Chapter 18 ~ Don't Go
I looked at my Beta in awe. He was strong, I had always known that but to have the strength to walk away from your mate… wow, not even I could do that I don’t think. He had left her untrustworthy ass on the steps and walked away. Okay, maybe my venom and anger were taking control of me but I liked this newfound surge of Alpha male energy! After all, we were only animals and we just happened to be beasts at the top of the food chain, following our primal instinct.
The boys knew what to do and how to train the pack. My father stood back and watched, allowing me to assert my dominance and to ready everyone who could fight. I had found out vital information that he was never able to secure, so it was only natural the wolves were trained to the way I deemed necessary for their survival.
I had no doubt that by now Claire had made it to Ryder and relayed all details and truthfully, I was expecting bad repercussions for both mine and Roland’s actions towards her Lieutenant but like we both said, ‘The Pack Comes First’ so any thought of her and her behaviour was pushed further back from my mind.
I had noticed that my wolf was quiet, contemplating I guess, on our next move, looking at the situation from all bases and calculating a pre-emptive strike should a threat occur early. Ryder had done a fantastic job and readying the females, they seemed a lot stronger and more agile, almost with a new focus, their defence on blocking strikes was sensational, I wondered if she had taught them how to flip.
I called over Ashley and motioned for him to attack my mother’s friend Naniqua. Back in her youth, she was a fierce pack organiser, the best actually but her fighting skills were less than up to scratch.
“Ash, I want you to attack Naniqua with everything you have got and Naniqua, I need you to try everything you can to get away or damage him,” I ordered.
“We need to talk,” well that was faster than I expected but I was busy and had no desire to speak with my mate.
“What the fuck, Ulric?” She was pissed, I could hear it in her tone.
“You want someone to speak to? Speak your precious bloodsucker.”
“How dare you?” Her heartbeat slowed as she rounded me. “Nani you got this, kick the pricks arse.”
“Oh c’mon Ryder, what did I do to you?” Ashley whined.
“Do not speak to my pack!”
“Your pack? I thought you said ‘everything I have, belongs to you’ or was that just more bullshit that continues to spill out your mouth?”
I snarled at her, she was making me angrier and her blatant disrespect was unacceptable. “Ash continue!” I barked out.
“C’mon Nani,” she encouraged.
Ashley ran - full force - into Naniqua, expertly and precisely she crossed her arms to block and kicked him square in the nuts, I’m pretty sure every male watching cried out in pain. Except for me, I was too busy watching Nani as she brought her leg up again, landing a lethal strike to his abdomen, he hunched over in pain. She was smiling at him when he kicked off from the ground and flew at her but she was quick and moved on instinct, grabbing his wrist and turning into him, using her strong legs, she pushed up flipping him onto his back and punching him straight into the nose. Within a few minutes, the fight was over and the 56-year-old woman stood there, over one of my best warriors, cheering to herself at having just handed him his ass on a silver platter. I was thoroughly impressed and incredibly turned on by my mate standing next to me smirking out the side of her mouth.
“Now that’s over, we need to talk.” Annoyance oozed off of her.
“I said I’m busy, leave,” my order was harsh.
“You want me to leave?” Her tone quickly changed to sadness and surprise.
“What?... No, yes… I have work to do,” I replied, annoyed at my own slip up of my tough exterior.
“No it’s fine, we’ll all leave, you won’t have to worry, I won’t bother you again…” the hurt flowed like a blanket of thick suffocating mist and she sneered, “Alpha.” Her upper lip curled and turned to storm off.
Leave… Leave me? She was going to leave me? No way in hell was she going to leave me and walk out on us. I launched forward, gripping the back of her red hoodie and yanking her back to me, her legs flailed underneath her.
“Get the fuck…”
“YOU DON’T GET TO WALK AWAY FROM ME!” I screamed in her face as my body shook with fury. Why was I so goddam angry at her? Just because she didn’t love me? My heart hurt, so bad… I felt bruised on the inside.
“YOU DON’T EVER LAY A HAND ON ME!” She screamed back, spit flying everywhere as she looked at me through murderous and dangerous eyes. Her hand connected harshly with my face… the sound resonating across the fields stopping the pack in their tracks. I seethed, feeling the flush of heat and anger rise from the pit within my stomach.
My hand instinctively grasps her neck and I slam her back against the tree squeezing tightly but she doesn’t fight me, why was she not fighting me? She could, she was strong and smart enough to at least attempt to set herself free, but no, she just watched me.
“Ulric, NNNNNOOOOOO!” My mother’s bloodcurdling scream pulls my wolf back. “Let her go,” she sobbed in desperation.
… ULRIC, SHE IS YOUR MATE, IF YOU DO THIS, YOU WILL DIE KNOWING YOU KILLED YOUR OWN MATE, YOU WILL BE A DISGRACE … my father’s voice breaks through into my mind link, his screaming vibrating my brain, what the bloody hell was I doing? She was my perfect match. My ego horror had taken control of my body and I couldn’t think clearly.
“My mate? My mate… oh, my mate.” I whimper as the rage haze clears and the realisation of what I almost did sets in. I see tears roll silently down her rosy cheeks, I lean in to kiss her but she turns her head away from me. I dropped her immediately and she gasped for breath at my feet. I leant over to comfort her but she scrambled away, I could smell her fear seeping off her.
She stood to her full height, pulling back her shoulders, straightened her spine and lifted her head and looked me square in the eye, her chocolate browns narrowed in on mine. “I will never forgive you for that.” One last tear rolled down from her left eye as she walked away from me.
I slumped to the ground, distraught by my actions, how could I have done that? How could I have let my ego take such control? How could I betray her trust in me like that? I was not a worthy man or Alpha, I wasn’t even worthy enough to be a wolf… I was a monster, a beast capable of nightmares… but completely unlovable by the one soul that was made especially for me.
I somberly dragged my feet into the bedroom later that day, the enticing scent of her wrapped around my soul and calmed me immediately. I knew she was here and guilt ravished my body as my heart clenched under the immense pressure of my actions. She exited the bathroom with her toiletries bag in hand, she paused for a brief moment, eyeing me up and down but then continued to the bag on the bed and placed it gently in before turning and heading to the closet - removing her clothes and throwing them on the bed. I watched with tears welling up in my eyes, any second they threatened to spill over.
“You’re leaving me.” It was more of a statement than a question as she folded the clothing and stashed it in her bag.
“Yes, you didn’t give me much of a choice.” She refused to look at me.
“Rocky, I’m so sorry… I…” she held up her hand.
“It’s too late Ulric.”
“As long as I breathe it’s never too late.”
“We need some time out, you swore you would protect me, you said you’d never hurt me, but you lied,” she slumps onto the bed struggling to hold her emotions together. “You wanted me to leave…”
“I never wanted you to leave, just leave the fields while my stupid ego paraded around like a macho dickhead, asserting my dominance.”
“Did it make you feel powerful, awesome to treat me like that?” Her jaw shook. “The big bad Alpha squeezing the life out of a human?”
“N-no… no.” I stuttered out through falling tears.
“Then why did you do that?” Her eyes were locked on the floor and her face displayed pain, hurt, betrayal, “to me… to us… why did you feel like that was necessary?”
“When you slapped me I lost it, you don’t…” I paused, “you don’t…”
“I don’t what Ulric?”
“You don’t… love me… you don’t love me.” My voice cracked and the tears streamed.
She exhaled shakily, “you’re so wrong,” she shook her head from side to side, “so wrong.”
“Then tell me, Ryder… because I’m terrified that you won’t ever come back.”
“I have been Ulric, you’re just not listening.” She stands up and grabs her bag, flinging it over her shoulder, “it’s not easy for me… all these feelings continuously racing through me at the very sight of you.”
“Please don’t go… I can be better, I can do better.” I fall to my knees at her feet, wrapping my arms around her legs sobbing into her, “I will die without you.”
“Ulric, I slapped you because I was angry, you choked me because you weren’t in control of your emotions and your wolf instinct took over, neither of us was in the right… we need a break.”
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… I swear to god, I’ll never do that ever again, I swear Rocky please, please don’t leave me.”
She pulled away from me as I sat there shaking, she gulped hard raking her bottom lip through her teeth.
“No,” her voice, hoarse and strained. “We need to sort out our goddam heads,” and with that, she walks out of my room and out of my life.