We Are the Same
Kira held no opinion towards the act of dancing. It was not on her list of meaningful skills so when asked what she would wear needless to say Akasha and her met with disagreements.
“I doubt anyone will want to have the One-Eyed Reaper for a conversationalist.” Kira grumbled when holding an armful of dresses.
‘You won’t be the One-Eyed Reaper. This is why I made it a masquerade theme--the masks will act as a barrier between all that divides us. Wearing them all will be the same and equal.’
Kira rose a brow at Akasha’s childish excitement for a ridiculous ball. She kept her annoyance in check nonetheless, after Hei pointed out that this was technically the Goddess’s first ball. She almost forgot about the ten-thousand year imprisonment because her presence had become so usual and natural; acting like a coat hanger also became a norm. Its should not have been, but it was pity that had Kira appease these requests...however...
“I. Am. Not. Wearing. That.”
She referred to the dress in the corner, while Hei fell over laughing hard enough to cry. It was pink, nothing fluffy or outstanding, but was cut in a way that would show too much cleavage for her taste. Nonetheless its legs possessed a cut that went nearing her waistline on the side and that alone was an annoying invitation. Hei continued to laugh even after a boot was thrown at him.
Kira snapped with a reddened face, ‘Shut up!’
‘You too!’ The Reaper barked, ‘What makes you believe I will even go?! The last time I went--’ she hesitated when thinking...Last time? When was the last time she attended a ball? When had she gone to a ball--how many?
Kira shut her eye and walked out, “I’m not wearing that...” Mumbling when returning to her room.
Kira did not come to supper, rather she was not in the house to begin with let-alone the island. Again in England, again in London, and again at that grave. She was possessed to come back, possessed to be here again. Why? That side of her was dead, there was nothing connecting her to this woman and yet here she is. Why? Kira had made up her mind that no matter what she would stay on this path and nothing would take her from it. This was the only correct path to true freedom...and her salvation. Nonetheless she cannot deny the connection she has to the original, though they are different, there are similarities that are absolute. Her being here...was likely the remnant desires of the original, having attached itself to her wish given to the Kira that now stands before all.
“I wonder what you would say...if you saw what became of 'that Kira'...”
Not that she existed anymore, no its that she could not exist--not here, not now; she would undo everything. Denying who a person was is an unfortunate misery and to understand that to deny it means rejecting everything there were to a point is even more painful. Admitting the person you were was wrong is difficult, but not remember who you were is the hardest thing. Yet without remembering, the knowledge of the type of person she was has all been second-hand.
Kira sat down in front of the headstone and brushed off the dirt.
“How long do you intend on watching me as if I didn’t know you were there?” Referring to the shadow behind, it molded and grew upward, taking Akasha’s form.
‘I did not think...’ Akasha admitted guilt-fully, ‘When did you know?’
“South America.” Kira cracked her hand with a sigh, “I heard her--she told me. Though I have no idea how that's possible when she's dead.”
Kira glanced behind, recalling how sluggish and restricted her movements were though she hadn’t noticed till after the fight. That voice had been distorted and she mistakenly thought it was another at the time, but it was enough to distract her from her goal. She saw it from within her target, somehow, standing behind her as a shadow--it was certainly not an illusion.
The wind kicked up around them, heating and boiling the air until very quickly thunderclouds rolled in. Its basic science of when hot and cold air suddenly happens that the creation of thunderclouds should occur...Kira could do this much and more.
“I watched her die!” Her tone was meant to display her words as anger and confusion, “How then, did I see her? The one who died instead of me, who was killed instead of me, the one you couldn't bring back, but could me!”
The Reaper stared at the tombstone, trying to understand how she could have seen her at that moment?
"Why did I see my human self, the self that is suppose to be dead, alive inside Eona Nighhtraven!" Kira stood up and faced Akasha, "Wasn't you who told me she couldn't be brought back! Do you also mean to betray me!"
That was their agreement: Kira would be a vessel until the Goddess’ resurrection and Akasha would not inhibit the Reaper’s own plans. She was trying the Reaper’s patience, but it was not her interference that bothered Kira (since she obviously had reason), rather ‘why’? Did the Goddess mean to betray her too? Protecting that Alucard’s spawn, no protecting the Nightravens for some pathetic sympathetic emotion towards family? Kira laughed!
‘Kira, I have never once lied to you, when I said I could only bring back the vampire within you that was nothing, but the truth.’ Kira was closing herself off once again, after coming this far, ‘I have no idea how you saw your human counter-part, but would that not be a good thing? This could be sign that you could be coming back as your original self--’
Kira growled, “I would never allow that.”
‘Then Why are you here then?’ Akasha gestured to the cemetery.
Kira was silent.
‘You say you do not want your human self to return and yet here you are, with not the slightest idea why!’
Kira came back to the cemetery, Kira has no interest in killing Eona, she wants to erase this ‘false world’ and yet she does this out of instinct and with no knowledge ‘why’.
If she had been more careful, if Akasha had not rushed bringing Kira back then this hollow of person would not exist. It would not change her decision, but not knowing the reason for one’s own actions is the frightening. Kira deserves more than that.
“All of you think that what I’ve done is not what the ‘original me’ would do.” Kira stood up, “I am acting for her sake, doing what she could not--I will not allow the only innocent thing left of me to suffer anymore because of that wretched bitch."
Why is irrelevant. Knowing or not know--Kira chuckled--it will not make a difference because she does know ‘why’: a feeling that can only be put into two words--her promise. Could she be afraid? What is there to be afraid of? So sure that she will not change and yet with ‘remembering’ there is a ‘chance’ that ‘she’ will come back. Yes this must be fear--Kira sees no other path because without memories irrationalities are not able to obscure what is the correct choice. With them the illusions, wrong choices, are presented to her, giving the falseness that there is more than one choice.
“If there is any evidence of her return then I will snuff it out. The human side of me...she will not survive this world, or the consequences of her choices” She turned towards the shadow, “I ate her; I ‘saved’ her from this cruel world and she is never coming back.”
Akasha frowns, knowing that Kira has grown to never trust anyone. She wanted to change that, for Kira to know in this cruel world that if there is only one person she could true it would be her.
‘How could you say that, when you do not remember your wish in its entirety?’
The shadow glanced at the tombstone Kira took the time to visit and clean. She says the human version is dead and yet...why then would a part of her was clinging to the past, the memory of her former self? If that itself is not evidence of the original Kira then why does the current Kira exist as its contradiction?
‘Even if your memories, the memories of your human self are lost, the bonds carved into your shared soul will never be forgotten.’
The statement fell on deaf ears, ignored while the addressed returned to staring at the dead stone. Once again people are trying to control her, to choose on her behalf and once again she will suffer at their hand. She will not be chained to them, possessing these accursed bonds that only haunt her every waking hour. They are carved into her soul? That’s fine--she will have no use of a soul; if there exist chains then she will severe them just as she did the others. Its not difficult, when people see the true nature of a creature they will always turn against it, even the most hopeful will lose it.
Kira shut her eye, “Its better to be clueless about what’s happening around you, rather than knowing every bit of information that would silently kill you.”