He was shaking all over his body, because he was afraid of hearing something he might not like. He was afraid of a great disappointment just like everybody else who asks such a question and is insecure.
“Yes, you do, Michael,” I answered and I knew it was true.
Father Michael smiled cautiously. “But there’s something missing,” he added, knowing exactly what I meant. Still, he didn’t look satisfied with my answer. I was sorry I couldn’t give him more than that. “But it gets better with each day, Michael,” I whispered and took his hand. “Don’t worry.”
He forced a smile. “I’m always afraid of you leaving me just like that,” he said with tears in his eyes.
It broke my heart to hear that he actually took into consideration I would do something like that. “I would never go away without saying a word, Michael,” I assured him. “Nevertheless, I want to see my daughter. Maybe it is good you now know I’m still having and will always have that desire. But without your consent I would not do it.” Silently, he looked at me and thought about my words. “You know, I often feel like as if I’m losing my grip on everything. I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing here. That’s also why I want to go there: to get out of here for a while and to take my time over it,” I said.
“And it’s not possible for you to do that here?” he asked.
I shook my head. “I need to get away from all the memories and pictures, which are stuck in the rooms here and haunt me. I know, it will never be the same again, but I need this change of scenery. It would help me to collect new memories. I think it also could help me to remember why I’m doing what I do as a huntress,” I answered.
For a long time, we were silent. I waited for the Father to react. It was obvious that he was thinking hard. He tensed up and relaxed only to seize up again. “You are going to come back to me, right, Ada? You are going to come home again, aren’t you?” he asked with a cracked voice.
He really would let me go?
Suddenly, I had a lump in my throat, which made it difficult for me to speak. I cleared my throat and said: “I will always come back. I told you I will always be with you, Michael. Have you already forgotten?”
Instead of an answer he asked another question. “What if you change your mind? What if you decide to no longer want me to be at your side? What if you no longer want me to be in your life?”
It hurt to hear his doubts and to see him so full of pain. I lifted my hand to his cheek and gently caressed it. “That will not happen,” I said, confidently.
“Promise me, Ada,” he demanded, “and I promise you I will be there forever and ever.”
I didn’t say it but sealed my promise with a kiss.