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Chapter 4

I went into the dining room in another dress, different from earlier, wishing anything for jeans and a t-shirt. I looked at my parents sat one each end of a long table as they did every night. I wondered why they didn’t just sit next to each other or even close to each other as this always felt too formal, how could they even talk to each other or me when they are that far apart. I saw first hand my parents weren't a happy married couple. They even had separate bedrooms. I remembered meals with Drew, Kayla and Luke just sat on the sofa around a coffee table. I even remembered meals like that with Clement and Sarah my old bosses who had been more a family in France. I remembered meals with mum Nicky. She would fail at cooking a meal or we would get a takeout. she would sit with me next to her, we would laugh and chat about little things. I could ask her anything and she would tell me, if she didn't know she would find a book or the information somehow to tell me. She would cuddle me and read me a book. she would tell me jokes about what her and her friends got up to when they were kids. Setting butlers pants on fire. I always thought she was joking, now I was tempted to try it. anything to liven up my time here. It felt like a life time alone now since I felt comfortable. I sat in my seat between the 2 of them. I sat quietly I never knew what to say to them and they expected me to talk in ancient Greek my least confident language, ancient Greek or Greek with my parents. “How was your lessons today” my mother asked me in ancient Greek. She was the Queen the lady who was in charge of a whole race of people and yet I made her nervous. it was like she didn't know how to treat me. Maybe if she had raised me it wouldn't be awkward. or would I have been raised by a nanny? “Okay” I said not knowing what else to say, I said it in English and quickly had to correct myself and say it in ancient Greek. Trying not to cry. They both looked at me and we went in the same circle we went in every night meal in silence, none of us knowing what to say to each other. You would have thought after wanting to find me for so long they would have loads of questions, and I would have had loads to say but they seemed to want to treat it like it had never happened. They seemed to want to pretend that my life outside these four walls was just a dream. After the months of being a prisoner here, I was starting to debate if mum Nicky had kidnapped me for my own sanity. When Marco came in the room he apologised for being late and sat in his seat, I shot him a look that said please help me but he ignored it. he always ignored it. He seemed so clueless sometimes. I watched my family in silence. silence as dinner was served again something I would not eat. I pushed it around my plate. if someone dropped a pin the other side of the castle it would make everyone jump, it was that quiet in here. the sounds of forks on the plate was the only sound. the castle had no laughter. the castle had no sound of life. It was like even the stone walls knew the people in here weren't. weren't what I couldn't decide. weren't okay? weren't happy? weren't right? I had asked a few times my first few weeks here if I could go out in the court. Everyone had told me how unsafe it was. And I had been afraid to bring it up again but I was sick of this. I would settle for going outside, feeling the earth beneath my feet. feeling the wind on my skin. feeling the sun on my skin. I felt like I was a prisoner not a princess and it was time for me to put an end to that, even if they fought me on it. I had given them months now. it was time for them to understand me and not me them! because I was realising I never would. “Would I be able to go out into the court” I asked quickly in French before I could force myself to stop. “Absolutely not” all 3 of them said in different languages, Robward choosing to respond in French like I had, sometimes he would look like he was softening to me. sometimes I could see him caring about me one day, but it always disappeared. he never wanted to even spend an evening talking. He had no time for me. he would barely do much to get to know me. I didn't know what he did, the chance was I never would. Marco choose to respond to me in English he looked like he was thinking of all the dangers to me in the world. i wanted to remind him that I was surrounded by people to keep me safe. what would the harm in me being outside do. what would the harm in me seeing some of my world hurt? and of course the queen choose ancient Greek, it was like she knew I had to struggle to understand her. I had tried, but I was almost at the end of my ability to try. I looked down at my plate as though it interested me not knowing how to saying anything. The rest of the meal passed in silence. the rest of the day passed in silence.

“Suis-je un prisonnier?” Am I a prisoner? I asked quietly in French knowing this was possibly the wrong thing to say. I hadn't seen these people in almost 24 hours and right now, it was how I felt. I had another day of lessons. then had been kept in one room the rest of the day. in Mariannas defence we had played snap, rummy and tried to play poker. but its hard to play poker with only two players. even though the room had been full. no one else played. They didn't even look at me more than a fleating glance. “Of course not” my father King Robward answered me in French. He seemed hurt that I could even feel such a way. “Alors, pourquoi ne puis-je aller?” Then why can I not go out I said knowing I should of dropped it, he looked so hurt. like I had personally hurt him. I didn't want to hurt my parents. I just wanted a bit of the outside world. “It is not safe” my mum the Queen Jennifer replied in ancient Greek, she always seemed to talk to me like I was a toddler throwing a temper tantrum , when I asked for anything. today it just made me cross. I had tried for months to follow there rules. but I was sick of being trapped in a building. not just a building there was only certain rooms I was allowed into. I had discovered this earlier today. when I tried to go in a big room on the bottom floor. I had been told I wasn't even allowed on that level. oh yes because the door was on that level. but if they think a lack of doors is going to keep me in, there wrong. but the ball gown I was in today, might be another story. maybe that was why I'm not allowed pants. I pointed at the guards all around the room, they were all stood to attention, this felt wrong. we were eating in front of them. “il est pas comme je voudrais être seul” it’s not like I would be alone I almost shouted at them. Even surrounded by them I knew I still felt alone. “Maybe soon” Marco said trying to unsuccessful defuse the situation. “Pourquoi ne puis- je pas voir quelqu’un de mon âge? Pourquoi ne puis- je pas faire des amis ici? Pourquoi ne puis- je pas aller à une école normale? S’il est si dangereux ici pour moi pourquoi avez-vous jamais eu envie de me trouver?!” Why can’t I see anyone my own age? Why can’t I make some friends here? Why can’t I go to a normal school? If it’s so unsafe here for me why did you ever want to find me?! I shouted. “Ne criez pas Alysa, et ne dit pas peut-il est ne peut pas” Do not shout Alysa, and do not say can’t it is cannot my mother said in French slamming her hand down on the table, I felt the mini earthquake. did she really think shaking the ground would stop me? I stood up and I stormed out the room not caring what anyone thought. I would bloody run away if I could even get 5 seconds alone. I went to my room and throw myself on my bed and screamed into my pillows. No one came in to check if I was alright, I was completely alone surrounded by people. I cried myself to sleep that night.


When I woke up in the morning, well night this time thing was such a hassle. it was 6pm human time I would have lessons in 3 hours. It worked out as almost like my 6am so I would have been able to have more sleep if I wanted it but I didn’t. what I wanted was my freedom. I opened my door to see Joe sat in the corridor “hey Joe” I said with a weak smile. I didn't know the other guards names. not that I haven't asked. because guess what I have! Millions of times! “hello your majesty good night sleep I hope?” he said. He was always so polite to me but at least he talked to me. “Okay thankyou Joe, do you know if I’m in trouble” I asked innocently, I hadn't really got in trouble yet. but the queen would give me a silent treatment if I was, and Marco always seemed to be more short with me. Joe looked like he wanted to laugh. “Well everyone’s talking about it” he replied I saw a hidden smile. “I wish they would just talk to me rather than about me” I said sulkily. I kind of realised it sounded a bit like something Luke would of said and I would of teased him about. I felt like I should pouting. It wasn't me. Joe just gave me a smile not knowing what was going on in my head. “Give everyone time” he told me calmly, like I hadn't given them months and been trying that. “Time they’ve had months” I said again sounding sulky but I needed to voice that opinion "I haven't even been allowed outside these walls Joe. I need to go outside." I told him. he looked at me and I saw the turn down of his lips, he understood didn't he? "Give them time." he said weakly under his breath. I didn't think I was even meant to hear him. I took a deep breath, the air in here always felt stuffy. didn't they get that. I went back into my room and got myself showered dressed into the long blood red dress that someone had laid out for me. I sat there as a maid did my hair, even though I had said millions of times I could do it myself. at least they now allo0wed me to dress myself. again looking like a princess from a fairy-tale the maid left me. she had barely said a word, except please stand straighter your majesty. I am sorry your majesty but this may hurt. you look beautiful your majesty. once she was gone I looked at
my reflection in the mirror wondering who the stranger was that looked back. I put my hair up in a braid, it was a small rebellion. something to make me feel more me. if I had trousers I would have put them on something to remind me of the old me not the perfect princess they were trying to turn me into. If I could climb out the window in a dress I would be long gone by now, I thought looking out my bedroom window, I was at least 6 story's up. I wouldn't fear jumping but the dress was a danger hazard. I had wanted a family, I had wanted to stop running. Jokes on me right?

When I went down to breakfast with Joe and a few other guards, it was before change over which was always fun to watch. They refused to talk to me or about me, in front of me but needed to so it made it really awkward on them. “Hello Marianna” I said as the guard that was my favourite came in with everyone else. she helped me feel not so alone. I liked Marianna she was different compared to the others. She had been on the search for me for 6-7 years she was also only 13 years older than me, rather than Marcos 23 years. She also was possibly one of the most laid back people I had ever met. I think because she could kick anyone's ass if they even looked at her wrong. but she didn't see the point. With her black hair with bright pink highlights I wondered how she even managed to get this job. Why the hell she had even wanted it was beyond me. “Hello Ally” she said taking a bit of toast from the pile which got her a disappointed look from one of the guards close by. I wasn't entirely sure if that was because she referred me by the name I prefer or if it was for eating on duty. I didn't care what she did. Marianna didn't seem to care what the guards thought. she didn’t answer to them, she answered to Marco and he tried to encourage her to be herself around me. Which I admit I really liked. Ignoring everyone else I asked her “So heard about last night?” I was interested to know what they all must think of me. maybe I was being selfish and a brat. “Not yet what did you do?” Marianna asked with a smile, she was trying not to laugh I could tell. the others where all giving her looks but she ignored them. “You’ll find out” I said seeing that the guards wanted to tell her and possibly wanted to go bed and swap over. “I’ll pretend I can’t hear you all” I said having a bite of my toast. “I will cannot” said Marco walking in. I rolled my eyes. “Toast” I said pointing at the pile, it was practically the only meal here I would eat. “in a minute” Marco said with a weak smile at me. it was forced I knew I was in trouble. I had my tea which was laced with blood and ate my toast whilst everyone talked about me. After the meeting Marco came over and sat with me helping himself to a bit of toast. “So feeling better today?” he asked hopefully. I gave him a smile “well I could always sneak out the window they haven’t got bars on yet” I said my voice full of sarcasm then he shook his head disappointedly at me. was it me or was it them? I didn't know. but surely they could see I wasn't princess material. “is that why I can’t have trousers?” I asked after he had took a few bites of his toast. he slightly smiled. Ha yes. We ate breakfast then he said his goodbyes and went to do his work I looked at Marianna and said “I’m still in trouble aren’t I?” “Yep” she replied with a smile, then she took a huge bite of toast. Her little cheeks went like a hamster. I had to smile at her.

I went to the study that was my makeshift classroom with teachers who came in to see me ready for the day of more princess lessons and basic lessons. Geography lesson was first today. I was fine with this class but I had to name the main city’s most Amaris lived in and what royals were currently living in what city. It was boring work and I didn’t understand why there was so many royal families’ when there were not even that many countries and why the hell they constantly had to move about. couldn't they just stay still for a few days! The hour went quickly thank god I used to like school now it felt like torture in itself. After geography was languages this one was okay in principle but when you were talking English then suddenly the teacher would speak Spanish. Then you would reply and you would talk Spanish for a while, then they would then quickly speak French and German and then the odd sentence interrupting you in a different language it was just too confusing. I had seen Kayla, Drew and even Luke do this and always wondered how they managed. It was way too much I had questioned quiet early on the need for this skill and had it explained it was for when everyone talked to me at once. I needed to be able to understand and switch language instantly. I wondered if that was even meant to be possible! one conversation at a time people! Its only polite! This lesson lasted longer than geography, mostly as it was decided early on that I needed a lot of work on this skill. After languages it was a different kind of language class growing up in the real world I used a lot of slang rather than talked like a princess, I did this in all languages. Then thankfully I got lunch and blood break still in the study, it was brought to me on a golden tray. and yes I had asked it was real gold and the pattern yep real diamonds! Escaping out the window was really a good idea I thought but that was changed as my next lesson was magic. It was one of my most fun lessons by far. I knew I had been behind but my teacher was very friendly unlike my language teacher, who I felt would quiet happily throw things at me. My magic teacher was a nice lady who let me go my own pace and was interested to see how I had some advanced aggressive and protective magic but couldn’t do some of the basics.

“Do you happen to know when I should specialise” I asked my teacher one lesson a few months ago, “you do not. You are the future queen of all Amaris your magic is the strongest out of everyone you will be specialised in all forms.” She had said with a smile at me. "you are already extremely powerful your majesty. you just lack focus." she had told me. this had really interested me and made me happier that I didn’t have to choose an element. Magic lesson was also 2 hours long but always went fast.

My next lesson was about politics which I knew I
had to learn but was even more boring than the etiquette lessons, I had teaching me how to hold a fork and even which fork for which meal. When my school day was done I was given another blood laced tea and then was ushered into a different room to meet more royals I had been meeting different royals for about 2 months now and I still hadn’t meet them all. I had a feeling I never would. I saw Drew’s and Marcos mother and father Queen Lillian and King Matthew a lot. they came to have tea with my father a lot. I was never invited to sit in on this cup of tea. I would of liked to, just to see my dad relaxed. to see who he really was. to spend time with him. rather than kept separate. Today was a little man who was introduced to me as lord frank rather than king. So I remembered my lesson on the different titles which was even more confusing, we used lord for people who were not royal enough to be called prince or princess, who had become royal through marriage or who were too far away from their family’s seat to matter. it was a big range of a title. He bowed at me and I said my hellos and that was it then he and I went our separate ways, he went to have a meeting with my mother apparently. It was considered a privilege to meet me currently. I wondered if it had been the same for my sister. I wondered how she had coped, I wondered what it would have been like if she was still here if none of this had happened. My sister Elizabeth would be 37 now. she would be on the throne now apparently. I looked at the picture of her that hung on the wall in the room. I would never be Elizabeth. Elizabeth stared at me through the picture her eyes telling a story that I just couldn't work out. how had she done it? how had she lived here like this? What had her life been like? What would she be like now? I looked at the clock on the wall it was now 5am so only an hour till dinner. I debated going up to my room and not going dinner but instead I went to a private room followed by my guards talking to Marianna, then I went to another meal with my parents and Marco. this meal was silent. The queen obviously wasn't going to talk to me again.

2 Days passed like this, until I decided enough was enough. I had got the room to myself today. The guards were outside. I had faked going down for a nap. I was just going to wonder the grounds. show them nothing would happen to me outside. I was in a black dress today. I looked out the window. I saw the ledge. I could walk along that barefooted get to the edge. get the tree to come up to me then climb down. So that's just what I did!

The moment my feet touched the ground. the relief that filled me was like nothing before. Days I had been kept inside out of the wind away from the earth. I looked around. I was in a small garden. it was lovely. I walked around and up the stairs. exploring my home. feeling better than I had in weeks. when I got to the top of the stairs a very pissed of looking captain of the guards was stood there. "Your majesty you are not allowed outside it is not safe." He told me firmly. "I'm sorry I needed some air." I said. "How did you even get out here." he started. "I climbed along the edge of the roof and got a tree to grow to me." I said truthfully. he paused he looked at me firmly. "your not going to tell on me are you?" I asked worried. Hell I had a feeling I would be in deep trouble. he looked at me, he looked at me like he was trying to understand. "Go back in now and it will stay between me and you." he assured me. "Elizabeth used to sneak out the same way." he said with a weak smile. "Found you the same place too." he said shaking his head. I realised he was talking to himself. "Your majesty." He started. "yes?" I asked, I hated responding to your majesty. like I didn't have a name. "Do not sneak out in future. today I found you. in future you might not be so lucky. it is dangerous for you to be climbing on roof tops." he said. "Not be outside?" I asked hopeful. "I am sorry princess it is currently not safe." he told me. "The staff may attack first ask questions later, if you are somewhere you are not suppose to be. so for your own safety." he said firmly. "Stay inside." I finished for him. "exactly." he said. he took me to a side door. "how do I get in my room." I started. "you don't." he said. "you are not climbing rooftops." he said. he led me back in the home. When I got to my floor the captain carried on walking me to my room. Joe was sat outside with a pack of cards and another guard. knew it was only me they wouldn't play with! "Sawyer sir, your majesty." Joe started worried. "Hello Joseph slacking currently I see." Sawyer said sounding annoyed. "but how, there's only one door." I heard another guard mumble. Joe looked at me like he wanted to laugh, but he shook his head and simply said. "in a dress Alysa its not safe." "Goodbye your majesty please stay inside." Sawyer told me then he walked away. "Our secret?" I asked weakly to Joe he shook his head. "Princess." he said he looked at me like he was worried.

Marco found out! he knew but as far as I could work out, the king and queen didn't have a clue. Marco wasn't happy. he made that very clear by making it so I never so much had a second alone. except in the toilet. that didn't have a window! well it did but not one I could get out of.

after 4 more days of classes I had to ask Marianna. “Is it possible to die from boredom?” “fortunately for you I do not think it is” she replied with a smile, she was eating toffee as we walked. “Oh I have heard it is” said a voice I knew well “KAYLA” I screamed and run and hugged her. not caring how I looked at that moment in time. I was just thankful to see a friendly face.

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