Nikolai had never felt such hatred towards himself until today. His parents had warned him regarding the rejection of the mate bond. He paid little attention to what the consequences were. Now, he could see all too well what they were.
He remembered clearly the first day he found out she was his mate - a member from another pack; someone not with a low status or a high status, but someone who was practically invisible except for the fact that to him she was anything but invisible. He seduced her that night and took away her innocence.
The next morning, he disappeared without a trace because he was a coward. With each step he took out of the cabin they spent the night together, his feet grew heavier. His heart was crumbling by the second but stubbornly and foolishly he left. He was a selfish man and he only thought about himself then. As years went by though, he quickly became ruthless and anger was his only salvation to the pain that was growing inside of him. He wanted her every second of the day. His wolf mourned for their connection.
Many times he thought to seek her out and find her. There were days he would run up to almost where she lived only to turn back around. He had disappointed her and he knew she will never forgive him. His own selfishness ruined his chance at a life with his other half.
His friends quickly found their mates and Nikolai can see how happy they all are. Their pups were growing and he was left mateless. Why did he not choose a chosen? Because his heart was never with him to begin with. He realized that he had left his heart behind the moment he left that cabin. So a life with a chosen will never happen.
Three years later, she appeared in front of him at an Alpha game with a pup clinging onto her hand. Her eyes were cold and emotionless when she first saw him. She didn’t know he was there and selfishly he allowed his penetrating gaze to make her turn to face him. The pup was clearly his. He can see the resemblance. The only thing different about the young pup and him was his eyes. He had Nikolai’s eyes and Nikolai was completely and utterly in love with the pup.
"Roza.” Nikolai breathed from across the room. Roza tore her gaze away from Nikolai and picked up their child. He watched her walk away from him and towards the farthest side of the room away from him and his heart felt like someone poured hot lava over it.
He couldn’t take his gaze away from them even if he wanted. Every year he fought in the Alpha games and they never showed up until now. The Alpha game was just a series of tests that test the strength and ability of the Alphas all around the world. Many people come to see the competition.
Roza handed their pup to an elderly man before walking out of the room. Nikolai knew he shouldn’t. Oh he knew he should just stay in the room and not go after her, but his feet were moving on their own accord. Opening the door he glanced up and down the hallway to see which direction she went.
Lifting his nose in the air he sniffed and could smell her sweet scent going down the hall. He increased his speed and soon found her standing on a balcony. Her raven hair flying behind her as the wind blew by.
She hasn’t changed. Still as beautiful as when he first saw her. The rosy pink lips always seemed puckered but they were naturally full. The angular cheekbones defining her baby face and what had Nikolai weak in the knees were her eyes. They were the color of violet in a setting sun.
“Why did you follow me?” She asked her voice soft and sultry. She didn’t look at him.
Nikolai didn’t answer her because he didn’t have one. Why did he follow Roza? She turned to face him and he saw the hard set in her eyes and the firm thinning of her full lips.
“Don’t look at me like that.” She demanded. “You don’t get the right to look at me.”
“Roza.” He said her name again and it was like a breath of fresh air.
“I knew I would see you here, Nikolai. I didn’t want to come but my father asked me to. If I had a choice, I would run far away from you. I never wanted to see you again.” Her hands tightened on the balcony as she looked out at the forest before them.
“I know I am a bad person.” Nikolai stated simply. He didn’t know how to communicate with his mate. After the years of leaving her behind, he has isolated himself from everyone. Killed when he was angry and spoke only when he was commanding.
She scoffed and laughed. Although it was a scornful laugh, Nikolai was still completely captivated. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he moved closer to her. Slowly, he placed a shaky hand on top of hers on the balcony. She glanced down at where their hands were touching and for a moment they relished in the instant connection that was tingling between them. It was still so strong.
She yanked her hand away as soon as she came to her senses and took a step back, clutching her hand to her chest. “I can’t breathe around you.”
“Roza, I know I did you wrong. I shouldn’t have left-”
“No.” She shook her head. “A few simple words won’t heal what you have done.”
“Please, Roza, listen to me.” Nikolai pleaded. She might as well stab him in the heart and it would hurt less than her rejection.
“Why should I? What have you done that requires me to listen to you?” She growled out angrily. Her rage was on the surface and it covered up what she was feeling inside. She was overwhelmed and she wanted so badly to jump into his arms and hold him close.
Even when the years have passed, she was still so deeply in love with him. One night was all it took for her to be captured by her mate’s charm, but never again. She can’t allow herself to be hurt like this again. She couldn’t trust him.
“Roza.” Another male’s voice came from the hallway. They both turned to see the elderly man holding their son walking towards them. “What are you doing out here?”
“I just needed some air, father.” She said and walked quickly to their side. She took their pup away from her father’s arm.
Her father knew all too well who Alpha Nikolai was to Roza. The pup was the mirror image of his father. As a father, he was angry with Alpha Nikolai for tricking his daughter into giving over her innocence, but with one look at the man before him, Roza’s father knew that Nikolai was a broken man. The guilt and regret rolling off from him was enough to tell Roza’s father that the man regretted his decision.
“Let’s go back inside.” Roza urged and turned her back to Nikolai. Nikolai watched as they walked away from him. A storm was battling inside of him. He was experiencing all kinds of emotions - many of which he hasn’t felt in so many years.