A Sin of Her Own

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Chapter 19

Titania’s eyes flickered open come the rise of the morning sun.

She stretched her weary limbs, thankful that the heat had passed as the full moon dissipated. The moment of relaxation and relief was shortlived as she came in contact with sparks. Arctic eyes shot open to fly to a sleeping figure to her side. A male that held her so tightly, as if her very essence drove him to be as close as physically possible so that their souls could touch. Not liking such intimate touches her wolf shone through and she tore herself hastily apart. Forcing the bad memories to flee her brain.

Eyeing Nathan distastefully, the hazy memories of the night previous came back to her and she ran a tired hand over her face, remembering just how weak she had let herself be. Nathan awoke to see Titania cursing, her naked body in plain view as the brilliant sunlight shone off her pale skin. His eyes didn't even register her scars. Just greedily took her all in as the urge to claim once again came back, especially after the events of the night previous.

“Good morning.” He yawned lazily as Titania shot him a murderous look.

“Why are you still here?” Straight to the point, she hardened her expression and Nathan recognized the exact moment that the mask of indifference graced the innocent features of her face. He scowled at such a show.

“Aren’t you a chirpy one at seven in the morning.” He muttered, rolling onto his side, revealing the filled out chest that caught Titania’s gaze. She shook her head and refocused. “I came to talk last night and then you had your heat...”

A barely there flush took to her cheeks as she turned away from Nathan’s probing gaze. “You should have left me, I was coping just fine without you.”

“Because that’s exactly what it looked like.” He rolled his eyes at her nonchalance. “I’m not going to sugarcoat this but you looked like shit and you seemed to calm after my arrival. If anything, I helped.”

Nathan’s chest puffed as he felt like he had achieved the primal need to aid his mate. His surly confidence leaked through his pores and Titania curled her upper lip for Nathan had barely come close to anything other than pain. Cold, hard pain.

Standing straight with her teeth bared she adorned a look that had Alphas on their knees. Ice cold and furious, her trained gaze burned holes into her fated. A look that had wolves submitting a neck to her will, a look that had her previous bondmates begging for some form of mercy when all it promised was bleak and bitter death. She was not accepting that arrogance from her supposed fated when all he had brought to her life was torment. He was just a pup in their world and one that needed to be disciplined, needed to learn to respect his Alpha: one way or another.

She took a step forward with the grace of a highly trained predator and Nathan could feel the wintry fury emanating from her and gulped.

“Do you realize how idiotic that sounded? Even to my own ears.” Lip curled with hard ire, “I suggest you rid yourself of that view of me. Every female succumbs to heat and it renders even the strongest of us weak. Do not think, for one second, that you did me any favours- if anything your rejection made my heat worse than just the average. You did nothing.”

He gulped once more but the fire built within his hazel orbs. Meeting her stare, he quipped, “I came to your aid, that counts for something.”

“Counts for something? Do not make me laugh.” She followed with a cold chuckle, “And you did not come to my aid, you conveniently came here with bad timing and another god damn agenda. But we are not having this conversation, not when you act like a pup.”

He growled lowly but dismissing him, Titania rummaged through her clothes pulling out her usual training attire before a rustle behind her informed her of Nathan’s presence. “I suggest leaving.” She said blandly.

Hands on her waist had her claws retracting and a vicious growl filled the room. Despite the delicious heat from the contact on her bare skin, she rebelled, forcing the emptiness inside to halt in its escapade to engulf her whole. Her steely eyes latched onto the offending male and she sent a clawed hand across his bronzed chest. He flinched but continued to hold her. Not caring at the blood that dropped from the flesh wound.

"Get your hands off me.” She all but snarled, her wolf dangerously close to the surface.

Nathan kept his hands firmly on her waist, his thumb rubbing small but delicate patterns on her creamy skin. Relishing how it made his heart flutter. The brown of his eyes smouldered as they bored into Titania's.

“Then listen to me. There are things I want to know, then I’ll leave.” She swiped and spat at him but he held firm, taking the brunt of anger until she calmed. Marks littered his chest but they had already begun to heal, evidence of Titania’s murderous temper.

“Stop touching me then we will talk.” She begrudgingly agreed, and to her relief let out a breath as he let her go. Her wolf momentarily appeased as the contact was gone. Intimacy scared Titania, as much as she didn’t want to admit.

Titania motioned to the bed, “Sit.”

Obediently he did so, shoving his shorts over his growing member. As much as the woman was infuriating he couldn't help the flow of blood to his nethers when she used her dominating voice.

“What do you want to know.” She levelled, the commanding Alpha female back as she eyed her mate.

He rubbed his jaw. "I don't know where to begin..."

"Well then, I'll give you some time to think."

Titania as if proving a point, took her time in choosing something to wear despite already knowing exactly what. Seconds turned into minutes. Nathan was growing ever more impatient, having decided what he wanted to say and Titania’s lip tilted as she felt the irritation coming off him.

She finished just as Nathan felt the need to stamp his foot like a child. Refraining from such an action at seeing the amusement in Titania’s usually stony eyes, he realized she was playing him for a fool. Growling he shot her his own angry glare. “Are you having fun Titania?”

"Alpha, to you Nathan.” She replied before removing all traces of amusement that was there previously. She sat down on the bed now clothed, lowering her eyes to appreciatively eye Nathan’s half dressed state. Keeping space between the two heated bodies she felt the vacant half of her soul more than ever but kept the lid to those feelings tightly screwed.

“Alpha. Hah, haven’t said that in quite some time.” He mused, but at the harsh influence from Titania he conceded if only to get the answers he wanted, “Maybe in the future.”

Titania sighed at his blase attitude but got back to the elephant in the room. “What did you want to talk about so we can wrap this up.” Titania hid the hurt from her cracked soul but long periods in his presence was starting to bring about a thumping headache.

“I wanted to talk about the rejection.” She gave him no response so he soldiered on, “I want to know if it’s affected you? Do you feel the whole sense of a broken heart etcetera etcetera?” He watched her reaction closely but got nothing from her. Zilch. Zada.

Stone-faced and unused to talking about emotions she tried to find an answer that would fulfil his curiosity while keeping her dignity intact. She was a proud wolf who had suffered enough at the hands of males.

“It hurts but I’ve handled a severed bond three times before. I’ve dealt with worse.” She spoke the half-truth but even she recognized the lie. Titania was a prideful wolf and after the corruptions of her past, body, and soul she refused, downright dismissed the idea of being controlled by such pointless emotion again.

She would get better if it god damn killed her. She did not need him if he sought that he did not need her.

He watched her steadily, looking for cracks, “How is it that Lucy has completely changed as a person and considered close to psychotic and you’re nothing like that?”

News of Lucy and her breakdown had clearly made it through the packs. Titania scowled, “Do not speak of her like that. Rejection changes every wolf, some handle it differently than others. My first severed bond transformed me more than you’d ever know.”

“It’s true even if you don’t want to accept it. She’s completely bipolar and completely fucked up. I just don’t understand how you’re all right? As if this doesn’t even bother you in the slightest.” He implored and yet again got not a single reaction.

Purposely pushing Nathan away she let the numbness engulf her mask, giving a realistic illusion of callousness.

“That’s because it doesn’t. As I said, Nathan, you are not as big of an impact as you think you are in my life.” She stood, words easing out like a viper ready to strike, “I am an Alpha wolf, strong and dependable to the pack and you are an over-emotional, immature rogue who dabbles in hits for hire. You made it perfectly clear when you rejected me that I meant nothing and I’d prefer it much more if you continued to act like that and not pretending to give two shits. I know you don’t care. Go pursue other females. This rejection does not affect me as badly as you want it to.”

She ground her teeth with the effort it took to force those last words out. Here she was, going against instinct for self-preservation and also to protect the wolf currently looking at her with such hurt and disbelief swirling in those pretty hazel eyes. Eyes which now grew with their hatred for her. In Titania’s mind, this was for the better.

The bonfire lit but he controlled the rage wanting to emerge, “You’re just saying that. I want to know what I’ve caused... I want, no need to know.”

Titania, in that instance only thought of her past three males and immediately snapped. The darkness pulling her down into the dark abyss that created her entire being. Images of their promises, the care in their voices only caused her wolf to claw at its confines.

The walls reinforced and she did not allow give. “You can’t change anything. You rejected me and that’s it. You are a fool to believe that I care about such lowly things.”

Nathan clenched his fists. It hurt. He felt like nothing more than a spec in the universe under her cold-hearted gaze and the weight they held. Well, it looked like I got the whole situation wrong, he thought angrily. But he moved towards her, softening the tone in his voice, just wanting to understand.

“Titania please, just explain to me-”

She snarled and sneered at him filled with nothing but disgust and Nathan couldn’t help but flinch at such a face. Inside she was battling against a strong tide but she held her ground. The darkness tasted foul on her tongue but she couldn’t help the emptiness speak for her, urging her to hurt him just as much as he had hurt her; as if another entity, foreboding and malicious filled the empty part of her soul.

With a dark gleam in her eye, she stood over the male. Using her Alpha dominance to drive her message home.

“You will never be a worthy Alpha male.”

The words hit Nathan like a tonne of bricks. Tears pricked his eyes but the rage overtook the need to break down at the bite to her statement. It was an insecurity that he had already come to terms with. One that many males, especially Angus, reminded him of daily. At that moment he lost the respect he had gathered for Titania.

"Fuck you. I was right, you’re just an ice cold bitch that I shouldn’t have even bothered with in the first place! Take the rejection, you deserve it.” He all but screamed as he gathered his clothes in a hurry, trying but failing to hold back the emotion that he knew was plastered all over his face.

“I hope it crushes you!”

She stood there as his words sunk in. Eyes watching his retreating figure sprint down the stairs and slam the front door. The timber frame shaking with anger at the conversation between the two.

Exhausted but still haunted by her past, she sat with her hands holding her head at the edge of the bed. Willing for the memories to leave. She could endure the physical pain, the beatings, the rape and the overall trauma to her body but the emotional damage, that was a whole different ballgame altogether and she caved to her own mind. Even after the years of perfected control.

It took her the full day to drag her mind out of the place that chilled her the most. And even then the looks that Nathan gave her when she passed him dug even deeper, although she knew that what she had done was a necessary evil.

The days melted into one for Titania and she became almost on autopilot; training harder than ever before, pushing the other wolves to do so, allocating as much time as possible isolated with brain-numbing documentation and spending her nights suffering the harsh consequences of the rejection she was forcing her body through.

How could she trust another so hopelessly when she was lost herself? Relying on nothing more than instinct. She had allies and a pack that looked up to her, but she knew she had trust issues that impacted her life beyond recognition; Titania was truly alone while she suffered painfully on.

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