26. Difficulties on the way
Josh had taken us to a small meeting room I’d never seen before, with red walls, dark wooden flooring and a huge square table with chairs all around it. This was more appropriate for this meeting but I was still confused as to how I hadn’t noticed this room before, I’d been living here for a few months and never noticed it....can I be that blind? We all sat down and Josh and Max started, me and Lilly were kind of just sitting there and something suddenly sprang into my mind. What was going to happen with Riley and Max? They live in different packs! Will Riley move to New York? Will Max move here, no he can´t, he’s now Alpha to the Vengeful Silence Pack, that’s means Riley will have to move. Or Lilly, will Lilly move here or will Chase move to New York....ugh it´s too confusing! I don’t want my friends to move away, I’d miss them all so much, I’ve gotten closer to Chase since Riley and him started dating and I would miss him if he left! I didn’t even know what I´d do if Riley left, I would be so miserable without her, I would never stop them from moving because I want them to be happy but it´s just going to suck having them all move away!
It suddenly struck me that everything was going to change, with the wedding, the baby and now with everyone moving and such....things are getting so complicated.
It´s been a week since the meeting and Riley has moved to New York with Max, I cried so much when she left, I can’t get used to the idea of her not being here. We still Skype and that and Max promises he would bring her down soon to visit and they will both be coming to the wedding which we have decided to have this June , it’s January now so we haven’t got long.
We´re having a service I’m the woods, where all the pack can access easily, were going to have an aisle and arches with flowers and things like that, just because I’m sappy like that!
Also because a werewolf pregnancy are only 6 months long by the wedding I´ll be about 5 months so ,I’ll be well I’ll be a whale! I’m already gaining weight and the cravings are BAD! Ugh being pregnant is hard! I am looking forward to having the baby now through and me and Josh have already started to think of names!
Anyway yeah Riley has moved to New York and Lilly has moved into our pack so she’s with Chase, I love seeing Lilly again I’d missed her so much but I still miss Riley and I don’t think that will ever change, it’s weird her not being here. Not that I see Lilly all that much, I mean I’m always out planning the wedding and sorting out catering problems, Josh has done what everyone has told him to do which is stay out of it and let the bride plan her day. Which I like on one hand but on the other, it’s his day too so he should be able to have some input, he’s just said to me “Plan whatever you want, I want you to have your dream wedding” so really he’s no help whatsoever! I’ve already decided on my bridesmaids, Riley and Lilly obviously and Sam is going to be Josh´s best man.
Sam at the moment is an emotional wreck, Brittany was sentenced to death and the other day was beheaded....In the end it was the international Alpha who made the decision, Josh couldn’t bring himself to kill Sam his mate and Sam was stuck in between choices. He obviously loved Britt with everything he had but she rejected him and whenever he would go down to the cell to visit her she would ignore him...such a lovely girl (Note the sarcasm). Even through at the end I didn’t particularly like Britt she was Sam his mate and I don’t know how he will ever get over her, if Josh died I wouldn’t be able to carry on. So far it’s been 2 days some she was killed and Sam has looked worse than ever, he’s not eating and the bags under his eyes are getting a deeper shade of purple each time I see him! Sam and I have gotten closer since he first met me and I now consider him my friend, so I´m going to talk to him, I know whatever I say can’t bring her back but I at least want him to know I’m here and he can come to me for a talk whenever he wants.
I was taking a day off from planning the wedding, that’s all I’ve been doing and so far we were only halfway done! I still have to finalize the guest list, the catering menu, the wedding cake! Me and Josh need to go to the bakery and choose what flavour we want and then give them a description of what we want and they will do a sketch.
Anyway today, I’m free so in going to first go talk to Sam and then secondly go talk to Kyle and Morgan about them finally telling people about them. It’s been a year and so far I’m the only one who knows, I hate having that type of weight on my shoulders! I know everyone would be supportive, as far as I know none of the pack are homophobic so they should be okay, I wouldn’t let anyone make them feel bad about it, I think they are adorable together!
It was 9:30am and the house was actually quite quiet, it’s a Saturday so I guess everyone is sleeping in, Josh is still asleep and snoring I may add! I crept out the bed gently, trying not to wake him then grabbed the first outfit I could find, jeans, a baggy hoodie and a white tank top, it’s not the best but I’m not too bothered. I just tied my hair back into a messy bun then put on a thin layer of eyeliner, mascara and face powder, brushed my teeth, slid on my socks then finished the look off with my UGGS. I looked casual and honestly I wasn’t looking for more than that, I’m pregnant so I have an excuse to look like crap! I tiptoes out the bathroom then slid out the door, I hopped over to the elevator then went down to the 4th floor, that’s where Sam his room is, I’m just hoping he’s awake....who am I kidding? He never sleeps nowadays!
When the lift came to a stop I hopped out and walked quietly down the hall until I found room 165, that’s Sam his room. I stood outside it for about 5 minutes daring myself to knock knock....Camilla knock now! I raised my hand slowly then tapped with my knuckle on the wooden door, it was loud enough that he would hear it but quiet enough so I wouldn’t wake anyone else up, I heard him moving towards the door and when he finally opened it I almost burst into tears. He looked awful, hair all over the place, eyes all bloodshot and puffy, purple lines sitting beneath them he looked so different to the Sam I knew. So strong, invincible, handsome...he never showed any sadness even though I know how much he’s been through. He mustered a weak smile but I knew I should probably be the one to start talking.
“Hey Sam....umm I wanted to just come have a chat with you, see how your holding up. Can I come in?” His eyes glazed over but eventually he nodded and stood aside so I could come in. I smiled then walked into the bedroom, the bed was unmade, sheets everywhere, clothes thrown all over the place, everything was....well everywhere! This place was a mess, but I couldn’t blame him, I know he was mourning over Britt and i think that would go on for a LONG time.
I sat on the unmade bed and eventually he came and sat beside me, he turned his head to me and I saw the tears slowly filling up and making his beautiful blue ones all glossy, this was heartbreaking. He suddenly broke out into a sob and I could help but wrap my arms around him, he sobbed into my shoulder and I felt the tears slowly making my shoulder damp, I’d come here to talk to him and yet I couldn’t think of a single thing to say, nothing I could say would bring Brittany back. I coed him gently and I think just letting out his emotions helped a little, eventually the sobbing decreased and he would just occasionally hiccup, soon after that he pulled away and then finally spoke.
“Thank you” he looked generally appreciative, I’m not entirely sure what for but I decided to play along.
No problem, Sam you know whenever you want to talk I’m here, I know we didn’t get along to start with but I consider you one of my friends and I hate seeing a friend like this” he nodded and sighed heavily.
“Thanks Camilla, but I don’t know if talking is what I need right now, I have no idea what to say, all I do is cry and-” he suddenly stopped as if he’d said too much, his went very guilty and he looked like a little boy who had just been caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar! His arms tensed and I suddenly noticed he was wearing a short sleeved shirt, I know your like “how would that matter?” But whenever I see him around the house he’s wearing long skewed shirts of hoodies, it’s the first time I’ve seen his arms in ages... Wait a sec?
He saw my gaze at him arms and suddenly his them behind his back, I grabbed his arm, he tried to pull away but as he hasn’t slept in ages I was now stronger so kept a tight grip, eventually he stopped fighting and I looked down only to find myself tearing up at what I saw. Scars lots and LOTS of white scars, I mean lots. Wolves heal fast but the scars remain for ages and it was obvious just from looking at these scars that they were self-inflicted...no Sam....why? I dropped his arm and brought my hand up to my mouth, shaking slightly, Td seen bad scars before but these were too much for me to handle.
“Sam....why....what have you done to yourself?” My voice sounded nothing like me, I was shaky and I could feel the tears soaking my cheeks and dripping into my hoody.
He then took me into his arms and held me while I cried, I lightly traced his scars with my index finger but then my hand away, I was only torturing myself by doing that. I could barely speak but I repeated my earlier question.
“Sam, why?” He let me go from his arms and then looked at me harshly.
“Because she’s gone, I don’t care if she rejected me....I can’t live without her and I know that I probably did something that made her not want me anymore! It’s my own fault!” I tried to protest but he held up his hand as if to silence me and he started sobbing again but I could still hear him, he was shouting now, he pounced off the bed and started pacing.
“You don’t know what it’s like, you still have your mate! You still have your parents, you have nothing to be unhappy about so you wouldn’t understand!” Ouch that hurt! I didn’t mean to get defensive but I couldn’t help it!
“Sam, Josh was almost killed right in front of me less than 2 weeks ago. I was almost raped by some sociopath, then he was killed but then came back! I know I know nothing of your pain, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t felt my own” I’d never self-harmed but when I was with Jamie and he insulted me I did sometimes just hold the blade, I’d consider it and hold it inches from my skin but I never brought it to contact. I knew I could get through it, with no scars.
Sam his face softened a bit and he sighed before now coming back over to the bed and sitting back down.
“I’m sorry” his voice was quiet but I still heard him, I nodded
“I’m sorry too, for everything” he nodded again and I stood up.
“I better go, but do just come up to 5th and talk to me whenever.” He nodded in understanding and I headed for the door, I slid out and shut it behind me. I slid my back against the door until I was sitting on the ground, I had to register what had gone on in there....Sam was self-harming.