“Kaitlyn calm down!” Maddie yells at after me as I clamper back into the living room.
I sharply turn toward her, glaring viciously at her, my emotions all over the place.
“‘Calm down’ you say!”I hiss at her, she press her lips together cocking her hip to the side. “How the fuck you except me to calm down when I just found out that there’s a human being growing inside of me?!” I blow.
She sighs heavily, pushing back curls from her face. “It’s not all that bad.”
A hoarse humorless laugh escapes my lips while I roll my eyes; that began to well up with tears. “Oh okay! Being pregnant is not bad, so not knowing who the father of my child is, isn’t?” I say sarcastically.
“You know that’s now what I meant, Kaitlyn.” she mutters.
“Then what!” I throw my hands up, one still clutching the pregnancy stick.
“I don’t know what to do! I’m barely keeping up with rent, my food is running low and I’m barely hanging onto that shït excuse of a job I have.” I tell her in panic, staring at her with watery eyes.
Her expression made the tears come faster as I fall down onto the sofa and bury my face into my hands, my hair acting as curtains over my face.
“Je suis tellement foutu. .” I mutter.
A shadow looms over me and I feel the warmth of her hand as she rest it in the top of my head, crouching to me eye level with me.
“How am I supposed take care of a baby?” I ask her in a whisper.
I lift my eyes and watch a soft expression cross over her face, her hand falls and then grabs onto mine giving it a squeeze.
“You’ll work through it, I know you will.”
I shake my hand, slowly and hesitantly place my hand over my flat stomach. “I-I don’t if I’m going to keep it.”
Maddie froze, her eyes widening at me in disbelief. “You mean adoption or an. . abortion.” she whispers the last part.
I nod slowly. She doesn’t say anything else but continues to stare at me, a minute or so passes and she blinks and looks away.
“Um, I gotta go.” she says, letting go of my hand and standing to her full height.
“See you later.” was the last thing she says as she turns away and began to walk to the exit while grabbing her purse from the arm rest.
It was then I saw a sliver lining trail down the side of her cheek that I knew something was up, before I could even think or say something about it she was out the door.
I turn to my side, my eyes fixaed on the mirror before me. I lift the hem of my lace shirt, revealing my bare flat stomach, I glided one of my hands down my stomach stopping on the area just below my belly button. I felt the tinniest bulge there, my eyes began to water as I looked up my eyes connecting with my own through the mirror.
The girl in the mirror looked frighten, her cheeks flushed red and tears pooling in her brown eyes, her lips parted as short pants escaped through. Tears then started to trail down my cheeks as I slowly stumble back into the sink before sliding down to my bottom.
Sobs racked my body as the situation finally sunk in, I covered my face and cried, letting out all the pent up emotions that filled my body. Am I ready for a child? No. Do I have the right funds to afford one? No. I shake my head ridding my thoughts while wiping underneath my eyes.
I glance down at my stomach in more time imagining myself with a baby, raising it the way I was raised, I’m afraid I’ll turn out like my mother once did.
“No.” I whisper, shakily climbing to my feet.
’Can’t let that happen.’ I think as I splash water on my face, refreshing myself.
’This kid will be better without me.’ was the last thought in my mind before I made my way out of the bedroom and to my phone to where I make a phone call.