The codes which the English empire used to swindle, coax persons of interests, of their souls was such a good sense of fun. The mainstay of their jokes and all that were the little people who they patronised from their travels they gleaned certainties and factual information which they then used to perish the state within.
Catholics used in their endeavours to make their points and to forge ahead with English. We are the sires and down the ages we do what we want and never pay for it. This is the standard and more English more England because we are polite well behaved adding grace to all our charming manners. Turkish Empire had been lost because the emperor had gone mad insane.
It was upsetting for everyone to think that England could now be poor and in isolations. The head of the teachers department said it was most bad thing that it did happen to them that now they in some sort of sorry situation that they had to bow to another nation not their own.
It had been due to the Henry the eighth he had been ex communicated which meant him already in hell. His descendents too would end in hell that is what Rome had decreed which sent chills to his heirs. This is what could be the beginning of this madness could it all have started like that? Henry the 8th’s hell was certain. But his heirs could and did escape by name changing and all that. All being certain he did not have the right madness he got too old fashioned being this wild man king.
When law and order is not there people behave like pigs when there is no money and there are the British rule that come and handle us with care and authority we behave like the animals we are. I mean not to harm you but I need to hear your story I know I should not be here having this tale of sorrow but I mean to hear your tale and to make wonderful work of the imaginings of my own. The thing was we were known as the little people who did not do well out of a treaty and when we were left to die of starvation we began to assume such failures of the imaginations as persons of intense disappointment and malnourishment. The poverty was we began to rape our own.
The British soldiers looking on amused because we did not know their kind and the many wool gathering that they sent the wrong signals. They do not care whether we live or die or miss approbate the entire island as long as we leave them to live on this Island and make they happy with their mistresses and wives.
And give each other the times which they only have in Sade the thing is when there is nothing the matter with ourselves and we are as good as the ones who got away from committing crimes against human decency when there is no human decency laws to commit an offence against there is this good thing not going to happen. You see I do not want to behave in anyway improperly there is nothing that makes my meaning anymore but the times I spent wallowing in guilt and such because I thought I had let myself down.
You know my own name is Sadi? So someone had given me a copy of who I am. I am Sadi the sadist the woman who will do what I should be done to. This is your name Sadi the meanness of that name because none of my family had that name at all. In what does it say about the adults who put the audits to my name why was I set up to do such a terrible thing with a name such as Sadi? I mean the debauchery in the wholeness of the unholy acts of this type of unnatural nurturing.
So much to my sorrow there is not much else that can begin this tale of woe or sorrow or whatever it is I cannot name but the few things in the last wails of my doomed ancestry when the doomed calls became the scratching on the walls like a cat who is not fed properly I scratch on the walls and hope that someone might hear my prayers.
So when the lady of the manor said to my dad, “My dear man we must get you a brain.”
“I have one madam.”
“No a real one.” She insisted he had slept through his college years with some bird or other to augment his meagre income. Because he a grand doctor in the making and not now was not to his taking his Ati mother did not could not afford the time away from the card game to give him the money to pay for his tuition fees.
So now we have artificial intelligence for the players in the game when we can use robots to reboot our intelligent selves. Because we are now too tired from talking and want to sit down and talk to an unemotional robot that does not really care. It will replace prostitutes and all that and maids and make our lives straight again.
You see when we give ourselves away when we feel for things disaster happens and it has we gave too many information out and now we fear to let it all out.
No more feelings no more at all.
Another thing is when we have no more to fear for robots are discreet that means we can do anything to them and they will not misbehave.
Someone is poisoning her against society you know why she so angry with society and the high ups? Well first I am not a robot second is that I was a maid and maids are always grumbling about their ex employers and their former masters.
Look one has to behave like a writer and you do not care where is this plot taking us into? I am a mere writer who has read a situation and come up with the nothing more than this anguished almost farsighted feeling that society has failed that humans have failed that we are all failed beasts who now wear the suits but have nothing to offer anybody.
Nothing because they do not give without taking and giving loving is about giving and there is nothing but rules and regulations and never giving. That is why it is never going to be love between me and the aristocracy or the middling classes that is why there is no giving without giving there is nothing on offer but what that one sees that man sees what he wants to see and me in my nothing on and me having the pelvic control and this puts me in a rage of behaving which makes me mad.
There was this Lewisham incident when a mad man died?
Look that is only someone doing what he was supposed to be doing.
“Well think about it there are certain compensations for being like that a council home and all that and who got him the PIP sorted and all that these are where the mafia steps in is it not true?”
This is now the thing to look out for because they want to do something there is nothing a grateful mad person would not do for the boss who settled him down and his loved ones. Or for that matter nobody likes to starve and why should they?
PIP has been and maybe someone else might do the same the gratitude of the mad is never ending and they have greater number and much to be thankful for.
This is not a game?
But why did the government think as such? Look takes the income away and then what happens? The Mafia waltzes in singing guns and roses? Well now who is looking bad it is the establishment when there is poverty who walks and takes over criminals. We’ll see you when I can pay my rent but the rent is due so what does he do he goes to this other dude and pays off what he can for a favour and he has to do this other favour because if he does not he would be killed nevertheless.
So vulnerable have died and will die because now the mafia are sitting on them. The giant machine with the machine gun was the government when they let all the mad people down and now we have to do what we are told.
So this is a mad woman?
“I was certified and can prove it I am also psychic. Look let me look at my crystal ball and see the truth in the matter.”
“What is the matter with you all?”
I can hear the laughter and the singing the dancing has got too much for the likes of mankind and there is nothing this meaningless world has but the love and the word love which is meaningless. Acts without reason and why is there no reason because love has been and done it for me there is nobody like me and there never will be but when that happens it is a pride before a fall. Man falls when he says that.
There is a giant machine which has to be fed patients. A man killed another man with a knife would thirty nine times and Sane goes on television and speaks says empathises that it is the mental health issues which the family noted. Most of the starved poor were without their money and now there is surprise that in that part of the world there is dissatisfaction but we are a liberal country. Of course take your robot to bed my dear.
The thing is we have the mental health institute outside now and errors do happen in hospitals so if the hospitals are in the outdoors well it is a fact we can take the pill and we don’t the nurse made a mistake and he has the man is not going to kill his parents that we made sure of but we did not have the public in the hospital to be made aware of that he would kill in a road rage.
So he stabbed someone all that times and the parents knew it all along. So how come he is mad? What did the parents do to this man in the first place? Where is he in the relationship with his parent’s? According to research done by Lang it is the parent’s fault that he is mad in the first place. And he made no error of judgement at all we have the identical symptoms the identical cure the same things happening and we know because after we graduated we read the books.
Before we were listening to the lectures which the tutor had been giving and his or hers paper on the subject. Otherwise we would not have graduated. After pub night and the listening on the laps of the Gods we then have the dismissive books in writing which we made great efforts to read as this made our life’s work more real. Our God is money to list such a thing as that. We spoke to a few schizophrenics too most of them do not want to murder anyone at all which is not real is it? Most mental patients live at home with their mothers who pay the council tax and say they should do as they are told. When they become psychopaths, not all of them some become good carvers and all that but that is not in this script. Who do they carve their husbands or their spouses or their meat? In films they all have the psychopaths as schizophrenics? We do not know what made this poor man kill this other man but sometimes drugs can induce a wild excitement and mixed with the voices they can cause that type of violence to be unleashed.
“I made a folly out of myself over a pretty girl.”
He is very sorry he was very sorry.
Well you see if a patient does not knife the family but another person than the family technically were not in danger were they? Because if the family had been in danger than the services would have reacted. The mentally ill can go and be where they are because they are under control. That is when we were released to do harms. That was why we cut off their benefits because we did not understand those most of them are flat bores and some are interesting but criminals. The thing is Lang said so but most patients do read about their illness it passes them to the next stage when they can pick up stuff usually experience and tell tale signs is when they begin to become creative and paint and lastingly they want to do things like organise and maybe do the law in. So they become secretaries for advice line and hopefully they can become employed but it never happens and when they are doing this advice lines for a number of years another breakdown and another one and that is when they die.
My father drove me mad because he had to be free and now what is there for me but to drive you all mad by these books. But then he was that real schizophrenic paranoid who did want to harm his drug induced world made him rotten to the core. But he did not have a road rage. He feared attacks on his person. He would set the other driver mad and then gas the car and he would run a mile.
So did the nurses have nothing to do before they became this giant machinery of over worked staffs that have to keep tabs on all those patients under their care? Community nursing but that is not what it means does it they can come in anytime and check up on you and tell you ask you personal questions which you swear you answered before. They can up your drugs they can insult you and they can be kind to you. So who are these people? In Africa they were known as the witch doctors in London they are nurses. The sick are the people who did not do well at school so they must be sick. They are the unsuccessful the maimed the lame they are the ones whom God needs to care and shelter from us.
“How many doctors this here?”
“How many nurses in here in this room?” asked the doctor?
“How many phone calls did just buzz through?”
“How many mothers do you have in here?”
I knew the answer to that one.
The rest I did not know anything about.
“We do not believe that nice woman is not your mother she is not unkind.”
“They always take her part even my own nurses do.”
Abdul is not her husband.
“She is always good and pure staying indoors never going out without telling us. We love her.”
Karl Marx said workers struggled to with their labour. They produce to become this totality in a totalitarian world. In England we do basket weaving the kind of things which we must produce in order to live. Like Ford factory Karl Marx with Elgin said no but while he was dining on tea with the privileged ladies he could not have seen that real workers did not even know how to hold a tea cup we only realised this now. Did Karl Marx have good table manners then he in the enlightened circle behaving very well and nicely with them ladies every afternoon tea? I mean why should a revolutionary be having tea with snobby ladies in the first place in some posh cafe? When we mix and can’t mix because we can’t hold knives and forks to a proper angle. Our murderess rages drown us as we struggle not to be submerged in the daily grind and strife of the class struggle. I have all the aristocracy trying to drum it into my head that I have not behaved properly by not respecting their money position and powerful influences while I was a mere nothing. Sorry ladies but that is why I am running out not to listen to such blabbering from the height of the aristocratic cats.
“Because he a gentleman.”
That in India there are 1000,000 born every minute and who is counting when life is so cheap? Cheap labour there has produced the best democracy ever. We must have it here to in Europe when the racism began and so too the far right. So there it is the connection of thinking and living and doing the common labouring jobs which is no joke because when one is doing the common labour one is treated like some dirt on the plate of snobbery. That one even reads a book is frowned upon and can earn points towards dismissal. That there are other reasons behind the sally is not enough because the firm belief is not on our perch not on our land not on our ideals should you over reaches yourself otherwise we can make your life hell.
There is this lady by the window naked as the day she is born I am going to the house to seek her out. She has a crowded family might need a hand all the children are drunk and sleeping she naked her husband at the mines what do you say? Okay I am game if you are. There the father in law is before us giving her one. Bad that is bad.
“You are nothing not even a farthing less than a farthing less than anything you whore.”
She is about to faint will she faint or won’t see the whole neighbourhood has held its breath as they listen to his ranting she is giggling they breath it is okay she will not faint if she had not giggled she would have swooned and fainted and been white as a sheet.
“Less than a farthing. Now carry me indoors.” And she would carry her husband indoors.
The thing was mummy said when they shouted nobody came to their aid when Mess shouted everyone said poor Mess and went there to aid her in her plight telling the husband not to behave in such a way.
“There she is at that darned window parading her wares.”
There she is by the window naked and then her husband is shouting at her to behave saying she a worse thing why behave in such a manner? Or something but the window is so small cannot see a thing. I know went there saw the window it is less than a peep hole there are nothing to see it is double glass there are nothing to be within but the chairs and the table and why the aggro?
He so jealous and he wants her to boil the water for the bath and then wait until he has his sugared tart and then his drink of sugared lemonade and then he is having the top over then it is morning and the children should be awake soon and there is not that much to do but to behave as if in there having the time of their life and this goes on daily forever.
That Mess is in a sort of enviable position as she has a job with Gold and does for Gold because Gold is related to someone important. Cousin to the doctor a cousin is a cousin so eventually we get to the plot do not we a mad woman’s relative won’t be only stigmatised but might be open to questions and more of the same.
I surmise because I am a psychic that the first thing a woman does when she takes pen to paper is to make a mess out of the whole thing because there are so many things to write about. The so many things to guess at so much to misbehave in and make into a dolls playing at the game of tea drinking and then there is not enough evidence and research but what one sees and gleams from the whole folly which is the gossips so if there is a doubt about what I am saying believe you. I do not believe you there is everyone saying that I should not believe you the world is standing and not moving I am aged now I am old now there is nothing in me but to stand more still then I think I will fall down flat.
In it is also not in there for real for reality is hard facts backed by officialdom I am not writing a official biography or a report this is a glimmer of the facts there are not enough evidence by the tabloids so we have to go to other sources to gleam and make our feelings known that we have been starved of facts within the Turkish literature with women and male writers pretending they do not live in Turkey but somehow have escaped the facts of being Turkish writers with responses as Turks. Okay so you live in the Capital or some other capital and there is not enough literature to busk in then you write something akin to Russian literature. Why?
The first president of the Turks was a spy. No not the revolutionary his first real prime Minster he did it better because nothing was done for some time. He over worked himself. He did such a lot not much changed. Not many bills paid. He did not much the railways were a disaster. I mean he found out his mother did not like his looks. Look you cannot die twice. I think about it all the time but that makes me a what? Here we go again thinking there is a reason why I am thinking because of the things that they have made us do now in that sorry land which has produced the current situation. The current situation is that we are all agreeable as long as we sell Turkish delight.
When we were young this would have meant good but most of us are now old and we are all suffering from sugar intolerance.
How can a iconic member of the establishment not have behaved better there are so many people defending the likes of people long since dead and not many people in anywhere but in prisons protesting and making sense why? Because Turkey is the worse country for freedom of speech we lack the ability to say what we do think and when we do. There are reprisals and unfortunately England is becoming like that to with its political correctness and good mannerly conduct gone mad. And how dare you speak about us in such a fashion because we are pure of heart.
Unfortunately when one is speaking purity of heart goes out of the window. Because we are mad as hell when it comes down to it we are so mad we live and breathe our madness and fire comes out of our nostrils.
There is a connection between the English and the Turks you know from the Crimea to this day we had the misfortune to believe we got out and away from the influences of the west but we never did Russia is practically next door and there is too much to answer but to say thank you for all the aid they left us and all that. We needed aid because of the poverty there nothing like poverty and being in shacks which would have fallen down if they had not been rebuilt to have spurred us on to sell out our American friends.
To ask the question why this harangue, well we all must say something words and more is destroying literature and it is meaningless drivel and rewrites which is maddening me.
Well unfortunately it is the fashion to see the truth and a writer is someone who does see the truth if not what is a writer but a tool for the rich industry which churns thousands of books only for them to die flat after a sell out and then forgotten?
In Turkey or anywhere else they are placing writers and artist in the comfort zones and making their lives healthy and well. In England the poor authors are in mental institutes and the rich are in some sort of snob land. But in Turkey they do them less proud they place them in prisons. So the writer dies either way.
What is the point of view where are the synopsis to the tall tales and stories what do you want to see where is the matter and what is the matter of it and what is wrong with it? These are tall stories about the current society which we live and behave in it is a satire and with my new found freedom because I do not care who reads the stuff I am able to be available night and day writing them. Because writing is about giving the all about it and there is nothing but what it is about so I have failed in life so my life is meaningless what of it? This is me here in this little room having a literary event all by myself.
We have not developed as writers because there are not enough freedoms of expressions allowed and no money and there is the only thing we are allowed to live on is in our prisons. You see if one writes that is where one writes in prison.
Where the synopsis is my sinuses is here.
Mess’s husband again has shattered the vases and he is a Jew he should not be where he is and she is married to him loves his kind and saintly frame she told mother so and mother said hump. My husband was a saint a dear man he was such a saint a man a man who I miss hourly if not daily. I did not regret one moment of our marriage I have more hours to fill now then I know what to do with and there are not enough children to see me through the day. And she had 9 children and several dozen grandchildren and great grandchildren.
He and he did not shattered vases. His shattered vase was the last straw. Someone came over to fix the vase at night at night in a carriage why he and she in the carriage with themselves out. Who is he? I do not know but he should not be here.
I said about Mess’s husband who might or might not be my grand sir. That he is a horrid man and should not be there at all. Where should he be then? Nowhere is he a wicked and evil man. He who feeds you my dear his money feeds you now is polite.
No I will not shan’t I was at that age when I was a terror to behold and did not mix things I was a disaster to the whole lot of them. A terrible two or something that made everyone laugh as well as cringe.
He should not be here at all. He is not one of the man look he should not be here in here he is someone called Greek he is into this I do not think he is not the man who is in the drag? Look his beard in here? He is wearing his cloak? Why is he here then if they are all at war? It is not him why who is it then?
In the little Island with the little people who were known affectionately as the little Turks.
They had the most bizarre discussions about letting them leave Turkey and setting up as Greeks well we were Greeks to begin with so why they now awake to the fact?
If not Makaros who is he? It is the wrong time of the hour it is night I could not sleep because of ear ach. Went to drink some water went to the window and saw Makaros on the carriage with a? It was a woman in a grey gown. That was what Makaros was riding in the carriage with.
It made him very unkind to beasts. But he should not be there he should not be there.
Makaros and her what a bare rider that would make her his mistress or Mrs? I find that so droll why them cardsharpers would not behave well like her? Well everyone has to be busy I guess. It is boring here with the only pastime smashing vases.
“He did not like that? No it was bloody expensive.”
But he loved children he loved children he loved childish delighted laughs. He was involved in the youth movement said that youth was the future of mankind with their brains. That we youthful people the future of the mankind. What unkindness he died? But no he is walking in the yard within the carriage with the gown and he is being driven smartly out.
“I do not understand what this means?”
“It means time for bed.”
“I can’t think why he saw me and seen the watchful look? No he did not see me at all?”
“I was not there remembering?”
“But if he had seen me?”
“Why he would marry me.”
“Not true not true at all?”
“I look like her.”
“I look like her who shot herself I just look like her.”
“Why do I look like her?”
“I do not want to understand what he in here in the fifties and not there outside in the sixties I in here stranded in the garden and can’t walk away can’t do that because this is the safest place ever. I am stranded here? Why he is now dead?”
“I do not think he is.”
“Why what is it?”
“I can’t get to sleep sheep counting me in.”
“Look it is not nice is it?”
“I do not like to be here. I fear I fear more from here than anywhere must take a cab and ride out myself exposure down in the snow and it is no matter I will never say never.”
“I do not die.”
“I am dead if he finds me.”
“Look who is this child?”
“It is me.”
“Where is mother?”
“I do not like to be here when the politicians have the right of way.”
“I am into not politics with women who wile away their time thinking of loving a robot.”
“I disown womanhood who think making love to bears is nice.”
“Taken the cabbie and dad died after mummy raped repeatedly. Got repatriated and deported.”
Abdul took care of daddy because Abdul said mummy too old for sexual intercourse with mummy and she only in her fifties and why did he say that because he and mummy at it like mad.
“Not true anymore no longer Turks a good Turkish wife does not do such a thing.”
“I do not think so I know so he is mostly here in from one door knows where everything is and how much the size of the rooms and he was there telling me he would have his revenge.”
“I do not thank myself that my first love was this Turk who got me into deportations and illegal immigrations.”
“I find myself as Surgun which is displaced.”
“That is constantly wandering in some hell they do so in Russia for grave offence.”
“I am a grave offence.”
“Silence is so much more fun.”
“I am touched by this bizarre world when everything moves round and round like a bowl with a fish in it.”
“Yes not satisfactory at all.”
“The thing is what matters in life that everything matters because it is if one part of you hurts the other parts are affected to.”
“That every inch of my hands hurt why it hurts I will tell you I worked as a servant.”
“Discontinued line yes that is what they told me.”
“Downgraded disgraced for behaving not like a lady.”
“I am not a lady.”
“Not done right with the general.”
“Yes found wanting.”
“Doing time with what?”
“This is most Yes unsatisfactory.”
“We are mincing along this story.”
“My story is not begun yet.”
“He not satisfied so he died Fiddle died not satisfied?”
The thing was had to have my revenge. Let us face it everyone is human and humans are as I said are not nice people we are what we are to make amends I have become this clairvoyant.
“Nightmare is the word.”
“More than a nightmare I am the devil you all now know.”
“Yes grave mistake.”
“We must all pay some dues.”
On the other hand bad politicians had matters made far worse and mattered more because they heroes and what they made was Turkey but why did they all play cards continuously every single minute of each day with their wives? Did not they have anything to do like mend things and settle home and with a house to build or even a garden gloves to see to? It is much worse things to deal with. His wife and she found him far from appealing. So statements read down the bank and the wife knew about the accounts she was a good provider who did provide the alibi. You see there are so many unanswered questions from that period in history when the empire had fallen and everyone building the wives was playing cards? What is the matter with them did not they behave sullen and wise or did they ply someone with drink and take to their tables in order to foster their demons or did they just hope to be next in bed with the great man or were they up to no good tricks and why did he marry their friend who said no sorry.
His mother did not get to see him for fifteen years she and he wrote a lot to each other maybe the handwriting experts could vouch that the writing was really his?
What had taken place was you cannot nearly die twice and half his face was gone.
The ladies and more ladies adding to the discount stores because they thoughtful and why they got their houses straight. They made a lot of losers win and then what did happen they had to give Turkey time to heal from the wounds and now we have the corruptions and all that.
“Yes of course they have cats as government.”
So they could bewitch the bewitching hour and make the hour glass worn out work. There are good failures the women who had more sense on their shoulders. The good tastes and sense and good domestic workers and did not do much all day but blink.
We who have butchered our children we who wept not at all when the woman had been deflowered before four years old. They went they just went.
The prams which sunk us the prams which sunk us because we used the our babies to save the nation and we became women wives no longer but mothers who would kill our own children and babies to save this nation death to all of us if we did not win it was the loss of humanity loss of womanhood it was the end and the beginning of the end of where we should be what we lost was not recovered we were the mothers who killed or had our children killed. For the good of what our country for the good of our world and what we got in return are cats for government. The women must have thrown out the kids who had been slain. That our kids who were unmade. The children who could not do much then are not us. Like dirt.
We began to use children who were not of good useful to toil their lives away children who were not nice to be any more children who were grey. Ashen grey and grey as dead. Dead children of them who got the beds made. Our children make our beds. Our children who got our hair when we sleeping in the shared bed. Our hair in the way our strangled children why?
What is the happiness of giving us a special day when that day is the only day when we allowed wearing shoes? Others other’s did it for us? Yes we have a special day when we can sing and sing when some do not even make it baritone.
Special children are chosen it is some who have to pay the price because without the workers the generosity is not done. Money and gifts come to them who work. Others get the free day when they relatives and do not work. They get to benefit kiss your mother’s hand. We have given our darlings so we get to kiss the hand who gave us the cabbie fare home.
Ferrying across the river ferrying across the doom ferries come and go and we stay put when the ships burning in one go.
He found solace in forestry work. He was such a man a man who had negotiated the deals which set the seal of approval on them. Now not much happened to him. He was not bid out bided that he looked ugly. He disapproved of the worn out MPs.
You cannot die twice.
But he did.
“If you can live with my ugliness for a ten year period then it means we married.”
“Damnations husband as long as that a courtship takes shorter.”
This is all conjecture I know but is it not fun? In literature I can be anyone and that is the fun part the downsize bit is when there is nothing left to write about.
My great-grand came from Cairo where she had been born and did not know what it meant nothing to do with her wanderlust. Travels in her mind which became stores stories of knowledge pickled and hen picked. Look my great grand can be anyone because they not sharing stories and they all dead so I can say copyright and they not saying anything wrong with that.
No one knew me enough to give me any money at all except for Fiddle and grand pa so they were the only ones who gave me anything what is wrong with that? So why should grandpa give you some land? Because I was nice to him and nice still to Fiddle but he sorry he ever behaved like that to me he did not like me in the end said he did not want me he wanted to travel with mother sell everything and get away from it all.
Like go on a boat trip of a life time and never coming back again?
Yes that is true.
A man on horseback riding seeing this girl took her away.
“It might be love.” Nobody stopped him. Nothing can stop them they are bandits.
Bandits work in groups of forty when they were so good and useful to the community as to get the girls while the girls out walking most common people did not allow their daughters outside the door and when they went out they were taken.
“Scarcity of the girls?”
Forty of them riding on horse setting the town on fire and taking the girls some even went for another while the girls were tied up. But most of these girls only returned two years later and made a shame of their parents.
Pregnant and all that the parents sent them away and they never came back.
“Not my daughter anymore some common whore.”
She paid the ferry man she said she had to. The ferry man is the one who makes you cross the rivers and then you might return. Nobody has returned. Nobody at all. That is what the Roman poet Vigil said he said so. The river of no return. I will never return. Returns please there are the returns. She has been sent home to bear it alone aloof.
Booted out and around shagged adding to the population explosion which everyone desired after the war. River of no return because nobody wanted to be near them women anymore because they were outcasts from the world society and eventually their reason would leave them.
You can find him there pushing his pen and doing his bath times at the same time, because he now over the moon because he found the right tart to do it for him.
His wife died. She must have because he grew half wild, Nothing like that happened to him his wife did not die he just went and married her. He wanted someone else and he desired this best he desired this better than the most. He was educated and lived within his means. He married well and they all had high expectations. We all have affections when young and this man had affections which he knew was not the right feelings he had he made the mistakes he did and in front of the world. He married another woman and got the keys to his doom. The mayor gave it to him and he handled the keys as if he now owning the world. They so well fed like pushing cars and trolleys with the market explosions in their bulge and they wept no more their happiest days these. She had nothing she got nothing she had nothing but the worst possible things happening to her and he did not understand what it would mean or do to him he was now vulnerable to not feeling he had lost his humanity because of that woman he married and he now without anything but failure as a human beast a man without anything but crocodile failures as a human monster he and the wife his wife very aptly named.
“We will eat it entire our cake and cast offs as well.”
There he is just doing what he is supposed to be doing,
The rich and the elegant always do what they are expected of doing and behaving like swine’s while they are doing the deeds the harshest deeds to the person who loves them. I had pig swell then what did I matter I had nothing given nothing was not much to look at anymore that made me bitter why does a aging woman a woman becomes bitter and dull and unused is because she is no longer loved and that means much to her when she is no longer able to be loved? But then there is always this thing called the revitalise.
Purgatory hell looking through society and my mind and seeking the truth with a lantern which has seen so many truths and half truths only to blow me away with its misery of half discourse and there is nothing to share to do behave but to matter more in order to share myself and my work with others so that somehow I can make a difference to this barren world of words and more words which matter less as we speak.
Look who cares what the people in novels eat and drink and wear does it make any differences to what they do to each other?
Life is cruel and whether you are eating a chicken or the ham what you do is what counts. How many cigars you smoked and how many lagers consumed tells me you as the author is at the pub and write there.
This is purgatory like hell is before me the lantern is about to go out and I try not to unbalance it the light must shine through my vision.
It is as if patches come to light and give me the feeling of light and safety and where do I find myself now what does it mean or matter to me or the failures who called in and said hi. The meaning of this repast is that there is not enough food for thought for everyone that some people might go away in disgust and some might even not enjoy the taste but not everyone will become unwell. No one I assure you will be poisoned because of this mad stew.
This is the codswallop this the named stew this is the bargain this is the meal this is what I am left with? The bitterness and poisons and mushrooming of resentments so deep that my life is nearly spent with him with his pussies doing the rounds of pussy footing and fooling around.
Ever had or likely to have. But no matter without this and that we will only mass produce pussies, look the pussy he has now much more kind than the last one. Lost and found no more he now the right mood of behaving well no more he now nothing to declare but bad behaviour. How right my love. No use having kittens. They are very expensive to nurture.
This vigil that sadness had made fortitude. Ink never dried up in my soul but my blood curled up and aside from this there was nothing more to be said left it all unsaid why should I say something bad to you? When the horses in my head are still galloping? Said when he saw his wife whom he had mourned for or ages. What and why did he run away?
Women who dine alone and alone forever in that way alone because he did not could not now feel my wrath and my growing lack of concern for his concerns I became a hell cat my darling did you know that I became a hell cat?
No more armour the chains in the dungeons affect my sexual urges. Oh that is okay they make mine.
Sexy beast comes down to me. Come and seek me out I have all these phone cards. Call anyone of them from anywhere. Diners clubs okay? Definite now come. Come. Come,
His phone always nearby just in case there is the mighty and the spells comes true. I tremble in some trepidation why this standard behaviour why me stranded alone with this?
What is this why I’m I here alone again with this mighty stab wound coming afresh to haunt me when in the winter the wounds shower me with the cries I made in earlier days.
“I do not think a wife talks like that.”
Most women do because it is the right thing to do otherwise not a marriage not mating not love.
“If it was domestic violence there would be nothing but the sirens in there we live peacefully as well.”
“So volcanic eruptions are necessary in a marriage?”
“In any relationship because otherwise one is married to a cushion and as the writer said woman are from Venus and man from Mars it is a constant flux otherwise one or the other party lets go.”
“Why this anger?”
“It is a point of style.”
“Why this style of redress because the dress sense was not there that most women now the enemy of marriage and they do not want to be with men but with women because then they can marry and have fun all the time.”
“Laughter all the time?”
“Yes we can laugh and talk and make merry.”
“But me has been living as a whore for many years.”
“I divorce you.”
“Good let us get on with it.”
“My dove does not mind.”
“No of course not this way more real it hurts man to part with their money.”
“Marriage now means what it says that work it work it then worth it.”
“I want Horace.”
“No need for him he is okay.”
“But he died too?”
“Of course but he is in a green omelette.”
“No more my darling you’re skeletal is bad it smells.”
“No my darling the dark Bess is too great. I interfered with a wall the other day. Most unfortunate wrote down angry words and made off with them spells of disdain then went and took the paint home trying to paint the walls but grew tired of it.”
“You hurt your membrane?”
“None of your business.”
He said he had a lot of embroidery to do before he died. His masterpiece was not complete to his satisfaction but they said because he was cutting that was why his poetic master piece was not growing but getting smaller. So he is not adding but subtracted. What you say? Subtracting. Nothing of the sort he was taking it away. Oh sorry did not know you were a moron. Good now you do.
I am so sorry.
“Took genius away and made a talented author great.”
“We will now pick on everything that moves like unpick them all.”
They slit great grandma again. She has always been able to take the knife and they would run. Bit older now. Totally shocked if her daughter had not come and yanked it out of her mouth she would gave up. Her tears now worn out ugly she is shivering she just sits and shivers. Mostly covered by the blanket used for the donkey she is shivering. Her husband is walking up and down he does not want to see then he walks out and the wind is after his shoes.
Her mouth is no longer able to close. She can’t eat.
The wind has been after me for a long time too my dear the wind will catch me before they catch you. It is over between us I do not feel anything but pity,
I light the lantern and wander off again it is so bad it is just like lights it again and again there is nothing the matter with me as I walk there is nothing to see the lantern is half lit needs a clean because did not oil it properly I am walking onto some windy place and then the lantern is off.
“I married whore citizens and now she is this shrivelling beast.”
There is a cowering woman a wife a mother who has now nothing but fear that is domestic abuse that is domestic violence when you see a woman so beaten up that she is yelling that her fear is palpable the rest are doing it for the good times ahead.
“No use to man or beast.”
Pecked to such a high order I used to belong to the high priests. Before they got me I was to be the wastrel virgins. She would shatter the silence with; the high priests would not demean themselves with such a one.
The new high priests of human nature and their crudities are such that they would take the money out of children’s mouths and they would say they would not pay their own taxes?
“We worked hard for our money.”
“Sure you can.”
Oh the horrendous sounds she cried all the time when she stopped it got worse.
The obvious scorn the truth does not lie with you.
The truth does not lie with anyone of us. I do not lie with him the husband who never was he has girls flocking to share his wealth. Why he still married to me to make you look sad and fed. You no longer the beautiful, now discarded.
The lantern brings in more discord there is more to follow into the show there is this fool who speaks her mind and we do not want to listen anymore because we are so fond of being always told we in the right.
“We are the poor workers here done out of our rights.”
“We do all day work hard.”
“We do all that we did and more.”
I the husband whom you disliked have gone and Abdul has stayed and the domestic violence is done by me? Of course the good woman has been the victim of such a crime. Of course and Abdul does not measure the house and in his industry does not have it right?
“No one loved you ever.”
“So nobody loved me so there.”
“No longer had a common ground for a common whore.”
“Never I have I slept with all the generals.”
“This is a pricy whore.”
Who are all these people? These are the people from Turkey when the war had been and done the country in and now we have the similar people living in Britain. They have all lumbered in like lumber jacks and they do not care where they are as long as they can bring their own habits of mind and mental attitudes. Look what taken the cat in and where did she come from? They are doing the same shocks and all that. We are all now behaving so well. Saving money and doing the right sums and getting the sums more wrong than before because we got emotional about it all and not that the migrants were bad but now nobody wants to pick the fruits of them trees and mostly we are too good for anything but crime and it does pay.
I do not know them they come and communicate. I am the medium who they try to share their tales with. I am a medium believe me I know them because they come and torment me with their side of this and that. I am a medium being told stories by people who did not have a real trail. So one by one they come to speak to me into my hands to give up to ten times ten and why bother why ask what is the meanings of this life are never take for granted the grand designs of creation when something ends just wallow in some grief and let it go. Do not torment that other person with your objectionable self or your dear wife. The woman does not want to know just forget about it and at all times do not come and have sex with the Mrs in front of that woman otherwise there is hell to pay. Ha the idiot does not know of course the fucking never stops.
So being the medium which says that the plentiful will come and rain on the fools who think it does not hurt that sort of thing well believe me it does even if one is sunshine all the time as he and she were.
When the questions are answered with lies and lying and cheating is the normal behaviour. Which when and only when it is found out is shame. Why they were married and what mattered to him was he did not want to say it out loud he no longer loved me he involved he heavily involved and why me that is the question why I and when it got them into trouble.
I could not move and he had moved on men are like that in many ways a female does not only stand there looking old and odd but she feels all the things hidden.
Ha-ha there is this laughter somewhere and the fireworks and the laughter again and the chin and off to another party and ha-ha what a fool she is shall we tell her? Oh should us the poor dear no of course not it will make her think herself neglected. As if I was not thinking that already my thinning hair my portly body my little habits which got lost in some sort of hag washed out. My beautiful wife and her beautiful husband that is them him walking and waltzing Matilda and chin up it might never happen it did and why the chin up? Because it might never happen. Oh what happiness to know what did happen to them was the start of their end of their dynasty.
The stories did not move on. Grave matters came first food shortages childcare. The other things can wait it can wait. The stories of wonder adventure and all that one does in the magic carpet on the mythical creatures.
This is window dressing. We have the best windows in the world. It is called miniature minds with the dementias intact they were fooled maybe because I did not say anything but the wailing did not stop I was crying all the time injections she got me into injections and then the psychiatry but he went on and did not stop. That a woman who is in full knowledge about what she is doing and the man not conscious but half in love with his sentimental but intelligent doctor wife who knows all about such behaviours and trusted her treated her with trust and respect and made her well his beloved because trusted her opinions because she did not scream all the time she did not only behave like a educated woman of the world but everyone treated her with respectful attention and she was so popular that everyone agreeable surprised by her jokes and antics and thought the world of her.
It can’t be helped.
You see if a reasonable man is expecting a reasonable wife then what happens when he finds it? The healthy and the wealthy commute together and the little disaster at home is forgotten.
“What a wealth of detail in this little episode but my dears I am sharing the gist of what had happened that a woman a cruel lesbian set about taking what she did not want and then when she got him did not want him.”
“What she did not want him?”
“No because she was into girls.”
“Why did she bother?”
“Because she had to wear something like a husband.”
The clothes we wear have to be bought so that when we go outside the husband can tag along with his good clothes and suits and smiles that we can become the beautiful coupled.
I could never marry because I am tarnished a soul thrown aside cast adrift in this sea of toppled pride and all that because I am forever a burden on the community.
This victim that now I have become because a man had a twin heart and one side he loved better.