The Ambrose Brown List of Mystical Creatures - Ambrose
First things first - I love animals. If you need a home for one that isn’t a predator, Ambrose Brown’s your guy. However, I have spent eleven years of my life next to the Roanoke Split, and I do not want anything that comes out of it. And so, I would like to share with you the Ambrose Brown List of Mythical Creatures.
Bigfoot: he wasn’t mean, but he isn’t very smart, and he’s nine feet tall. He looks like a giant ape with green eyes. Not dangerous, but best to be avoided.
Centaur: they are very smart, very skilled, easily offended, and very annoying. The last time one showed up, Ray nearly lost his eye. Man from the waist up, horse from the waist down.
Chimera: giant, deadly monster. Body and head of a lion with a snake tail that looks suspiciously like a Western Diamondback. I’ve only seen one, but it destroyed the sports stands and Professor Jones had to shoot it between the eyes with his trusty rifle.
Dragon: depends on the species. Dragonettes are about a foot long as adults and can’t do that much damage, but be wary of their teeth, claws, and spiked tails. Most normal dragon species are fairly okay, but don’t invade its territory, as even Professor Jones’s trusty “Plan B” (shoot it with a high-powered rifle) generally doesn’t work. If it looks more like a snake than a lizard, it’s a drakon, and you need to raid the chemistry lab for the strongest acid possible, as nothing else will save you. Literally, Dr. Chen keeps several tiny containers of undiluted acid of an unknown nature (because, with Mark and Nick around, you really don’t want them to figure out how to make it) for this purpose.
Fairies: dim-witted and tiny. They aren’t dangerous in the slightest.
Hydra: same instructions as drakons, for the exact same reason.
Imp: trap it in a Mason Jar. If too big, trap it in a box.
Manticore: Professor Jones’s Plan B should be Plan A. They are not friendly.
Mermaids: if its human half has gray skin and green hair, you’re fine. If its human half is beautiful and it’s larger than maybe four feet, avoid at all costs and go to Plans B and C (Dr. Chen’s lab) if that doesn’t work.
Pegasus: avoid the hooves, but they are pretty docile.
Pixies: like fairies, but meaner.Unicorns: aggressive, will gore you with that horn, which just so happens to be poisonous. Susie almost died because of one.