Chapter 4: Past is past
I sit there dead. I feel anger, but not. I feel suffocated deep inside. My heart swallows me up. I can’t breathe. The light in my heart seems to get further away from me. Maybe, I’m getting further away from it. I’m being pulled away from my heart.
“What are you saying? That light isn’t your heart. This is your real heart: dark, hopeless and dead. You don’t belong in the light,” a voice says.
I look around and there is nothing. I start to panic and start screaming and yelling at the voice. Who it is and what does it mean by that.
“I am you and you’re me. Remember your nature. Remember what you are and who you are.”
The voice echoes nonstop. I panic more. What does it mean, what is it that it’s trying to tell me? Remember who I am? I don’t know. I don’t know anything! This isn’t right. My nature? I scream even louder. I have tears covering my view. I cover my ears from hearing the words that make me fall in despair. I open my eyes and breathe heavily as if a fish came out of the water. Everybody is around me. I see the Elders have gathered and the doctors as well. They are in panic like I am now. They busily move as the Elders mouth them words. I can’t hear them, but by looking at their face and mouth, they are probably shouting. I look around and realize John is there too. Why are they all screaming? What’s going on? I try to get up, but I am tied to the bed. I can’t move, but somehow, I feel like I can break the chains that are tied on my body. I give a little strength and I feel my body being light. I get up and I can feel the heavy chains moving away from my body. I can hear now. I can hear the chains dropping on the floor. They must be heavy since they nearly broke the tile as they fell. I loosen up my body and glare at them.
“What the hell are you doing?” I ask them.
I am so angry, confused and terrified, but my words come out emotionless. I look at them without any smiles, tears and etc. I look at them blank.
“Don’t you dare move! I will kill you right away. Get out of Rin’s body now, you dirty Death” John yells as he points his gun at me.
I want to say that everything is fine. I won’t hurt them.
“What can a Tilcat do to me? Do you think I will die by a mere demon bullet? I am not low class like you. Get out of Rin’s body you say? You must be a big idiot. Rin is just a stupid name that the gramps came up with since they sealed me. Ever since then, I became Rin True Cross, but my real name is Viora Nightmare. I am one of the survivors of the Nightmare family. I was deceived by my own family and was told I was a half blood, but it turns out that I am pure blood and was adopted by Thomas Jay True Cross and became one of his family members. I am a pure Roplit. That’s all there is to it. I am not Death”
No, no. This is not what ‘s supposed to be like. I was going to say I don’t know what in the world you mean. How do I even know this anyways?
“It’s the truth. The ones you cried for isn’t your family. Your memories were sealed by the damn old men. I freed you from it. You are free now. You can use your powers and go back to your own family. You need to go back to Him. You belong to Him. I will let you see it soon about what really happened that night when you were born. The truth that is.”
The place is full of trees. I see some pine trees and some aspen, but that was it. There are only two kinds of trees here. Where I stand is where there are bones that does not belong to human, but probably a demon that was big. In front of the bones is a little bundle. I walk over and realize that I see a baby. Its eyes are round, but it does not cry, but instead it does not seem to be afraid or scared. Suddenly, I hear the bushes rustle. The bushes rustle hard and I hear people’s voices. I can smell the sour smell of the cigarette being smoked by some of them.
“I see a baby over there!” a man says.
They all rush over to see. Just by looking at them, they are SSD. In middle of the crowd, I hear someone giving orders. This rough tough voice is familiar. Could it be? A man comes out of the crowd full of guns and knives. He has black hair. He looks at the baby with his fierce orange eyes that seems to have some toughness and somewhat sharp. I know this person. He’s my dad.
“This is probably a demon’s child. What should we do with it?” one of the men asks.
Dad seems to be troubled what to do with the baby. After considering awhile, my dad made a decision to bring the baby to the Elders and see if the baby is really a demon. If it is, they would put a seal on it, and he will take it in. Everybody in around him seems to disagree with him. I wonder what’s wrong. I mean, if they show it to the Elders, they will know what to do with the baby. They are superior. My dad doesn’t seem to care about what people say. He just smiles lightly to the baby. The baby that seems to be dead starts to laugh softly. Everybody looks surprise. Dad picks up the laughing baby up carefully and heads out of the forest. He seems to like the baby.
“Poor man,” a voice giggles. “ He could have lived a little longer if he didn’t have you. You are the only reason why he had to die. If he just ignored you and let you survive on your own, he would have lived. Roplits are trained like that after about 5 months. That’s why He was looking for you. He was just trying to find you. Does a Roplit have a heart for humans? The answer is no. If anything is in its way, their path will turn into a deadly hell. That woman tried to stop Him from getting you. She used her powers to stop him from touching you. That’s why he destroyed the village. Everybody tried to stop Him from getting you. Without being unaware that danger would brew over your village, they taught you emotions and live happily. Fools who didn’t treasure their lives. Humans are foolish.”
I look around and the voice is nowhere to be found. The baby is me and because of me, every one of them died. If I stayed there, I wonder how I am living right now. Does that me He is one of my family or friend?
“That’s enough. I have seen enough, so let me out of here. I will act as a Roplit if that saves people. I will turn out to be my true self if that helps everybody. If you do something weird to my mind or body, I will kill you.”
There is a big laugh of the creepy thin voice. I see that I am in the darkness again. I wish I am with H. I want to be in that place where there are field with flowers and peace. I feel that there is where I truly belong. I miss his voice. I wonder what happened to him. I wonder what happened to my thought. I want him back.
I open my eyes and realize that everybody is looking at me with a strict face. I try my best not to show my emotions. I make a boring face. Somehow, it comes natural to me. I don’t need to practice or anything. I feel kind of proud of myself though I shouldn’t. I mean, I am saving them, but they can be terribly hurt. It’s better than having them hurt their emotions then to lose their lives. Break looks extremely concerned I bite my lips.
“It looks like her blood has awakened. John, you will be the one to take care of her. I know that you are not in a good relationship with Roplits, but we cannot risk giving her to Echo of Death. We know that He wants her. Without knowing the objective, it’s risky to hand her over. We will try to figure a solution out. Until then, please take care of her,” Vario says in his serous voice.
His voice sounds so serious. I guess everything will change from now on.
“Why do I need to look after a dirty Roplit? It’s not my problem if she does anything weird. I am just going to watch her! If anything happens, you are going to take the responsibility. Why does it have to be me in the first place? Why couldn’t it be Elder Break? He treasures Rin than anybody else!” John complains.
As if I want to be with you. I won’t say it though. I just look away. I get out of the medical room with my body half naked. I walk out silently while they are arguing. I laugh silently and cautiously making sure that nobody can hear me. That cautious laugh turns louder and louder until I realize. I quickly cover my mouth.
“What’s so funny? Roplits have no emotion,” the voice inside me says.
Now, I don’t get surprised when I hear the voice. I am so used to the voice.
“Come on, even a demon like a Roplit has a feeling. They probably believe that they have erased their emotions, but they can still laugh and be sad. They don’t realize it though. How about telling me who you are now?” I reply back
The voice doesn’t answer for a while. My blood can’t deceive me, but maybe I can’t turn into a heartless monster. I already have something called emotions. I lived with humans. I can’t possibly erase that.
“That’s true, I suppose. He also felt sad and relived when He saw you. Why can’t you erase emotions? They are just a nuisance when you battle. Those emotions sometimes make you out of control. That is quite troublesome in battle. For myself, I will let you to figure out who I am,” the voice says.
The voice trails off. That’s right. Nobody can become a heartless monster. Nobody can because everybody are made like that.
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