Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

0
Free copy left
You can read our best books
Artemis_Aquarius would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Happily Ever After

By Artemis_Aquarius All Rights Reserved ©

Humor / Fantasy

Happily Ever After

Kurstair raked through the entrails spilled across the flagstones before him. He chose one juicy, dripping piece of intestine and shoved it in his mouth. Chewing and humming he walked through the remains of the Guard, their bloody bits and pieces squeezing up between his bare, hairy toes. He wiped a furry hand across his lips, spreading red spittle across his grossly misshapen face.

When he reached the heavy oak door banded with steel, he burped, sending a choking wave of putrid air into the room - if anyone had been alive to choke.

A stalwart iron lock sat in the middle of the door and Kurstair vaguely wondered  if behind him, among the ruins of men, lurked a key.

He shrugged and lent his solid, muscled, green bulk against the door but his soiled feet slipped and the door stood firm. He cast around for something to wipe his feet but failed to find a single swath of fabric not soaked in blood or gore. He frowned and the horns on his brow ground together.

This quest was taking much longer than he’d planned and he was tired of the cold castle with its unending halls, legions of guards and their annoying continuous attacks. Irritated, he plucked an arrow out of his thigh and crushed it.

With one great mighty roar, rebounding like thunder along the hall, Kurstair slammed his rock-like fist against the door. The great oak beams split and the steel bands bent and the iron lock broke. He thumped it again and the on hundred year old door buckled and splintered with a loud crack. Half of it burst into the room and scattered on the flagstones, the other half swung open on whining  hinges. Kurstair stomped through the doorway and entered the sparsely furnished bedroom. A barefoot young woman stood at the window. Sunlight illuminated her figure and golden hair, she shone like a fallen angel. Her hands rested on her hips and she wore a gossamer fine dress that had seen better days. A slight frown marred her perfect, pale, face.

“Well, what took you so long?” she cried, “I’ve been here for days!  I had to fight off dozens of damn guards and as for the Prince! Look, I broke a nail!” She waved a delicate hand at him.

“Sorry darling, I did my best.” the Monster spoke, “First there was the moat - not like they were going to put down the drawbridge for me and they have biting fish in there! Then I had to climb the walls, all the while damned archers were pelting me with arrows, and you know how I hate heights. And they had boiling oil on the accursed ramparts. BOILING OIL! Look at my skin. Who uses boiling oil anymore...”

“My mother warned me.” the princess muttered, “’Marry a Prince’, she said. ‘Don’t go for the bad boys, they’ll just break your heart.’ She was right, she was so right.”

“Oh yeah, I’d like to see some fancy-pants Prince come and rescue you from a fortified castle like I just did!” Her husband yelled.

“I’d be LIVING in the damned castle if I’d married a prince, you dumb-horny-head.”

“Fine. Right. Next time you can rescue yourself.” Kurstair turned and left the room. “And you can explain to the kids why Mummy is not living in the swamp anymore, when I send them to visit - to your castle,” he said sarcastically.

“Oh don’t talk to me about the kids!” she yelled, following him out. “That Burgnord takes after you, refusing to wash in anything other than peat mud and you well know that smell is impossible to get out of clothes. Which doesn't really matter because now refuses to wear any. Something to do with his 'Monster' heritage.  And Esterbelle, well she told me just before I got kidnapped she was dating a Giant. A GIANT!”

“What’s wrong with Giants?” the Monster said, “You know very well my mother is a Giant.”

“Your mother! Your mother! Do not get me started on your mother. The last time she visited all she did was complain, ‘the stew doesn’t have enough toes in it’, ‘the chairs aren’t big enough’, like somehow I’m not good enough for YOU! I’M A PRINCESS!”

“You’re a princess all right,” Kurstair said under his breath, “MY mother warned me about them too. ‘You’ll be forever rescuing her’, she said.”

“And I am NOT walking through that!” the Princess said when she saw the carpet of bodies.

The Monster threw his wife across his shoulders and their arguing could be heard echoing throughout the castle as they made their way out - if anyone was left alive to hear.
Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, Artemis_Aquarius
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

John Reed: Seadrias masterfully captures the impressiveness and complex scope that a science fiction novel should provide while carefully crafting an entire universe that will leave a reader in awe from start to finish. The only flaw I could find is that I wish I could have read more. This book is certainly...

Schaelz: I was intrigued from the second I started reading, and it kept my interest the whole way through. Chelsea has a way with words that will enchant you until the very end. She is very poetic with the way she mixes genres and keeps you on the edge of your seat. The main character is also very relat...

Felisa Yoder Osburn: I really enjoyed the story. Civil War stories are some of my favorites and the intertwining of the past with current times was wonderful. I look forward to reading the next stories.

Nate_L: This story is amazing. The style, the description, it all drags you in. The characters are mostly the well known characters from King Arthur. There's Merlin, the sword: Excalibur. I recommend reading this through, at least a little, as it's a very satisfying read. I added it to my reading list af...

Lauren Suzmeyan-Raine: I'm so glad you found a place to post your stories. I was horrified when I saw yours had been taken down, they are definitely the best 'reading' stories I've ever read. And I've made it my business to read every one I can. Well done.Lauren

Morgan-Leigh Nortje: A storyline and plot not unlike something George R R Martin would have produced, only with far less tragedy. The stunning story of a young princess who goes into hiding and takes on an epic journey to save her father and her kingdom. With characters that you feel compelled to love and a plot that...

MegaRogueLegend666: I love this story so much. It's impossible to describe my excitement with each new chapter in words. The author has such a good writing style, very good descriptions of the fighting and character descriptions/emotions. the plot is also amazing! This fanfic could be a side anime show or novel ......

Jasmine Chow: As I read this story, I was reminded some what of Terry Pratchett, especially some descriptions of politics and economics. The sci-fic setting is quite intriguing. Writing style is quite lovely and grew on me slowly. I was also slightly reminded of Mark Twain, especially his book A Connecticut Ya...

Alice Liu: Whoa! I've been wondering how would the Maurauders react to Harry's life and here we go! YOU ARE THE BEST! All the characters are consistent with their personalities shown in the book! I love how you compare Lily with Molly and it's definitely true for her being a mother! I wish Peter comes have ...

More Recommendations

ernbelle: When I first started this story I was a little unsettled by all of the information that appears in the prologue, and wasn't sure if I would continue. However, I am very glad I did. The plot was very well thought out and really interesting. There were not any page breaks or markers to acknowledge ...

Elizabeth Robbins: 4.5 starsAs far as apocalypse stories go, this one took a new direction. I'm glad someone finally addressed the need for a vampire apocalypse! This is sort of a multi-genre festival of delights. With hints of forced societies, vamps, hunters, romance, apocalypse, government conspiracy, and thrill...

Ben Gauger: Kudos go to the author of ''Equinox: Into the Clouds'' for originality in character development as well as scene execution and in addition plot development, A truly original story if I do say so myself, though the spelling in and of itself could use a little work, but other than that a truly orig...

Ro-Ange Olson: Loved it and couldn't put it down. I really hope there is a sequel. Well written and the plot really moves forward.

Nymeria: Really can't get enough of this story. It flows well, it captivates the reader from page 1, and throws you into such a well-written, well conceptualized world that you'll believe it's real. Everything in the book is meshed together really well. From character backgrounds to plot twists, you can t...

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral stories!
Iosaghar

FreakyPoet: "you made me laugh, made me cry, both are hard to do. I spent most of the night reading your story, captivated. This is why you get full stars from me. Thanks for the great story!"

The Cyneweard

Sara Joy Bailey: "Full of depth and life. The plot was thrilling. The author's style flows naturally and the reader can easily slip into the pages of the story. Very well done."

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral story!
Spectra

Ro-Ange Olson: "Loved it and couldn't put it down. I really hope there is a sequel. Well written and the plot really moves forward."