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The Headless Man, Mighty Mouse and Dark Lord Cow

By Gozuga All Rights Reserved ©

Humor / Fantasy

A tail of heady manures...

One time the headless man was making his way down the Path of Forgotten Dreams. Suddenly, there was a screeching noise that bled his ear drums quite readily. All he could think about was how much a pain it was to belay this strife in addition to his already burdensome impairment. Onwards he went though, ignoring the sound until he found what appeared to be both the source and a mouse a great stature at the same time. If only he still had his head would he be able to stand up confidently to this mouse as any human man-being should and feel superior in a pleasant bath of contempt. But alas this mighty mouse both stood at a height and rang his vocal strings at a height infinitely higher than the headless man could for going on 65 hours now.

For you see his head had been removed nearly 2 fortnights ago while he was sleeping in his brand new home, which, although only a cave, set him back around 300 pascals, which was not an easy sum to come around to for a headless man, because as you should surmise, there is not as much demand for headless men as there once was, much to our current hero's chagrin. It was in this heady cloud of uneasy uncertain thoughts that Ferlon, our headless hero, found himself as the mighty mouse arrogantly continued his wretched tone, taking pleasure in his superiority of having it, in spite of its vulgarity and bloodshoting of unfortunate ears, Ferlon's of which had been taken from him unjustly not two fortnights ago.

He recalled: he had been sleeping in one of the upper sub caves, with a lovely blanket of the greenest grass he had found in that day. So unfortunate that a cow had great need of that grass and had followed the scent all the way in through the various cave subsystems in pitch black, all the while chewing as he mistaked the smell for taste. That was the day that this most brainless and evil cow, who's name shall not here be given the respect to be even uttered, inadvertently discovered a taste for brainmeat, for when his abnormally large prodding mouth had reached just above the collarbones of Ferlon, he clenched down and gave it a chew that lasted him over 2 weeks, for bones had to be chewed through in order to reached all the meat inside the head, but for all the 10 hours it took him to achieve this, he enjoyed a steady supply of meat which left a mark on his character, for this newly discovered pleasure gave him a new zeal and purpose in life, to wine and dine on the finest heads from here on after. He had become notorious among the village and cave- folk for such head and brain eating misadventures that he had already become a household unnameable name to not be uttered.

But all the heads this cow tasted in his head tasting career could not bring back the same pleasure as first. He had wined and dined upon heads of the finest orangutuans, hippopotamauses, stingrays and even had at the corpus callosum of a great blue whale at one point (for this cow knew how to swim!), but not one of these ever endeared him as much as that one beautiful, eternal night in which he followed desires onto new scents instead of trying to relive old pleasures over and over. Dream-like it was in his memory coming upon the tasty human skull in the dark of the cave. And that dream he had rediscovered upon this Path of Forgotten Dreams when he picked up his pace at the whiff of that old nostalgic scent of Ferlon, who happened to be walking upon it trying to remember his life with a head, the memory of which had come to become surreal and unbelievable and on the verge of being forgotten as just a dream.

The cow whos name shall not be uttered prepared his blood lust face and lathered up his giant chewing mouth in preparation for another taste of his favorite victim, who so nostalgically smelt very near. And for this reason that mouse was screaming. For this mouse was no ordinary mouse, he was the Mighty Mouse of Turscot, a family of elvish mice all of whom had lost their heads in the first home invasion of the cow upon the lands of Tuskington. He screamed and screamed, but unfortunately the headless man was unable to deduct meaning from the shrieks, for he lacked a head with which to think about it. The scent of bleeding ears only increased the pace of the cows pursuit, and the cow caught up to the headless man, who yelled out: "Ariadne" as his left-most leg Ariadne was taken into the depths of the cows great jaw.

The mighty mouse promptly jumped into the cows great wide mouth in an attempt to retrieve the leg, and upon being unfortunately swallowed alive, he latched onto it as he tried to stay afloat down the great esophageal waterfall which led into one of the cows many great large stomachs. It was here that he found the heads of all his family, who all greeted him in surprise at the mighty mouse's appearance, which never seized to exude brilliant amounts of mightiness and astonish his family and brethren. Taken aback at his apparently increased mightiness and stature which was really only due to their lowered heights being as they were only heads now, they all thought it was due time to vote the mighty mouse as their leader, for this particularly jockey race of mice prized strength and might as the primary virtue, in addition to being elvish.

Comfortable and self-satisfied, the Mighty Mouse Hairthron the Mighty ruled his newly established kingdom from within the stomach of this cow for nearly 3 whole fortnights, until the rest of Ferlons sad and defeated remains came down from the esophageal waterfall and ruined the party. Apparently one leg wasn't enough and the cow had to taste the entirety of Ferlon to finally put an end to his cravings. The circle was fully complete in that the Great cow who could now be named (for all those who remained with a head who knew of him consisted entirely of Hairthron the Mighty mouse alone) could now carry on forth onwards onto new lands in search of new objects of tantalizing smells and scents upon which to place his great mouth upon and taste. And this he did with the help of the civilization within himself, who had so much time on their hands so as to independently discovered how to generate electricity by creating a variety of mills upon the vertical esophageal waterfall that would so often come furiously done along with all manner of exquisite, exotic, and esoteric foods that had mercilessly been devoured by the cow.

This newly found power was unfortunately a double-edged sword of doom for the mouse heads + Ferlon entrails kingdom as it allowed the cow to eat at a pace too quick, causing the waterfall to sweep the civilization back out into reality. As with Superman the great civilisation of Hairthron could not live aside a power greater than itself, only within it, and so this change in circumstances led to the great War of Gesticulated Pines whereupon a many great struggles were had with no clear victors. Eventually Ferlon's entrails and character was sowed back together, but upon refusing to help the mice by acting as bait and being eaten by the great now-cyborg cow again, he was tied down and forced to do so against his will.

With the greenest grass upon his brow, Ferlon awaited his return to the great gullet of that great now-utterable cow, for the previous laws forbidding such utter-ation had not yet had the chance to yet be re-established yet. This was a grave misstep on the part of the mice-senators, for it was the utter-ation of the cows name just before it swallowed Ferlon's reconstituted body that led it to have feelings for this man, for the cow secretly held empathy for fellow conscious beings, but could only consider something conscious if it spoke in its tongue, which his own name needed no translation for. They made quick friends, and the mice kingdom crumbled under the wrath of Ferlon's vengeance and the cows empathy for that vengeance.

Ferlon road upon that great cow, devouring the mice and burning their country-sides, but managed to forget to check under an old dusty sock, within which the Mighty mouse held the key to the cave, where he could recreate an empire through breeding with himself (for this was no ordinary mouse, this was a Mighty Mouse, capable of more than meets the eye) and eventually one day destroy the dark lord cow and his relatively head-ful psy-dekick Ferlon. So unfortunate that upon entering this old familiar cave, he chose to go to that very same subcave where Ferlon had made his bed of grass so many fortnights before, for this happened to be where Ferlon and the great cow were lying in wait in pitch black, for their combined intelligence allowed them to predict the mighty mouse's movements up to a fortnight. The final hour had come, but for which of these hungry souls? In haste the mouse let out a mighty war-cry scream, which the headful Ferlon was now able to interpret with the aid of brain matter, and knew was a call to the Mouses brethren who resided within the cows stomach.

Ferlon then faced a moral dilemma of greater magnitudes than you've ever seen, of changing sides to save himself, or to stick with the cow (knowing the poor great thing would likely be torn apart from the insides) and try to take care of the pestilent screaming mouse once and for all. All of a sudden the cow fell over. Also all of a sudden Ferlon had a bright new idea. He could jump in the great cows mouth and take care of the mouse-heads himself whilst the cow took care of the Mighty mouse. But as always seems to happen, the comfort of being king once he reconquered the kingdom prevented him from slaying this race and rather he chose to stay in the stomach and rule over the new Ferlon kingdom for many years' worth of fortnights. The battle between the cow and the righteous King Hairthron would never be known to this kingdom, at least for many fortnights, as they weren't able to see outside through the cows skin, for science and electricity were practiced here not wizardry and wardrobes. Whereupon there was peace, there was not care for the going-ons of reality.

In truth the mighty mouse had managed to escape, being outnumbered as he was in that cave by the great cow with its 4 stomachs against this mighty mouses only 2. Forsaken by his only ally against the cow and by his own people, the mighty mouse grew bitter and eventually sealed off the cave with the cow within it. But with the help of science and electricity, those great Ferlonian people managed to live within the cow through many more fortnights without the help of sunlight or happiness, and remained there enjoying peace itself, so thick it encrusted the walls of that unfortunately very thirsty cow to the brim. And it is this pure materialized Peace they would ferment into wine, upon which they dined and managed to recover happiness. Eternal happiness was thus achieved by these people, and to reality they never therefore attempted to return. They had finally found the kingdom of god within - and within a cow to boot! Both christians and hindus were found to be correct, and seizing the opportunity of this validation, the mighty mouse Hairthron spearheaded a crusade spreading the fused religion of hindianity and became king of the world for many a fortnight, and thereby also attained a small happiness.

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