Bohdan the Vampire Ripper

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The Yard

On Monday’s the trams don’t run, it’s the one day of the week when traffic was slow so they decided to use the day for cleaning and maintenance. Because of this, the inmates were given the hours in the yard to themselves as a way to unwind and socialize. Like any other prison, the yard segregated itself into factions based on anything from race, politics to sexual preferences. Bohdan always sat alone on a bench near the entrance door. He had no friends, chose not to make any and today was no different. Then a small group approached him. The skinheads.

“Rumor is you stood up to the warden,” the lead skinhead said. His name was Thor Anderson and looked as bleached white as any vampire could be. Covered with dark, thick tattoos that showed his allegiance to his views, he was an intimidating man with no fear. At least no fear you could see.

Bohdan raised his arms and showed the bandages. “It didn’t end well,” he replied.

“I give you credit for standing up to that black bitch,” Thor said pumping his fist. He looked to the other two skinheads standing at his side to make sure they were just as enthusiastic.

“Black? She may be Hispanic, I’m not sure,” Bohdan said. “But not black.”

“Doesn’t matter, she’s not white, fucking cunt!”

“No, she’s not, is there something you want from me?” Bohdan asked.

“No, I just wanted to tell you we think you did all of us a big favor by putting that bitch in her place.”

“I didn’t do it for you,” Bohdan replied. He was annoyed with Thor, he hated skinheads and everything they stood for.

“You could be a bit more appreciative,” Thor said.

“You know, there’s a reason why I sit alone in the yard.”

“What are you saying?”

“I hate racist fucks, especially skinheads. You’re the worst kind of white trash there is.”

“Really? What are you? Part nigger?” Thor said with a grin.

“You can go now,” Thor replied.

“We came over here to support you and you put us down? You’re not very smart, we have a large group here in the prison.”

Bohdan looked over at the skinhead group who were watching them from the other side of the yard. He estimated there were around five others. That would make eight total including the three assholes standing in front of him blocking his view.

“Eight out of forty seven, I guess that’s a significant percentage,” Bohdan said.

“Damn straight!” Thor said with a huge smile.

“Now get the fuck away from me.”

Thor stepped in closer, like he was ready to fight.

“Id’ watch yourself if I were you,” Bohdan said. “Look up at the tower behind me.”

Thor looked up and saw a sniper pointing a rifle at his face.

“Now look to your right at the other tower.”

Thor slowly glanced over and saw another sniper pointing a rifle at his head.”

“There are two other towers behind you, both with sharp shooters ready to take you out if you touch me,” Bohdan said. “I’m worth a lot to these people, you’ll be on the ground with no head before you lay a finger on me. And as you know, beheading is the one thing that will kill a vampire.”

Thor backed away from Bohdan.

“Why do you get so much security?” Thor asked. He knew the answer, but didn’t want to seem impish around his fellow skinheads.

“People flock from all over the world to see me. I’m worth a lot in ticket sales, you’re worth nothing.”

“If I took you out, I’d be the one they came to see,” Thor said.

“Maybe, but Bohdan the Ripper Vampire sounds better on a poster than Fucktard the Skinhead Asshole. Now leave.”

Thor stood his ground.

Bohdan stood up and looked Thor in the face. “Ok jackass, do something.” Bohdan now wanted Thor to attack him so he could watch the bullets tear his skull off his neck.

Thor stood his ground.

“If you don’t do something, you’re girlfriends here will think you’re a pussy. Are you a pussy skinhead?”

Thor was pissed, but knew he was trapped. Trapped between attacking the asshole who was insulting him and losing his head if he tried.

Bohdan looked Thor in the eye and didn’t blink. “Go back to your clan and suck some cock like a good skinhead,” Bohdan said. “Or is it your turn to get it this time?”

Thor backed up and shook his head. “I’m not dealing with you today.”

“Good, now go back to your friends and get that hand job party started,” Bohdan said with a shit eating grin.

Thor couldn’t take it anymore and bolted at Bohdan. Like a twelve gun salute, all four rifles shot at the same time striking Thor in the head. His braincase exploded and he fell to the ground in a bloody heap. Bohdan picked chunks of Thor’s skull off his jumpsuit and flicked them on the ground.

The other two skinheads backed off and walked back to the other side of the yard leaving Bohdan and their former leader behind. A siren went off and which told the inmates that they needed to get back into the prison. They would usually have had another hour, but the shooting meant that yard time was over for the day. The guards had to take the body to the county morgue to be processed, and the yard needed to be cleaned up by housekeeping.

Bohdan was brought back to his cell for the rest of the day, on Monday he usually read his fan mail. It was scanned and put on a pdf file that he could read on a tablet. A tablet that was encased in hard plastic resin so he couldn’t break it open. On a good week, Bohdan would receive fifty to seventy five letters, most from women looking to have sex and or marry him. He enjoyed the insanity of the idea that women actually wanted to be with him, and looked forward to reading the letters.

Then the door to the cell opened and a guard led Cara the nurse into his room. She was dressed in her scrubs, pink today with Disney characters printed on them. She had supplies to change Bohdan’s dressings and told the guard he could leave. He didn’t.

“I need to change your dressing today,” Cara said.

“Bohdan sat up from his bed and faced Cara holding up his wrists for her. “How long will you have to do this,” Bohdan asked.

“Until it heals, about four to six weeks,” Cara replied.


“No, twice a week is normal,” Cara replied cutting off the old gauze.

“How does it look?”

“No infection, it’s not draining and it doesn’t smell.”

“If it were infected, what would you do?”

“I’d contact the doctor, he’d prescribe different antibiotics.”

“Would I need to go to the infirmary?”

“No, not for that,” Cara replied.

Bohdan seemed disappointed. He enjoyed his last private visit with Cara and wanted to see her again, and try to fuck the shit out of her like the last time. He was pissed that the guard stayed in the room, he wanted to talk dirty to her, but felt if he did, and the guard might catch on and end his chances of another possible score.

Cara washed up the wounds, put on some antibiotic cream and put on new gauze dressings. As she bend over, Bohdan looked down her scrub shirt at her large round breasts. Cara knew he was looking, she did all she could to make sure they were in plain view for as long as he wanted to look. She wanted Bohdan to notice her, to keep her in mind. She had a plan for him and wanted to be with him as much as she could.

“Is there any way I can come to the infirmary?” Bohdan asked.

“Why, is something wrong?” Cara asked.

Bohdan needed to think fast. The guards were trained to report anything odd to the administration, and asking outright to go to the infirmary to get laid was a huge red flag. “I have some stomach issues. I may be coming down with something.”

“I can talk to the doctor and see what I can do,” Cara replied.

“How soon will you know?” Bohdan asked.

“How bad is it?”

“It’s pretty bad.”

Cara put the back of her hand to Bohdan’s forehead to feel for a temperature, then she remembered that vampires are room temperature and don’t show a fever when they get sick. Only a culture can identify a bug in a vampire and that required lab work. “I’ll talk to the doctor when I get back to the clinic. “He’ll want to know how long you’ve had symptoms.”

“It started yesterday,” Bohdan replied.

“Do you feel nauseous?”

“A little.”

“Any body aches? Sweating? Chills?”

“Yes,” Bohdan replied.

“Sounds like the flu,” Cara said.

“Yes it does,” Bohdan said. “What do they do for the flu?”

“It’s a virus, so not much. They have antivirals, but for the most part, they isolate you and wait for your body to take care of it.”

Bohdan was faking and trying his best to keep Cara in the room. He liked her around and she liked being around Bohdan as well. If he kept it up, he might be able to spend some time in the infirmary if he could fake his symptoms well enough.

Cara had some time before she had to be back at the clinic, so she decided to stop down at the maintenance department to see Steve, her coworker she fucked in the park. The closer she got to the maintenance department, the louder and dirtier the halls became. She could hear the sound of the boilers and central air humming louder and louder the closer she got to the door.

As she entered, she found Steve sitting at his desk reading a newspaper. It must have been slow today. “What are you doing?” Cara asked. She startled Steve who jumped in his seat. “Don’t worry, I’m not your supervisor.”

“What are you doing down here?” Steve asked.

“I wanted to say hi,” Cara replied. What she wanted to do was get Steve to do whatever she asked. And she knew how to do it.

“Hi,” Steve said. It was awkward, since they had just had sex a few days prior. “How are you and Brent getting along?” Steve asked.

“Not well, he’s an asshole,” Cara replied.

“That’s too bad,” Steve said.

“Why do you say that? Got you laid didn’t it?”

Steve was hoping Cara wouldn’t bring that up. For all he was concerned, it was a one night mistake.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Steve replied with nervous laughter.

“Do you want to go again?”

“What, now?” Steve asked.

“I could give you a quick blow job if you want,” Cara said.

“On the clock?”

“What else are you doing? Reading the paper.”

“What if someone walks in?” Steve asked.

“Is there somewhere private we can go?”

Steve thought for a moment. There were several closets filled with supplies they could hide in.

“Yeah, I know a few places,” Steve replied.

“Good, let’s go then.”

“Can I ask you something first?”

“Sure,” Cara replied.

“Why me?” Steve asked.

Cara tried to think of a good answer. She said the first stupid thing she could think of. “I don’t know,” She replied. In all reality, she needed to use Steve, and this was her insurance policy that he’d comply.

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