Chapter 55: Another Life
I stared up at the faint blue colored ceiling as I laid on my back, resting on my bed.
I’d always thought the color was the most beautiful of all. It was warm, in it’s own way. For that, staring at it had really been the only thing I’d been doing since I got home. Apart from the few times that I’d exit my room to grab some blood, I hadn’t left. I received a couple of visits from my favorite Seeker, Rylee, and a few from my mother and Celic.
After all the crap I said to her, all the pain I put her through, she still came to see me in an attempt to comfort me. To her, we never stopped being friends. She understood that the reason I said what I said the way I said it was because she would’ve never let me go if I had said it differently.
She knows I loved her.
I still do.
And I cannot explain just how much it means to me that, as a friend, she didn’t abandon me. I was glad that she found someone that makes her happy. I was glad that she found the one that is meant for her. She deserved everything she desired. She had a good heart.
I wished we were meant for each other.
I sighed, pulling the bedsheets from over my body and lifted myself off of the bed. I stood on my feet, my gaze wandering to the sealed balcony doors before I began my steps towards it.
It had been nearly two months since they “saved” me and the only other time I was able to step outside were the times I walked out onto the balcony.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t step outside, it was that I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to leave my room nor did I want to go anywhere, really. I knew that if I attempted to leave, I’d have an escort or I simply wouldn’t be allowed to leave until my father decided that he could trust me again.
My hands found the door knobs, pushing the double-doors outward until they’d opened completely. The small rays of sunlight cascaded down on my pale skin creating the familiar warm feeling that I missed so much. This world wasn’t like the human world. The sunlight wasn’t my enemy here.
A deep breath parts my lips, my footsteps ceasing as I met the rails of the balcony. The corners of my lips curled up into a small smile, a distant feeling of contentment settling in my chest as I watched the sun slowly set.
I had truly missed it: being able to walk in sunlight. I missed being able to look outside the window and not have to worry whether the sun was up or not. Now, in a way, I missed him.
I missed the man that took care of me after I saved his sister, not the monster that broke me after I was falsely accused by the woman bearing his child.
The woman bearing his child…
A shaky breath passed my lips, one of my hands falling away from the rails and moving to touch my four-month baby bump.
Being stuck in my bedroom for this long, all I could do was think and my only thoughts were about him and the other life inside of me.
Another life that he created with me.
That man...ultimately, all he did was hurt me, but all I wanted was to protect him and his. Even if I hadn’t given Hunter my word, I would’ve still fought to protect him.
After everything that he had done to me, even now, I would still fight for him.
I felt connected to him. It was why, even when I didn’t know her, all I wanted was to protect Kevin. She was important to him and therefore important to me.
I didn’t forgive him. Not in the slightest. He hurt me in more ways than one, but I couldn’t pretend I was entirely innocent. I knew that if I had spoken with the truth since day one, none of those things would have happened.
No, it didn’t justify his actions, but maybe if I hadn’t lied, I’d be the one feeding from his neck. Maybe he would’ve changed or simply stopped being this cruel man just to make himself feel better about all the things that he was. Then…
...then maybe it wouldn’t have been so hard for me to come to terms with the fact that he could’ve been the man that I was born to be in love with.
I inhaled deeply before releasing another shaky breath, pulling away from my thoughts as my gaze shifted to my belly.
There it was again, the great burden in my chest and the knot in my throat. It was a feeling I had grown used to.
I am so sorry that I am bringing you into this prison world. I am so sorry that I am who I am and that your father is who he is.
The bridge of my nose stung, a soft sob passing my lips as tears broke away from my eyes, sliding down my cheeks.
“I am so sorry for all the things that I am…” my voice broke as I spoke to the life inside of me. “I am so sorry for who my family is. But, I-I promise I-I’ll find a way out. F-For you...and for me.”
I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I wanted to get on my knees and beg for help from anyone or anything, because I had run out of ideas and I stood there, drowning in complete and utter hopelessness.
“Somebody...please...help me…” I cried through my hard sobs, my chest growing heavier by the second until it became hard to breathe and the knot at the edge of my throat simply wouldn’t allow me to make another sound.
It was unlike any pain I had felt before, buried deep inside of me and demanding to be felt and released. I was in a paralytic state, desperately trying to breathe, desperately trying to cry out…
There was nothing I could do but stand there with my mouth ajar and nothing to escape it. There was nothing I could do but stand there with uncontrollable tears streaming down my face and a distant desire to jump over the rails to make the pain stop—even if it would just kill me and leave me dead for a few hours.
But then...another life. My other life.
I remained this way for what felt like forever until I felt a strong pair of arms pull me back and turned me toward them. In the next second, I found myself burning my face into my father’s chest as he held me tightly and whispered in my ear, “It’s okay, baby girl. It’s okay. I got you. You’re okay.”
“I-I’m s-so so-sorry…” I cried, finally able to gasp for air.
I didn’t have the opportunity to feel surprised for my father being here or for him holding me like a child. I hadn’t spoken to him since I stormed off nor had I seen him. I knew that he was upset with me. Though the feeling was mutual, I wanted to speak to him. I missed him so much.
And, he couldn’t have chosen a better time to be here than now. I needed someone. I needed my father.
“I’m sorry.” He breathed out, holding me tighter. ” I heard you…” he said. “I didn’t know I made you feel...”
There weren’t any words that could describe how I felt or how it made me feel to be here.
It was also my fault, though, ultimately. I never opened up to him about the way that I felt. Honestly, I’d never opened up to anyone. Not even Celic.
A deep sigh escaped his lips, saying, “I limited the things you could do because I was so afraid of you getting hurt. Your mother...she...” He hesitated, “She got hurt and I didn’t save her. I wasn’t there for her. I just...I didn’t want the same to happen to you.”
He paused for a moment, one of his arms releasing it’s hold on me and moving to touch my chin, tilting my head up until my teary eyes found his. He spoke softly, “I know I failed you too, and I am so sorry.”
Then, just like that, I felt like everything was going to be okay. I felt...safe.
“It wasn’t your fault...” my voice was hoarse.
I had grown to feel small and weak, and it wasn’t that Erebus made me this way. No, it was that I tried being strong for so long and all I did was add to the many feelings that I should’ve found a way to cope with. I should’ve spoken up when I was hurt. I should’ve let myself cry instead of finding ways to hold it in. I was consumed with an overwhelming anger, fear, and helplessness and there was nothing anyone could do to help me.
I had to figure things out on my own and I had to deal with it, head-on.
My father could see right through me, just as I could see right through him, and there was so much pain. My heart hurt for him.
“I’m sorry dad...” I whispered as he brushed the tears off of my cheeks. “I’m so sorry....I-I didn’t mean to disappoint you...I-I don’t want you to be angry at me anymore...”
I felt like a child again. A little girl that wanted nothing more than her father’s approval—a little girl that wanted nothing more than to make her father proud.
A small smile broke upon his lips and he told me, “It’s okay. I can’t stay mad at my little girl, silly.” A light chuckle emitted from the back of his throat. “I love you, sweetheart.”
For once, it felt good to let go. It felt good to just...show me and my pain.
I was quick to muffle my sobs against his chest as I buried my face into him again. It was the loving and caring look that he gave me that made me feel like I wasn’t so broken or damaged.
It was the loving and caring look that he gave me that made me feel like I wasn’t broken beyond repair.
“I love you too, dad,” my voice quavered.
Both of his arms continued to hold me closely, his chin resting on the top of my head. It was nice—being this way. And, he stayed. He stayed for as long as I wanted him to.
Though, after a while of silence, moments after I stopped crying and stood there feeling numb, he broke the silence, “Is Erebus the father?”
My muscles tensed at his question as he had noticed the obvious baby-bump, a feeling of apprehension consuming me. I wouldn’t lie though. I had learned my lesson. I was done with the lies.
“Yes.” I responded.
I felt him nod, his hold on me never faltering when he asked, though his voice thickened, “Did he rape you?”
“No,” I was quick, not wanting him to think for a second that the way that this happened was any different than from the way that it really happened.
“Do you want this?” He asked. “Do you want to keep it and be with him?”
I furrowed my eyebrows, pulling away just slightly to look up at him. I answered, “I’m keeping my baby, dad.”
“That’s not what I am asking, Silver…” his voice trailed off.
Then, I understood. He wasn’t asking if I wanted to keep my baby for me. He was asking if I wanted to keep my baby, knowing that Erebus would be in my life forever. Because...this baby was his child too.
“I-I…” I turned away, pressing the side of my face against his chest as I whispered, “I don’t know.”