Anita was determined that I have a date for the dance, so determined that she had even spoke to Harry about taking me.
Yeah like that was ever gonna happen.
"Maybe you should just get back together with James, at least until after the dance, that way you would definitely have someone to go with."
Meeting her eye, "Anita, it's over, there is no going back now. And I wouldn't want to. He's a nice guy but..."
I really don't know. I mean he was a good catch, popular, hot even, but... "I just don't feel that way about him."
"Sometimes I worry about you. You've had only two boyfriends in your entire life and neither ever lasted or went further than kissing. You don't even seem that into guys... Your not gay are you?" taking a step back, her hands held up as she backs away, a mock look of horror on her face making me smile.
"No I'm not gay," I laugh. "Just never found anyone that's worth my attention, someone that makes my heart race, my pulse pound." Instantly my thoughts turn to Him.
Over the years my feelings for him have changed from loving him as one would love a brother, a friend, to loving him as a man, a man I wanted so desperately to meet. Though it will never happen.
Every year on my birthday he asks me what I would wish for, and every year its been something silly, something unimportant. I hope that this year I'll have the courage to ask for what I truly want.
"By the look on your face I'd say you've already met that someone," she smirks as the bell rings, calling us back to class.
"So how was school?" my mum asked.
What else did she want to hear? It was the same thing every day. I'd get home from school, do my homework, then have to sit through dinner with her and dad. All the time pretending that everything was fine.
We would never be a normal family, not after what happened in the past. A past I might add that they cannot seem to forget. I have to watch everything I say and do because if they for one minute suspect that I might be, as they put it, 'having a relapse,' they will send me way again.
They see it as being for my own good. They think that one of them quack doctors they took me to as a child actually did some good. Well I beg to differ. There is no way in hell I will ever let them do that to me again. I know I shouldn't, know that they thought they were doing the right thing, but I hate them for it. Though I guess I should be grateful that they kept me and didn't send me back.
You see I was adopted as baby. No idea about my really parents, couldn't care less. But I am grateful that mum and dad cared enough to keep me.
"So are you and your friends still going dress shopping this weekend?" mum asked, trying to encourage me into a conversation.
"Yeah, I'll be gone most of the day." Not that I will be buying a dress now. "We're catching the bus to the city and plan to grab dinner and a movie before heading back."
"What's wrong honey?"
"Nothing." Raising from the table I clear my plate before making my excuses. My mum's not stupid, she knows somethings wrong, but as long as it has nothing to do with losing my mind then she's usually cool. "I've still got a little work to do, it ok if I have my pudding upstairs."
"Sure. I'll be here if you want to talk."
I wish I could talk to her, I need someone to chat to, but I cant really ask my mother for advise on loving the monster under my bed who spoke to me at night. She really would beleave me insane then.
When I finally escaped up to the safety of my room I was thoroughly depressed. I didn't have anyone I could open up to, no one but him, but when it came to the one topic I really needed advice on... There truely was no one.
"You ok Phoenix?" He asked as I attempted to make myself comfortable on the bed.
"Wanna talk about it."
"Not really," I repeated.
"Well if your not going to talk to me about it then we better take your mind off it."
His comment making me smile. "Ok, so detract me." I loved his distractions, even if they were a little scary at times. The night me told me about the symbols he had been distracting me. "But tell me something about yourself." I added, the words just popping out of my mouth.
"About me? This is new, I don't think you have asked anything about me since the night we first spoke."
True, I hadn't. I'd never even asked his name before. Surely if I was going to waste my life pinning over him I should at least know his name.
"What would you like to know?"
"Who are you? Where are you?"
Panic seized me as I was met with silence. My breath coming thick and fast.
What had I done? After years of just not asking questions I had to go and open my mouth now. What if he left me? Then I would truly be alone.
"It's a little hard to explain right now, but I guess I can give you my name. I'm surprised you've never asked."
Oh thank the lord, he's still here.
"Guess I just never found the right moment." My voice giving away my high emotion.
"Hey, you ok?"
"Yeah," I said while taking deep breaths, trying to care myself. "So tell me what is your name?"