It was the summer after my 16th birthday when Ian and I had decided to run away. I would give up everything for him, and he had done the same for me. He was high enough ranked that in any other pack our relationship wouldn't have been looked down on. But growing up in my pack, and me being the daughter of one of the more powerful alphas, it was taboo for me to even so much as look at someone who was not alpha status. We used to sneak around the packhouse in locked lips and roaming hands. It was the only time I felt real passion and love.
After months of planning and patience, we were finally successful in doing so. Our only downfall was, foolishly, thinking that my father wouldn’t care enough to follow. I was a bargaining chip for more power, and narrowly escaping an arranged bond. We were so wrong, wrong and naïve. More importantly, I was wrong. I was an idiot who believed in love.
We traveled weeks, bouncing from the pack to pack, before we decided to try something else. We had ended up in the outlands. The place where humans exist and our kind is nothing but a legend. A story told to children. We could live a normal life. He would work where he could and I would be a waitress at a diner.
We lived in ignorant bliss for a whole year. We had fully mated and our bond was a strong one. Soon after, I had experienced my first intense heat, the kind you only get after mating. And it was a successful heat, we had a daughter on the way. I can still remember the day I told him, he was so incredibly... happy. A happiness that I now look on with bitterness. That kind of happy tears my soul to bits.
It was hard to hide it from him for as long as I did, I had wanted to surprise him. When I finally told him I did it with a cute ultrasound and a cake that said, "Welcome home Daddy." He had just come home from a long business trip. I can never erase the image of how wide and bright his smile was. How he had jumped up and down with joy. How we had cried together in the purest form of happiness.
Our life had seemed to be complete, and I had finally felt that I had a place in this world. Everything was perfect. Until it wasn’t. I was about 8 months pregnant. I was working the second half of the double I had picked up, I was trying to work as much as possible before Arianna arrived when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and felt him slipping out of my awareness. I never ran so fast in my life, thinking about it now I should have run away from and not towards my mate.
I was greeted by my father, holding my Ian's head in his hand. I wanted to collapse but I knew what was coming next so I tried to run. I tried a little too late.
“You’re worth nothing now.”
My father spat. “You’re ruined.” Those were the last words I heard before I was kicked in the stomach and passed out from the blood loss.
I woke up back in my father's pack. My hand instantly shot straight to my now empty belly and I broke. My screams rang out into the night. I thrashed in my bindings. My father entered the room and I rushed him intent on the kill, I didn't make my mark, my knees too wobbly and head too dizzy.
"Where is she!?" I screamed
"She's gone, good thing too, she reeked like a lesser wolf." He spat.
Even though I was beyond any pain I thought I could endure, my father thought I wasn’t done breaking apparently because he beat me more and more, more than he had when I was a child. Words like worthless, pathetic, weak, we're constantly thrown in my face until one day I snapped. My father's mistake was training me since birth.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t a fatal mistake, just enough of a mistake for him to sell me off to the highest bidder. He thought that killing me would be too easy. He promised that I would make a strong breeder of a strong bloodline. I killed every male I was sold to and with each of their deaths, I felt less and less of the pain of losing a mate. Of having a child ripped from you. I became a rouge and eventually ended up in alpha Heralds pack. My final headcount was 5, I had killed 5 alphas and most of their entire packs. I felt little to no remorse.
The face of my beloved still haunts my dream every once and a while. But I’ve learned to push it away. I’ve learned the dangers of loving.
I will never love anyone the way I loved Ian.