, who is basically the village idiot of Tranquil Creek. One day, he goes too far and unleashes a prank that has a mob chasing him down the streets. The townspeople try to chase him down, but then he encounters a beautiful sorceress, named Donna. Donna does not like Nabal one bit, but she mentions that he seems different than the rest of the townspeople. Then she teleports them with a magical cologne bottle into a different magical realm, called the Crossroads of the Universe. There Nabal learns more about why he is so special and why everyone might need his help in protecting the Author's universe.

Genre:
Fantasy / Humor
Author:
Reis Fitzsimmons
Status:
Complete
Chapters:
21
Rating:
n/a
Age Rating:
18+

Chapter 1: Stupid Beginnings

When you open a book, you probably expect a wonderful story of heroic acts or a love affair that sparks violence and rage. Or maybe you expect one that tells the mystery of someone who was murdered whom the detective must identify their killer before it is too late? Well, this is not a story of anything usual. This is a story of something that even I barely know. It comes to my mind that there must be a beginning of something exciting or downright emotional. But this great story does not begin starting out dramatic or mysterious. For if this is to be my story, then it must start with a stupid beginning.

As life continues, we face many of our own personal struggles. We worry about our finances, loved ones, marriage, and many others. However, our main character does not worry about anything, for he is kind of a moron. He does not worry about money or love or anything truly important. He is concerned about doing only one thing: committed to being an utter idiot to all the other poor surrounding characters. Perhaps I need to trace back to his origin.

Nabal Buth was an interesting character. He enjoyed pranking people, being a fool, and doing whatever low level shenanigans he could get away with before the town would figure out what to do with him. He caused a lot of ruckus in the peaceful little town of Tranquil Creek. Nabal was short, pale, dark-haired, and somewhat muscular with a grinning face and an appetite for tomfoolery. He generally wore a black shirt and khaki pants with white, torn sneakers and had a flat-topped haircut. Although the clear majority of the town could not stand him, they knew that he did not mean harm or anything suspicious. From all his previous pranks and chaotic shenanigans, he had brought cows to some of the town’s courtyards, spray painted walls and buildings, flirted with nearly half of the women in the whole town, and even set off a cherry bomb that accidentally leveled the mayor’s vehicle. However, today was a special day for Nabal. He was thinking about unleashing a thousand guinea pigs into the new park that the mayor was to open. Nabal had a huge cage containing every guinea pig he could buy from the local pet store from the previous three years. Many of the store clerks were confused about his antics, but never questioned him due to the handsome profit they gained from him. Before the mayor could open the new park, Nabal hid behind a large oak tree and was waiting patiently for the right time to attack.

The mayor, Art Goodwill, stood in front of a massive audience. He was a graying man with many wrinkles and a fancy monocle. He wore a freshly ironed business suit and was expecting many of the investors of the park to be anxious about its new opening. The park was filled with many oak trees, had fresh green grass, numerous gardens and playgrounds, and a long, long path for the residents to enjoy hiking, walking, running, and many other public activities. It took many months for the developers to complete the park laying down every cobblestone and completing all the necessary landscaping to make all the features of the park seem elegant. As the mayor was announcing his statement regarding the completion of the park, he said to the wide audience of residents of Tranquil Creek that he was proud of their patronage and was ready for the long-awaited ribbon cutting to the gates of the park. Then he walked from the podium and walked over to one his assistants. One of them who was a head taller than the mayor offered him sheers, so he could cut the ribbon. As the mayor prepared to cut the yellow ribbon attached to the gates of the park, he heard a loud releasing sound. His eyes deepened as he realized that Nabal must have hatched a stupid plan yet again. The sound came from the rope which Nabal pulled to open the cage as a thousand racing guinea pigs swarmed behind the crowd of residents who were now pissed off and swearing wondering who was the source of this surprising problem.
Art cleared his throat and turned around to watch many residents racing away from the guinea pigs, trying to avoid stomping the poor animals from sheer panic. Little rodents squeaking and people moving rapidly in all different directions from the back of the crowd were signs that the mayor knew that he had to say something now.

“Attention, residents. Please stop panicking as we shall find the hooligan who is responsible for releasing these darn squeaking rodents.”

“Perhaps you should direct your attention to Nabal!” A black-haired woman boasted, pointing to Nabal hiding behind a large oak tree behind the crowd of residents.

A tall, blonde man yelled. “I have had it with that little freak. He has caused this town so many problems. I am tired of him spreading chaos, releasing whoopee cushions on the sidewalks, flirting with so many women, especially of my family, leaving random cherry bombs throughout the town causing unwanted damage! I’d say we should form a mob.”

Suddenly, the whole crowd unanimously agreed and started running towards a merchant who was conveniently at the same time selling pitchforks and flaming torches. The blonde, tall man who seemed to be the leader, was the first one at the merchant’s stand and placed down a huge stack of cash.

He hollered in a friendly manner. “Sir, I will take ten pitchforks and five flaming torches. I am willing to help Tranquil Creek get rid of our mascot of a scoundrel.”

The merchant looked at him pleasantly. “Thank you for your kind patronage. Remember to come back when you want to form another random mob.”

He pulled all the cash into a drawer and offered the blonde, tall man his equipment. The townsfolk started repeating this manner of impulsive purchases of pitchforks and flaming torches to prepare for chasing down Nabal. The mayor also felt the sudden urge to buy pitchforks and torches because he remembered that horrendous day when his vehicle blew up and his car insurance rate tripled based on the lack of coverage regarding pranking hooligans.

As the crowed strengthened in number and rage, Nabal started running in the opposite direction down towards the center of town. People were screaming his name and pursuing other people to join in the mob. Nabal sweated like a chased-down dog and frantically ran with all his energy and might. Soon enough, there were at least 20 townspeople chasing him down the sidewalk along with the mayor and the tall, blonde man. He kept running until he charged into a beautiful, blonde girl of roughly the same age as he. After they hit each other and fell backwards in opposite directions, the girl rubbed her head and yelled at him.

“You fool! Watch where you’re going.”
Nabal nervously apologized and then asked her. “Hey, wait a minute. Why aren’t you chasing me down? Every townsperson is supposed to know my wild, crazy antics.”

The girl looked at him and wondered with curiosity what he meant. It did not seem that she was even from the same town as him and appeared to be more of a foreigner. She appeared to be from another world. She wore a black cloak and a red shawl over her blonde locks. She had a very freckled face and red cheeks with large blue eyes. Then she mentioned that she was not from this town.

“My name is Donna Elixir. I don’t know who you are, strange little man. However, it has come to my attention that you seem important.”

Nabal questioned her. “What do you mean? This town hates my guts.”

Donna sighed and grabbed his arm suddenly. He squirmed and looked at her with a funny gaze. “You’re not supposed to grab me like that. This is strange what you’re doing to me.”

Donna noticed that behind Nabal were the angry crowd of mobsters with the tall, blonde man leading them with a pitchfork in his hands.

“There he is. Let’s scare him out of town now!” The blonde man screeched. The mayor was right behind him carrying a pitchfork and a torch smiling as he chased along.

Suddenly, Donna knew what was going on regarding Nabal’s antics. He must have done something horrible just recently. So, she pulled out a weird pink cologne bottle and sprayed a circle around her and Nabal. The townspeople then coughed as a huge crackle in the sky boomed. Some people fell over on the sidewalk while others stumbled in surprise. The tall, blonde man felt blinded by the boom and was reaching out with a randomly touching hand.

“Where did that sucker go? I want to ban him from this town.”

The mayor looked around, although his vision was blurred. “I don’t see him anymore. It seems that they vanished.”

Finally, the smoke from the cologne bottle and the boom were gone. Then the townspeople looked around to find Nabal and the girl whom he bumped into. They noticed that he could not be found anywhere. Then the people gathered together and decided to find him elsewhere. The tall, blonde man led them into another section of town to perhaps gather evidence and eventually get the guinea pigs back to the pet store where they belonged.

Before everyone departed, the mayor still turned his head around to the exact spot in which the girl and Nabal vanished. “I will get you, Nabal. And if I do, I will also triple your car insurance!”

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