Chapter 7: Worth my tears
The words that past through my father’s lips filled me with sadness and rage. He simply said it as if he was telling me that pigs had suddenly learned how to fly. All I could think of was that all of this was happening too fast. That this could all be a bad dream I couldn’t escape.
Did my words of protest mean nothing to them? Was I being cast aside like the leftovers we fed to the neighborhood dogs?
I pursed my lips into a thin line as I narrowed my eyes at the white silk cloth covering my mother’s expensive dining table.
“Rebekah, it is not as bad as you think. If you accept the reality of your situation then you would be able to move past this and live happily with Marcus. He’s a wonderful young man and you would have everything you need to start your happy future together. It would have happened when you’re older. If not with the prince then another nobleman’s son.” He reasoned. I knew he was just trying to make me see reason but it didn’t help.
I wasn’t pretty like my sisters nor was I talented like they are. They’ve spent their entire lives preparing for things like this whereas I wasn’t or rather I never tried. But what was the need to do all of it if I didn’t have the slightest interest in part taking in those ridiculous customs? Yes, I was well aware of the fact that my mother would have had suitors lined up to the gates of Awa for me to choose from but if that was the case I could have declined their proposal. I could have been a step forward in pursuing my dreams and not three steps behind it.
I couldn’t turn down Prince Marcus’s proposal, after all, he had announced it to everyone present that night. Rumors about my family as well as word of his declaration of love to me had already spread across every kingdom. It would lead to more humiliation and the downfall of my families legacy. We’ve always been the right-hand men and women of the royal family for generations. Always serving as their shield.
So it would be frowned upon for me to degrade my families name by declining. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t make Prince Marcus see reason. I just had to have the right timing so that I wouldn’t have to watch my family crumble yet still be able to fulfill my desires to live a simple, peaceful life.
“That may be the truth, father but if mother would have chosen a suitor for me to be wed, I would have been able to decline his proposal without having to worry about humiliating the Northwest name. However, with the Prince, I wouldn’t have a choice. I would have to take responsibility for either the Northwest families downfall or their raising and I can’t do that. I’m only seventeen. I haven’t even graduated high school and you expect me to live in the very castle as the man who is taking everything from me?” I cried.
Have you ever held back your tears? Keeping it all your emotions bottled up behind a dam in the far corners of your mind. Keeping it all there until finally, that dam begins to break. That was what I had done. I never cried when I scraped my knee or when I had broken my wrist. I never cried when my mother chose to treat me like a stranger. And I most defiantly didn’t shed a tear when everyone abandoned me as they accused me of things I didn’t do.
But now I just let it all out. I can feel the salty, liquid making its way down my cheeks as I silently sobbed. Turning to the side I let my long strawberry blonde hair act as a curtain. Shielding my tears from the penetrating stare of my father.
“I’m not fit for this position. I can’t rule over an entire kingdom. That was what Scarlet had prepared for. She was the one meant to be Queen, I know it may not be the best idea for her to rule over this kingdom but she had trained for it. Even Lizzy did and I’m sure she could take the crown. But not me. Father, it just can’t be me.” I said, my voice cracking as I tried to not show how weak I made myself.
“It pains me to see you like this Rebekah. It really does but there is nothing we can do to change what has already happened. I do not wish to send my youngest daughter off on her own. And I am most defiantly not pleased with the fact that you have to be the first to be wed. I agree Lizzy would have been able to handle the situation but the King and Queen have made it specifically clear that they would only accept you. Therefore you have to return to the palace by the end of the week.” He whispered at the end. I knew I was being selfish but I couldn’t help it. I knew I had to think of the well being of everyone before myself but I couldn’t.
Pushing my chair back I launched myself into my father’s arms as I cried for the future I couldn’t change. I cried for the fact that my own family treated me like trash. I cried for the dreams I will never be able to fulfill. I cried for everything worth my tears.
All through my sobbing, my father hadn’t spoken another word. He simply patted my hair and reassuringly rubbed my back as I held onto his suit blazer, crying and sniffling. I knew he only had my best interest at heart and I would live up the expectations he had for me. Even if it crushed me in the process.
“Becks are you sure you’re alright? You haven’t spoken a word in four hours. I’m starting to think I’m talking to the wall.” Linda said while watching my every move. I couldn’t blame her for worrying. I was never one to be silent for too long much less for four hours.
“Mmhmm... I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind. Tomorrow’s my last day here before I have to live at the palace.” I said distractedly. Its already been one day and I’ve packed most of my belongings. I didn’t exactly know if I should take everything with me or just the things I valued most since everything was going to ready for my stay.
If there is one thing I would miss the most it would be my bedroom since it’s the one place I would always be in. It’s my own little paradise.
“I know you do but the least you could do is pay attention to me, you know. I’ve been filling you in on what’s happening since you didn’t go to classes today and you probably won’t be there until next week.” She mumbled. She thought I wasn’t listening but I was.
I heard every word that came out of her mouth, from the way the rumors got ten times worse to Arthur’s return to Kinsley High. I wasn’t going to be attending classes for the next few days because I needed time to pack and settle in at the palace.
“You do know that you’re going to he living in the palace with me? Shouldn’t you be packing as well?” I casually asked with a raised brow. I watch as shock took over her features. I guess no one told her.
“Wha-t-t” Linda stutters. I wasn’t surprised that no one told her. I knew Scarlet or Lizzy purposely withheld that information. They probably made the other maids keep silent about it so that Linda, as well as myself, would get in trouble with the Royal family.
“You’ll be living in the palace with me since you’re my best friend and my personal maid. I’m sure Lizzy or Scarlet intended for my mother to scold us the day after tomorrow for not being ready or they intended for you to stay and make your life.” I said while looking at the cream-colored ceiling as I lay on my king-sized bed. I was almost finished packing everything in my room.
“I know you’re looking out for me Becks but don’t forget I can handle your mother and sisters on my own. Besides, you will have the best of the best serving you at the palace. There won’t be a need for me there.” She sighed. That may be true but one way or another she was going with me. I already made sure of it.
“I know you can take care of yourself but you’re coming and that’s final. I know you love the palace just as much as I do so there shouldn’t be a problem with that. Unless there is another reason.” I teased. I watched as a small blush took over her face. I coughed to cover the laughter I’m trying to hold back. But I was unsuccessful.
Which lead to me being hit in the face with a pillow as she yelled at me for thinking about her nonexistent love life. We laughed as we had an old fashion pillow fight just like when we were kids.
Our laughter could probably be heard throughout the big house but I didn’t care. I’ve sulked for days and it’s about time I tried to make this work.
I promised myself and my father that I would. But I wasn’t going to be one of those girls who did as she was told just because she’s marrying a Royal. No, I would show Prince Marcus the old me. The Rebekah Northwest, who doesn’t go down without a fight.
And if being Queen of Awa is what my future has planned for me then so be it. I’ll show Prince Marcus that I’m not like my sisters who swoon over him. No, I’m an independent woman who knows what has to be done. And I’ll do what I have to even if I’m hated for it.
I felt Linda nudge me with her elbow. “It’s good to see you smiling again Becks. I was starting to think the great Rebekah Northwest turned into a sulking zombie.”
I laughed and hit her with the pillow in my hand. “Everything is about to change, isn’t it?” She asked sadly.
“It already has Linda but we’re not going to let it bring us down again. We’re going to make sure of that and we’re going to do it together.” I gave her a small smile as I looked at the setting sun through my windows. My thoughts running wild.
One more day and my life will never be the same again...