I have no idea how I managed to live as long as I did with my miniscule and unproductive life. Every day was the same. I got up each morning at five. I went to work at a firm that I hated, with people that I couldn’t stand. Ate lunch alone in the break room while everyone else sat in groups talking about what they had done the night before, or what TV shows they were currently watching. I would then go home at five each evening to my one bedroom apartment on the fifth floor of the Eluvium on 1st street. I would eat my microwave dinner while watching old reruns of Who’s the Boss and checking the time every ten minutes. I would then take a shower, put on my pajamas, and hop into bed. I would stay up till about midnight reading then turn out the light and have dull, boring, mindless dreams about things that meant absolutely nothing to me.
I was married right out of college, to my boyfriend Lucas. We had been together for three years previous to our wedding date. I had thought I had found forever. How quickly that dissolved. After three years he ran off with his receptionist to Hawaii. Two weeks later I was served divorce papers and told I had two weeks to move out of the house. His father had purchased our house for us and while my name was nowhere on the paperwork he still felt that I, being the victim in the whole ordeal, needed to leave his property.
I had often felt that they were against mine and his relationship in the first place. This would explain why they were so unwilling to help me find him when he didn’t come home. I learned about a year later that they had known about the relationship all along and were pushing towards him leaving me for her. Her blood was better than mine as she was the daughter of a political seat holder on the states board. They felt that Lucas deserved a woman with breeding. That’s pretty much what they did. Three years and three kids later they have a regular full house.
Lucas and I had no children, thankfully, not even a pet between us. We had found out shortly after we married that I lacked the ability to have children. I was barren, and while he promised that it didn’t change the way he felt about me, obviously there was a change somewhere. I’m happy for him now. Well as happy as any scorned woman can be after the love of her life rips her heart in two, steals the house she decorated, and has a family with someone that was supposed to be her. I promise I’m not bitter.
I found my little one bedroom apartment and moved what “was” mine in, took me another three years to even furnish this place. I hit a bit of a depression after moving in and it lasted for awhile. That was when the mundane repetitive life began. It’s not like I never dated, I mean I went out a time or two. When Lucas and his new wife came back from Hawaii and moved into my old house, my old friends began to spend time around them and my going out every now and then slowly became a never. I have no idea what lies they fed them but they just quit calling. I pretty much pay sixty a month for a cell phone that tells me the time. I can probably count on two hands how many times the phone has rang and it wasn’t some guy trying to sell me timeshare.
I’m not old or unfortunate looking. I dress moderately attractive for my age. I do my makeup and hair every morning before work and make sure that I always smell fresh. I have no idea why I repel so many people at one time. I don’t even really understand why my marriage dissolved after spending six years with a man I had loved. There is still a lot to figure out on who I was. A decade ago I was full of life, love, and ambition. I was social, charming, and popular. Oh, how the mighty fall.
I’m thirty, barren, divorced, and invisible; could life get any better than this? Can the planet provide me with any more than what I have? Should I just get in my car, drive to the animal shelter, and adopt myself twenty cats? This isn’t what it was supposed to be. I had options and dreams at one time. Why now do I have to be so boring? I think it’s time that I just get up and get out. There’s a bar down the street. It seems to have quite a few people there in the evenings. That’s what I will do. Change my clothes, throw on some fresh make up, and go down to the local pub. Maybe I could make some friends and meet someone special.