Chapter 4: wannabe lamb
G r a c e
Looking underneath lashes while being in other dimension and hiding behind invisible glass from everyone’s eyes, I glared at the scene that was playing ahead of me. They don’t seem to mind me - of course, I know when to hide and when to expose myself. But anyways, I follow them silently and clearly as little flames crackle around me, savoring my proximity in them after a delayed time being away from them.
“But Hades,” those red lips resisted him. With large more-green-than-brown eyes that were capturing everything that this woman in front me bears on her keen mind, I wonder what lays beneath all that disguise. She’s quite a stunner herself, tall figure, skinny with beautiful clothes; everything on the place. She is glowing, literally. Expect that high-pitched voice that echoed through the cold concrete walls of this underground dungeon. It was a little bit bothersome. More, like evil. And, it isn’t a dungeon where we are-no, it has someone kind of cottages in it... Ah, right! Cars. Long time not seeing these beauties. They different for sure, from those in the 1920s.
Those were nice times.
“Rachelle, please,” my heart skipped the beat as I try to listen to this conversation between these two people, carefully and calmly. The Devil I knew from all those stories that were told children as the bedtime stories made him look fearless, bold and powerfully wicked in his mind; they tell he doesn’t have a heart, but here he is begging the unknown women with utterly weak, but at same time mesmerizing strong appearance. He was unrecognizable. They were talking in hushed voices and I didn’t even know about what, but by the level of their voices, they’re arguing.
‘Rachelle. Ironic. On Hebrew means-’
‘Well, let’s then break them. It becomes boring to watch them all day. And momentarily, a hell broke.’
‘Nah, Ignis, don’t be dramatic. Who knows who she is?’
‘A wannabe innocent lamb, dear.’
“Well.” I took a deep breath of air in this dingy room. ”Hello?"
“Oh, what we have here? A small new servan,” said girl twirling angrily around to face me. I was surprised at her move. She beamed down at me like I’m below her.
‘This astonishing girl has a ring to her tongue and horns on her head, Grace. Watch out, I’m scared! She will eat us for a breakfast!’ Ignis’ laugh field my head and my will allowed to let out a small laugh as I admire this girl inside me.
I thank the sky for choosing Ignis to be wrapped with me, entirely, even if her mood swings are particularly weird and unspoken of. Forever. Without minding this female being, I just stare at my lovely mate and his hands near her, in pure delight. Note to sarcasm.
“I hoped to great you with my appearance, dear Hades. And no, I’m not a maid. After all, you all were waiting for me, right little brother?” I snuggle in Apollo’s sides as he appears beside me. Kissing his cheek a glared dazedly at Hades. Or Lucifer, whatever. His eyes were wide in surprise, but he put an act together with his amused smile. Let’s play a game.
“Yup, sis,” he laughs while emphasizing last word and playfully took my shoulders beneath his strong arm, pulling me even more to him. I saw at the edges of my eyes how Lucifer’s body react to it... shortly, not good. He was pulled, was he, Ignis? I smiled at the short movement that I witnessed.
Possessiveness, it is. This will be fun, she replied as I heard her wickedly grinning inside my head. Immortality makes us this way. Yah, crazy.
“Oh, yeah, to introduce you,” my fake brother is so good, he turned around to a girl who was clenching devil’s torso like she is afraid to lose him. Touche.
“Grace, this is Rachelle. . . Lucifer’s-” but that part that I wanted to know was cut down by a rather seemingly weak girl with dark brown hair and streaking hazel eyes that were watching me...in an unhealthy way?Is that even a sentence? But indeed, she had something in her that I didn’t like it, but I can pick up what is wrong with this human girl.
“Fiancé,” Rachelle smirked proudly showing his bathed face in makeup pretty high. Fi-Fiancé...?′
’The Lucifer’s fiancé. . .′
It feels like my heart clenched at this sight upon me. Surely, my eyes were pretty wide staring at this couple who declared themselves as...as lovers.
Breathing was getting fastly swallowed as the feeling of small vertigo was slowly increasing together with trembles. Maybe this isn’t real, but I know very well it is as I feel a firm grip on my waist waking me from upcoming emotional seizure.
I glanced up to see shining eyes of beloved wagoner of the sun. Those natural bright green eyes were so overwhelmed with the regrets tailgated with sadness. I felt safe in them like they spoke to mine to fight. To fight that vulnerability with composure. Composure to fight with reality and that reality with the coldness of the heart and mind.
I thank him with the shy smile. Don’t lose yourself, Grace—that sentence repeats itself inwardly as the absence of dizziness slowly strokes my body. I’m grateful for Apollon being here, I would have hopes up if he would be the one, but I know it will never come to realization in our world.
Establishing the best smile that I can comprehend, I faced them masking my feeling into a cold facade that I learn through the centuries. I tittered at their act.
"Really? Well, I wish you luck little girl, because you need it,” and then I turned to Apollo taking his hand in mine and not even observing those two’s faces for another second, I dragged him with me. “So, are we going to the shopping or not?” I grinned like the wildcat at him.
“Of course, sis,” now is his time to drag me to his car, but then he suddenly stops in tracks and turned around halfway. “And yeah, Luci, we’ll come late, so don’t wait for us. Go get laid with your girl. ”
With a bold wink Apollo ended his short chat with his dear buddy who was standing frozen in place, but ready to explode every minute. But also, a volcano must announce its appearance before the eruption.
"Apollon!” Lucifer prepared to launch at him, but someone stopped him from doing it. I turned slightly, sideways, to see who was. Yeah, I was right. Her red nails cannot go without notice on his tensed arm allied with the mesh of those sly black inks.
He turned and looked at her small form that was stopping him from doing what his soul bears too. And soul bears to be with me, but his mind and heart go to Rachelle. She seems to win even before the game began, even before I had a chance to start. My heart can’t watch this anymore. I don’t feel good. With everything revolving around me, I didn’t even spare another look these people and just went further from it, into the unknown. Everything was blurring around as I felt moisturizing in eyes. Don’t be weak, Grace. Don’t for someone like this, I repeat to myself like well-known speech.
“Hung on, love. She’s his sister, right? Just leave them, anyways we must go,” spoke that annoying voice once again. It was bothersome. Love. She called him love. My mate. Her- Hah, I can’t pronounce even in my head, howbeit, I can’t even verbally. It hurts. I heard as he gently escaped her grip and excused himself to her because of that. What about me?! He didn’t even thank us for saving him...
The signal of every step, every word pronounces aloud--I heard it perfectly even if I didn’t want to be aware of it any longer. Just to disappear. Completely.
Hades took treating steps to me, but I stopped him with my words that I angrily muttered under my breath knowing very well that he can hear me even he’s not close to me. Straightening my body, I swallowed the knot that formed in my throat.
“You know what? You’re pathetic, really. Jealousy does not exactly fit the infamous lord of the underworld. Fiancee? Well, it’s really something new in your life. One step here, one step there. The question is whom you will choose and whatever you choose, you’ll lose something. What to do, the dear devil? Envy is a trivial thing, even for you, but it fits perfectly, what else can I say? Everything is dropped to be exposed, but do not complain about milk when it’s already spilled. See you when you decide. Until then, I can only wish you bad luck, because I can.” I turned fully to the red smooth car that was waiting for me. Just as I stepped to open the door, someone’s strong hand stopped me from getting in.
“Me and jealousy? Poor joke," I was quarter half turned to see his handsome face. His black pools looked angered but slowly softened as he reflected his stare into my eyes, but in a second Hades put back bad-ass face and smirked. I lifted my eyebrow and laughed boldly at his strange behavior as my nerves were in edge. “Do you really think you can escape me? Recall, who I am? You know it, say it. Aloud, darling, to hear it.” That nickname will always give me chills through my spine as he huskily uttered words in my ear, leaving his breath to dance across my sensitive skin. Darling.
“Hades, a god of the dead. The king upon Underworld. Brother of Zeus. . . And the most demanding and jealous man. " Heck, this made my haptic heart beat even faster as he slowly leans to me taking look from my eyes to my plump lips that parted to inhale while his hands captivated my waist and hand on passenger’s door with right angle away from the sight of that little-wannabe-lamb that Ignis called her, aka Rachelle.
“No, no and no, darling! Tsk, indeed demanding, that part you nailed it, but second, clearly, you misunderstood me. But anyway, look, you know!” He mocked me snickering cynically as his nose was traveling across my neck leaving only incandescent sparks. He knows how to pull the trigger in me. “And you are mine, you said it, right?” Well, blast. My words came to me even harder as I gasp sharply recalling last night. ”Bravo! You remember our little bath party and chitchat!” He hissed piercingly closer to my ear, millimeters from it with such force that sent so many pleasure to me that I didn’t want to be here.
"Be a good girl you aren’t and learn how to behave. I’m a god, as your pretty smart mouth said. And not just any god, a god of the dead. Be careful what you say to me, I advise you from my very wide experience,” and then Hades left me standing like a fool on the car’s door with uneven breathing, while he took by the waist his lover to another car and wholeheartedly smiled at her. A real smile, no fake one that I have seen before. He adores her. The devil loves Rachelle, Ignis.
‘Don’t cry, please Grace.’ But it was too late, tears already escaped my eyes. ‘Grace. . .’ I felt the rear Ignis’ sadness in her words.
“Do you want me to get you new clothes or you want to stay there and left him to enjoy your emotional tearing?” said voice from the red car. Brushing away these weak things from my cheeks, I beamed down with a sad smile to its level and took a good time looking at the person in it. Ah, why wouldn’t this stranger with auburn hair be my mate? Sighing as I closed my eyes for a second, I get on the passenger seat beside Apollon.
’No. No crying. No more of it, Ignis.′
“That’s right, my fake older sister.”
“Wow, how many people can this building take in? How many foods can be in there? They have food, right?” Clearing my mind from a time before the drive, I beamed up at this magnificent skyscraper as Apollon told me the name of these sky-touching buildings. Like it was craved only by the glass. Warm sun on the bright blue sky with his papery clouds that were traveling slowly from one place to another, was completely reflected on this huge, dark solitary and seen so clearly that someone from before this era would think this building is one with its azureness.
“Of course they’ve it, sis! We would die if there wouldn’t have it,” Apollon smiled down at me cheerfully taking my shoulders to enter a mall through moving doors that I was scared at first to go to it, but seeing many humans that entered and not having there bodies cut in half, I walked fastly to it. Apollon laughed even more as he accelerated the steps to catch me. “They won’t eat you!”
“You know that you can drop act now. They aren’t here,” I sighed stopping in tracks to tell him what was on my mind through the whole ride. Apollo turned around taking a good look at me, bending his head on the side like he found something interesting on me. That made nevertheless, nervousness to come once again.
“I know, but you’re alike little sister to me. A fighter like Artemis, but wise like Athena. Shut up, and be good to this little brother of yours even if he’s a fake one,” he smiled and tried to act angry at my words. I mean, good angry, not bad. If that even have some meaning. “I know, Grace, I know how you feel. I was once there before. . . And it isn’t pretty, but the difference here is that you have me, most beautiful and amazing God in the whole world! F*ck, in the whole universe, to prepare you and protect you. And enough about it, let’s go first to get your clothes. Faster we get it, faster we get food,” and then he took my hand in his. “And why, for Zeus’ sake, I have to be a little brother?” And then this crazy sprint of laughter broke upon us.
Apollon and me, we’re a good team. It was so relaxed and funny with him like we knew each other for years. Narcissistic in some moments, but a kind man in front of me was something that I wish for by my side. Hell, every girl, even man here were ogling him for whole day wherever we go, outside the mall or in. To have people that will laugh with you like crazy and be competing with you in game who-will-eat-more or joke, but also be there for each other when times comes for hardships--that are true friends.
I know I can’t take my whole life and past in front of Apollon, offering him like the cheeseburger in McDonald’s, but I can be happy at this bit of life without mentioning about depth inside me that can break me. It’s like I’m not already broken, but we know that I am.
Small on your face, straighten back and try to suck up on happiness that you can find, girl. Feel everything, but never think about giving up, neither your own life. Not again.
“Ah, finally we have done it. . . I need food. Mack and cheese, here we come!” said Apollon as he put the last item in his car. Locking it, he took again my hand and moved us in a crowd full of busy people.
I looked around at these faces. They’re looking like shells without a soul--there is no trace of emotion, in general. I saw the small kid that was crying by his mother who even didn’t spare a glance at him while having the phone in her hand and talking. I smiled at him and he stopped crying.
I feel his pain. ‘Poor child, stupid immature mother.’ Why are they like this? The mortality must be cherished, but probably they think whatever, I will die one day. Immortality is even worse than being trapped as cursed soul.
I wish to be human, to be free, to die and to be without this knowledge of gods, magic, and everything that world have behind its cloak. Just to be normal in the human world. Weak being in strength, but a free one. Perhaps, even happy.
I tried before when I met Nicholas. He is-He was a kind man. Even if he didn’t know who I’m at that time when he found me in the forbidden forest alone and took me by his wing, he healed me psychically and mentally; made me love someone more deeply and it was so cherishing while it lasted. Everything that has a beginning, it has also an end after which you can continue happily or with a broken soul. If it’s the second case, your heart will be looking for someone to fix it. But then you understand why you’re asking for someone that will again hit you with his or her words and by his or her actions? I myself will stand up and burn the past because what’s in the past? Just pain and suffering, that’s enough for me. Too much.
“Hey, what do want?” someone’s voice woke me up from my thoughts. We’re in some kind of shop again but it had a smell of food. I looked up at green eyes of concerned God of Sun. I sighed closing my eyes giving him a signal not to ask me. I can’t open. . . right now. It isn’t a time for it.
“Same like him,” I answered to the human behind canter and then we went to table by the windows. I watched as humans walked across the streets, kids playing, but nothing is coming on my mind at the moment. Empty. And feels right.
“Grace, hey,” Apollon made me look at him. He was still concerned. “I tried to call you more than three times. Are you alright?”
“What I can say, Apollo? To say that I am alright, it will be a lie, but if I say I’m not, it will be also a lie,” I sighed tiredly of this kind of life. It was complex. I don’t even feel if I’m real or even if I really exist. It is all in hands of Ananke, who indeed is a selfish as the goddess of everything must be.
“Why can’t I be happy, Apollon? Why is everything always on me? I tried so many paths and give so many oaths that I cannot number on these two hands?” I looked at my pale hands as my white hear went down and a tear slipped through my eyes. A gentle hand brushes it away and I looked before me into those beautiful forest-like pools of kindness and that beautiful smile of his.
“My dear fake sister, don’t try to answer something that you can’t. It will give you more suffering, more than imagining what will happen in future. Yes, you suffer. You love, you brake. Again and again. It is the same for us up there and the same for those beneath us. Is circle of life, it makes us feel alive. Stop worrying, everything maybe is bad or alright, but you must be yourself. Not someone else, sis. Time will show us,” he winked at the end of his little speech and I was left speechless. ‘He. . .’
Apollon is indeed on the place where he’s supposed to be — to shine like a sun because he’s the one. He is the sun.
“T-thank you. . ,” even I was shuttering, I kept the friendly open-mouthed smile at Apollon that he retorted the same way.
“Hey, no more crying. And now eat, sis. Cheeseburgers will get cold. It will be a sin to this magnificent food!” And laughter again took a place between us. Till we came back in the Apollo’s car.